I stare at my phone, willing a text from Fallon to light up the screen. Why isn’t she answering any of my messages? I’ve sent three and no replies. Part of me is wondering if she’s okay, while the other, more cynical part is convinced she’s was out with someone else.
The thought is going to ruin my night if I let it, so I push it away. I need her to come over so we can discuss her moving in here for a little while. Having her here will make the whole baby-making process easier, plus I’ll be able to keep an eye on her. Even though I know it’s wrong to tell her she can’t have anyone else when she doesn’t really belong to me, having her here would make it easier to keep her all to myself.
A knock sounds at the door, startling me from my thoughts. Shoving myself up from the leather couch, I make my way over to the door, opening it without looking first.
Not looking is something I immediately regret, because as soon as the door opens, I’m greeted by the last person I want to see: Andi.
“Can I come in?” she pouts, and even though I want to say no, I’m not sure why she’s here. Something could’ve happened at work, so against my better judgment, I step aside to let her in.
Turning to face her after shutting the door, I wait for her to tell me what’s going on. When she just stares up at me, I finally ask, “What’s going on?” She’s eyeing me like I’m a piece of meat, and while at one time I might have liked that, now it makes me feel dirty.
“I just wanted to talk.” Her voice gets low and I think she’s trying to be seductive, which makes me shudder in disgust.
Regretting once again that I opened the door, I ask, though I’m not sure I want to know, “About what?”
She places a hand on my chest and leans into me. “About us.”
“There is no us, Andi.” I pull away from her and make my way over to the bar, pouring myself a glass of whiskey and trying to figure out how I’m going to handle this. When I turn around, a frown has formed on her face. Fuck, there aren’t enough drinks in the world to deal with this shitstorm tonight.
When she realizes I’m serious, she glares at me. “I saw her today, at the supermarket.” There’s a long pause, and I take a sip of the whiskey, refusing to be baited into a conversation I don’t want to have. “She had a pregnancy test in her basket and it got me thinking…”
Worry. Elation. Fear. I’m slammed with a number of emotions but I don’t show them.
“Who got you thinking what?” I pretend I have no idea who she’s talking about. My relationship with Fallon is none of her business.
Andi gives me a smug look that says she doesn’t believe me. “You know who I’m talking about. Your little assistant. Your best friend.” She hisses the last part, and it take everything in me not to roll my eyes. She isn’t the first woman to bitch about my relationship with Fallon.
“What about her? She bought a pregnancy test? So what? What she does outside of work is none of my concern.” I start to feel the weight of my lies on my chest. Everything Fallon does outside of work is my business.
Andi scoffs. “Whatever, Reed. The two of you think you’re fooling everyone, but we’re not stupid. There are plenty of rumors going around about what your dad is making you do, and I know you’re using her to do it.”
“You don’t know anything.” I try to play it off, while wondering who the hell is spreading these rumors since the only people in the room during the meetings were my brothers, my dad, our lawyer and Fallon. Since Fallon and I haven’t told anyone what we’re doing, no one else should know.
Stepping closer, she reaches out to caress my abs with her fingertips, something that would under normal circumstances make my dick hard, but I’m not feeling it at all. And not just in an I’ve been there and don’t want to go there again way, I’m just completely uninterested.
Plus, she’s not mine. And I’m not hers.
I take a step back so she’s no longer touching me, and she grins triumphantly. “That’s what I thought.”
“What?” I don’t know why I ask. Nothing this woman has to say to me is anything I want to hear. She’s only here to see what she can get out of me so she can spread more rumors at work. “Don’t pretend to know me, Andi.”
Her head tips back with her laughter. “Please. You can act like the two of you are just friends all you want, but friends aren’t as possessive as you are. Friends don’t try to shield each other from anything that could hurt them the way the two of you do.” She takes another step closer, pressing her body against mine. “I bet I could take my clothes off right now and you wouldn’t even care. And do you know why?”
I swallow hard, knowing I should just push her away and tell her to leave, but instead, I find myself asking, “Why?”
