“What do you mean? What guy?” I shout into my phone. I’m at the building site for the house I planned to share with my wife, so my mental state is already pretty much shot. This news is not what I needed.
Hoot’s strained voice through the phone makes it clear how thankful he is not to be standing in front of me while giving this report. “I don’t know. Her friend with the big tits is with her too.”
Fucking Lilly. What is it with her trying to set Hope up?
“What are they doing?”
Hoot sighs. Poor fucker’s been on Hope detail for more days than I care to count. Under threat of an ass kicking, he hasn’t mentioned it to anyone else. If he wants to drop his prospect rocker and earn his three-piece patch, he’ll keep doing what I ask without complaint.
Yeah, I know I’m a dick. I’ve made my peace with it.
“Dropping a bunch of shit off at Goodwill.”
“What kind of stuff?”
The exasperation in his voice is clear, but he still answers with respect. “I don’t know, prez. Some furniture. Boxes. I can’t get closer without them seeing me.”
“That’s good. Stay on her.” I’m out of my fucking goddamn mind.
The guy Z hired to help with the construction stuff that was beyond his expertise stands there staring at me, waiting for instructions.
Z finally got his wish. The club bought a subcompact tractor—not just for this project; Z has lots of plans for it—and together, we did a lot of the site preparation. When we hit bedrock and needed heavier equipment, Z called in some of his contacts.
“We’re ready to pour the concrete,” Jasper informs me.
“It’s not too cold?”
“No.”
“Good. Do it.”
Storming into the clubhouse office, I throw open the door so hard it bounces off the wall, startling Z.
“What the fuck, man?” he grouches.
I don’t have patience for his bullshit today. “You still talk to Lilly?”
“Yeah, every now and then. Why?”
“Will she think it’s weird if you text her right now?”
Z’s already pulling out his phone. “No. Give me a sec.”
“Just ask what she’s up to.”
“Yeah, okay.”
The wait for a response seems to take forever. While we wait, he asks me if I’m going ahead with the construction.
“Yes,” I spit out through clenched teeth.
Z doesn’t say anything. For once, he keeps his smirk and opinions to himself.
Of course, when his phone pings back, a look of recognition settles on Z’s face. Great, now my brother knows how fucking insane I am. “She says she’s out with her brother and Hope.” A sly grin twitches at the corner of his mouth, but he holds it back. “What’s going on?”
I relax at the news that it’s Lilly’s brother. “Nothing.”
“Hang on. She says they needed her brother’s truck because they’re getting rid of a bunch of Hope’s stuff.”
Some fucking spark lights in my chest.
What’s my girl up to?
“You’ll never believe who just texted me,” Lilly says with a giggle as she slides her phone into her pocket.
“Who?”
“Z.”
My heart seizes. After a deep breath, I grab the next box with renewed purpose. “Oh yeah. How’s he doing?”
“Okay, I guess.” She grabs another box and follows me inside the back of the Goodwill store where we drop our loads. Alex is busy carrying two of my end tables inside. I don’t even know how I’m going to repay these two for all their help. I’ve only met Alex maybe two or three times, yet he’s been so kind all day. Drove his truck down here to help me load all my crap and cart it to Goodwill. He hasn’t complained once.
He’s also driving me nuts because so far, he’s refused my offer to fuel up the truck or feed him dinner. Not that I have anything left at the house to make dinner with.
That thought actually makes me laugh. I’m losing my mind.
When Lilly and I have a moment alone, I tap her arm. “What can I do for your brother? I have to at least pay him for gas.”
Lilly shrugs. “Alex won’t take your money.”
Great.
Out of nowhere, Lilly chuckles. When she pulls her phone out again, I understand why. “He must want to get lucky,” Lilly mutters.
She scrolls through the message. “Z wants to know how you’re doing.”
“Aw, that’s so sweet. I miss him.” I’m beside myself broken up over Rock. But beyond my broken heart, I miss Trinity and the guys. My lunch with Heidi was nice, but it also reminded me of how much I’d lost. Especially Z, who has always been sweet to me. All of them really became family.
Until I screwed it all up. In hindsight, Rock only asked if we should slow things down. Take a break from planning the wedding. I’m the one who heard “break up.” I’m the one who left my ring. Left the clubhouse.
It’s not like anyone in the club will still be friends with me if I’m not with Rock.
After more discussion, Alex finally lets me fill his truck at the station near my house.
While we’re standing outside, filling the tank, he catches my eye. “What do you say to dinner one night, Hope?”
“Oh sure, you and Lilly should—”
He shakes his head. “No. I mean I want to take you out to dinner.”
Oh. Oh shit. “I… I… Are you…? You mean a date?”
His full lips curl into a smile. “Yeah, if you need to label it. A date.”
