MY HEART IS STILL RACING from me and Micah getting caught making out just a few moments ago. I feel sick at the idea that Parker might run off and tell Alexander. I don’t want him to find out that way.
I take a seat at the table with Jamie and sit here, trying to make sense of everything as she side-eyes me.
“Everything okay?” She leans in to touch the back of her hand to my forehead. “You look pale all of a sudden. What the hell happened in there?”
“Nothing,” I say, shaking her hand off my forehead. “Cool it. I’m fine.”
“Oh, bullshit, honey,” she huffs. “Tell me now before I go inside and find Micah to ask him my damn self.”
I shift in my seat and wave Sebastian over when I see him emerge from the crowd, hoping he’ll be a good excuse to change the subject. “Not now. We have company. I’ll tell you all about it once we leave. I promise. But I can’t right now.”
“When we leave?” she asks quickly and sits back in her seat, looking as if she’s about to lose it. “You know I can’t wait until we–”
“You’re with us, Sebastian,” I say, cutting her off and giving her a look to tell her to shut the hell up. The last thing I need is another person asking questions about Micah and I, and if this woman doesn’t shut her mouth that’s exactly what’s going to happen. “Looks like we’re on Sebastian duty tonight, so pick a seat or we’ll all get in trouble.”
The kid laughs and pulls out a chair to join us. “What happens if I get into trouble? Do one of you fine ladies tackle me until I behave? Because that’s a kind of trouble I don’t mind being in.”
Jamie and I both laugh, but I do mostly because the kid reminds me of Micah. “I think you’ve been spending a bit too much time with Micah.”
He shrugs and takes a sip of his soda, looking up at the stage and then around him as if he’s preparing for something. “Where is the big guy? I’m so used to him dragging me out that it’s a little hard to enjoy this rare moment without flinching.”
“There he is,” Jamie says with a huge smile. “Oh my goodness is he looking finer than usual or is it just me?”
I swallow nervously as I watch Micah step through the crowd alone. It has me worried that he got into another fight with Parker and left him in the bathroom bloodied.
That is, until Parker steps out just a few seconds behind him and makes his way to the bar.
His face doesn’t look any more bruised than it was a few moments ago, so I’m going to take that as a good thing.
At least I hope.
“You two are into that whole long-hair look, huh?” Sebastian runs a hand through his short, blonde hair. “Maybe I will grow it out after all. It’ll look pretty badass with my surfboard. What do you ladies think?”
“Uh, hell yeah.” Jamie turns her attention from Micah to Sebastian. “How old are you again, kid? Are you legal?”
“Eighteen,” he says with a lift of his brow.
My eyes widen at Jamie when she smiles. “He’s seventeen, Jamie. Don’t even think about it.”
“Only for three more months.” He runs a hand through his hair again and winks at Jamie. “You’re only what . . . two years older, maybe? Three months ain’t shit to wait. Just saying.”
“Actually, she’s three years older. Almost four, so calm it down, playboy. I’m sure there’s plenty of girls your age around.”
“Oh, please, ladies. Those girls can’t handle Sabastian Masters. I need a woman.”
Jamie and I both laugh at the same time, which has Sebastian throwing his arms up and slapping them to his somewhat muscular chest. “Well, it’s true. Don’t laugh until you go for a test ride.” He lifts his brows at Jamie. “Sup, girl?”
“Ignore him.” Micah says from over my shoulder.
The moment he moves around so I can get a better look at him my stomach twists into tiny knots. I want to ask him what he said to Parker, but I can’t with these two around and it’s driving me crazy.
Micah places a fresh soda in front of Sebastian, before setting two beers down for Jamie and me. “If you ladies have any issues with the kid let me know and I’ll stop my show to drag him out of here myself.”
“Oh, come on, Dude!” Seb leans back in his seat and places his hands behind his head, attempting to look cool. “The chicks are digging me, so don’t even worry. Just run along to the stage and play us some music to better set the mood.”
Micah flexes his jaw and flicks Sebastian on the forehead. Then he leans in close and looks him in the eyes. “Just sit there and keep your eyes on the stage unless you want to lose them.”
Sebastian grunts and rubs his forehead. “Don’t hate, big guy.”