She leans closer, her lips right next to my ear. “Because, you’re in love with her.” My entire body stiffens, but I don’t agree or disagree with her. If I did love Fallon, she should be the one to hear it first, not the office mouthpiece.
Before I can do anything, a loud gasp comes from the doorway, and we both turn to see Fallon standing just inside the door. The pain on her face is obvious, and knowing I’m the reason makes my heart hurt.
Seeing her upset has me pushing Andi away before I even realize I’m doing it. She stumbles on her heels, but I don’t give a shit. The only thing I can think about is getting to Fallon. I need to explain what this was so she doesn’t have the wrong idea.
“Fallon…” I call out to her, but it’s too late. I’m sure she’s convincing herself something is going on between Andi and me, but she’s the only person I want.
Andi’s snide laughter fills my ears. “Don’t tell me you’re actually going to chase after her. If you needed a baby that badly, you could’ve asked me.”
Rage simmers just below the surface and I’m speaking before I can stop myself. “Get out. Get the fuck out, and never show up here uninvited again.” Knowing she may have ruined any chance I have with Fallon only angers me more, and I slam the glass of whiskey down on the counter. It explodes on impact, while the contents spill out all over my hand. The glass pricks at my skin, and I welcome the pain it brings.
Andi practically runs out of my apartment, the door slamming shut behind her. She doesn’t say anything on the way out, and I’m thankful as fuck for that because I’m not sure I could restrain myself from lashing out at her. I squeeze my eyes closed and exhale, trying to calm my heated blood. I need to talk to Fallon. I need to make her understand.
I rush around the apartment, grabbing my shoes and jacket, before heading out to chase Fallon down.
Of course, her car is gone by the time I get outside. Part of me is pissed that she didn’t bother to give me the benefit of the doubt, but then again she did see me standing with another woman in my apartment. A woman she doesn’t like at all and I can admit we were standing so close it looked bad. Still, knowing she drove off upset also has me worried. She could get into an accident. I could lose her.
By the time I make it to her apartment, I’ve imagined so many awful possibilities. What if she won’t let me in? What if she does but says she hates me? So many different thoughts are racing through my mind, and when I see her car parked in her driveway, I breathe a small sigh of relief. My heart rate slows when the car door opens and her long legs slide out.
I’m at her side by the time she shuts the door, and when she turns to head into her apartment she gasps, her hand coming up to clutch her chest. She shouldn’t be shocked to see me here, and it hurts that she doesn’t trust me.
“Jesus Christ, Reed. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” Her voice trembles, and when her eyes meet mine I can see she’s been crying. I hate knowing she’s crying because of me.
Her mascara is smudged, and her cheeks are wet. I want to pull her into my arms and reassure her, but with the way she’s standing, I know she’s not going to let me touch her.
Instead, I give her a sad smile. “No, Fallon.”
“What are you doing here?” she asks with a resigned sigh.
I don’t know what to say, but I still try. “I came to explain—” She cuts me off, clearly not wanting to hear why I’m here after all.
“You don’t need to explain anything. You talk a big game, Reed. Telling me how I can’t be with anyone else while we’re doing this, saying you won’t be with anyone else. Then, the first time a woman offers, you take her up on it.”
The fact that she thinks I’ll stick my dick in anyone who offers makes any apology I might say evaporate. I’m pissed all over again. “You know, for someone who’s supposed to be my best friend, you sure don’t have a very good opinion of me.” She looks away from me as a flush creeps up her throat, but I grip her chin in my hand and force her to look at me. If she’s going to hurt me with words, she needs to see the pain they cause.
“I told you I wouldn’t be with anyone else and I haven’t. Andi showed up at my place, and I thought it was you at the door. If I’d known it was her, I would have told her to go away.”
Fallon scoffs, disbelievingly. “Bullshit. If that was the case, she wouldn’t have been wrapped around you when I walked in. You let her in. You let her touch you.” Her head tilts to the side like she’s trying to figure me out. She won’t. Fallon knows me better than a lot of people, but even with her there are some things I won’t tell anyone. “But, you got pissed when I let Ryan kiss me.”
