Chapter13
Brianna fidgeted in her seat, still absorbing the shock of what she’d learned less than an hour before. How hadn’t it occurred to her before the doctor had suggested it? You were being careful. Of course it didn’t occur to you right away. But that didn’t seem good enough; even if she’d been taking the pill for years, it should have occurred to her that she hadn’t had her period—even her pill period. It should have occurred to her that the run-down feeling, the nausea, especially in the mornings, were early symptoms of pregnancy.
She’d managed to break out of her shock in the doctor’s office long enough to ask if she’d done her future child irreparable harm by continuing to take the pill, by the fact that she’d been drinking for the past few weeks when she’d apparently been pregnant.
“Fortunately, this early on in pregnancy, it’s a pretty straightforward cause and effect,” the doctor had told her. “If you’d harmed the embryo, you would have miscarried. Of course, that doesn’t mean you should be cavalier now; you know better. You should stop taking the pill immediately and you should avoid alcohol, all the normal pregnancy things.”
The big question ringing through her mind as she waited for Ethan’s arrival was what they were going to do. How was he going to react? Brianna tried not to let her hand drift to her abdomen, feeling self-conscious. She wasn’t sure that she could bring herself to carry the child to term, and she wasn’t sure she could bring herself to abort it, either. She was, the doctor had said, probably a little shy of a month pregnant. “It’s actually pretty unusual to catch it this early.”
Brianna closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She had ordered decaf; the doctor had said that with her low blood pressure, she could have up to a cup or two of coffee per day without much risk, but Brianna was fairly certain that if she’d had real coffee it would just send her nerves into a spiral. Any minute, Ethan would arrive and she needed to know what to do in case he reacted poorly.
You need to know what you want. If she wanted to keep the child, she needed to be prepared to go against Ethan in case he wanted to try and pressure her to get rid of it. If she wanted to get rid of the child, she needed to be prepared for Ethan to try and argue in favor of her keeping it.
Everything has gotten way, way too complicated, Brianna thought, opening her eyes and looking out through the big windows that dominated the cafe. She’d hoped that by making Ethan come out to Brooklyn, she would have some kind of advantage. Not exactly home-field advantage, but at least she wouldn’t be too far from home if Ethan decided—upon learning about her condition—to abandon her, and take back the driver he had hired for her.
She spotted him coming into the cafe and sat up straight at the table she had taken. It wasn’t quite time for the lunch rush, so they would have some privacy. Brianna reminded herself that no matter what Ethan said, no matter how he reacted, she was in charge of her own body. Almost defiantly, she took a bite of the stroopwafel donut she’d gotten with her coffee.
Ethan ordered something and came to the table, and looked at Brianna for a long moment. “So what did the doctor say? I need to talk to you about something else, but you have the priority right now,” he told her. Brianna took one final quick, deep breath and set the donut down, taking a sip of coffee to chase it.
“I’m pregnant,” she said. She had tried to formulate a dozen ways to say it that were less bald, less sudden. But what could possibly be the point? There were some blows that there was no way to soften.
“What?” Ethan stared at her.
“I’m pregnant,” Brianna repeated. “I know—I’m still in shock, myself.” She gave him a wry smile.
“Aren’t you on the pill?” Brianna shrugged.
“It isn’t a hundred percent,” she pointed out. “I guess I’m one of the 2% that it failed. Or something.” She took another bite of her donut, another sip of her coffee. “I have to stop taking it now. And this is decaf.” She waggled the mug slightly before setting it down.
“You seem pretty calm about it,” Ethan pointed out. Brianna snorted.
“I’m sure I’ll be in actual-panic mode sometime tonight. Or tomorrow,” she said. “Right now I just kind of feel...numb, I guess.” She shrugged.
“You’re really, truly pregnant?”
Brianna nodded.
“They did the test three times just to make sure,” she said. “It’s the special kind too, the doctors’ office kind. Three out of three pee-sticks agree.” The doctor had taken a small vial of blood as well; not only to confirm—absolutely—the pregnancy, but also to check her vitamin and other levels.
“How do you feel about it?” That was a much more complicated question than any that Brianna had been preparing for. She had counted on denial, on rejection, on Ethan attempting to control her right away, somehow; she hadn’t counted on concern.
“I don’t know,” Brianna admitted. “I’m still trying to get used to the fact that I’m pregnant.” The words still sounded so strange, coming out of her own mouth.
