Joshua

I spent the rest of the day trying to recover from my meeting with Ella in the photocopier room.

Damn, that woman was becoming too much of an obsession. I couldn't get her out of my mind, wanting her every moment of the day. Hoping that she would agree to come to Bali with me and let me live out my own fantasy of time away from everything with a woman who was mine to enjoy as I wanted.

The truth was that I would have been happy to start a sexual relationship with Ella and not care about the fact she was technically an employee, although unpaid, of my company. I wasn't cheating on anyone so it wasn't like what we were doing was a betrayal.

I called down to Jerome, who took care of my travel arrangements and rescheduled my trip to California. It could wait another week or even two. Work was ongoing at the new office of MBS, and my trip there was more to check on progress. Nothing was written in stone about the timing.

Before my next meeting, I got a text from Marcella, asking me to call her.

I did, dialing her number and leaning back in my chair, wondering what she wanted to talk about, considering we had a meeting already scheduled.

"Hello, Marcella, what can I do for you? I thought we already had a meeting planned."

"I'm hoping you can come to a charity event I'm hosting. There will be a few of my candidates at the event and you could mix and mingle with them, meet them and feel them out."

I rubbed my forehead. Going to a charity event to meet some of Marcella's picks for me was the very last thing I wanted. I only wanted Ella.

"Sorry, but no can do. I'm totally swamped with work for the next two weeks."

"I didn't tell you what day it was…"

"I don't have any days open," I said, really wanting to avoid it at all costs.

"It would just be for half an hour or an hour. Surely you could spare some time on Tuesday?"

"Nope. I'm really booked right up."

I heard her sigh on the other end. It was then I realized that my heart was just not into the whole matchmaker thing.

"Look, Marcella. This isn’t going to work out. I really can't wrap my head around this right now. I don't want to approach this like it's a business decision, so please, give my regards to your candidates and tell them I wish them best of luck in the future but I just can't go through with it."

"May I ask what made you change your mind?"

I sighed. "I met someone who made me realize that it's not the pedigree or the resume that matters in this. It's the person. It's the chemistry. Trying to treat it like some kind of computer algorithm just seems bloodless and emotionless to me. I need to feel that chemistry first before anything else."

"Okay, Joshua. If you change your mind, you just have to give me a call. There will always be dozens of young appropriate women who are more than happy to meet you."

"Thanks for your vote of confidence," I said and I meant it. "Best of luck and if I do change my mind, I'll let you know."

I hung up, glad to get that out of the way. It really didn't appeal to me and never really had, other than the fact it would make it easier for me to meet women, but meeting Ella made me realize you couldn't force chemistry.

You either had it or you didn’t.

Next, I called David to let him know I wouldn't be coming until the following week.

"What's up? You were really looking forward to this trip."

"I had something personal come up and will be taking a trip to Bali. It was short notice but I need to rearrange things to accommodate it."

"Personal? What? You're going to Bali instead? Is it a conference or something?"

"No," I said, cringing internally that I didn't have a good excuse.

"Is it business?" he asked.

"No," I replied. "It's just personal. Let's leave it at that."

"It's a woman," he said, his voice satisfied. "Tell me the truth, bro. You don't cancel a business trip and go to Bali for any other reason.

I laughed, because of course David would think it was a woman. "Yes," I admitted. "It's a woman."

"Hey, great. Bring her here, let me meet her."

"No, it's not like that," I said. "It's certainly not at that stage."

"It's at the take her to Bali and cancel a long-planned business trip stage, though."

"I know, I know. But honestly, it isn't like that."

"This is really sudden," David said, his voice sounding hesitant. "You were all down on relationships just a few weeks ago when we read the will."

"I know. Life moves fast. Sometimes, shit happens."

"That it does. Tell me that she's just a good fuck and you're not in love or anything."

"I'm not in love or anything. She's more than just a good fuck."

"Uh, oh. I don't like the sounds of that. You've been working like a dog getting everything in place for the opening of the new office in LA. The fact that you're willing to reschedule at the last moment is pretty telling."

"Let's just say we have an interesting relationship. Neither of us wants anything committed. We both were burned by cheating partners. We're only interested in something physical."

"That's what everyone always says, but then they fall in love. I've seen it happen way too often to know better."

"What about you?" I said, for David had many sexual partners and had yet to stick with one partner for longer than a weekend. "You have lots of sexual relationships. You've never fallen in love. Why can't the rest of us do the same?"

"Because you're not like me. You're the deep serious type. You don't do shallow. You've never done shallow. It's either one night or marriage with you."

"Well, maybe I'll try a shallow meaningless sexual relationship with someone else who wants the same thing."

"I give you six months before you're proposing."

I laughed out loud. "Not likely. In six months, I'll be with someone else."