Just thinking about Ryan putting his mouth on her makes me want to put my fist through the closest wall. “You’re damn right I got pissed. You let Ryan touch you; stick his fucking tongue in your mouth. I didn’t let Andi touch me. If you’d walked in two seconds earlier you would have seen me push her away.”
My vehemence must get through her anger because her stiff body loosens and the pissed off expression on her face finally softens.
I’m aching to hold her, but I still need to ask her about what Andi told me. “Can I come in?” The expression on her face says she’s about to say no, probably remembering how wild things got the last time we had a fight. The sex was amazing, but as much as I’d like a repeat, we need to clear things up. If she’s pregnant I can’t fuck her that way. “Just to talk,” I hurry to reassure her.
After considering it for a few seconds, she relents. “Okay. But, Reed?” I can tell she’s nervous about letting me in, like she knows how hard it is for me to keep my hands off of her.
I take a step closer, needing to be close to her. “Yeah?” My voice softens. My connection to her fades when she takes a step away from me.
“Just talking.” Her voice breaks, and I nod in agreement as her eyes skirt from mine and she heads up the sidewalk towards the front door.
I want to hold her, to tell her everything is going to be okay. But the truth is, I don’t know if is. I don’t know if we are.
We walk up the steps, and I shut the door behind us. Fallon’s apartment is normally warm and inviting, but today if feels cold, like I’m unwelcome. I just hope it’s not an indication of how our talk is going to go.
“What’s going on? You told me we needed to talk, so spit it out.” Aggravation laces her words, and I know she’s only using it to cover up the real way she feels.
I can’t keep the question inside any longer. “Are you pregnant?”
Fallon blinks, her anger slipping away. Her eyes dart to the trash can, prompting me to do the same, and what I see has me clenching my fists and trying to stay calm. She took the test without me? The empty box is lying on top, so she must’ve.
“What does it matter? Me being pregnant doesn’t change anything between us.” Tears form in Fallon’s eyes, and I tell myself she’s lying so I can keep hold of my anger.
I don’t want to admit she’s right, so I ignore it. Then, even though I know she’s not going to give me a straight answer, I ask her the question I already know the answer to anyway. “You took the test without me? We were supposed to do that together.” I’m not even bothering to hide the hurt in my voice. She’s killing me with her tears, and it’s tearing me up inside. It’s only fair she feels some of this, too.
She swipes away the tears her beautiful face, so fragile in that moment. “It doesn’t matter. Negative or positive, it doesn’t change anything, Reed. Even if we’re having a baby you still won’t love me the way I love you, will you? You won’t even admit this agreement has changed our relationship.”
My jaw clenches, and I know I can’t face this right now. I just can’t. Fallon wants more than I’m able to give her and it makes me feel like a failure. It’s not like I don’t want to love her, to give her all the things she wants, but I can’t. I’m a broken man, and she deserves better than that.
Panic starts to sink in. I know I’m losing her and I can’t force the words that will keep us together past the lump in my throat. “I can’t do this with you right now.” How do I explain something I don’t even understand? “I’m sorry.” I’m filled to the brim with anguish as my feet move me closer to the door and further from Fallon. A deep rift forming between us, and all because of me.
“Don’t do this,” Fallon pleads, tears streaming down her cheeks now, but I’m too far gone. I don’t want to hurt her, and maybe that’s the problem with this entire arrangement. It only leads to heartache for us both.
“I didn’t do this.” I turn on my heels and walk the rest of the way to the door, my hand gripping the heavy metal doorknob. “You did this.”
The heartbroken expression on Fallon’s face kills me, but I don’t stop, no matter how much I want to. I walk out of her house, get in my car and drive down the street, past my apartment, and not once do I slow down or turn around, because I’ve realized something.
Fallon was right, she was so fucking right.
Everything has changed.
Every. Single. Thing.