Chapter 13
Something was different about Bella. She walked around work looking smug, far more smug than a woman who had been cheated on and left with her life imploded should look. It made me think she had a guy in her bed coaxing that teasing smile to her lips.
That made me burn with the world’s most irrational jealousy. I had been a dick to her when she had texted me three nights earlier. So why wouldn’t she move on to plan B?
I had purposely forgotten her necklace two nights in a row. I wanted to give her a reason to talk to me. How stupid was that? Very stupid. But it worked. She asked me every night and had even given me a playful slap on the arm.
“What am I going to do with you?” she had asked.
The thoughts that ran through my head at that suggestion would have terrified her. I wanted to spank her for torturing me. I wanted to drive my cock so far into her she couldn’t breathe.
I was obsessed with Bella. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I watched her endlessly at work, to the point that Thomas had reprimanded me, telling me I looked like a fucking stalker. “You’re making people uncomfortable.”
“I’m not doing anything,” I protested.
Brandy, the other bartender gave a laugh. “You are eye fucking her, all night long, every night.”
My eyebrows shot up. “All night? At least I have stamina.”
She hit me with a towel before turning to lift a vodka bottle.
Thomas didn’t seem as amused. “Seriously. Knock it off. She’s going to quit if you don’t stop being weird, and she’s a pretty damn good waitress. The customers love her.”
They did. Which further fueled my jealousy. The women seemed to think she was sweet, the girls in their twenties loved gossiping with her, and the men, of all ages, thought she was gorgeous. Which she was. Bella was glowing. She had gained a few pounds, which she had needed to do, and she looked healthy and happy. Leaving her groom at the altar seemed to agree with her.
I should be happy for her. Instead, I was seething with envy and sexual tension.
So when she went on break, I turned to Brandy. “I’ll be right back.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re lucky Thomas loves you, because you’re being a serious idiot.”
“I’m going to be two minutes. Tops.”
“Sounds like my boyfriend.”
I grinned. “Sucks to be you.”
“Yes, it does.”
Bella had taken a table at the back of the restaurant and was eating a burger. She definitely seemed to have rediscovered her love of food. I went over to her and fished her necklace out of my jeans pocket. I dangled it in front of her.
“Oh my God, Christian!” She jumped up and took it before giving me a huge hug. “Thank you.”
She felt…delicious. Her tits had gotten bigger and they were pressed against my chest in a way that had my nostrils flaring. I wrapped her in my arms and buried my nose briefly in her hair. She smelled like fresh fruit. She felt like fresh fruit. Ripe. Holy shit, I was horny. Brandy was right, I was an idiot. She moved away from me and smiled at me.
“I thought it was lost forever.”
“Yeah? I’m glad it wasn’t.” Maybe not all was lost forever. Maybe that was a sign. “I’m sorry,” I said.
Her head tilted. “For what?”
“For being a dick the other night when you texted me.” I paused, needing to be totally honest with her. “And for the way things ended between us. I didn’t want that, and I never meant to make you angry or upset.”
My reward for my honesty was a soft smile lighting up Bella’s face. “Thanks, Christian. I never meant to make you angry either. I was on emotional overload and it took me by surprise, you know, about Ali and Cain. But I shouldn’t have said the things I said. I should have just left, like an adult.”
I nodded, hands in my front pockets. “So we’re good?”
“Yeah. We’re good.”
We stared at each other, her smiling, and I gave myself up for lost. Fuck it. I knew what I wanted. Her. I wanted her.
“Do you want to go out some night?” I asked out of nowhere.
She blinked. “What do you mean?”
“I mean like a date. Would you go out with me?”
For a second she didn’t say anything. But then she slapped my arm, something she seemed to enjoy doing. “Yes. I will, you silly man.”
The excitement that shot through me was more than a little embarrassing. I tried to play it cool. “Great. Awesome. We’re both off Sunday, how about then?”
She nodded. “Sure.” She made a gesture with her hand. “Call me.”
“I will.” Then because I clearly have zero impulse control, I cupped her cheeks and gave her a hard, quick kiss.
“Oh geez.” She gave a nervous laugh and glanced around. “Slow down there.”
