Chapter Seven
“So, you remember when you took me to that rodeo at Cow Palace, Cam?”
“Yeah, sure, hot cowboys. Who wouldn’t remember that?”
Sam sat on the couch in her guest cabin with a cup of hot chocolate and a plate of the most amazing raisin oatmeal cookies she’d ever tasted beside her. It was almost midnight, but she’d been unable to sleep since HW had dropped her off, and knowing her best friend Cam worked a lot of nights, she’d risked calling her.
“Well, I met one of them here at the ranch. Two, actually, if you count his twin, but one in particular.”
“Like you mean one of the guys we saw competing?”
“Yeah. HW Morgan.”
“The blond god?”
“Yeah. He’s my riding instructor.”
Cam made a moaning sound. “I’m so jealous of you right now, I can’t even form words. What’s he like?”
“At first I thought he was a jerk because he didn’t want to use his talents to teach a newbie how to ride. Once we got over that, he turned out to be a fairly decent person.”
There was a long silence, and Sam held her breath.
“Fairly decent from you means you like him.”
“Exactly.” Sam relaxed back against the couch. “He’s making me feel things. Lustful things.”
“And what’s wrong with that? Jump his bones, girl.”
“One, I’m not sure he’s interested, and two, he’s my teacher and he’s working on his family ranch.”
“So you’re saying he has scruples and standards and all that stuff ?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s great!” Cam paused. “But maybe not so great if you can’t corrupt him. Have you flirted with him yet?”
“Nope. I’ve forgotten how to do that. I basically laugh at him and treat him like a big brother.”
“Then maybe you need to change your strategy.”
Sam sighed. “I don’t think he’d fall for it. Despite being blond, he’s smart as a tack.”
“Then how about you woman up and just tell him what you want?” Cam suggested. “What do you want exactly? A hookup? Marriage and two kids?”
Sam considered all that and settled for the most straightforward answer. She wasn’t yet prepared to deal with the other feelings he aroused in her. “A vacation fling.”
“Then ask him.”
“He did say he was sex starved . . .”
“He said that to you and you don’t think he’s interested? Girl, you’re out of practice if you think that isn’t direct enough.”
“He didn’t say it to me. I just overheard him muttering it.”
“But maybe he’s looking for a roll in the hay as well?”
Sam winced. “I’ve recently found out that hay is super-prickly. I wouldn’t want to roll around in it naked.”
“Don’t change the subject. If you want him, go get him.”
“But what if he turns me down and it gets all awkward between us?”
“How much longer are you there?” Cam asked.
“Just under a month.”
“You can manage that, right? Even if he turns you down you said he’s an okay guy, so he’ll probably be fine about it.”
“He might gloat,” Sam said gloomily. “He’s pretty damn hot and I’m the only woman who consistently tells him he’s not all that.”
“And he still likes you?” Cam laughed. “Honey, go for it. You’ve been through much worse than a little embarrassment between two consenting adults.”
“True,” Sam conceded. “I’ll see how I feel about it tomorrow, and if I’m feeling brave enough, I’ll ask him.”
“That’s my girl. Good luck; send pictures.”
Sam grinned. “No way. You’d sell them on the internet.”
“What a great idea!” Cam yawned loud enough for Sam to hear her jaw crack. “Sorry about that. Got called in three nights in a row this week, so I’m a bit tired.”
“Then go to bed and I’m sorry for keeping you up.”
“You never do that. My love life is about as exciting as yours at the moment, so I’m happy to live vicariously through you.” Cam yawned again. “Good night, Sam. Let me know how it goes, okay?”
“’Night, Cam. Love you.”
Sam put her cell on the side table and finished off her drink. Could she ask HW Morgan to have a fling with her? She liked him a lot and she didn’t want to make things difficult between them. Maybe if she just tried flirting with him a little first? She bit her lip. Did she remember how to do that?
Standing up, she stretched out her spine and a few bones cracked back into place. A week of riding had certainly done things to her posture and internal core. Everything hurt, but she’d been through far worse than a few aches and pains—had rebuilt her entire body to compensate for the loss of her left foot and ankle—so she knew the issues were only temporary.
She went into the bedroom and contemplated the day ahead. For the first time, she and HW were going to join one of the excursions out to the ghost town of Morgansville. HW was confident she would manage the ride, but Sam wasn’t convinced. That was the thing she hated most about her current life—her loss of belief that she could do things not just physically but mentally.
She’d make a bet with herself. If she managed to get as far as the ghost town without falling off or getting left behind, she’d flirt with HW all the way back and decide what to do from there. Satisfied with her challenge to herself, she finished up in the bathroom and sat on the bed to put on her pajamas. The brush of the soft cotton against her skin made her shiver.