When Micah pulls his eyes away from Sebastian they meet mine, just long enough for him to nod as if to tell me that his conversation with Parker went well.
I release a breath and place my hand over my chest in relief, watching as he walks up to take his place on the stage.
Not even five seconds after he grabs his guitar and takes a seat on the stool my phone goes off in my back pocket. I reach for it to see a new message from Whitney.
I’ve been so wrapped up in Micah that I’ve almost forgotten about Whitney and my parents. I haven’t talked to them in days and now I’m realizing that I’ve shut them out without meaning to. I feel like total shit.
Micah glances up at me while he tunes his guitar, but before I can get too wrapped up in him and what’s to come, I open my best friend’s message and read it.
My heart sinks as I read the words.
Whitney: I can’t believe you’ve been gone for over two weeks and we’ve only talked once. Too busy for your bestie?
Tegan: I’m a crap friend and I’m soooooooooooo sorry. There’s no excuse and I promise I’ll call you after Micah’s performance. Please don’t hate me.
Whitney: Soo . . . Micah is the hottie’s name? And you better call me. You still have like ten more weeks before you come back home and I miss you.
Tegan: I will. I promise, and I miss you too. XOXO
The mention of going back home has me looking up at the stage, trying to figure out how I’m going to leave Micah at the end of summer.
The thought hasn’t even crossed my mind over the last two weeks because I’ve been too worried about keeping things between us a secret.
I promised my parents I wouldn’t move yet, but Micah is making me rethink all the promises I made before I showed up here in California.
How am I going to leave him? Can I even do it?
How am I ever going to get on a plane and say goodbye knowing that he most likely won’t be able to come visit me often? Not with Express about to open up. It’ll keep him busy just like Vortex has with Alexander since he opened it.
But how can I break my parents’ hearts and tell them that I can’t come back home?
Then they’ll be left with both of their children living over two thousand miles away.
I feel sick as I sit here and fight the thoughts in my head. I feel like no matter what I end up doing I’ll be hurting someone I care about. And I’ve already hurt Alexander . . . He just doesn’t know it yet.
“How’s everyone doing tonight?” Micah’s deep voice draws my attention back to him.
“Oooh . . . he’s starting.” Jamie gets all excited and hits me as if I’m not already watching him.
“I have ears, you know.”
“Shhhh . . .” she shushes me, keeping her eyes on him as he speaks again.
“First off, I want to thank you all for coming to my performances over the years. I appreciate it, and it saddens me to say that this will be my last performance here for a while.”
“No!” the crowd shouts.
“Why?” is tossed around the room.
Micah smiles and adjusts the microphone to answer the screaming fans. “Because I’ll be performing at Express. I’ll have my own place to run, so unfortunately, I won’t be around here much. You’re more than welcome to still follow my performances, but don’t forget to show my boy Alexander some love. Tweet about Vortex and continue to spread the word.”
He’s about to start playing when a random person yells from the back of the crowd. “Will you be playing shirtless?”
He laughs and shakes his head. “Sorry, ladies.”
A few random girls scream that it’s okay and I can hear others close by talking to their friends about how they can’t wait for Express to open.
I’m happy for him. I truly am, and seeing that so many others are supportive of his upcoming bar I can’t help but to smile as he begins playing for them.
It’s best to put all of my thoughts and questions aside for now and just enjoy the strumming of his guitar as he begins humming into the microphone.
I still have over two months to figure everything out, and surely I can do it by then, right?
It takes me a few seconds to figure out what he’s about to sing, but the moment he begins singing, I recognize it from listening to music videos on Youtube.
It’s called Oceans by Jacob Lee.
The lyrics are beautiful, and every time I hear the song I only seem to love it more. It’s one of those songs that are so pretty and peaceful that you can just close your eyes and play it on repeat.
Except I can’t close my eyes right now, because as usual I need to watch Micah as he performs.
I need to watch him as he pours his heart and soul into singing. And what I love the most is that I haven’t even heard him sing his own music and I can only imagine how much passion he’s going to put into those once he plays them for everyone.
I have a feeling it’ll be enough to have me drowning in a puddle of tears in front of him.
“I’ve never heard this song before,” Jamie says quietly. “It’s so beautiful.”