But I didn’t even care. I strutted back to that bar like I owned it. I felt like I owned the entire fucking world.
I didn’t care when Thomas said, “I’m writing you up formally for that, Jordan.”
Grinning at him, I said, “It was worth it.”
The last time I had really studied myself in the mirror had been on my wedding day, when I had looked in the mirror and seen nothing but fear on my face. I had the trappings of a bride, but I hadn’t been an eager one. Now when I put on my makeup and fussed with my hair for my date with Christian, I felt eager. Running my hand over my flat stomach, I tried to see outward changes that I was pregnant. But honestly, the only evidence was the serenity on my face.
Kennedy thought I was insane because I was actually happy the test was positive. My only worry had been how Christian would feel, and that was still a huge concern, but it was very encouraging that he had asked me out.
I had given Christian my address, and when he rang the doorbell I went to let him in, eager both to see him and to show him my house. “Hi,” I said, swinging the door open wide. “Thanks for picking me up.”
“It wouldn’t be a real date if I met you somewhere.” He reached out and gave me a soft kiss.
It made my insides flutter and my heart swell. I couldn’t believe he had asked me out. But being in his proximity had definitely worked in my favor. Every night his stare had seemed to grow a little more intense. It was very satisfying.
“Want to see the house?” I asked, gesturing for him to come inside.
“I’d love to. I can’t believe you got that prick to cough up a house for you. I’m proud of you for being such a tough negotiator. And remind me to never piss you off. Not that I have anything you can take, but still.” He grinned.
I laughed. “Yeah, remember that.”
I was wearing a sundress because I was starting to spill out of my tighter-fitting shorts and tank tops. I really needed to lay off the fatty food. But I was pretty sure the boobs were all from the pregnancy. Even in this dress, they weren’t well contained, and my laugh brought Christian’s attention to them. They had a bounce I just wasn’t used to. It seemed like the girls were constantly fighting to jump out of my clothes. Christian was eyeing them now with naked interest. Wait until he saw them in all their bare, bouncy glory, assuming we got to that point. I felt very porn star with them and was looking forward to showing off this rounder me.
Ironic that I had spent a decade trying to be as skinny as possible, and now being even a little bit curvy made me feel so much more like a woman. Maybe that was just the pregnancy though. Knowing I had a baby growing automatically made me feel like a member of a new group of women.
“But I mean, really, I don’t think it was that much to ask,” I said. “This house was a third of the cost of Bradley’s condo in Boston. It was the least he could do. And now it’s all mine. Forever.” I led him into the cozy living room.
“Waiting on a furniture delivery?” he asked as he eyed the room devoid of all furniture except for my lawn chairs. “Or is your style minimalism?”
I shook my head. “I’m not worried about it right now. It’s a work in progress. I’ll probably buy a sofa and that’s it for a little while. I don’t want to blow through my savings.”
He seemed surprised by that. I knew what he was thinking—my dad was loaded. But I was an adult. I didn’t ask my father to buy me things. Aside from an insanely expensive wedding that I now deeply regretted. “It’s my house,” I added, trying to get the point across without having to spell it out.
“And it’s a really cool house. I like all the Craftsman details. That fireplace is amazing.”
“Right?” I beamed, pleased he knew something about architecture. “You have to see the garden. It’s one of the best things about this house.” I had already been picturing playing with our child in this garden. Our daughter. I was convinced it was a girl.
After much soul-searching, I had decided to wait until Christian and I were on better terms to tell him about the pregnancy. I already thought we were managing well despite a rocky ending to our physical relationship. We’d been working together almost five weeks now and had definitely moved past the awkward stage. When he had asked me out, I had been shocked but happy. I wanted the opportunity to really get to know Christian.
And I wanted him to know me without the knowledge that we were having a baby. Besides, I wanted to be beyond the first trimester when I told him. Why throw a hand grenade into his life if, God forbid, I lost the baby to a miscarriage? But mostly I didn’t want him to feel obligated to like me. Or worse, determined to be all business to keep things from getting messy.
This whole long month I had been feeling that maybe I had overreacted when I had thrown my burger and stomped off at the cabin. It had been a culmination of a very emotional week for me. A week that had shattered my world.
