I’VE BEEN STEWING OVER MY conversation with Dani for the last two days. The longer I stew, the more pissed off I get. Piper hasn’t answered my calls or replied to my text messages. I’m trying not to venture into stalker territory, but I’m close to putting myself on a damn plane and hunting her ass down.
All day today, while I’ve been running the tractor, I’ve also been running over in my mind what I’d like to say to her. My pretend conversation varies from “why the fuck didn’t you tell me” to “please, come home”. I’m not sure what it’ll actually be like when she finally decides to return my calls.
As I’m walking through the barn, I look over at an unfinished piece of furniture and think about working on it for a while to help clear my head. But then, my phone rings.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” Piper says, her voice sounding small and withdrawn.
“Why haven’t you answered my calls?” That’s where I decide to start, because the last time I checked we’re at least still friends, and friends don’t ignore phone calls.
“I’m sorry. Things have been kind of crazy around here . . . new job and everything.” She drifts off, just like she always does, fully prepared to skirt the truth. But I’m not going to let her.
“I know why you left.” I figure that’s a good place to start.
Piper lets out a deep sigh. “What are you talking about?”
“I know about your boss finding out about the video, and I know he was holdin’ it over your head. Did that really happen?” I know it did, but I want to hear it from her.
She’s so quiet I worry that she’s hung up on me but, finally, she responds. “Yes.” Her voice is small and it breaks my heart. It also fills me with rage.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I spit out, taking my anger out on her.
“You had your own shit to deal with; you didn’t need mine, too.”
“I was in that video. It’s because of me that you were in it, Piper. This isn’t your fault; it’s mine. You should’ve told me.”
“It takes two to tango, Tucker. You know that better than anyone. Besides, it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over.”
Her words cause me to pause because I don’t know if she’s referring to the drama with her old boss or her relationship with me.
“I could’ve helped you. I could’ve done something.”
“What were you going to do?” Her voice rises an octave, with a harsh laugh.
“Something,” I tell her, not really knowing what I would’ve done. Pummeling her boss’s face doesn’t sound too bad right about now. “Anything. You know I would’ve helped in any way you needed me to.”
“Like I said, it’s over.” She sounds so resigned, so unhappy, just like Dani said.
We both sit in silence, before I finally say what’s really bothering me.
“I’m pissed you didn’t tell me. You have to talk to me. How can I know what to do, if you don’t talk to me?”
“Like when you didn’t tell me about Sammy?” she retorts. “I think we’re both pretty good at not talking about important things.”
That stings, because it’s true, but I’m trying to change that. She’s just not letting me. Even from hundreds of miles away, I feel the walls she’s built around herself.
“If you don’t have anything else to say, I’ve gotta go.”
I have so much to say—so many things I haven’t told her, but I can’t make my mouth work fast enough.
When she hangs up the phone, I toss mine across the barn, yelling in frustration. Staring at the roof, I will it to tell me what the fuck to do. Somebody, tell me what the fuck to do, because I’m at my wits end. I know what I want, but I have no clue how to get it.
Piper is so frustrating. She’s the most stubborn person I know. It pisses me off, but it’s also one of the things I love the most about her. She’s tenacious and driven. But I’m willing to be just as stubborn. We’ve always matched each other blow for blow, giving it as good as we get.
I’m not giving up now.
Somehow, some way, I’ll tell her how I feel.
I’ll tell her that I love her.
I’ll tell her that I don’t want to live without her.
I’ll let her know she has a place here, with me.
Walking over and picking up my phone, I dust it off and check it for cracks. Fortunately, it’s all in one piece and the time on the screen reads a little after four. Maybe if I leave now, I can catch Micah or Deacon at Grinders. I could really use someone to talk to right about now. Kay’s always a good listening ear, but I don’t want to discuss this in front of Sammy.
When I get to the house, I peek my head in and tell Kay I need to run to Red Stick for a few things, asking if she minds watching Sammy, who’s preoccupied with a puzzle at the kitchen table.
“Bye, Daddy,” she calls out as I begin to shut the door.
“Bye, sunshine. Be good for Grandma Kay. I’ll be back in a while.”
She smiles up at me and waves, but goes straight back to her puzzle. It makes me feel good that she’s become so comfortable with everyone so quickly, accepting everyone as members of this new, extended family. One of my biggest fears after Sophie’s death was that Sammy would feel abandoned. I think it’s safe to say she’s thriving.
Driving down the dirt road in my old truck, with the windows rolled down and the warm May breeze blowing in, I start to feel my head clear a little.
When I pull into the parking lot behind Grinders, I see Deacon’s Jeep and Micah’s truck.
Good, I need to get all this shit out in the open, so I’m glad they’re both here.
Walking into the back door, a few of the kitchen staff say hello or throw me a wave.
“They’re in the office,” Joe says. “Haven’t see you around here in a while.”
“Yeah, I’ve been a little busy.”
“I heard.” Joe flips a burger on the grill. “You hungry?”
“Nah, I’m good, thanks.”
I pat him on his shoulder as I walk out of the kitchen and make my way down the hall to the office. Joe and I go way back. He used to be the cook at Pockets, and back in the day, I played there every Friday night. Even when we went on tour, I still played Pockets when I was in town. Sometimes with a full band, sometimes just me and my guitar. Joe would always make sure I ate well.
Before I even get to the door, I hear Micah and Deacon arguing about something. It’s pretty par for the course. They’ve always had friendly disagreements. Now, that shit that was going on between them during the Alex Debacle, that wasn’t normal. I’ve never seen them so at odds with each other, but I’m glad they’re past that.
“Hey, bitches,” I say, walking into the office.
“Well, if it isn’t Tucker the Fucker,” Deacon booms. “What brings you to town? Did you bring Sammy for dinner like I told you to?”
