Chapter 16

My father was right. I could never fake my own death because I sucked at subterfuge. I have no idea why I thought wearing sunglasses was going to prevent someone in the drugstore from recognizing me, but that was my hope. I felt like the pharmacist was being very loud when he asked me if I had any questions.

“No, I’m fine,” I said, clearing my throat.

“Some women get upset stomachs with these particular prenatal vitamins so you want to take them with food.”

Boom. There it was. Prenatal. Right out in the open. “Thanks.” I took the bag and turned, ready to bolt as if I was buying something illegal.

Unfortunately, it was worse than buying street drugs, because I came face-to-face with Ali, who Christian had told me was still in town but not really communicating with him. “Oh!”

Her eyes were narrowed and she glanced at the bag in my hand. “You’re pregnant? Congratulations.”

I flat-out panicked. I could not have this person know about the baby before Christian. I could not let him find out from her or someone else. So I told the world’s dumbest lie. “Oh, these are for my sister.”

The minute it came out of my mouth I hated myself for being so stupid. She was Cain’s ex-girlfriend. She knew Cain and Sophie were dating, so she would assume Sophie was pregnant by Cain. Which might bother her.

Shit. I was going to have to call my sister and tell her what was going on. Kennedy was still the only one who knew I was pregnant because I was worried that Sophie would tell Cain. Who would tell Christian.

“How are you?” I asked her politely, while inside wishing she would die a terrible death. I knew she had not asked to see Camp. Not even once. Which made me legitimately hate her.

She ignored the question. “I hear you’re dating Christian. I feel like I should get to know you better since you’re spending time with my son.”

That was just the ballsiest statement I had ever heard. “I don’t see Camp that often. Christian doesn’t feel it’s appropriate for him to see us as a couple when our relationship is new.”

Ali rolled her eyes. “So basically he’s just fucking you.”

That made me so angry I didn’t even hesitate. The perfect insult just flew out of my mouth. “No. Not at all. But since Camp has already been abandoned by his mother, Christian doesn’t want to risk him getting attached to a mother figure too soon.”

It was a direct hit and it felt so good.

Her jaw dropped.

It was very satisfying.

I left the drugstore, triumphant.

But when I hit the sidewalk, I called Sophie. “Okay, I screwed up,” I told her when she answered.

“Screwed up how?”

“I accidentally told Ali you’re pregnant.” I bit my fingernail and fast-walked down the sidewalk, glancing behind me like the hounds of hell might be on my tail. Which was basically Ali.

There was a pause. “What? One, why were you talking to Ali? Two, I am not pregnant.”

“But I am, and she saw me picking up my prescription after my first doctor’s appointment and I didn’t want her to know I’m pregnant so I blurted they were for you only that is totally stupid because she is Cain’s ex.”

“You’re pregnant?”

“Yes, about eight weeks.”

We all know Sophie is no dummy. Math is her thing. It took her about 1.1 seconds to say, “Christian? Holy shit, Bel.”

“I know, right?” I cut across the street to where I had parked my car. My father had arranged to have it brought from Boston, which I really appreciated. “I haven’t told him yet though, so you can’t tell Cain.”

“Why haven’t you told him? Is it because you know he is basically going to lose his shit entirely?”

I beeped my car unlocked. “I don’t know that he’ll do that. I mean, he has a son already. What is another one?” I instantly realized how naïve that sounded.

My sister clearly thought so as well because she didn’t say anything.

“Okay, so maybe he won’t be thrilled, but we are dating. So this isn’t exactly a tragedy. For me, anyway. I’m actually really happy.”

“You’ve lost your mind,” she said flatly. “Do pregnancy hormones diminish your intelligence? Bel, you have to tell him. He needs to adjust to this reality.”

“I will. Soon.” Eventually—when it became too obvious when I was naked. “Right now he just thinks I’m eating too many doughnuts and I’m gaining weight.”

For some reason that made her laugh. “Are you for real? Oh my God, you are seriously too much. But I’m happy you’re happy. Though I question why you weren’t using birth control.”

“We were. For the most part. There might have been a tip a time or two.” I got into the hot car and turned it on, cranking the air-conditioning.