"Yeah, right. I know you, brother. It's not in you. But you'll do what you want. Just remember who let you cry on his shoulder for a week after your last romantic fiasco."

"I'll never forget and you'll never let me," I replied, thinking of how I actually did cry on his shoulder one drunken night when I explained everything to him -- the whole mess. Me coming home early one day and finding Christie in our bed with her boss.

"Damn straight I won't."

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but I've decided to take a page out of your own book and try just a casual sexual relationship with this woman and we both want to go away and spend some time alone."

"I get it. I'm happy for you. It's time for you to move on from Christie. Get her out of your system. You'll know you're truly ready to move on when she stops being the reason you do or don't do things."

"Thanks for the relationship advice," I said with a smile. "I'll be out there in two weeks, tops."

"Bring this woman. What's her name, by the way? I need to know who'll be my first sister in law."

"David!" I said angrily, frustrated that he couldn't just accept that my relationship with Ella was just casual. "It's not what you're thinking."

"Okay, okay. Bring her along anyway. I mean, if it's nothing serious, why not?"

"I'll text you with my new itinerary once the plans are finalized."

"Love you, bro."

"Love you back."

Then I hung up, shaking my head at him. Of all the men to give me relationship advice, he was the last on my list. I knew he meant well, but he really couldn't keep it in his pants and didn't need to. My only concern for him was always STDs but he'd been able to keep clean over the years, despite the extravagant and debauched lifestyle he led.

But even someone as jaded and freewheeling as David had to come down to earth someday, and have a meaningful life with a wife and kids. He didn't have the same financial incentives as the rest of us did, given his income from the band, but even he had to grow tired of the lifestyle on the road with the endless trips and concerts.

He'd succumb someday, but I doubted that day would come any time soon.

That night, after a long day spent putting out business fires and trying to keep my head above water with business matters, I went to the penthouse apartment and ordered in dinner from a local restaurant. I had a shower and sat in my underwear in front of the television and ate my food, watching a game on the flatscreen.

It hit me all of a sudden how much of a loner I had become after Christie and I split. Other than a drink with the guys at work once a week, I really did nothing much else other than work. Before my father died, I'd spent so much of my evenings and weekends during the past six months visiting with him at his house, and at the end, in the hospital by his bedside.

I didn't have time for a social life, although I had slept with a couple of women I'd met at a bar with my friends once or twice after Christie and I split. But nothing more. And nothing like the life I led with Christie before we ended it. We were busy with other couples we both knew, attending gallery openings, charity events, dinner parties.

Now, that was all gone and I really was alone.

I took out my cell and texted Ella.

JOSH: I've never spent much time in the photocopier room up till now, but it's become one of my favorite places.

I waited for her response, expecting something impertinent. Soon, I saw the little dots and knew she was writing me back.

The dots hung there for a long time, and I figured she had some smart retort to my text message. As the dots hung there and I waited in anticipation, I wondered what she'd say in reply. Something about how she'd been delayed and that I should really stay out of the photocopier room in the future if I wanted her to do her job. Whatever her response, I was smiling to myself, eager to read her text.

When the response came, I was underwhelmed

ELLA: I imagine.

That was it. All that time and she sends two words? I realized she had deleted the longer text she had actually written, having thought better of it. I knew she'd feel unsure of whether to respond at all, because I was her boss.

JOSH: I told you I'd remove myself as manager of Macintyre Publishing so we wouldn't be boss/employee.

ELLA: I know. Not sure if that really addresses the issue.

JOSH: Which is? The only issue I see is whether you're coming on Thursday.

ELLA: Not sure.

JOSH: You're sure to enjoy yourself. I happen to know you have the time off. What's stopping you? I've been clear that there are no strings attached. Just us and pure pleasure for four days. Isn't this what you wanted when you moved to Manhattan? To meet your own Mr. Big and use the experiences to write your bestselling chick-lit novel?

ELLA: Plot twist. In the movie, she marries Mr. Big.

JOSH: Are you marrying me?

ELLA: I'm never getting married.

JOSH: Then, it's settled. No marriage for you. Just pleasure. And great conversation.

ELLA: Like I say, we'll see. Try and enjoy the suspense.

JOSH: I hate suspense. I like to know what to expect.

ELLA: If I come to Bali, you can expect four days of sun, sex and satisfaction. How's that?

JOSH: Sounds like a plan.

I put my cell away but felt unsettled after my conversation with Ella. It seemed like she didn't want a committed relationship -- ever-- but at the same time, she didn't really seem to want a casual one fueled primarily by mutual lust. Was she afraid of falling in love? Maybe she didn't trust herself not to.