“That does complicate things,” Ethan said. The barista called his order and he rose to retrieve it, and Brianna looked around. She hoped that he wouldn’t ask her to abort the baby—even if she wasn’t sure that she wanted to keep the pregnancy, him asking her to terminate would just ruin everything between them, and make everything a thousand times worse. But would it be that much better if he tried to ask you to keep the baby? That—that she couldn’t say.
Ethan came back, with a coffee and two pastries—one of which he pushed towards her with a little smile. “I don’t know if you’ve had enough time to think of this, but what do you want to do?” Brianna felt the tension at her throat ease up a little bit at the question.
“I’m not actually sure,” she said. “I guess I still haven’t fully processed the fact that I’m actually pregnant to begin with.” Ethan nodded.
“I can see that,” he said. He pressed his lips together and looked down into his coffee cup. “I don’t want to stress you out more, but there’s another complication to add to this.” Brianna closed her eyes for a moment and took a slow breath.
“Tell me,” she said, steeling herself mentally—and physically, almost unconsciously, at the same time.
“I got called into HR today,” Ethan said. “They’re going to be investigating me. I guess you were right about the guy from the Creative Department the other night.” Brianna opened her eyes and met Ethan’s gaze.
“What does this mean for us?” She clenched her teeth, waiting for the worst.
“It means that there may be a question of whether I’ll be asked to step down as CEO, at the worst,” Ethan said. “It makes it slightly more complicated to deal with the fact that you’re pregnant.”
“Do you think we should keep it secret?” Ethan pressed his lips together again, and then took a sip of his coffee.
“I don’t think we need to tell anyone about it in general, at least until we know what we want to do,” he said. “And by we—I hope you know—I mean whatever you want to do. I will back you in anything.” Brianna blinked. He was making the decision hers?
“You’ll back me?” There was something so strange about that way of saying it, though she knew he was trying to give her the firm impression of being on her side.
“I mean, if you want to keep it, I will support you in whatever way you need and want. If you want to…” Ethan cleared his throat, glancing away to avoid saying the word. “I will pay for medicine or whatever medical procedure. If you want to carry to term but put the baby up for adoption, I’ll make that happen for you.” He paused for a moment, looking into her eyes. “I care about you, Brianna. I don’t want you to feel pressured into any one choice. I want you to do what you think is right, what you want to do, and I want to give you whatever you need to do it.”
Brianna felt her eyes stinging with tears as she continued to stare at Ethan for a few moments longer. She blinked a few times, trying to clear her vision, and sniffed hard. She hadn’t even realized that that was exactly what she had wanted to hear Ethan say; that that was the only right answer he could have given her.
“Thank you,” she said quietly, and she wasn’t even sure if he could hear her over the general chatter in the cafe.
“How about this: we’ll grab lunch from somewhere—wherever you want—and I’ll take you back to your place. Don’t even worry about going into the office the rest of the day.” Brianna felt her breath hitch in her lungs, and she knew that if she sat there much longer, feeling the relief and genuine affection that Ethan’s words inspired, she’d start crying outright—sobbing, even. Much better to do that in the privacy of her own apartment.
“I have to warn you,” she said, “if—if we go to my place—it’s kind of a mess right now.” Ethan laughed and shook his head.
“I do not care,” he said. “Let’s get you home to your place, and get you out of those clothes and into something comfortable, and let’s get you fed.” It sounded so very dear, so loving—and the dam that Brianna had tried to set up, to keep herself from crying in public, crumbled down. Tears flowed out of her eyes and she looked down at the table, embarrassed.
“I’m sorry,” Brianna managed to choke out. Ethan chuckled and she looked up quickly, on the point of being angry at him.
“No—I’m sorry I laughed. It’s just silly to think that you actually feel like you need to apologize to me for crying when you’ve just gotten the biggest, most stressful news of your life,” Ethan said, his eyes warm. “Let’s get you home.”
Brianna finished her donut and managed to finish her coffee as well, and then Ethan bundled her into the back seat of his car, and asked her, gently, for her address. She rattled it off, tears still dripping down her face as she thought about how incredibly complicated her life—as well as Ethan’s—had become.
The drive passed in a blur and almost before she knew it, they were in front of her building, and Brianna tried to find her keys in her bag, her hands fumbling and almost numb from the sheer shock of knowing that she was pregnant, that she and Ethan were bound to be in trouble from this. If he was being investigated by HR, then her being pregnant couldn’t have happened at a worse time.
