Chapter Fifteen
HW crept into the ranch house, his boots in his hand, and started up the stairs. It was almost six in the morning. He’d fallen asleep at Sam’s and had only left when she’d woken him up and they’d made love again. He was tired but suspected he had a goofy grin on his face that meant Ry would know exactly what he’d been up to after one glance.
“That you creeping up those stairs, Hoss William Morgan?”
HW froze as Ruth’s voice floated out from the kitchen.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“You coming in here to talk to me or do I have to chase you?”
HW backed down, left his boots in the mudroom, and made his way into the kitchen, where his grandma was already pouring him some coffee.
“You’re up early.” HW sat and took the mug she slid across the table to him. “Thanks for this.”
“I’m always up at five-thirty. Always have been.” Ruth took a seat opposite him. “Remember that next time you want to get something past me.”
He raked a hand through his already disheveled hair. “I’m sorry.”
“For which part? Scaring me because you didn’t come home or making me sit here and wonder what you’d gotten up to?”
“I didn’t think—”
Ruth carried on talking. “I popped outside earlier and saw your truck was here, so at least I knew you were on the ranch.”
“I should have called you.” HW sipped at his coffee and let out his breath. “I was with Sam.”
Ruth didn’t say a word, just kept looking at him. The kitchen clock ticked loudly in the silence. He felt like he was five again—except that this time there was no Ry to hide behind.
“Sam Kelly,” HW offered. There was something about your grandmother staring at you that kept you honest. “Our ranch guest.”
Ruth snorted. “Well, I didn’t think you meant Sam Ottis, unless your tastes have changed.”
“I suppose you think it’s a bad idea.” HW took another fortifying sip of coffee.
“Why would you say that?”
“Seeing as she’s only here for a few weeks and I’m supposed to be her riding teacher.”
“Who are you making excuses for, HW, yourself or me?”
“I’m not . . .” HW paused. “I’m just aware that it sounds bad. I’ve only known her for three weeks and she drives me nuts. She’s not really my type, and sometimes I don’t even think she likes me that much, but I can’t seem to keep away from her.”
Ruth reached over and patted his hand. “Do you want something to eat now or are you going to get some sleep?”
“Aren’t you going to shout at me?” HW eyed her carefully.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because of everything I just said.”
Ruth got up from the table and pushed in her chair. “Seems to me that you’re busy enough arguing with yourself not to need any help from me.”
“I’m just not like this . . . I don’t get involved with women like Sam.”
“So maybe you’re not involved. Maybe it’s just one of those hookup things you youngsters call relationships nowadays.” Ruth put on her apron. “Now, do you want a proper breakfast or not?”
“What do you know about hookups?”
“I watch the TV. I might not understand why two people can’t go out together, get engaged, and get married like we used to do, but I’m not stupid, HW. I do know that you’re all afraid of commitment these days, and with the state of the world, who can blame you?”
“Um . . .” HW shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I’m glad you’re okay about it, then.”
“I didn’t say I was okay with anything.” Ruth looked at him over the top of her glasses. “I like Sam, and that’s all I have to say about that.”
“I’m not going to treat her badly or anything.”
“How do you know?”
HW stiffened. “Because I’m not that kind of guy.”
“You’re a celebrity. We all know they can get away with anything, and Sam is such a sweetheart.”
“Number one, I’m hardly a celebrity, just a bronc rider, and trust me, Sam is certainly not sweet.” HW stood up. “Two, have a little faith. You raised me.”
“Exactly.” Ruth turned back to the stove. “Which is why I know you’ll do the right thing.”
“So you’re just messing with my head right now?”
“Maybe.”
“Great. That’s all I need.” HW stared at her back and muttered, “I’ll try to work out what the right thing to do is before I strangle Sam, okay?”
Ruth’s laughter followed him out of the kitchen and up the stairs. HW yawned so hard he almost cracked his jaw. He’d showered at Sam’s, so all he had to do was take off his clothes and fall into bed. He wasn’t due to help Ry until eleven, and by that time he hoped he looked less like he’d had the best sex of his life and more businesslike. Yeah. Like that was going to fool his twin.
He undressed, closed the striped cotton drapes, and set his alarm for ten. Outside, the chickens clucked as Maria fed them, and his brother BB was talking on the phone way too loudly. His bed looked empty without Sam in it . . . With a groan, HW closed his eyes, got in, and tried not to think about her, which was hard because she’d kind of gotten under his skin and he missed her already.
He opened his eyes and stared up at the old rodeo poster on the wall of his room. How had this happened so fast? He was starting to care for her. Ruth was correct. He really would have to be careful because if he didn’t get this right, Sam wasn’t the only person who was going to be in a world of hurt. And he didn’t want that—hated being in the eye of an emotional storm, would run away before it ever got that bad and overtook him.
