Kim

I've never been the kind of girl who blows up a guy's phone when he's not replying to her messages or calls, but by Monday night and no reply to two texts and a call, I'm just about ready to lose it.

How does a guy go from telling me he'll never love another, then not answer my calls for a whole day?

I texted Tank when I got home on Sunday night to tell him I wished we were taking that shower together, and to say sweet dreams. No reply. I called mid-morning to see if he wanted to get lunch. No reply. No call back. And I texted him in the afternoon right before I went to Benji's to tell him where I'm going, and that we could use his help setting up everything for the play and the fundraising event afterwards.

Benji's nervous as hell about the play. He keeps fidgeting and biting his nails, and nothing I say is right. Nothing he says is right for me either. MILF Jessica keeps complaining that Tank promised he'd come set up the stage, and, yeah, he promised me a lot more, but clearly he's not one to deliver. Apparently the backdrop for the play is heavy as hell, and no one but Tank can move it.

"I'll do it," I snap at Jessica. "Where do you need it?"

She gives me a once over accompanied by a derogatory smile. "You think you can lift it."

"If you take off those high heels, you can help me," I snap back. But then I catch a glance of Benji's tight face. It's the same look he always gets when he senses Mom's about to have one of her breakdowns. He's already incredibly nervous about the play and about kissing Violet. The last thing he needs is for me to make a scene and get into an argument with Jessica.

My reply rendered Jessica speechless, but she's already moving her lips.

"Or Benji and I will do it," I say and smile at them both. "He's a strong boy."

"I'm not a boy," he mumbles, but I can tell he likes it that I called him strong.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to say 'man’," I correct myself. "A strong man."

He smiles very widely at that.

I lean in to whisper in his ear, "Violet is watching. She'll be really impressed when she sees you carrying something that big and heavy."

His smile grows even wider as he accompanies me to the stage.

Jessica stays behind and luckily she was wrong. The scenery elements aren't all that heavy at all.

"Now we're all set for tomorrow," I say and wipe my palms on my jeans. Then I catch myself glance at the door as it opens, my heart stopping in my chest, since I'm hoping so hard it'll be Tank.

But it's not, and all those black thoughts that have been shrouding my mind all day finally take shape.

He left me.

All that weird talking last night was his cowardly way of saying goodbye without actually saying it. I felt it. Knew something was off in the way he spoke, the way he looked at me like he was already missing me. But I didn't want to believe it. I still don't want to believe it. But I'm starting to.

This can't go on, I have to speak to him. Have to know.

"I'm gonna take off now, OK?" I say to Benji, who looks a little put out but nods anyway.

"I can't wait to see you play Romeo tomorrow," I add and tussle his hair. "You're gonna be amazing, I just know you are."

"Break a leg," he says, stuttering a few times before getting it right, and smiles even wider.

"Yes, break a leg, that's what they say on Broadway." I told him this the other day and he's been repeating it ever since.

It feels good to see my brother smiling and being happy, excited that he'll get to kiss the girl of his dreams tomorrow.

But I need some answers too. I need to know what's going on with Tank. I've been ghosted before. But never by a guy who told me he loves me more than he ever loved anyone, and that he will always love me, right before disappearing. It makes no sense.

All the way back to my house, I'm trying to convince myself that I'm overreacting, that he might just be very busy. But I already know the truth. Yet I need to hear him say it to be sure.

So I won't stop calling him until he picks up. I've never been that crazy chick before. But I've also never been this madly in love before. Nor loved the way I know he loves me.

* * *

Five hours, ten calls and five texts later I'm no longer even angry. I'm just sad.

Sad that it ended this way, sad that I'm still hoping I'll get a reply tomorrow, sad that nothing in my life ever turns out the way I want it too.

Not my family, not my career and not the love of my life.

But I'm a fighter. I've always been a fighter. And I'll bear this too. Survive it the way I've survived so much already.

If Tank happens to show up at the play tomorrow, I won't even ask him why he raised my hopes so high, why he convinced me he was the one for me, why he just disappeared. It doesn't matter. And I doubt I'll ever see him again.

The election for Sheriff is in a couple of weeks. After that I'll pack up and go back to my old life and forget all about this interlude. I'll find a better psychiatrist for Mom before I leave, the lady she's been seeing all these years just isn't doing her job well enough.

Or maybe Russell will lose the election and then he'll probably retire and all will be well that way. But he's the strongest candidate, so I don't think that's gonna happen.

Either way, I'll be gone before the summer is over. And then all this will just be a bad memory. I can't believe I considered staying. I don't belong here anymore. And until I can go back to the life I do belong in, I'll just bury myself in researching the biker war story.