That was the worst thing about being single—not being touched, not waking up next to the miracle of another body beside yours or succumbing in tears and knowing she’d be held tight and comforted. She missed that physical contact so much . . .
With a sigh, Sam finished getting ready for bed. Tomorrow, as Scarlett O’Hara famously said, was another day. Now she just had to sleep without dreaming to get there.
* * *
HW checked the angle of the sun in the clear blue sky and the route his brother BB was taking toward the ghost town. He and Sam were at the back of a line that had gradually strung out across the grassy plain. He hoped Blue would stop before the road veered off toward Morgansville and give the eight guests some more instructions about the difficulties of the upcoming terrain.
Even if he didn’t, HW would make sure to tell Sam. She was riding Dollar and had come to a stop beside him. Today she wore the new brown cowboy hat she’d bought in town and was looking pretty damn fine.
“Everything okay, HW?” she asked.
“Yup. Just checking the route.” He pointed toward the large boulders ahead. “This is where it gets tricky. We start climbing through the rocky debris left behind by the miners and the construction of the railway line.”
“So what should I do?”
“Hang on, follow me, and let Dollar do his job.”
“Sounds easy.”
He checked her over. “You have your warm jacket, right?”
She patted her saddlebag. “In there with my fully expandable tent, medical kit, and the six gallons of water you insisted I carry.”
“At least you don’t have to carry it. Dollar’s doing all the hard work.”
“Yeah, rather him than me. I’ve carried enough packs for a lifetime.” Sam twirled a lock of her hair. “Thanks so much for sticking with me today. I really appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome.”
“No, I really mean it. You’ve been so . . . sweet to me.”
HW eyed her warily. “You sure you’re feeling okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine, I’m just trying to convey my gratitude to you.” She widened her green eyes and bit her lip. “I couldn’t have asked for a better teacher.”
He wanted to bite her lip. He wanted to lean over, set his mouth over hers, and inhale every lush inch of her.
“Er, thanks. We should get going. BB’s waiting.”
She wasn’t his type. He preferred tall women with endless legs who were high maintenance and didn’t really care whether he liked them or not as long as he was famous and could give them what they needed. Not infuriating, funny, confrontational Irish lasses who had the ability to get under his skin.
“HW?”
He clicked to his horse. “Come on, we’d better catch up.”
It was a beautiful ride out to the abandoned ghost town. For once, HW was more focused on making sure Sam made it through the rough terrain rather than enjoying the scenery himself. If he stayed at the ranch, he’d get to see the view every day.
If he stayed . . .
“Wow.” Sam stopped moving and was staring ahead. “Morgansville looks like it was dropped out of the sky onto a barren plane. Did you say everyone just abandoned the place at exactly the same time and never came back?”
“That’s pretty much what happened.” HW looked down at the row of buildings that made up Main Street. “They made a decision to move the town ten miles down the road to Morgantown and everyone just went along with it. They took everything they could carry and left the wooden and brick structures. It’s so dry up here the place has remained much the same.”
“January told us a bit about it last week, but I never imagined it would be so . . . complete.” Sam whistled as she started Dollar down the bank of the old railroad.
They’d approached from above and were at the end where the stamp mill stood at the farthest point of the town. At the other end of Main Street was the old Morgan livery and hotel, where HW’s great-great-grandparents had set up shop.
HW followed Sam down to where Blue had already established camp. The guests were going to get a tour of the town and some lunch before they all headed back. January had brought Chase’s huge truck up the old road and the bed was filled with coolers.
After watching Sam dismount and making sure she was okay, HW went to help January.
“Where do you want me to start?” he asked her.
January gave him a quick grin. “Thanks, Ry, I mean HW. Can you set up the tables and chairs? By the look of the weather coming in, we’ll want to make this snappy.”
“Sure.”
Within minutes, Sam was also helping out, as were all the other guests, which wasn’t part of the original plan but seemed to happen spontaneously. HW got some coffee and a big slice of quiche and sat down beside Sam.
“You doing okay?”
She nodded, her hands wrapped around her mug as steam rose from the coffee. “This place is amazing, but it also makes me believe in ghosts.”
“It is a ghost town.” HW sipped his coffee. “It’s a local tradition for teens to sneak away and spend the night here. Not many people manage to stay until dawn.”
“I’m not surprised.” She shivered. “It’s the moaning sound the wind makes as it passes through all those empty spaces that freaks me out. It reminds me of bombed-out buildings in Afghanistan. You never knew if they were really deserted, you know? Whether you’d turn a corner and face an ambush.”
She fell silent, her face uncharacteristically blank. HW shifted uncomfortably on his seat, watching the memories flare in her green eyes.
“The good news is that you don’t have to live in Morgansville,” he said gently.