But could he run away from Sam?
Did he want to?
He’d had a bad habit of ending up with super-needy girlfriends and then panicking when he couldn’t fix their problems. Sam was nothing like that, which meant he wasn’t sure how to proceed.
HW shut his eyes and ordered his body to stand down and go to sleep. Whatever happened later, he needed to be at the top of his game to deal with it.
* * *
“Where’s HW?” Ry looked around the assembled guests and horses and dug into the pocket of his jeans for his cell phone. It was just past midday and the sun was overhead in a cloudless blue sky. “Hell, I forgot to charge this. Anyone seen him this morning?”
To avoid Ry’s attention, Sam kept her head down, studied her boots, and scuffed her toe in the dirt. She’d seen quite a lot of HW Morgan that morning, licked quite a lot of him as well, and didn’t regret a single inch. If he was feeling anything like she was, he might have taken a nap to recover from their night making love. She was slightly sore, but she wasn’t complaining. It was a good feeling—like she belonged with him—that they’d merged into one sexy, sweaty person.
“Sam?” She made the mistake of looking up and found Ry’s golden gaze directed right at her. “Have you seen HW?”
“Um . . .”
Luckily for her, at that moment the screen door banged and HW came out of the ranch house, his Stetson low over his face, his sunglasses already in place, shielding his eyes. He wore his usual outfit of a T-shirt under a shirt and jeans that fitted him in all the right places. Sam’s knees trembled with pure lust even though he wasn’t looking at her.
“Sorry, bro. I was on the phone.”
Ry strolled over to his twin and gave him the once-over. They’d both decided to wear the same color shirt and looked identical from the side. “You ready to go? I’ve saddled Cisco for you.”
“Can you just wait a sec?” HW said. He wasn’t smiling, and Sam eased closer toward him and his twin. “Chase called; he’ll be here in about two hours and he’s bringing a special guest with him.”
“Who?” Ry asked.
“Rachel.”
Ry whistled. “Wow. What does she want?”
“Who knows? Chase just said he’d appreciate it if we were back early for dinner.” HW started toward the barn, where Cisco was waiting for him. “If we’re going to get back in time, we need to go now.”
“Like we haven’t all been waiting around for you for half an hour already,” Ry grumbled and then walked back toward the group of guests. “Okay, guys, let’s move out. We’re going to take a ride up to the old silver mine and be back in time for dinner. Anyone who’s feeling adventurous and wants to lope, follow me; anyone who prefers a more leisurely pace, stick with my lazy brother.”
“If we can tell you apart,” one of the women piped up, and Ry grinned.
“We’ll make it easy for you. I’ll be up front, and he’ll be bringing up the rear.”
HW rode up, the reins in one hand, his hat firmly on his head, and snapped his fingers. “Come on, bro. Get a move on.”
The guests dispersed to mount up. Sam found Dollar dozing peacefully by the mounting block and hauled herself up onto his back.
“You doing okay, Ms. Sam?” Ry came over and checked her out, his amused gaze lingering on her face. “You might want to zip up your fleece. It’s gonna get cold up there.”
“Will do.”
Ry moved off and was immediately replaced by HW, who had taken off his sunglasses and added a fleece-lined denim jacket to his ensemble. He was so relaxed in the saddle and so damned hot that Sam had to resist the urge to jump him.
“Hey.”
Sam’s cheeks warmed and she developed an absurd desire to giggle and twirl her hair. “Hey. What’s up?”
He glanced down at his lap. “Just the usual whenever I’m near you.” His smile was crooked. “You might want to button up.”
“I was just going to. Ry said it was cold up there.”
HW chuckled. “He was probably trying to be discreet. You’ve got a bruise the size of a quarter on your throat that I suspect has something to do with me.”
With a gasp, Sam’s fingers flew to her neck, and she winced. “Oh crap.”
“Sorry about that.” He tipped his hat to her. “How about I kiss it better later?”
Her stomach did a slow roll of lust. “I’m not sure I trust you not to make it worse.”
“You’re a wise woman, Miss Sam.” His gaze settled on her throat. “Maybe I’m a caveman, but I like seeing my mark on you.”
Sam rolled her eyes as she hastily zipped up her fleece. “You need to get into the twenty-first century.”
“You didn’t like my mouth on you? My teeth, my tongue, my—”
“Stop right now. You’re embarrassing Dollar.” Sam held up her hand. “And we’re supposed to be leaving.”
“Yes, ma’am.” His smile was pure sex as he clicked to Cisco and turned away from her. “Let’s go.”