But here I was, with a whole new world, and Christian was standing in my living room. I moved over to the French doors and opened them so we could step into the garden. “I need to learn more about gardening. The previous owner left me something really beautiful and I don’t want to let it go to ruin.” I stepped out onto the stone patio, where the foliage was abundant and blooming.
“Wow.” Christian paused beside me. “This is really beautiful. Maybe you should hire a professional, because this is next-level gardening.”
“I don’t have the money to hire a professional,” I said, amused. “I’m a waitress, remember? My tips aren’t that awesome. Even when I find a full-time job I don’t think I can afford someone.” Especially not with day care expenses. “I’m going to have to learn at least a little about how to take care of it. But I think it will be fun.”
“I think if you decide that’s what you’re going to do, you’ll be amazing at it. You’re kind of a powerhouse, Bella.”
That made me feel unexpectedly emotional. “Really?” I turned to him, heart full. “That’s honestly one of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten, Christian.”
His eyes were warm. “It’s true. You’re amazing.”
He was going to kiss me and I wanted nothing more. I leaned toward him. He covered my mouth with his and I sighed into the most delicious kiss I think I’ve ever received. He made love to me with his tongue and his lips. I went on my tiptoes to get closer, brushing my chest against his. He made a sound in the back of his throat but he pulled away. I gave him a smile.
“Is that why you asked me out?”
“So I could kiss you?”
“No, because I’m amazing?” I wiped my bottom lip and looked at him under my lashes.
“Yes, definitely. Also, because I can’t stand watching guys hit on you night after night. I figured if it was bothering me that much there must be a reason.” He eyed me up and down. “You look so gorgeous right now, by the way. Just in case you didn’t know.” His finger came out and slid along the neckline of my dress. “I think the air in Maine agrees with you.”
I swatted his hand. “Down, boy. If we’re going to date, you can’t just touch me like that. That is not first-date behavior.” Maybe a little ass-backward, given that I was pregnant by him, but if we were going to do this right, we’d have to stay rational and not let lust rule the day. Because lust for each other we had in spades. It was written all over his face.
Christian frowned. “That makes no sense. I have eaten your pussy, Bella. I can’t put one little finger on your skin, above your dress?”
“Oh my God! You can’t just say that out loud.” I wasn’t sure if I was more embarrassed or more turned on. I was pretty sure it was the latter.
My discomfort always seemed to amuse him. “I just did. Because it’s true.”
“But this is a first date,” I insisted.
“You’re lucky you’re adorable because this is just madness.”
That made me laugh. “That’s a little dramatic.”
“What’s dramatic is you giving me blue balls.” He smiled slyly. “Please? Can I pretty please go down on you?” His finger brushed over my nipple.
It was very tempting. He was so hot and sexy. And the way he was looking at me was just setting my insides on fire. “It’s three dates before sex should be introduced in a relationship.”
“Who the fuck made these rules?” Christian shook his head. “Fine. I’ll be good. Even though not only have I eaten your pussy, you have sucked my cock while I was driving. But we’ll pretend that didn’t happen. For now. Unless I can convince you otherwise.”
The longer we stayed in this house the more likely he could convince me to do all kinds of things. The only thing saving me right now was there was no couch in the living room and I hadn’t shown him the bedroom. If he tumbled me onto that air mattress I was temporarily using, it was over. “Let’s just go to dinner.”
“Whatever you say, princess.”
Even though Christian spent a lot of time sending me smoldering looks, which was highly flattering, we did have easy conversation. He was telling me about fishing with his brothers as a kid. “That’s my biggest regret, you know,” he said. “I mean, people can say whatever they want about my family, and maybe I’ve always sucked at showing it, but I do love my siblings. Cain was my best friend and I ruined that.”
I slid my hand across the table and over his. “Maybe things will change once Cain is out of rehab. I think it’s really sweet that he and Sophie are making a go of their relationship.”
“I never thought I’d see the day, to be honest. For him to be sober or serious about a girl, but your sister got under his skin.” Christian raised his glass of bourbon. “I know the feeling. There’s something about you Bigelow girls. We’re putty in your hands.”
He was being really charming and I warned myself not to get swept away. But it was already happening. “Ditto for you Jordan brothers.”