Whoever Jerkface was, he must have hurt her deeply to be so reticent about another meaningful relationship and yet afraid of a meaningless one. I could understand that sentiment, but I knew I couldn't be happy without sex in my life. If it had to be only casual, that would be fine with me until I did meet a perfect woman and get married. While I waited for that to happen, I saw no reason why Ella and I shouldn't be able to enjoy each other physically, even if we didn't become emotionally involved.

I tried to shove those uncomfortable questions out of my mind and focus on the game. I was even able to enjoy it for a while, but the game turned out to be way too one sided and my team was losing so I lost interest and turned to the news. That was even less satisfying and frustrating, so I decided to go to bed.

Sleep was a long time coming, and I only fell asleep after another sad bout of solitary masturbation with images of Ella in my mind's eye. In truth, Ella should have been there with me, enjoying a second orgasm of the night. She was young, intelligent, and beautiful and she was attracted to me and I to her. We would have been fucking our brains out, if all had been right with the world.

But of course, it wasn't.

The next morning, I went through my usual routine of getting up and cycling after which I would take a shower and grab a cup of coffee on my way to the office. I should have spent the day at the office in the financial district, but I wanted to finish up some work at the new building. As I rode through the park, I thought back to my first meeting with Ella, and smiled to myself at how sweet she had been, offering to help pay for my medical costs, in case I didn't have good insurance as a lowly bicycle courier.

My knees and elbows were all healed up, but that event had left a mark on me. I enjoyed the fact that she didn't know me as the Joshua Macintyre Jr. I was just a guy to her, someone she was attracted to, who she shared chemistry. When she found out who I was, and that I was her boss, she was hesitant. If I had remained that bicycle courier, we would have probably been fuck buddies by now, but that changed everything and I had to work my ass off just to get her to give me a chance.

So I was really happy to see her rushing along the sidewalk to the building entrance.

"Hey, lady, watch where you're walking!" I called out when I got up beside her.

She jumped at the sound of my voice, then when she got sight of me, I saw relief on her face when she recognized me.

"Oh, it's you," she said and held her hand over her heart. Then she smiled. "You trying for another set of scraped knees and elbows?"

"Every day at this time," I said in reply. "I'm extra careful now and use the bike lanes whenever I can, just in case the tourists don't obey the rules of the road."

"You weren't obeying them that day, if I recall."

"Neither of us were obeying the rules. You have to know that they block the bike lanes with construction equipment and other obstacles so sometimes, we bicycle couriers have to improvise."

She nodded and stopped at the sidewalk that angled up to the front door of the building.

"Maybe if we can't follow rules, we should avoid each other. You know. One of us has to be responsible."

"Don't say that," I said. "We can be grownups. We're both gainfully employed."

"Well, not really..." she said with a grin. "I am unpaid..."

"Okay, we both went to college and got degrees. So there's that."

"Yes. But we both have made bad decisions when it comes to romance."

"And that's why this won't be a romance. Just pure unadulterated pleasure."

She glanced around and then turned back to me. "You keep saying that like you're trying to convince yourself."

"I know it's true," I replied. "I'm just trying to convince you."

She smiled. "I have a job to get to."

"Think about it," I said and removed my helmet and glasses and ran a hand through my hair. "You should come with me. It'll be memorable. You'll be able to include real details in your stories."

She tapped her head. "I have it all up here. Stuff I haven't actually done, I can research online."

"Nothing like the real thing," I said as I walked with her to the front door, and into the building where we waited for the elevator. Luckily, we were the only people waiting and when the elevator doors closed, I was pleased to be alone with her. I rested the bike against the wall and moved closer to her, leaning against the wall beside her.

"Have dinner with me tonight. Last night, I sat alone in my apartment and ate some takeout food in my underwear. It was pathetic."

She laughed and glanced at me. "That does sound pretty pathetic, but actually, I did the same. Except, I was wearing my nightgown."

"We should at least do it together," I said. "Then it wouldn't be so pathetic."

The elevator doors opened and it was time for her to get off.

"This is me," she said and started to leave.

I grabbed her arm. "Come have dinner with me tonight. If you want, we could go somewhere nice, or stay in and sit in our pajamas. There's a Nicks game on."

"I'm currently watching Mr. Mercedes on Superchannel."

"We could watch that, too."

She left the elevator without responding.

"Text me," I called out as the elevator doors closed.

She smiled. "I can't. Working late. Then I need to go right to bed so I can get up early and go at it again. Work work work until Sharon's presentation on Tuesday."

"If you change your mind, you know where to find me."

Her smile suggested that she was definitely deciding that she didn't want to get mixed up with me, no matter how much I promised her it would be just casual. I went the rest of the way up to my apartment, ruminating on what I really wanted from her. I enjoyed her wit and her beauty, plus she was hot in bed.

Maybe it wasn't a good thing for me to become involved with her.

I wasn't going to let that stop me.