“True.” She recovered with a quick smile. “I’m glad your family is intent on preserving it because it’s important to remember our roots, but I can’t say I’d choose to hang out here every day.”
“Me neither.” He remembered being in his mother’s truck, waiting for her, always waiting for her, and worrying that one day she wouldn’t come back. She’d said that if he told anyone where they’d been, she’d be very sad and he wouldn’t be her special boy anymore.
But, eventually, she’d gone away forever. He’d probably been the only member of the family not surprised by that.
“You don’t like it up here much either, do you?” Sam said.
He smiled. “I wouldn’t say that.”
She straightened away from him. “Of course you wouldn’t, because that might mean you had to admit to having feelings or something.”
“I have feelings,” he protested. “Just because I don’t go around crying and sharing all the time doesn’t mean I don’t have them.”
“You hide, you smile, you deflect, you do anything to keep people from knowing the real you.”
He winked at her. “Honey, this is the real me.”
She put down her coffee and faced him. “No one’s that shallow.”
“And don’t you do exactly the same thing?”
“Typical!” Sam shook her head and tutted. “I attempt to get you to reveal something about yourself and you turn it around and make it about me.”
“Why shouldn’t I? You’re not exactly easy to get to know yourself.”
“I’m an open book compared to you.”
He leaned in closer. “Yeah? Like every time I ask you about your experiences in the military you change the subject?”
She got right in his face. “Like you want to know what I went through. Like anyone who wasn’t there and didn’t experience it firsthand can understand a damn thing!” Her voice started to shake. “It was chaotic and horrible and terrifying and I never want to think about what I saw and heard and experienced again. Does that work for you, HW?”
She shoved her chair back and stormed away, hampered by the drag of her left leg.
“Nice, HW. Pick a fight with a guest right in front of everyone,” Blue snapped.
“I didn’t—l just—”
“You sure did.” Blue loomed over him. “Now go and say sorry for whatever stupid shit you said and make sure Sam’s safe, okay? January already started the tour while you two were winding up. Sam can join her when she’s ready while I pack up.”
HW finished his coffee and rose to his feet. The wind had picked up, making the dust fly and clouds gathered low on the horizon, obscuring the upper reaches of the majestic mountains. He let out a frustrated breath and went in the direction Sam had gone. A flash of her red puffer jacket showed through the broken front of the house in front of him.
Walking carefully so as not to disturb the old place, he stepped through the open doorway into what must once have been the best parlor. Shreds of a busy yellow wallpaper still clung to the walls and the wooden floor was still holding. Sam was sitting on a stack of bricks close to the old fireplace, which was in the process of being restored. Her shoulders were hunched forward and her head was down.
He sat against the wall to her right and stared out the back door, keeping watch on her.
“When I was a kid, my mom used to bring me up here. She’d tell me to wait in the truck, close my eyes, and count to fifty, then she’d get out and go somewhere. She said she just needed some time away from everyone, but she still took me with her.” He let out his breath. “After a while I’d get antsy, and I’d think about getting out of the truck and going to find her even though she’d told me not to. I was worried about Ry looking after the baby by himself, but my mom said he was fine.”
“How old were you?”
Her quiet question broke through his memories, but he was okay with it.
“About four and a half, I think.” He settled back against the wall, one knee bent up.
“One day I needed to pee real bad and she hadn’t come back, so I opened the door and snuck out. I couldn’t see my mom, but I didn’t care too much because I was more interested in finding somewhere to piss. I went round the back of this very house and saw another truck parked up, which kind of surprised me. It was a familiar truck used on the ranch, so I didn’t think it was that strange. I wondered if my daddy had come to see Mom or something.
“The next thing I knew, I was grabbed from behind, a hand over my mouth, and was lifted off my feet. I was so scared I almost pissed myself. I tried to fight, but whoever it was had me in a really vicious grip. I was terrified, and then suddenly my mom appeared and started shouting at whoever it was holding me. I was dropped to the ground like a dog. I stayed down and curled myself up in a ball while they argued over me.
“Then my mom picked me up and took me back to the truck. She slapped my face and said that if I couldn’t behave properly I’d be better off staying home with my brothers and the baby. I started crying then and begged her not to leave me behind, that I was a good boy and I’d never get out of the truck again.”
He smiled. “I was her favorite, you see. She told me that I was the only one who understood. But I didn’t really. It didn’t occur to me until years later that she had probably been meeting her lover. Still not sure why she had to bring me with her, but that’s how it was.”
He shot Sam another glance, only to find she’d turned to face him, her green eyes huge in her face.
“I’ve never told anyone that story before.” HW shrugged.
“Then why are you telling me?” Sam whispered as she studied his downturned face.