* * *
HW was glad Sam decided to stick with him and the older guests as they made their way up past Morgan Creek to the higher ground where the mine was situated. He hadn’t lied when he’d said he liked seeing his mark on her. If he had his way, he’d like to keep her naked in his bed forever, but he suspected that wouldn’t fly with her either. She certainly wasn’t the kind of woman who would let shit happen to her. He’d probably end up dead.
Ry’s piercing whistle echoed back through the rocky canyon and HW picked up the pace, shepherding his small group of riders through the tall boulders and out onto the flatter plain, where the entrance to the mine still stood.
“There isn’t much to see, is there?” Sam said as she drew up alongside him. She sounded so disappointed that HW fought a smile.
“Not much,” HW replied. “Most of the machinery was taken down and reused elsewhere, and anything made of wood just crumbled into the dirt.”
“Can we go belowground?”
“Nope. It’s not safe, and we have no official plans of the tunnels.”
Sam made a face. “That’s a shame.”
“You like going into caverns and mine shafts?”
“Yes. I used to do it before the accident.” She sighed. “I don’t trust myself anymore.”
HW shuddered. “I hate it down there.”
“So you have been down? Does your grandmother know that?”
“We all did it, and of course we didn’t tell her. She would’ve killed us on the spot. I didn’t like it, and neither did Ry. We’d let BB and Chase go on without us and wait right there by the entrance.” He pointed at the side of the boarded-up black hole. “It was sheltered from the sun and the rain.”
“Doesn’t sound like a fun day out to me.”
“It wasn’t. But Ry and I didn’t want the other two calling us chickens or something.”
“Men.” Sam shook her head. “So competitive.”
“And you aren’t? I seem to remember differently last night.” He dismounted with a grace Sam envied and held out his hand for her reins. “You’re bossy as hell.”
“That’s only because you’re far too used to being in charge.”
He winked at her. “I’ll have to think of a way to keep you tied down. Good job I’m an expert with a lasso.”
“And so corny,” Sam complained. “A typical blond.”
She slowly dismounted, allowing HW to guide her down to the ground. “How much time do we have to walk around?”
“Not long. Ry’s going to deliver a speech about the mine January wrote for him and that’s about it.”
Sam focused on stretching out her limbs. “So the Rachel who’s arriving with Chase is your sister, right?”
“Correct.”
“The one everyone thought was dead.”
HW looked past her shoulder at the mine. “That was the original story.”
“Who found out she wasn’t dead?”
“It was a combination of Chase and our dad.”
“Wow. How long ago was that?” She poked him in the ribs. “Not long, judging by your weird body language and reluctance to talk about it.”
HW looked down at her, his smile so fake and charming she blinked. “How about just for once you keep your nose out of my family’s business, darlin’?” He patted her shoulder and walked away, leaving Sam openmouthed.
Darlin’? Damn. I must have hit a nerve.
She tied Dollar up and went toward the group already gathered around Ry. There was no sign of HW. She’d expected him to respond to her teasing as he usually did, but now she felt terrible. He was right; she was being incredibly intrusive. It was her worst sin and she deserved his reprimand. She wasn’t part of his family and whatever had happened obviously had affected him deeply. Maybe that’s why she wanted to know everything and, until right up until that last moment, he hadn’t seemed to mind her butting in—had shared stuff with her regardless.
But he hadn’t asked for that attention, and he certainly didn’t have to share everything with a woman just because he was sleeping with her. Not that he’d ever want to sleep with her again . . .
He’d shut her out with that patent charm and fake smile and it was totally her own fault. She really had to remember that she was dealing with a man who didn’t let many people below that polished surface. Why did even discussing his sister upset him? Had she blown it by pushing him too far?
* * *
HW checked one of the girths and moved onto the next one, making sure all the guests would arrive back at the barn in one piece. He needed something to do that didn’t involve squaring off with Sam, and telling her to mind her own business again. He tightened one of the buckles on Cisco’s bridle. Ry always liked things looser than he did.
“You okay?”
Speaking of Ry, his twin was right behind him.
“I’m good.”
“You fighting with Sam?”
“What’s it got to do with you?” HW kept his attention on his work.
“I’ve never seen her without a smile on her face before.”
“Yeah, well, maybe she’s unhappy about something other than me. You think of that?”
“Nah; you’re the one she keeps checking up on. What did you do?” Ry paused. “I mean, apart from the obvious.”
“Nothing, okay?”
“You’re not sleeping with her?”
HW spun around. “Wow, you and Sam should get together. Both of you ask such shitty questions.” He tugged on the buckle to make sure it was secure. “Are we leaving yet?”