After a few minutes of fumbling, they were in the building, and Ethan gently took the keys away from her as they rode up the ancient, groaning elevator up to her floor. “If you tell me which unit it is, I’ll let us in,” he suggested. Brianna smiled wanly at him, nodding.
She led him to her door and he unlocked it, then opened it, gesturing for her to precede him. It felt strange, letting Ethan into her apartment; he had never seen it, never been inside it, and Brianna thought absently that it was a new moment in their relationship. Instead of feeling stronger on what she could consider her own turf, she found herself feeling more vulnerable as Ethan closed the door behind them and shot the bolt, turning and looking around until he spotted the bowl where she kept her keys, next to the door.
Brianna’s skin crawled as Ethan looked around the shabby-neat place, wondering if he was looking down at the fact that her couch was imitation leather, or that she didn’t have a nice, big fireplace, or the dishes she’d left in the sink that morning—all the little details that didn’t matter when she was the only one to see the place, but which suddenly had become all-important in the knowledge that Ethan’s apartment, in Manhattan—less than thirty minutes away in the same city—was so much grander, so much nicer.
“You’ve got great style,” Ethan commented, kicking his shoes off before coming more fully into the apartment. Brianna choked back a relieved sob.
“Oh god, I only just found out I’m pregnant and I’m already—already t-t-turning into one—one of th-th-those pregnant women,” she said, stepping out of her shoes as she moved towards the couch to collapse onto it, overwhelmed. Ethan was next to her in an instant, sitting down close enough to offer support but not so close that he would crowd her, and Brianna curled into him, letting her head fall to his shoulder.
“Shh,” Ethan murmured, wrapping an arm around her and giving her shoulders a squeeze. Brianna felt him press a soft kiss to her temple. “Even if you were already becoming a hormonal mess, it would be normal,” he pointed out. “But I kind of think that finding out that you’re pregnant—and everything else that’s already happened today—makes it pretty understandable that you’re weepy.” Brianna laughed wryly.
“Okay, okay,” she said, dashing the tears away from her cheeks. “I’m okay. I am. I just…” She took a deep breath and shook her head.
Ethan tilted her face towards his and kissed her lightly on the lips, his hands falling to her waist. For a moment, they both stayed just like that—barely kissing—and then, consumed by relief and gratitude, Brianna deepened the kiss. She wasn’t sure why, but in that moment she wanted nothing more than to feel Ethan’s body against hers, with nothing between them. She wanted to feel him inside of her again, to feel that connection of their bodies and forget about everything else.
Ethan hesitated for a moment, pulling back a bit, but Brianna slid her hands beneath his blazer, making her intentions clear, and he dove back in, kissing her more hungrily. Brianna broke away from his lips to kiss and nibble along the column of his throat, and Ethan’s hands began to work on her clothes, unbuttoning the cardigan she’d worn to the doctor’s office that morning.
Their clothes fell away bit by bit and Brianna felt herself becoming more and more turned on as Ethan’s hands moved over her body. She squirmed at the sensation of the damp, slick heat gathering along her labia, slithering down almost onto her inner thighs as Ethan touched and teased her. She couldn’t quite get her hands to work right on the buttons of his blazer, or—later—on the fly of his trousers, but they kept going, touching each other everywhere, caressing and kissing.
She could feel the tension growing between her hips. She wanted him—simply wanted him—in that moment, and no matter what else was going on, she wasn’t going to turn back unless Ethan decided that he didn’t want to push forward.
Before she knew how, she’d become completely naked, Ethan pressed her gently onto her back on the couch, pulling her legs apart with gentle-firm pressure. He grinned at her eagerly, leaning in to kiss her quickly on the lips and then dipping down to her sensitive breasts to worship them each in turn with his lips and tongue.
A flicker of an almost-thought flashed through Brianna’s mind; something about her nipples, about the baby to come—but it was gone before she could even put words to it, and as Ethan moved down along her abdomen, towards her pussy, she couldn’t help but writhe and squirm in impatience.
By the time Ethan finally—finally—reached the spot she wanted him most, Brianna felt as if she’d been waiting forever, as if she might actually die if he didn’t give her satisfaction. She cried out as he buried his face against her slick folds, his tongue slithering up and down along her labia, probing and tasting her, teasing her by barely avoiding her swollen clitoris.