My heart pitters and my cheeks heat up. “I’m flattered. I like you a lot and appreciate all your help today. But I can’t. I’m really not ready. I just got out of a serious…” Oh my God, I can’t even finish the sentence. My eyes blink rapidly to clear the forming tears.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay. I’m sorry, Hope. Shit. Lilly told me.” He shakes his head. “I have the worst timing.”
“It’s not you. It’s me. I’m a mess.”
“I don’t know about that.”
The truck has a huge gas tank. It’s taking forever to fill it, but I feel awkward walking away after rejecting him.
“Do you have any place to stay?” he asks.
“I have some leads.”
He nods once. “That’s good. Go ahead and get in the truck. You’re starting to shiver.”
After the awkward moment at the station, I’m not sure how to act around Alex. He’s a classy guy, though, and doesn’t make me feel bad about it. Of course, Lilly knows something’s up. As they’re getting ready to leave, she pulls me aside.
“What’s wrong? You’ve been weird since we stopped for fuel.”
Crap. I don’t know what to tell her. My lips curve into a sad smile. “Alex asked me out.”
“Oh shit. You want me to punch him?”
“No! Jeez. It was really sweet. I just feel bad. He’s so nice. But—”
“You’re not over Rock. I understand.”
I glance down at my wringing hands. “I don’t think I’ll ever be over him, Lilly.”
She gives me a wicked smile. “Can’t blame you there.”
“Thanks a lot.”
Her mouth turns down, but her eyes still glitter with amusement. “Sorry.”
“You’re not mad at me for turning him down?”
“Fuck no. He’s a big boy. He’ll live. He’s always liked you, though, so I’m not surprised.” Her shoulders pull up in a quick shrug.
“Really? He barely knows me.”
She tosses a pointed yet playful look my way. “You’re hot and smart, his two favorite qualities in a woman.”
I snort, then full-out laugh. “I don’t know about either of those.”
Lilly grins and pulls me in for a hug. “Take care of yourself. Call me if you need a place to stay. I have a guest room and wouldn’t mind the company.”
“Thank you. For everything.”
Walking into my house feels weird. I can’t believe how much better I feel letting go of all that stuff that had been weighing me down.
Still brimming with nervous energy, I decide to load up the storage pod.
The rumble of Harley pipes steals my attention as I’m carting boxes into the trailer. My heart thumps wildly at the sound.
Rock. Oh my god. I look like shit.
But it’s not Rock. I almost cry from disappointment.
“Hi, Z—what are you doing here?” I shouldn’t be surprised. He probably hoped to catch Lilly. “Lilly left about an hour ago.”
His eyebrows draw down. “I didn’t come to see Lilly.” He shocks me by enveloping me in a warm hug, then pulls away, still holding my shoulders. “How you been, girl?”
“Okay. Did Rock send you?” I hate the pitiful hopeful note in my voice. Especially when Z’s gaze darts away.
“No, sugar. I wanted to make sure you were doin’ okay. See if you needed anything.”
I can’t swallow over the lump in my throat. “Thank you.”
He lifts his chin toward the storage unit. “What’s that?”
I shake my head, not quite sure how to explain. “Just getting rid of some stuff.”
He nods but doesn’t press me further.
I tilt my head at the house. “Do you want to come in? Want something to drink?”
“Nah, I can’t stay, sweetheart. Thanks, though.”
“How’s Rock?” I blurt out before I lose my nerve.
He pins me with a fierce stare. “He’s a miserable prick without you.”
For some reason, laughter spills out of me. “I’m sorry,” I say.
Z shakes his head. “Don’t be sorry. Sometimes shit doesn’t work out.” He inclines his head as if he knows I’m on the verge of crying. “Sometimes you just need time to sort stuff out.”
“Yeah.”
“Everything will work out in the end.”
I’m too choked up to get any words out, so I just nod even though I’m not sure if I agree with him.
Some fucker has the nerve to knock on my door a little past midnight.
I came up here to get away from the party going on downstairs. I should have gone for a ride instead, because all I can see in this room is Hope. Every-fucking-where.
Opening my door, I find Teller. For some reason, he decided to bring the party to me, in the form of two club girls who can’t be much older than eighteen. At least they better fuckin’ be eighteen.
“What?” I bark at him.
“I wanted to introduce you to—”
Fucker doesn’t finish because I grab him by his collar and yank him closer.
“Get lost,” I growl at the girls. They take off running down the hall. “Are you fuckin’ shittin’ me?”
He wraps his hands around my arm, but I’m not done throttling his nosy ass yet.
“You’ve been so miserable. We thought you might benefit from some company.”
The “we” is not lost on me, and I’m looking forward to cracking skulls tomorrow morning. “It’s not your job to worry about who warms my bed.” Disgusted, I toss him backward.
He staggers a bit before catching himself. “She’s not coming back, prez. You had to know eventually she’d get tired of this.”
I never knew Teller had such a fierce death wish. This time, I wrap my hand around his throat to make sure my message sticks. “What goes on between me and my ol’ lady is not your business.”