“Yup, I’ve said my piece—both to the guests and you. Although the guests seemed to like what I said much more than you did.”
“Ha. Ha.” HW grabbed his gloves from the back pocket of his jeans. “How about I lead on the way back? I could do with the exercise.”
“If you want, bro.” Ry wasn’t smiling. “And I’ll make sure Sam stays with me. I wouldn’t want her to have to put up with you in this mood.”
“Trust me, Sam’s a lot more resilient than you seem to think.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” Ry said quietly. “Sometimes she tries too hard, just like you do.”
Even as HW went to question that stupid comment, Ry was turning away to talk to the guests.
“Okay, everyone ready to go? HW’s taking up my position, so if you want to go fast, follow him. Everyone else, stick with me.”
* * *
HW washed up in the bathroom and went downstairs to the kitchen, where Ruth was preparing dinner. They’d arrived back from the mine with about fifteen minutes to spare before he and Ry were due to meet Chase, and he hadn’t had a chance to speak to Sam.
Not that she’d made any effort to talk to him before he’d left either, which was not like her at all. But he could hardly blame her. He hadn’t exactly made her feel welcome in his world. At some level, he knew she’d been joking, but some things just weren’t funny.
From the sound of the voices coming from the kitchen, Chase was already there, which meant Rachel must be, too. HW paused at the door, checking out exactly where everyone was seated, and found himself staring right at his sister Rachel. She was blond like him and Ry, but her eyes were the same startling blue as Billy, Chase, and Blue’s. Her hair was short and from what he remembered, she was tall for a woman.
Finding out that you have a sister after twenty years of believing she was dead had been a shock for them all—and an even bigger shock for their father, who had almost given up on life, drowning in his guilt over losing her. As far as they knew, Rachel’s mother hadn’t told her much about her real family history or her real last name. Over the past year, since she’d turned up at Chase and January’s wedding, they’d all made some cautious attempts to keep in touch, some of them more than others.
Rachel turned, as if aware of his gaze, and he instinctively took a step back and collided with January, who had come up behind him.
“Oof ! You big lump.” She shoved him in the back like he was a wayward steer. “Move forward, Ry or HW, whichever one you are!”
“Sorry.” HW stepped aside to allow January past him. “Didn’t see you there.”
He nodded at Chase and took his usual seat at the table, which meant he was directly opposite Rachel. She studied him carefully, which made him want to fidget.
“Which twin are you?” she asked with a smile.
“HW.”
“The one who rides horses in the rodeo?”
“Saddle broncs.” He lined up his silver ware. “Did you have a good trip back, Chase?”
“Yeah. We flew into Mammoth and BB picked us up.” Chase looked over at Ruth as Ry came in and sat down. “Do you need any help?”
“It’s all done,”
Ruth placed a huge pot of chili on the table alongside a stack of tortillas, chips, and all the usual sides. HW immediately started salivating. Chili was his favorite food in the world, and when he’d toured the country he’d tried every single variety available.
“Is Jenna coming, BB? I have a vegetarian version for her.”
“She’s out with Roy checking one of the pigs.” BB handed out the plates. “If she doesn’t make it back, I’ll take them both a plate.” He glanced around the table. “Better if we keep this conversation between ourselves, right?”
“What about Dad?” Ry asked. He was always the one who stuck up for their father.
“He’s at an AA meeting. He’d probably rather sit this one out.” Chase cleared his throat. “How about we eat first and then talk?”
HW was happy to dig in because Ruth’s chili was fantastic. As he ate, he became aware of Rachel’s gaze taking them all in, which put a severe dent in his appetite. Ry was sitting next to him and was chatting away about all kinds of shit, which wasn’t like him at all. Normally, HW was the extrovert, but for some reason he had nothing to say.
“Some of the guests were asking whether we would offer tours of the mine; what do you think, Chase?”
“Nope.” Chase shook his head. “Not happening. The liability issues alone could shut us down.”
“But how about we opened up one part and made it safe before we let anyone down there?” Ry obviously wasn’t ready to give up on the idea. “All we’d have to do would be shore up the roof and sides.”
“It’s a lot more complicated than that.” Rachel spoke up for the first time. “I’m studying structural engineering at college, and there’s a lot of issues with old spaces like mines to consider.”
“See?” Chase sat back and pointed at Ry. “Talk to Rachel.”
“Maybe I will.” Ry grinned at his sister, who smiled back, making her look so like their mother that HW flinched. Hell, he didn’t need to see that smile anymore in his lifetime, but he guessed he might have to get used to it.
Ruth offered them ice cream and stewed apple to calm their taste buds after the fiery chili, set the coffeepot in the center of the table, and sat down.