“A tip a time or two? I’m going to have a sample stitched and hung in your child’s bedroom with that on it. Even drunk as shit, Cain never came near me without a condom. It leads me to believe Camp really is Christian’s.”

“Probably. Not that it matters.”

“So if Ali tells Christian I’m pregnant, please assure me you will not go along with that charade. That you’ll fess up to the truth.”

“I promise.” But I crossed my fingers behind my back. I felt like I needed Christian to say “I love you” before I told him about the baby.

“Are your fingers crossed behind your back?”

“Damn it, how do you know that?” Sophie was too observant, even on the phone. It was annoying.

“It was just a high statistical probability. I guessed. Do not let your boyfriend think I am pregnant. I will be very annoyed with you. Because if Cain hears, I think he would actually be happy with news like that and then he’ll be disappointed, and I can’t have anything testing his sobriety yet.”

Well, when she put it like that. “Fine, I won’t. Sorry, I just panicked. I hate that girl so much. She’s a megabitch.”

“Agreed.”

She was also aggressive as hell. By the time I got to work twenty minutes later Christian waved me over to the bar. He looked worried. “Sophie is pregnant? Does Cain know?”

Shit. “Why would you think Sophie is pregnant?” I said, stalling for time. My mind was racing. I was not going to tell him I was pregnant here at the bar. Gross. I had planned to do a whole event. Like a gender reveal, only a pregnancy announcement. I wanted to wrap up the stick, give it to him with little tiny work boots, like he always wore. Along with a T-shirt for Camp that said Big Brother. Cute stuff. Not blurted out at work.

But given Sophie’s reaction to what she thought Christian would do, maybe that was the wrong tactic anyway. That was sort of the “I’m going to strong-arm you into liking this by being adorable.” It had worked at various points in my life, but maybe this wasn’t one of them.

“Ali just texted me.”

“What a bitch,” I exclaimed. “I just saw her half an hour ago.”

“So, you did tell her Sophie is pregnant? I repeat, does Cain know?” Christian leaned onto the bar so he could study me closer.

I was a terrible liar. My mouth worked. “Sophie isn’t pregnant. I only told Ali that because she was annoying me.”

“Bella. That is kind of a big thing to be making up.”

“It just slipped out. She is so horrid.”

“That’s true. But why would that even come up?”

“No reason.” I was squirming, legitimately shifting around in my shoes, wanting to just run away. “I should get to work.”

He didn’t push it.

But I underestimated the megabitch’s envy and Christian’s curiosity.

It only took him about ten minutes to figure it out.

---

Nothing Bella had just told me made any sense. Why would she and Ali be talking about pregnancy? Or Sophie? I was relieved Sophie wasn’t pregnant. I didn’t think my brother was ready for that kind of news.

As I mixed drinks and greeted customers and puzzled the conversation around in my head, I found it only got more confusing. Bella was a lousy liar and she had been hiding something from me. Her eyes darted to the floor repeatedly and her cheeks had turned pink.

I hadn’t responded to Ali’s text but now I did, curious.

Where did you see Bella?

Pharmacy. Picking up prenatal vitamins.

“Holy shit,” I said out loud as the truth hit me like a bag of bricks straight between the eyes.

Sophie wasn’t pregnant. Bella was.

That explained her glow. Her happy smile. Her deliciously full tits.

She was pregnant.

For a split second I thought I was going to actually explode. Just burst apart and scatter skin, blood, and bones across this bar. Shock and something else I couldn’t define rose up inside me. I turned and poured myself a shot of whiskey. I took it back with one swallow. Brandy saw me, her eyes going wide.

“WTF?” she mouthed to me.

I just shook my head, unable to speak. I slammed up the bar top so I could move into the restaurant and went straight to Bella, no rational thought in my head. She had just taken a customer’s order and turned, almost colliding with me.

“Oh, hello!” She gave me a smile.

“Are you pregnant?” I asked without preamble. I didn’t know what I was going to do if she said yes.

Bella looked around nervously. “Christian…”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Do you really want to do this here?” She tucked her hair behind her ear and swallowed visibly.

“That’s not an answer either.” I could hear how harsh my voice sounded. I was practically growling, but I couldn’t temper my reaction. It felt like my blood was buzzing past my ears.

