Chapter Nineteen
Sadie
As I wipe the moisture from my eyes, the silence in the car is deafening. I know Ashton’s angry at me, or at the very least, disappointed.
I’m disappointed in myself too, but I’m more angry at him right now for causing a scene. It was unnecessary and far from appropriate. He doesn’t know my father the way that I do, and public displays like that are not the way to get through to him.
Calm, logical discussions are the only way to gain any leeway with my father.
Ashton slows the car and makes a left turn, and I realize he’s headed toward his house.
“I want to go home,” I say.
He shakes his head like the stubborn, obstinate guy he is. “You’re coming back to my place.”
“I’m not in the mood for this, Ash.”
“I don’t care. What happened back there isn’t going to ruin this night.”
“Isn’t Bryce home?” I’m grasping at straws, but I don’t have the energy for any more arguments tonight. First, my father laid into me in his study earlier about everything from my dress to my date. And now this.
“Nope. He’s spending the weekend with his girlfriend, so we have the house to ourselves.”
“I’m not in the mood for this. Just take me home.”
“You got to come all over my tongue in that bathroom, sweetheart. Now it’s my turn. Besides,” he says, shooting me his patented smirk-like grin, “I think you’re overdue for another cock-sucking lesson.”
Ugh. If only my girly bits wouldn’t get so damn excited when he talks like that.
We’re silent for the next few minutes as he drives the rest of the way to his place. He pulls into the driveway and cuts the engine. We’re both shivering and rubbing our hands together in search of warmth by the time he unlocks his door.
The living room is dark, and the hallway beyond even darker. He grabs my hand and pulls me toward his bedroom, turning up the heat on the way.
We enter his room, and he flips on a soft light before the door shuts all the way behind us. And he wastes no time in undressing me. Considering I’m only wearing the scrap of fabric masquerading as a dress, minus undergarments, it’s pretty damn easy for him to get me naked.
“Get under the covers,” he says, his fingers working the buttons on his shirt.
“W-why?”
“You’re shivering still.” He gestures toward the bed. “Don’t worry. I’ll behave.” His edgy tone pricks my heart, but I ignore it as I crawl under the blankets. After he sheds his pants, he slides in beside me, arms reaching.
Fingers grasping, hands pulling, until I’m lying on top of his muscular body with his hard cock between us. I fall into the cold, turbulent sea of his eyes, my breaths shallow.
He raises a hand and thumbs the corner of my mouth. “You feel so fucking good on top of me like this.”
“You feel good too.” It’s a simple truth; one I wish I hadn’t confessed.
“I’d feel even better in your mouth.”
I start to slide down his body, but he grabs my hair, halting my progress. “I want you to go slow this time. We’ve done fast and hard, and I’ve taken control. Now I want you to learn how to tease. Nothing will reduce a man to his knees like the need to blow his load.” His gaze traps mine for a few seconds. “The longer you hold it off, the more power you have over him.”
His words make my breath hitch. I envision having power over Ashton, and something about that thrills me too much.
“Okay,” I whisper, gently yanking on my hair until it slips through his fingers like sand. “I’ll go slow.”
His hand settles on the back of my head in a guiding move. The covers fall below his washboard abs, and my gaze flicks up to meet his. As I inch my lips over the wet crown of his shaft, he shutters his eyes. I swirl my tongue around the slit, and he sucks in a breath.
And I stop to wait.
For my heartbeat to calm once more.
For him to let loose that breath.
It escapes between gritted teeth, and he gives a push to the back of my head. I soften my lips and slide my mouth down his shaft, and we settle into a lazy rhythm. Up, down, up—my tongue flicking over the slit of his crown before taking a languid journey toward the base. I return to the tip again and place a kiss there.
“God, Sadie. That’s it. You’ve got me on the fucking edge.”
The longer I spend teasing his cock, the more wound up he becomes.
The more desperate.
“Shit,” he moans. “Your mouth is heaven.”
From the corner of my eye, I watch him fist the sheets with his free hand.
“Take me deeper.”
His other hand is still unmoving at the back of my head, a constant reminder that he can take control whenever he wants. But he doesn’t. He’s letting me set the pace. I continue to tease him, and a tremor starts off in his arms before traveling through his legs.
“You’ve got the teasing part down to the fucking letter.”
I pull off his cock and take the sight of him in. Really take him in. The hair around his ears is damp from sweat, his mouth is a tight line of frustration, and his knuckles are white as he grips the sheet.
And his body. Jesus, he’s shaking with the need to blow his load down my throat.
“Do you react to every woman like this, or is it…?”
Just me.
“Never mind.” What a dangerous question. I don’t know what I was thinking by asking it.
“Just you, Sawyer. Not that it hasn’t been good in the past, but there’s just something about you and me…”
He trails off, but I know exactly what he’s getting at. We fit together.
But it’s time to take the focus off of that idea. “Will other…I mean do you think I’ve learned enough to…to do this with other guys?”
The look he gives me is alarming. Narrowed brows, icy eyes. The next thing I know, he’s flipped us, and I’m lying on my back, staring at the ceiling.
Ash straddles my chest and pins me to the mattress. “Grab the bars.”
I hold on to them without protest. He’s too on-edge to fling my attitude at him.
He leans forward and props himself up with one hand on top of the headboard. Fisting the base of his shaft, he pushes the head against my lips.
“Open your mouth.” Despite the firm pressure of his cock, he gives the order in a soft tone. There’s also determination behind it. He wants inside my mouth, and he wants inside now.
I part my lips, allowing him to thrust between them, and push my tongue against his tip to keep him from going too deep.
A low growl emanates from his pressed-together lips. “Let me in your throat, Sadie.”