“It’s lovely to see you in person, Rachel.” Ruth beamed at her youngest grandchild. “I know we email and Facebook and all that, but it’s great to have you sitting here at my table.”
“Thanks, Ruth.” Rachel looked around the table. “I have to admit I was a bit . . . worried about coming out here to meet you all again. But my dad—I mean, my nonbiological dad—wasn’t that keen to talk about anything relating to Mom’s other life, and there are things I’d like to know.”
“From what he told us, he knew very little about us himself,” Chase said in his best nonjudgmental voice. HW had noticed he used it a lot around his family. “Mom made her decision to leave and stuck to it.”
“When I was old enough to do the math, I did ask her about my real father, but she basically told me that he was nobody.” Rachel grimaced. “I got the impression he hadn’t wanted to know about me and had left my mom to bring me up alone.”
HW looked at Chase. How was his big brother going to validate that pile of horseshit? But Chase just nodded sympathetically and waited for Rachel to carry on. Ry, however, wasn’t quite so accommodating.
“Dad was devastated when you and Mom disappeared. He blamed himself entirely. He thought and prayed for you every day.”
HW grabbed Ry’s knee under the table and he finally shut up.
“I didn’t know that.” Rachel bit her lip. “I had no memories of this place at all, so I just accepted what she told me.”
“Ry’s not blaming you,” Chase said, coming to the rescue as usual. “He just wants you to understand that even though you didn’t know he existed, Billy never gave up on you. He wants you—we all want you—to give us a chance to get to know you again.”
He leaned forward, his hands clasped around his coffee mug. “Moving forward, we also want you to be part of this family in whatever way works for you.”
Wow, Chase was good at this stuff. No wonder he was a multimillionaire. It would’ve been nice if he’d checked in with his brothers to see if they all agreed with him first, though. HW took a quick look around the table and realized everyone was nodding along, like it was the greatest idea in the world—even Ry.
Why couldn’t he? Why was he just staring at Rachel and wishing deep in his gut that she would just go away? The thought shocked him so much that he almost choked on his coffee and hastily put the mug down.
Rachel spoke again. “I told Dad I was planning on visiting the ranch over the winter break. He wasn’t keen on the idea and suggested that seeing as I was in San Francisco, I should run it by Chase.”
“Which is how Rachel ended up at my office two days ago, and I offered to bring her back with me.” Chase refilled his coffee. “I talked to Mr. Ford and made sure he was okay with it.”
“I bet you did,” Blue murmured. “Poor guy.”
“I was really glad Chase helped me out,” Rachel said. “Dad was saying I couldn’t afford the fare out here, and that you weren’t going to want to see me at such short notice anyway, and—”
Ruth put her hand on Rachel’s arm. “This is your home and we are your family. You don’t have to ask permission to visit us.”
“Thank you; that means the world to me.” Rachel’s eyes filled with tears and HW had to look away as his stomach tightened. “Everyone is being so nice.”
“Well, what happened wasn’t exactly your fault, was it?” Ruth patted her again. “You were a baby.”
HW stood up. “I hate to break up the party, but I need to go check out Cisco’s leg.” He turned to Blue. “If I don’t catch Jenna before she leaves, I’ll have to have to drag her all the way out here again this evening.”
“You’d hardly be dragging her anywhere,” Ruth pointed out. “She practically lives here already.”
Blue’s satisfied grin was completely guilt-free. “If I see her first, I’ll tell her you might need her services, okay?”
“Thanks.” HW gave everyone else a big smile and went out. His stomach was churning and he needed some fresh air. Between Rachel turning up and his misunderstanding with Sam, it was turning out to be a craptastic day.
By the time he reached the barn, he was breathing easier and wondering why he’d panicked in the first place. Rachel deserved to get to know her family and she seemed like a good person. HW let himself into Cisco’s stall and offered the gelding one of the good apples he’d stolen from the kitchen when Ruth’s back was turned.
While Cisco chomped away, HW crouched down and ran his hand down the horse’s front leg, pausing at the joint to check the scratch he’d noticed earlier. To his relief, there was no sign of swelling or any infection. He’d dab some more cream on it and hope for the best, but he didn’t think he’d need Jenna’s veterinary skills.
“How’s it looking?”
HW rose out of his squat, recapped the ointment, and found Ry leaning on the stall door.
“It’s just a cut and there’s no sign of inflammation.”
“Awesome.” Ry stepped back as HW gave Cisco one last pat and came out of the stall. “Were you really worried about the horse or were you just trying to get out of that kitchen?”