“Because I owe you some honesty? I was out of line earlier. I apologize. You don’t owe me an explanation for anything.” He took off his hat and fidgeted with the brim.
She considered what he’d told her. Her first instinct was to go over there and hold him tight, but she wasn’t sure he would allow her that privilege or that she deserved it. Why had his mother done that to him? She had so many questions, but should she ask them? She sensed that what he’d shared might explain a lot about what was buried under that charm and desire to portray the perfect image.
“You and Ry are identical twins.”
“Yeah.”
“But you were the favorite.”
“Yeah. I was the golden child who could do no wrong, and Ry?” He shrugged. “According to my mother, Annie, he was the devil.”
“That’s kind of screwed up.”
“Annie suffered from severe postpartum depression after Rachel was born. That’s when things got really scary. She left the day after our fifth birthday. She and my dad were arguing because she only made one birthday cake with my favorite theme on it and only my name. Even my dad couldn’t ignore that.”
Sam shivered. “Poor Ry.”
“Yeah. Poor Ry.” He abruptly got to his feet. “Are you okay to push on home now with the others? I don’t want to be out here alone in the dark.”
She gazed at him in consternation. What had she said to make him shut her out again? She walked over to him, grabbed hold of his jacket, and looked up into his face. Despite her earlier bargain with herself, this wasn’t the right time for flirting. Things had changed between them. Maybe there was a better way to get through to him after all.
“Can I give you some honesty back?” Sam asked.
He winced. “About my amazing ability to talk shit to you? Sure. Let me have it.”
“No.” Sam gathered her composure. “I was going to flirt with you on the ride home.”
“Why?”
“Because I wanted to see if you were interested in me.”
“Interested in what way?”
She poked him in the chest. “You know. Like in a vacation fling kind of way.” He opened his mouth to reply, but she kept going. “I’m not talking about anything serious here; it’s just that I’d like to have sex with a man, I mean with you, and I don’t have time to beat around the bush about it, or even know how to do that whole dating thing anymore, so—”
He touched her lips with the tip of his finger. “Hold up. You’re furious with me one minute, and now you want to have sex with me?”
“That’s about it.”
“But why?”
Because she wanted to hold him and stroke his hair and make up for what his mother had done to him . . . But she couldn’t say that, couldn’t offer him something he hadn’t asked for. He was right about her hiding her emotions. At the moment, all she could deal with was sex. His confusion made her want to crawl away and die, but she’d never stepped away from conflict and she didn’t intend to start now.
“Because you’re hot and experienced and one more woman probably wouldn’t make any difference for you.”
His mouth firmed up and he suddenly reminded her of Blue. “That’s what you think of me?”
It was her turn to wince. “That didn’t sound very complimentary, did it?”
He continued to study her for a long moment and she had to break the silence.
“Okay, so it was a horribly bad idea and now I feel like a worm. Can we just forget about it and go back to being friends who argue a lot?” She started for the door.
“Sam . . .”
She stopped at the exit but didn’t turn around. “What?”
“You did it again.”
“What?”
“Took what I gave you and gave me back something else entirely.”
“At least I was honest.”
“Not the kind of honesty I was expecting.”
“So you get to pick which kind you want?”
His sigh was echoed by the wind tugging at the structure. “You’re right. Let’s just forget it, okay?”
“Fine by me.”
She walked out. She was going to get on her horse, ride back to the ranch, reclaim her couch, grab some more cookies, and hide until she stopped feeling like a complete fool. He needed more than she had to give, would demand more because he’d shared something so obviously painful for him just to make her feel better.
And what had she done with his trust? Asked him to have sex with her like he was worth nothing. Tears crowded Sam’s eyes and she almost fell as she navigated the slope up to the road.
“I got you.” HW caught her elbow and steadied her.
“Don’t be nice to me,” she whispered. “I don’t deserve it.”
“Okay, just pretend I’m protecting the ranch’s investment so you don’t need to claim on our insurance.”
Her chuckle came out as half a wail, but he didn’t let go, helping her over to where Dollar was tied up and throwing her up into the saddle.
“Are you good to go?” HW looked up at her, his hazel gaze steady. “Or would you prefer to ride up front with BB?”
“I’d rather stay with you.”
He nodded and turned away to mount his own horse. “Then we’ll take it as slow as you need.”
Normally, she would’ve made some crack about his comment, but she was too tired and humiliated to think of anything. He deserved better. He deserved to be loved and she wasn’t here for that, wasn’t sure she was capable of being that woman anymore.
Blue gave a piercing whistle. “We’re moving on out, folks! Don’t get left behind!”
Sam turned Dollar’s head toward the mountains and followed everyone else, HW bringing up the rear. Her left knee was hurting, but for once she welcomed the pain. It gave her something to concentrate on during the long ride home.