“Extremely beautiful,” I whisper back, keeping my eyes on Micah’s facial expressions as he stays zoned in.
I’m enjoying the night with Jamie and Sebastian, us mostly staying quiet so we can listen to Micah, but as he announces his last song my brother scoots out the chair beside me and takes a seat. “Might want to blink before you hurt your eyes, little sis.”
Sebastian laughs. “I thought I was the only one who noticed.”
“Hey, I’m watching just like everyone else here is,” I say defensively. I grab for my beer and take a quick drink, trying to act cool. “It’s his last performance here for a while, so it’s kind of important. That’s all.”
“Is it?” Alexander asks. “Is that why he’s barely looked at anyone in the crowd besides you? Or am I just imagining that too?”
“Well, she is his girlfriend, right?” Sebastian asks, causing me to stiffen.
“What the fuck, Tegan?” Alexander stands up, but I grab his arm to calm him down before his temper causes a scene.
“No,” I say quickly. “Sebastian only thinks that because Micah asked me to keep an eye on him.”
“That better be the only reason,” he grinds out.
Sebastian and Jamie both look at me with wide eyes, surprised at how upset my brother has gotten at the idea of us dating.
“My bad for making assumptions.” Sebastian takes a sip of his soda and runs a hand through his hair. “I’m not used to Micah asking a girl to look out for me. I didn’t mean to rile anyone up.”
Alexander relaxes his shoulders and takes a seat again. “Don’t work me up like that again, got it? I don’t want to hear shit about you and Micah ever again. I can’t handle the mess that would make and you know it.”
“And you won’t have to,” I lie, my heart racing. “Now can we just enjoy the rest of the show?”
My brother nods, and when I look back at the stage Micah looks tense, but is doing his best to get through his last song.
He doesn’t make eye contact with me again until right before he sets his guitar down and stands up.
Everyone is clapping and whistling for him. I hate he has to walk right past our table as if I don’t exist in order to make my brother believe that there’s nothing going on between us.
My heart sinks as random girls jump up to hug him and flirt with him on his way into the building. As much as I try to look like it’s not upsetting me, I’m pretty sure that anyone with eyes can see it just as much as I feel it.
“You okay, little sis?” Alexander grabs my shoulders and bows his head to look down at me. “I’m only keeping you away from him for your own good. I know you guys have spent a lot of time together since you’ve gotten here, but I can promise that he’d run at the first sign of commitment. I’ve seen him with more women than I can count over the years and none of them have meant more to him than a one-night stand he could get off with. He’s damaged when it comes to love, Tegan.” He pauses to make sure Jamie and Sebastian aren’t listening to us. Once he sees that they’re wrapped up in their own conversation, he continues. “If he ever hurt you I don’t think I could forgive him. And to be honest, I care about Micah too much to lose him as a friend. I hope you understand how much I love you.”
“I do.” I can barely hear myself over the sound of my heart pounding, but I do my best to get the words out anyway. “And I love you too. You’ve always looked out for me and it means the world to me. But . . .”
“But what, Tegan? What if he can change?” He grips my shoulders tighter and shakes his head. “He can’t, because deep down he’s scared of being abandoned by another woman. He has mommy issues. So please . . . please tell me that there’s nothing going on between you two. I don’t want the two most important relationships in my life ruined.”
I want to tell him the truth, regardless of the consequences. It hurts so bad lying to him, but I can’t yet. Especially after seeing the pain in his eyes at even the possibility of a Micah and me. Right now he has hope. I don’t want to take that away.
He’s truly worried that we’ll both get hurt. He may not come out and say it, but he’s scared for Micah too, and the possibility of it not working out. He’s scared for all of us.
Now I’m sort of scared too.
I’m scared that my brother is going to hate us both for lying to him and I’m scared that maybe . . . just maybe he could be right about Micah.
What if he can’t change?
What if the thought of me leaving him has him hurting me first?
I’m not sure I can handle my heart being broken by Micah, because I’m scared that it’d never fully heal.
Not after knowing what it feels like to be in his arms.
Not after getting a taste of what it’s like to be his.
I want Micah Beck, and not just for today or tomorrow or even for the whole summer.
I want him for as long as I can keep him . . .