“You know me, bro. I always run away if I get the chance.” HW walked down to the tack room to wash his hands. “Didn’t seeing Rachel sitting there bother you?”
Ry looked mildly interested. “Not particularly.”
“But she’s just like Mom.”
“Only superficially. She’s a lot less reserved, and when she smiles, she actually reminds me of Dad.”
“Yeah?” HW repressed a shiver. “I didn’t notice that.”
“Maybe because you hardly looked at her and didn’t make any attempt to talk to her.”
“We spoke.” HW washed and dried his hands. “I just didn’t want the poor woman bombarded with questions on her first day back. Do we know how long she’s planning on staying?”
“About a month, I think she said.” Ry reached past HW and switched off the light he’d forgotten in the tack room.
“A month ?”
Ry met his gaze. “Yeah, so plenty of time to get over yourself and try to talk to her. She’s not to blame for what happened, HW, you know that.”
Hell yeah, he knew that in his soul.
Unfortunately, Ry kept talking. “I don’t know why it’s hard for you to make friends with her. I was the one Mom tried to drown, and that’s the face I see in my nightmares, but I’m doing my best to see the person underneath the similar features.”
“Good for you.” Like HW didn’t have nightmares of his own. He checked around the barn for something else to do—anything that would make Ry shut up and give HW an excuse not to have to go back to the house again. “I think I need to go and apologize to Sam.”
“That’s a great idea.” Ry slapped him on the back and started toward the house. “I’ll tell BB that Jenna’s services aren’t required for Cisco.”
“Thanks. And tell Ruth I’m going to see Sam, so she knows where I am.”
Ry halted. “Did she find out about that already?”
HW sighed. “You know what she’s like. Eyes in the back of her head and a nose for scandal like a TV reality show.”
“She sure set me and Avery straight a few times.” Ry’s grin was infectious. “I’ll let her know.”
HW nodded and turned in the opposite direction, walking down between the barn and the welcome center toward the group of picturesque cabins the guests inhabited. There was a light on in Sam’s cabin and he slowed down as he contemplated what the hell he was going to say. Sam hadn’t drawn the drapes and was sitting on the couch, her laptop on her knee, typing away at something.
Light flowed over her head, highlighting the brown shine of her hair, the curve of her cheekbone, and the long arch of her neck. How would it feel to come home to that smile every night? Something inside HW yearned to smash through the glass dividing them to make her see him, to acknowledge him, to . . .
As if she’d heard his unspoken plea, she looked up and stared right back at him. For a moment, he couldn’t breathe, entrapped by the storm of worry on her face and the way she bit her lip before setting the laptop to one side and rising to her feet. He’d done that. He’d made her doubt what was between them.
Taking the remaining half dozen steps up to her front door seemed to take him forever. She met him at the door, and as his arms closed around her, he could think of nothing else but the scent of her and the glorious feel of her in his arms. He never wanted to let go again.
She frantically kissed his chin, his cheek, and his throat. “I’m sorry.”
He found her mouth and kissed that. “I’m sorry, too.”
And then they concentrated on seeing who could rip off the many layers of clothing that stood between them and being together. He won and carried her into the bedroom before kicking off his boots, jeans, and boxers in one unholy struggle.
And then God, his skin was against hers and all he wanted was to disappear into her strength and goodness. He kissed her and groaned as she kissed him and scratched her nails down his back.
“I want you,” HW managed to say between kisses.
“Stop talking,” Sam gasped. “You know that always spoils everything.”
“Okay.” He covered himself and rocked deep inside her, needing to feel her yield to him, to take all of him, to want him as much as he wanted her. It was heaven, it was hell, and . . . he wanted to come right now.
“Damn it!”
HW closed his eyes as he poured himself into her, his hips rolling as he thrust one last time. He collapsed over her, his heart pounding and his face buried in her neck. He never did that. He was always a gentleman. But Sam just turned everything he knew about himself upside down.
“Wow,” Sam murmured right in his ear.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” She paused. “I just checked my watch and it’s only five minutes since you walked through the door.”
HW winced. “Sorry.”
“You said that already.” She kissed his shoulder. “Several times.”
“This last couple of times was for the sex.”
“What sex?”
He nipped her throat. “Very funny. Give me ten minutes and I promise I’ll make it up to you.” He rolled over to the side of the bed and stood up. “I’ll be back in a sec. Stay right there.”
* * *
Sam didn’t care if he took hours. Just being close to him stupidly made everything better again. Before he’d turned up, she’d sat on the couch and contemplated going up to the ranch house to find HW and apologize. Everyone had things in their past that weren’t amusing. Just because she and Jay had made a virtue out of examining every fear and laughing at it didn’t mean it was the right thing to do for everyone.