Christian gave me a wink. “Are you sure you don’t want a glass of wine?” he asked. “Your water looks so sad.”
“I’m sure.” I cleared my throat and gave a half-truth. “I need to stop overindulging. I’m gaining weight.”
“I like this look though. You seem really healthy and in a good place. And for the record, your tits are driving me absolutely insane.” Then he set his glass down. “Though that’s probably not first-date material. Damn it. This is hard.” He laced his fingers through mine. “I know you already, princess. We can’t go backward. I’ve seen you go through some seriously upsetting shit in your personal life. I’ve risked your father having a hit put out on me for hiding you in a cabin in the woods. I’ve seen you cry in the middle of the night clinging to a wedding gown. And I know every inch of your body, a fact that has kept me awake a lot of nights in the last month. I get that you want to go slow, but we’re not strangers. We’ve never been strangers.”
God, he could be romantic in his own way. I melted like butter on high heat. The restaurant he had chosen was a steakhouse and the interior was dark and moody, candles on the tables. No one seemed to be paying us any attention, which was good because I suddenly wanted to have sex with him on the table. My breathing was heavy, my boobs bursting forth. “Maybe we should do whatever seems right to us.”
That’s what we had been doing all along anyway.
He gave me a smile that was so smug I should have been annoyed, but instead I found it amusing.
I clearly couldn’t resist this man.
“I totally agree,” he said.
Clearing my throat, I reached for the bread, then stopped myself. Slow and steady weight gain. That’s what I needed, not a carb baby. “So Brandy told me you want to buy the bar when Thomas retires.”
“Brandy has a big mouth. I wouldn’t trust everything she says, but in this case, she’s right. I want to own something.”
“You’d be great at managing it. Everyone likes you.”
He shrugged, like the compliment made him uncomfortable. “How’s your job search going? You mentioned full-time.”
“Yes, in social work. I’m looking here and in the surrounding towns. There should be something I am qualified to do and I like working with people.”
“Permanent resident, huh? That’s a bold move.”
“I needed to make a bold move. It feels right.”
Sitting here with him felt right.
Bella and I walked to her front door, her yawning, me reluctant to end the night. I really enjoyed her company. She was just…easy. Everything about being with her was easy. I wanted to talk her into letting me spend the night, but she looked tired, and holy shit, I actually wanted to respect her crazy-ass rules.
Because damn it, I wanted this to be real. It was fucking nuts, but there it was. So if that meant acting like we hadn’t already had sex a bunch of times, I could play that game. For a day or two. But when she finally gave me the green light I was going to remind her that I knew all her pleasure points.
“Good night, beautiful Bella,” I murmured on her doorstep, cupping her cheeks with my hands. Her lips looked so full and kissable.
“Good night.”
I covered her mouth with mine and drank in the taste of her. She was sweet and smelled like the fresh air in her garden. She was the most intriguing mixture of high maintenance and simple girl. Bella wasn’t difficult to read or understand. She was the very definition of “what you see is what you get.” I appreciated that about her. I was done with games and manipulation and lying.
So while I indulged myself just a little and pressed my body close against hers, I was determined to do this right. Take it slow, like she wanted, physically. But also emotionally.
I wanted to allow myself the opportunity to fall for her, slowly, like honey drizzling down from the bottle. Rich, sweet, and easy. Not falling into love. But easing, until I was covered in it.
I stepped back from her before I let my dick dictate what was happening. “Get in the house.”
Her cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen and plump from our kissing. Her eyes were dark, and her nipples were taut in her soft dress. She nodded, wiping her bottom lip. She quickly opened the door and slipped into the house.
The door slammed shut and locked.
I went home to take a cold shower and torture myself with thoughts of Bella naked, tied up on the bed in the caboose, unable to stop me from spreading her legs wide.
Three dates? I was going to do that shit back to back then and loophole her rules. Maybe I could even talk her into a lunch date.
I may totally suck at dating, but I was good at getting girls naked. It was a talent all my brothers and I had. Even when Cain was drunk off his ass he went home with a chick as often as he did alone.
Everyone needs a claim to fame.
Bella could have her way.
But I was going to have mine too.