Her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped. But then she nodded. “Yes,” she whispered.

The bottom of my stomach fell out. Again. It had happened again. When the fuck was I ever going to learn? And again, who the hell knew who the father actually was? She had presumably been fucking her fiancé, at least until she had found out about the cheating. Hell, maybe even after.

I wasn’t sure which would be worse, me or that little prick Bradley being the father.

“Holy fuck, Bella.” I ran my hand through my hair. “Holy fucking fuck.”

“It will be okay,” she said, her hand coming out like she wanted to touch me, then changing her mind. But she lifted her chin, took my hand, and tugged. “Come outside. Now, Christian.”

Her hand felt small and warm in mine. I wanted answers now and I didn’t want to be led around, but yeah, this wasn’t the best place to do this. I didn’t hesitate when the back door slammed behind us. We were by the Dumpster and no one was around. “Who is the father?” I demanded. “Do you know?”

“I’m almost positive it’s you. I wasn’t with Bradley for the three weeks before the wedding and I had my period in that time. It was after we…after us that I missed one. Once I have an ultrasound they can pinpoint the conception date pretty accurately.”

I really thought I was going to pass out. I went down into a squat, bending my head to try to get some air. “I’m sorry,” I told her. “This is my fault.”

“It’s no one’s fault. We used condoms. It just happened.” Her hands came out and stroked my head.

Her touch was soothing. Maternal. Bella was very maternal, no question about that. Her thighs brushed against the crown of my head. It made me uncomfortable. She didn’t even seem remotely upset.

I pulled my shit together and stood up, the blood rushing to my brain. I thought about her father saying she was born to be a mother.

A very ugly thought crowded my mind. Was I being conned? Was this really Bradley’s kid and she was setting me up so she didn’t have to deal with him? It seemed stupid, because Bradley could give her a shit ton of child support, but I knew she didn’t want to talk to him ever again. I also wasn’t a big enough of a dick though to accuse her of that. I would just go to the ultrasound and see for myself. But then I realized that was an Ali move. Not a Bella move. I knew her better than that. Bella had pure motives always.

Which meant this really was an accident because I had not been careful enough. Which really, truly made me an asshole.

“I need a drink,” I said. “And I need to tell Brandy I have to leave. I can’t be here right now.”

She chewed her lip. “Aren’t you even a little bit happy?”

That shoved me over the edge. “No, princess, I am not happy. I already have one kid under the world’s most fucked-up circumstances and now I’m going to have another one. I thought when I had kid number two Camp would be ten years old and I would be married. But honestly, most of the time I figured I would never do this again.”

Tears rose in her eyes. “This isn’t the way I saw this happening either, but a baby is a gift, Christian.”

Sure, on Planet Perfect. I love kids. Just not bringing them into my mess. “When were you going to tell me?” She had to have known for a few weeks now. “When did you find out?”

“I was going to tell you once I got through the first trimester. A lot of women miscarry…I didn’t want to tell you until I was sure everything was okay. I figured why stress you out and then lose the baby?”

It sounded logical. Like the truth. Thoughtful. But I was so angry and upset and cynical I felt suspicious. All I could think was I had created another child who was going to grow up under awkward circumstances.

What was this going to do to our growing relationship?

And wow, was her dad going to think I was a dick.

“Did you know when you forced me to wait on sex?” That was a minor point, but kind of annoying. A lot annoying. What the hell were we waiting for if she already knew she was pregnant? That made zero sense and felt a little manipulative.

Her expression told me she had. “Um, yes?”

“That’s annoying,” I told her flat out.

I tried to gather my shit together. I touched her cheek, knowing I needed to offer her at least a little comfort. It was all I could manage.

“You asked me to trust you,” she said. “And I did. Now I need you to trust me. Everything is going to be okay, Christian.”

I nodded. I didn’t point out that her trust in me had gotten her knocked up.

I really was an asshole. I reached out and kissed her forehead. “Go back to work. I’ll call you later.”

She nodded and gave me a smile. A hopeful one. I couldn’t give one back.

We walked in together and she went straight back to her tables. I went to the bar.

“What the fuck is going on?” Brandy asked me.