“No, she’s with Kay.”
Micah looks up from a stack of papers, his pen in midair. “What do we owe the honor of your presence?”
“Cut the shit,” I tell them, pulling up a chair from the corner to sit by Deacon. “Can I not just pop in for a visit anymore?”
“Well, you don’t.” Deacon’s tone sounds offended and I cringe a little. I’ve been really distracted lately. My priorities have shifted and it’s gonna take time to figure out how to balance it all.
“Sorry, man. I’m just—”
“Nah, dude. It’s cool. We know you have Sammy now and she’s more important.”
I nod, trying to remember the plan I came up with in my truck on the way here.
“So, what’s up?” Micah asks, setting his work to the side.
“I have somethin’ I need to show you.” Pulling my phone out of my back pocket, I open my text messages, skimming past some recent messages between me and Dave until I get to what I’m looking for.
Pushing the arrow in the middle of the screen, the ruckus that is The Cat’s Meow begins to fill the room.
I don’t watch the video, because I’ve seen it plenty. Instead, I watch Deacon and Micah.
Deacon already knows about the video, but he hasn’t seen it. Micah on the other hand, he’s being blindsided right now, and I feel a little bad about it. But, I figure if I’m coming clean, I might as well start from the beginning.
“What the fuck?” Micah asks, leaning back in his chair with a wide-eyed expression. “When did that happen?”
“The night you proposed to Dani,” I tell him, slipping the phone back in my pocket.
“Yeah, but I thought you and Piper hate each other. That did not look like two people who can’t stand to be in the same room for longer than ten seconds.” Micah’s tone turns accusatory and I’m a little surprised, because I was banking on him knowing some of this. I thought Dani would’ve told him.
“We’ve been, uh—”
“They’ve been fucking,” Deacon says, finishing my sentence. Normally, it pisses me off when he does that, but I’m actually grateful, because this is harder than I thought it was going to be and I can use all the help I can get.
“Basically.” I nod my head and let out a deep breath. “At least, it started off that way. It was an arrangement of necessity and convenience.”
“Yeah, you both needed to fuck each other’s brains out,” Deacon adds, snorting and rolling his eyes. “I can’t believe you held out on us for so long. You have no idea how many times I wanted to bust you on it, but it just never seemed like the right time.”
“Wait a damn second.” Micah stands up quickly, bracing his hands on the desk as he looks at both of us. “He knew?” he asks, pointing at Deke.
“I didn’t tell him.”
“I overheard their little show in the bathroom at Mom and Dad’s anniversary party.” The grin on Deacon’s face is oozing with self-satisfaction. He couldn’t be prouder of himself for this little piece of information.
“And you didn’t say anything?” Micah’s voice gets louder with each question. “You fucking tell everything else you know, but keep this shit to yourself?”
“I can keep a secret when I want to,” Deacon retorts. “I was waitin’.”
“For what?” Micah asks, and I just sit back and let them go, because I’d rather the heat be on Deacon at the moment. It gives me a reprieve.
“The right time to use it against this fucker.” Deacon points over at me. “I figured I’d save it for a rainy day. Besides, I didn’t think it was still going on. I kinda assumed it was a one-time deal.”
“But it’s not . . . or wasn’t?” Micah turns his glare back to me.
“No, it was . . . more,” I admit. “I’m not even sure when it happened, but I think I fucking love her.”
Micah falls back into his chair with a thoughtful look on his face. “I had my suspicions about the two of you, but I didn’t expect you to say that.”
Smoothing my hair back, I exhale. “Pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve even admitted it to myself.”
“So, what are you gonna do about it?” Micah asks.
“That’s what I was hopin’ you two could help me figure out. You got the girls. Tell me how to get mine.”
“It ain’t easy, man,” Deke says with a sigh.
“No, but it’s worth it,” Micah adds.
“I feel like I’ve fucked this all up so bad.”
“First things first, you need to tell her how you feel,” Deacon says.
“Yeah, but not just that. Personally, I’m a fan of grand gestures.” Micah leans forward, resting his elbows on the table. “When Dani was dealin’ with all that shit with her ex, I flew my ass to New York. Sometimes, you gotta show them you’re serious, make some effort. Dad says actions speak louder than words. So, you’re gonna have to do something.”
“Think I should fly to Connecticut?” I ask. “What about Sammy? I don’t feel like I can leave her right now.”
We’re all in thinking mode when my phone rings.
I mindlessly take it out of my pocket and answer it.
“Hello?”
“Yeah, is this Tucker Benoit?”
“Speaking.”
“This is Coy Smith. You sent me a demo last week of a song you wrote.”
Shit. My heart drops.
“Mr. Smith . . . yes, sir, that was me.”
“Well, I love it. I’ve let my partner listen to it and he’s sold on it too. We’d like to see what else you might have for us, maybe hear a live performance?”
The recording I sent was crap. I used some old recording equipment Dave let me borrow. I’m surprised they made it through the first verse, let alone liked it enough to call me. My heart speeds up, as I let his request sink in.
“Uh, yeah, sure . . . I could probably set somethin’ up,” I tell him.
“Great,” he replies. “Could we maybe arrange something for next week? We have a new recording artist who’s in desperate need of some songs and your style is just what we’ve been looking for.”
An artist.
Singing my songs.
Holy shit.
“Mr. Smith, could you hold for a second?” I ask.
“Sure.”
Pressing my thumb over the receiver, I look up at Micah who’s watching me with a confused expression.
“I’m gonna need to play at Lagniappe next week. Cool?”
“Sure.”
“Mr. Smith?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll call you with the information tomorrow.”
“Sounds great. We’ll talk then.”
He hangs up and I stare at my phone in disbelief for a second, before looking back up at Micah.
“I think I have a plan.”