HW got back into bed and gathered her into his arms. For a moment, she just allowed herself to breathe in his scent and let him hold her. On the ride home to the ranch she’d just about convinced herself that he wouldn’t be back—that she’d crossed some invisible barrier and broken the fragile connection between them. But was that possible? For some reason, they were drawn back together like colliding hurricanes.
“My sister Rachel’s here.”
Sam went still as HW spoke and frantically wondered what to say next. She finally settled on a noncommittal questioning noise that Cam would definitely have approved of.
“Hmm?”
“She’s planning on staying a month, and maybe over Christmas, if she and her dad don’t settle things between them.”
“She’s having a problem with Billy?”
“Nope, her other father, Paul Ford. Billy’s really hoping she’ll stay here so that he’ll get to know her better.”
“I expect Mr. Ford is worried she’ll become so involved in your family that he’ll be shut out. From what you said, he did raise her.”
“That’s probably it.” HW sighed. “But I don’t think that’s what she wants. She’s way too concerned about hurting his feelings to give up on him right now. I think she’s just upset that he’s objecting to her plans.”
“Maybe your grandmother could invite them both to spend Christmas here?”
“That’s a great idea.” HW kissed the top of her head. “I’ll mention it to Ruth.”
She waited, but he didn’t say anything else and, gradually, her eyes began to close.
“I like this.”
She jerked awake again. “What?”
“This.” He smoothed a hand over her hip. “Being here with you.”
“Okay. Great.”
“You falling asleep on me, Sam?”
Sam yawned against his chest. “Not at all. Who’d have guessed you’d be so chatty in the middle of the night?”
He chuckled, the sound loud against the side of her face that was pressed against his chest. “It’s not even nine o’clock yet.”
“Really?” Sam opened one eye. “Oh, that’s right. You picked me up and took me to bed again, didn’t you?”
“I don’t remember you objecting.”
“How could I?” She nipped his shoulder. “It was the best five minutes of my life.”
She suddenly found herself rolled underneath HW, her wrists pinned over her head by one of his hands. He grinned down at her like some hot, fit, blond god. She almost melted into a puddle of instant lust.
“Oh yeah, I was forgetting my promise,” HW said. “Just stay awake and I’ll give you my all.”
“Wow, ten minutes of pure Hoss William Morgan? Can I stand it?”
His answering smile made her shiver with anticipation as he bent his head and kissed her.
“You make me look like a rookie.” He nipped her lip. “But I’m better than this and I’m going to prove it to you.”
“Spoken like a true champion.” Sam gasped as his mouth moved down her throat toward her breasts. “Let go of my hands and I’ll help you out.”
“Nope. My turn.” He teased her with his tongue and she squirmed against him. “I’ve got this, and seeing as it’s so early, I’ve got hours to make you beg.”
“Beg? Is that a challenge?”
His work-callused hand slid over her hip and cupped her between the legs.
“Only if you try to stop me.”
But she didn’t want to stop him. She wanted him way too much and for once was willing to accept her desire and leave thinking until later. Being in bed with HW, holding him close and seeing how much she affected him, was arousing and frustrating rolled into one crazy ride. For once in her life, maybe she should just accept that he felt like that and not overanalyze anything.
And then she stopped thinking at all as he set to work proving his point to her with all his considerable talents.
* * *
A long while later, HW woke up and squinted to see the time on the illuminated face of Sam’s alarm clock. They’d forgotten to close the curtains and light from the full moon streamed in a path across the bed, turning everything silver. He eased himself onto his side and half-sat up.
Sam lay on her back, her hair spread out over the pillow, but she wasn’t at peace, which was probably what had woken him. Her lips were moving and she was frowning and shaking her head, carrying on a conversation that only she could hear. HW tensed as she cried out and pushed down the covers, as if fighting to get out of the bed.
“No, don’t do that, don’t get out, don’t—”
She sat up with a gasp, her gaze fixed on the opposite wall. HW touched her arm, but she still wasn’t awake. Her eyes were open, her skin was clammy, and she was shaking.
“Sam? Wake up, honey.” HW spoke as softly as he could manage. “You’re having a bad dream, okay?”
She went rigid under his hand and he tensed.
“Sam, it’s okay.”
Her head whipped around and her startled green eyes met his. “HW? I’m—”
Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around her and scrambled her onto his lap. “It’s okay, I’m here. We’re safe.”
She leaned into him, one arm around his neck, the other around his waist, and held on to him like he was the last solid thing in her universe. He stayed still, stroking her hair and gently rocking her back and forth for what seemed like forever.
Gradually, her grip loosened. She eased a little away from him and cupped his jaw.