“I need to leave,” I told her. “I just found out I got Bella pregnant. Illegitimate kid number two for me. Now that’s winning.”

Her jaw dropped. “Oh shit…I don’t know what to say.”

Me either. “I’ll call Thomas and tell him. Can you handle tonight solo?”

She nodded.

“Good. Because I’m going to go home and get drunk.”

---

I actually went on a two-day bender. I knew that wasn’t fair to Camp or to my mother, who was watching him and already had one son in rehab, or to Bella, who was anxiously texting me constantly asking me if I was okay. But I just needed to be alone to think and nurse my disappointment with myself in the bottle.

I shut all the blinds in my apartment, sat down with the whiskey, and didn’t stop for forty-eight hours, only hitting the pause button to eat, piss, and pass out at random intervals. I had a lot of anger, directed mostly at myself. A little bit at whatever dickhead in charge of fate had decided this would be hilarious. I wasn’t mad at Bella, other than mildly annoyed that she was so fucking sexy I had been unable to resist her.

I sat on my couch and ran through the last month. The signs had been there. I just hadn’t noticed them. Bella’s quick return to happiness despite the upheaval she had been through. Her glowing skin. The bursting tits. Her demeanor, as if she had a secret. She hummed at work, for God’s sake. Who hummed waiting tables? She was happy. Because she was having a baby. Something she had always wanted.

Sipping the bottle in the dark I reflected that maybe I should be proud of myself for that. I had given her what she had wanted. Yeah. Good going, Jordan. Spreading my seed to make women happy. At this rate, I’d be better off jerking off at a sperm bank and getting paid for it. Except I would never do that because I wanted to be a part of any child I created.

How the hell were Bella and I supposed to coparent? We’d just started dating. Sure, I had strong feelings for her, and we were together-together, but this was rushing things big-time.

I had spent my entire childhood resenting my father and his long absences. I had also resented my mother for putting up with his shit. I had wanted a normal, regular kind of family with two parents who were married and lived together. It had defined me more than I cared to admit, and I had never, ever wanted to repeat that pattern, which was why I hadn’t done relationships. Now I had created anything but the nuclear family. Twice. Fuck.

Hurling the whiskey bottle across the room, I watched it crash into the wall with a certain sense of satisfaction. Liquid splattered and glass came raining down on the carpet. It was exactly like my life. A mess.

I thought about Bella and wondered how she had been able to keep such a secret from me these past few weeks. When I had commented on her curves and she had just stayed silent. And this was after being angry with me for saying I would readily keep a secret. I was just drunk enough to call her out on it so I picked up my phone and sent her an angry text.

And you gave me all that shit about not keeping a big secret.

It’s not like I wasn’t EVER going to tell you. It’s not the same thing.

She had half a point. I was too stubborn to admit that though. I didn’t respond to her.

Christian. Whatever you need or want to do is okay with me. I don’t expect anything from you, I swear.

She ended it with a kiss emoji.

I knew she meant it. I knew she was happy just to be having a baby. I knew she was happy with me, but she would be happy without me if she had to be. I thought about how generous and kind and loving she was. She was going to be an amazing mother to our child. I thought about the way she looked at me when she smiled. The way it went all the way to her eyes.

I had to do the right thing. I had to marry Bella.

The minute I made that decision I felt instantly better.

I could do this. I could right my wrongs. I could get full custody of Camp and we could be a blended family. Bella wouldn’t object to that, I was certain of it. We could move into her payoff from Bradley, that awesome little cottage with the fenced garden, and I would make sure I put a man cave in the garage so it didn’t feel too much Bella, too little me. I would get great satisfaction at knowing my presence there would piss off Bradley to no end when he found out.

As far as futures go, this wasn’t a bad one. It actually sounded pretty fucking awesome. Maybe this was the way it would have ended up anyway. Bella and me and a couple of kids. Because I did love her. I really did.

I could make this work. Man the fuck up.

Then there was a knock on the door and I went and answered it, unshaven and reeking of booze. It was a certified letter. Ali was suing for fifty-fifty custody of Camp.

Fortunately, I had another bottle of whiskey. I took a sip straight from the bottle and let the words on those documents blur in front of my drunken eyes.