Brianna’s hands sought for his head, his shoulders, and she fought the urge to close her thighs around him, to keep him exactly where she wanted him, as Ethan nuzzled against her, tasting and teasing her more deeply. Brianna let her head fall against the arm of the couch as Ethan worked her with his lips and tongue, sucking and licking, devouring her as if her pussy was a piece of ripe fruit that he wanted to get every last drop of sweetness from.
Brianna gave herself up to the pleasure, her hips twisting and bucking almost with a will of their own as Ethan sucked and licked, pulling her clitoris between his lips and swirling the tip of his tongue around the sensitive bead of nerves. He worked her up to the edge of climax and then backed off, teasing her relentlessly, dropping down to her inner labia right when she was about to orgasm, until Brianna almost couldn’t stand it any longer.
Her fingers tangled in his hair, her nails dug into his bare shoulder, and in the few instants when she could keep her eyes open, she loved the sight of her dark skin against Ethan’s pale skin, the look of her red nails against the cream of Ethan’s shoulder, flashing among his strands of hair.
Finally, Ethan focused all his efforts on her clit, sucking it between his lips as he slid two fingers inside of her, curling them upward until the tips dragged against her g-spot. Brianna cried out, her thighs shaking as the tension in her hips reached an almost unbearable level.
An instant later, she felt it break, and wave after wave of pleasure rocked her body as Ethan continued to work her with his lips and tongue and fingers, as if he wanted to wring out every last bit of pleasure her body was capable of giving her. Brianna moaned out again and again as her orgasm intensified, until she was almost afraid she would lose consciousness from the pleasure.
After what seemed like half an hour, Ethan began to slow, and Brianna felt her orgasm ebbing away, the waves of pleasure growing smaller as they coursed through her veins and lit up her nerves. She was panting, gasping for breath, moaning every so often still as Ethan worked her, slowing down bit by bit, bringing her back from the heights of her pleasure. He took his time, and when he finally slid his fingers out of her still-tightening pussy, and pulled back with his lips, Brianna was so full of pleasure she wasn’t certain she could even move.
He worked his way back up to her mouth and kissed her, sloppy and still faintly slick from her fluids. The taste of herself mingled with Ethan’s normal flavor was enough to stir Brianna out of her torpor—she draped her arms around his shoulders and held him close. “I think if you start slow we can go on to act two right away,” she said, not even entirely sure what she was talking about. Ethan chuckled lowly.
“I can give you at least a few minutes to catch your breath,” he told her. Brianna nodded at the wisdom of that, and struggled to slow her breathing so that she could feel him inside of her; she could feel the heat and hardness of his erection pressing against her hip already.
As soon as she was ready, Ethan guided the tip of his cock up against her slick folds, and Brianna pushed her hips down at the same moment that he thrust up into her, taking him as deeply as she could. Like magic, they fell into a near-perfect rhythm together right away, moving in a tidal flow that Brianna couldn’t have resisted even if she had wanted to. She touched and caressed him, kissed him everywhere her lips could reach as they moved together; Brianna pushing her hips down and twisting them back, Ethan thrusting into her steadily—never too slowly or too fast.
She felt the tension start to form in between her hips again, and they both picked up speed at the same moment. Brianna moaned against Ethan’s neck, against his shoulder as he began to push deeper and deeper inside of her, filling her with every other movement of his hips, letting her feel the heat and thickness of his cock against her inner walls as every thrust rubbed against her clitoris.
It seemed to take no time at all for Brianna to reach the edge of climax once more, and Brianna only held back for a few more moments, wanting to make sure that Ethan wouldn’t end up disappointed. She could feel the tension in his body, feel it at its breaking point, and when she finally gave into the pleasure crowding in her hips as well, and let it rampage through her once again, she knew that Ethan was only a few heartbeats behind her.
They both kept moving, kept working each other’s bodies as the climax flowed between them, intensifying and then beginning to ebb. Brianna held onto Ethan as if for life itself as pleasure coursed through her veins for the second time, tingling through every nerve in hot and cold flashes of sensation, and finally, all at once, it was over—they were both so spent that they collapsed against each other on the couch, tangled up together. She drifted off into a doze, for the moment no longer even aware of—much less concerned about—her sudden pregnancy, or the trouble that loomed over them.