“Fuck. Fine,” he gasps out while trying to pry my hand off his neck. I let him go and he braces his hands on his knees, gasping for air.
“After all the shit Hope’s done for you and Heidi, this is how you fuckin’ repay her?”
Finally, he has the decency to look embarrassed. “That’s got nothin’ to do with this.”
“Like fuck it doesn’t.”
He shakes his head and stands up.
“By the way, why are you here in my business when you got a sister to be lookin’ after?”
Teller’s mouth opens and closes before he answers. “She’s at a friend’s house tonight.”
“Fine. Go before I change my mind and choke you some more.”
He slinks off down the hall, and I slam my door shut. When I was younger, I would have put my fists through the wall, kicked stuff, broken everything in sight.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I’ll go down to the gym and work off some of my aggression.
Tonight? Tonight, I sit down on the bed and finally pull out the note Hope tucked under my pillow the night she left.
I’m sorry.
I love you.
Fuck. That’s my girl. Sweet, simple, direct, and to the point. Z’s right. I have been an asshole. I need to figure out how to fix this, and soon.
I can’t sleep for shit and finally give up trying around four thirty. All my degenerate brothers should be asleep. Downstairs is a fucking mess.
Not my problem.
Flipping on the lights in the gym, I decide to start with some cardio before hitting the weights.
Maybe twenty minutes into my workout, Trinity’s door across the hall opens and she wanders in.
“Morning, prez.”
“Hey.” She seems uncertain, and it dawns on me she’s probably used to having the gym to herself this early in the morning.
“Am I in your way?”
Her eyes widen, and she shakes her head. After a bit, she hops on the treadmill next to me.
“You always up this early?”
“Yup,” she answers.
She’s quiet for a while after that.
“I miss having Hope here,” she says after I get off the elliptical.
Fuck. “I know.”
“You guys are good for each other.”
Are we? She’s good for me. She’s what I need. I’m not so sure it works the other way around.
“You and Wrath getting along?” I’m such a dick for going there.
Trin’s not mad, though. She grins at me. “Good deflecting, prez.”
“I’m headin’ upstairs. You gonna join us for breakfast today?”
“No. I have some stuff I need to take care of.”
Shaking my head, I wave at her and head back upstairs.
Teller is absent at breakfast. Lucky for him. My hands still itch to wrap around his throat. Murphy’s also conveniently missing. No surprise there.
Pointing my fork at Z and Wrath, I fix both of them with a glare. “Were you two in on Teller’s plan last night?”
Wrath snorts and Z shakes his head.
“Please. We’re more subtle than those two asshats,” Wrath answers with a smirk that I want to plant my fist in.
“I don’t think you’d know subtle if it kicked you in your thick head.”
“Look who’s talkin’ about havin’ a thick head,” Z mouths off.
“You have some more fuckin’ advice for me, brother?” I spread my arms wide. “I’m all fuckin’ ears. You’re such a relationship expert. Lay it on me.”
His mouth twists and his eyes narrow. Z is pretty mellow most of the time. But he’s one of the most lethal motherfuckers I know. It takes a lot to piss him off. I seem to be working him to the brink. “Yeah, I got advice for you,” he snaps.
“Good. I’m dying to hear it. Let me warn you—get it all out of your system now. We’re running an MC here, not some fucking circle-jerk relationship counseling service.”
Wrath snorts.
Turning my head, I pin him with a stare. “You got something you need to get off your chest too?”
“Yeah, here’s some advice. You’re being an asshole. Maybe Cinderella’s better off without you after all.”
“Fuck you. We’ll work our shit out when we’re good and ready.”
Wrath turns to Z. “Tell him.”
Z gives Wrath a weary look. “Thanks, fucker.”
“Spill it,” I spit at Z.
He shrugs. “I wouldn’t keep waiting for whatever the fuck you’re waiting for. Girl like her ain’t gonna stay single long.”
“What the fuck?” I swear if he gives me another smirky shrug, I’m gonna kick his ass.
“She ain’t. You know it, and I know it. No disrespect to her, but she’s not the kind of woman who does well without a man. Hell, Lilly’s brother already tried to push up on her.”
“What the fuck you talkin’ about?”
“Yesterday, when he helped her move all her shit, guess he asked her out. But Hope said no because she ain’t over you.”
Thank fuck. My heart’s in my stomach, thinking about Hope with someone else. “Why are you waiting until now to tell me?”
He holds up his hands in surrender. “I just found out myself.”
Wrath jumps in, surprised, I think, to find himself giving a fuck about any of this. “It’s true. He got a text from Lilly a little while ago.”
“Motherfuckin—”
Z interrupts the rant I’m about to go on. “As far as he knew, she’s single. Beautiful woman. Ain’t got no ring. No patch. Had to call another man with a truck to come help her out… Any dude’s gonna see her as fair game. He won’t be the last.”
Z knows every one of my buttons to push.
Every. Single. One.