Squeezing the bars of the headboard, I try to edge my head back, but he only follows. And now I’m further trapped, stuck between a sexually worked-up man and a mattress that refuses to give. I’m not sure why I’m fighting him. Taking him deep is uncomfortable and a little scary, but it’s also empowering. Maybe it’s the position. The helplessness.
And that’s when I realize he wants me helpless. My talk of blowing other guys pissed him off.
“Now, Sawyer. If you don’t open your throat, I’ll cuff you to the bed and make you come so many times you’ll lose count.” He cocks a brow. “It might sound like fun, but trust me, it’ll be more painful than anything.”
My heart skips several beats, and a shiver goes down my spine. I can’t decide if it’s a good shiver or a bad one. Drawing in a calming breath through my nose, I relax my throat and flatten my tongue.
Ash doesn’t hesitate. He squeezes his eyes shut, and his jaw is carved from granite as he thrusts with violent desperation until I’m gagging from the onslaught of his anger. The mattress is bouncing and squeaking under the force of his hips.
And I can do nothing but lie here and take it.
Part of me is ashamed to admit that I like him taking my mouth this way. He’s stealing the control from me, and along with that, he’s owning the chaos that goes on in my mind when I’m blowing him
There’s no time for self-doubt to creep in. No time to wonder if I’m sucking him right since there is no right or wrong way when he’s in control.
“Close your eyes,” he rasps out. My lids flutter shut right as he lets loose a hoarse cry. He jerks out of my mouth, and I feel his warm release squirt onto my lips, hitting my nose, dripping onto my shuttered eyelids.
Wow. He just came on my face.
I’m still reeling from his actions when he thumbs his cum out of my eyes. Blinking several times, I finally settle my attention on him. The coldness in the hard lines of his face is still there. So is the ice in his eyes. He just blew his load all over my face to degrade me.
To punish me.
Intense hurt rises inside my chest, and I fight the burn of tears. I will not cry in front of him. I won’t. And yet the tears fall anyway. I’m as helpless to stop them as I am from moving underneath his powerful body.
“Get off of me,” I say, pushing against his massive chest with blind movements, unable to see clearly through the pain clouding my vision. He grabs my hands and slams them to the mattress on either side of my head.
“Why are you crying?”
“You just came all over my face!”
“That’s not why you’re crying.” His tone softens. So does his grip on my hands. “What’s wrong?”
“You did it out of anger.”
“I didn’t—” He cuts off, his expression stricken. “Fucking hell.” He crawls off of me, and I count my way through endless seconds as I get myself under control. When I turn over to face him, I find him sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to me, shoulders hunched. His head in his hands.
“Ashton?” Fear strangles my voice because it’s happening. We’re ruining our friendship.
He takes in a deep breath then lets it out. “God, Sadie. I’m sorry.” The remorse is so thick in his voice that I scramble across the mattress.
“It’s okay,” I say, kneeling behind him and snaking my arms around his shoulders. In response, he brings his hands to my forearms and holds on to me.
We’re holding on to each other, in more ways than one.
“It’s not okay. You weren’t ready for that.” He lets a heavy beat pass. “You didn’t deserve that.”
“I provoked you on purpose.” Honesty is the only thing that’s going to get us through this.
“Why would you do that?”
“Because I’m scared.” The words are a blast to my ears, the echo tainting the room with a truth I don’t want to admit.
“What are you scared of, Sawyer?”
“Everything, but mostly…getting too close to you.”
Too attached is what I should have said.
His chest shakes with bitter laughter. “It’s a little late for that. The thought of you with anyone else makes me jealous as fuck.”
“Yeah, we’ll maybe that’s the problem. You’re not supposed to get jealous, Ash. And I’m not supposed to feel so fucking scared. This was supposed to be…uncomplicated.” Before I can form my next thought, he extricates himself from my arms. Turning around, he grabs my chin between his fingers.
“Let me uncomplicate shit for you. I’d rather fuck you than your pretty mouth.” Slowly, he runs the pad of his thumb over my lower lip. “But I’ll settle for it.” He dips his thumb between my lips, and the salt of his skin infuses my tastebuds.
It’s the taste of pure Ashton.
“You should know,” he says, his voice lowering to a sexy husk, “that I’ll settle for whatever you’ll give me.”
Stunned by his confession—even though I already knew the truth on some level—I pull back, and his hand falls to the mattress.
“I can’t do this anymore. I’d rather have you as a friend than mess everything up because we can’t control our hormones.”
His eyes narrow, and I know I’ve said the wrong thing.
“If you believe this is a case of hormones, then you’re deluding yourself more than I thought. We’re not teenagers in high school. We’ve known each other too long to write this off as casual.”
“You’re right,” I say with a gulp. “Which is why it’s time for us to stop.” Scooting off the bed, I search for my discarded clothing. I get as far as spotting the puddle of my dress when he pulls me back, his fingers gripping my chin again in that immovable hold of his.
“I owe you a punishment.”
“You can’t be serious. C’mon, Ash. You just said we’re not in high school. I’m not some little girl that needs a spanking.”
“Oh yes, you do need a spanking, but that’s only the beginning.”
“No, this is the end. You taught me how to blow a guy, so it’s time to move on, just like we said we would.”
His fingertips press into my jaw. It’s not painful, but it does drive home a point; Ashton is not someone you say no to.
“You’ve got a punishment coming, but if you still want to call it quits afterward, I can’t stop you.”
I should say no. This thing between us has gone too far. When tears and jealousy start creeping in, that’s never a good sign, and I’d rather preserve our friendship than continue to play with fire, no matter how hard it’ll be to walk away from him.
“When?”
Now he does let me go, seemingly mollified by the concession in my tone. “I’ll text you.”
“That’s all you’re gonna tell me?”
“Yep. Your curiosity will keep you from backing out. Am I right?”
He is absolutely right, but I’m not about to admit it.