“Thank you.” She attempted a brave smile, which hit him right in the heart. “This is why I don’t have many boyfriends. It freaks them out.”
“Not me.” He didn’t relinquish his gentle hold on her. “I’m not going anywhere.”
She slowly exhaled. “I have nightmares about Afghanistan. It’s pretty common for anyone who’s served in the military.”
“I bet.”
“The worst part is that I think I’ve woken myself up and then things just start to get worse, and it’s like the dream’s become my present reality.”
“Makes sense to me.” HW nodded.
“You’re just being nice.” She kissed his shoulder. “It doesn’t make any sense at all.”
“You were badly injured,” HW pointed out. “Why wouldn’t you get flashbacks about that? I still wake up in a cold sweat reliving bronc rides that almost killed me.”
“The thing is,” Sam said, “I keep dreaming the same thing. I know what’s going to happen—that we’re going to hit an explosive device and ride right into an ambush, but I still can’t stop it. I’m there, but I’m like an observer or something. I’m shouting, but no one can hear me.”
“That’s how I feel when I dream about my mom trying to drown Rachel and then turning on Ry when we tried to stop her.” HW couldn’t believe he’d said the words aloud. Only his immediate family knew what had happened. He wasn’t even sure Rachel knew. “But that’s not important now.”
“Not important?” Sam lightly patted his cheek. “Of course it is!”
He took her hand in his. “We’re talking about you. Have you ever gone to see a therapist about this?”
“Plenty of them. Cam, the one who finally helped me sort things out, became a really good friend of mine. I talk to her almost every day.”
“That’s good.” HW kissed her fingers.
“Intellectually, I know there was nothing I could do to prevent that ambush on our convoy. I still keep coming back to the fact that I wasn’t at my best, wasn’t one hundred percent concentrating, that maybe I missed some vital clue that would have saved all those people.”
“They do say that hindsight is a wonderful thing.”
“Did you feel like that?” Sam whispered. “That you missed something about your mom?”
“I knew she wasn’t behaving right, but I didn’t know what to do about it,” HW said slowly. “I tried to tell my dad what was going on, but he just told me he was on it and not to worry.”
“Well, you were five. I was an adult. You were hardly responsible for what was going on.”
“But I felt responsible. As an adult, I can tell myself that nothing was my fault, but . . .” He sighed. “At least Mom didn’t actually do it. I think she frightened herself and it pushed her into running away.”
Sam stroked the back of his neck. “Cam told me that sometimes we hang on to these core beliefs about who we are that we created when we were kids. That it’s really hard to shake them.”
“Cam sounds like a smart woman.”
“She is. I can’t wait for you to meet her.” Sam paused. “I mean, not that you ever will, but I think you’d like her a lot.”
HW was torn between loving that she’d imagined showing him off to her friends and worried by what that might imply. He steered the conversation back to her.
“So why do you think you weren’t concentrating?”
She stiffened, her fingers going still at the nape of his neck. “I was upset because I’d just caught the man I thought I was going to marry kissing another woman. I confronted him about his behavior and we had an almighty row just before we were due to leave the base.”
“What a tool,” HW murmured.
“Me?”
“No, him, doofus. If you want out of a relationship, you don’t mess around with someone on the side and wait to be discovered.”
She was quiet for so long that he wondered if she’d fallen asleep.
“I think that’s exactly what Jason did. We didn’t see much of each other because I was an MP and he was regular army, and we were located at different bases. But our unit was ordered to escort his convoy to a new position, and for once we were in the same place. He must have planned for me to see him with her, right?”
“So it was on him,” HW said firmly.
She pressed her mouth against his throat. “But he died and I didn’t.”
HW rocked her back and forth as the tears finally came.
“What, you think you’re responsible for that, too?” he murmured between kisses. “Sam, some things are out of our control. That sucks for people like you and me, who want to take ownership of every damn thing in existence, but it’s part of life. You’re no more responsible for his death than I am for my mother’s attempt to drown two of her kids.”
“I know.” She thumped him in the chest with her balled fist. “But somehow it doesn’t make me feel any better.”
HW gathered her close and held her tight as his own emotions threatened to crawl up his throat and make him bawl right alongside her. But this wasn’t about him, and for once in his life he had no intention of running away. This was about Sam, and at this moment he wished he could reverse the past and make everything right for her with every atom of his being. Except the fiancé part; he’d much rather she’d dumped the guy than what had happened.
Instead, he just held her and whispered sweet nothings in her ear until she really did fall back to sleep. He didn’t lie down because she might need him, so he stayed awake and watched the sun steal over the peaks of the Sierras, bringing with it all the promise of a brand-new day for both of them.