Chapter Twelve
West
“No.” Maybe I had before my mom’s mental illness took over our lives, but now I couldn’t see how fate or destiny thought my family deserved this mess.
“Why not?” she asked.
Time to turn this back on her. “Because things just happen. There isn’t always some cosmic reason.”
“I read somewhere that life is a series of twists and turns you don’t see coming, but they end up leading you where you belong.”
“Really? So you knocking the mirror off my car is part of some grand design? I don’t buy it.”
“Maybe,” she said. “Or maybe fate wanted us to spend some quality time together so I can help you see that the world is a brighter place than you think it is.”
I snorted. “The world will be a brighter place once I have a scholarship that lets me move far away.” Wait. Why had I shared that? Maybe because even with her crazy beliefs and bad driving skills she was easy to talk to.
“What scholarships are you applying for?” she asked, like she was actually interested.
“I’m hoping for one of the Merit scholarships. With my grades I should have a decent chance.”
“I applied for a few of those, too. Although I’m not sure I have faith in the system. A lot of people apply.”
“That’s oddly cynical. Why go through the trouble of writing the essays and filling out the forms if you don’t think you’ll get one?”
“My mom wanted me to apply. There’s a chance I could get one. If I don’t, she said it’s good practice for when things don’t go your way in life. One of those life-lesson scenarios.”
“Have you ever noticed that those always suck? No one ever calls a happy event a life lesson.”
She laughed. “I never thought of it that way, but you’re right. Maybe life lesson is the grown-up code for things that suck. Even if I do get a scholarship, I have no idea what I want to major in or even what college I should go to. How about you?”
“I’ve been accepted to a few of my first-choice schools and a few I’m not sure about. As far as a job, goes, I know I want to do something that lets me travel. I don’t want to be tied down to one place. I like math, so maybe something in accounting or engineering.”
“Those aren’t people person jobs, and you seem like a people person.”
“I do?” Why does she think that? “Because most of the time, people annoy the crap out of me.”
She laughed. “I’m pretty sure that is one of those things you aren’t supposed to say out loud.”
That didn’t meld with what she’d said before. “I thought you were the honesty-is-the-best-policy person.”
“Lying is wrong, but sometimes people share things they shouldn’t.” Her expression darkened.
“Like what?”
“Nothing,” she said. “It’s stupid.”
“We’re stuck together for at least ten more minutes. So you might as well spill it.”
She stopped at a red light and picked at the hem on her right sleeve, pulling a loose thread and then yanking if off. “Well…when my dad broke things off with us, he should have kept the details of his other life to himself. I think he felt the need to confess, which just made the situation worse. He could have said he met someone else. We didn’t need all the gory details. I read somewhere that you have to carry your own water, meaning it’s crappy to confess to make yourself feel better, if it will make the person hearing the confession feel worse.”
The light turned green and we moved with the flow of traffic. How should I respond to her sharing something so personal? This level of honesty was foreign to me. “My family goes with the ostrich approach. Stick your head in the ground, ignore the problem, and hope it goes away.”
“You mean like your mom being sick?”
I nodded. “My dad likes to pretend everything is fine.”
“And your mom?” Nina asked.
It felt like I was jogging through a minefield. “I think…that she’s been this way for so long…she’s forgotten what life was like before.”
“If we weren’t on the road, I’d be hugging you right now,” Nina said, with a catch in her voice. “Because that is one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard.”
It was one of the most honest things I’d ever said. It made a spot in my chest ache. Words poured out of my mouth before I could stop them. “It’s such a cop-out, both she and my dad. If she acts like it’s normal, then she doesn’t have to admit it’s a problem. If my dad acts like it’s all okay, then he doesn’t have to try to convince her to find treatment.”
“Are there other doctors she could see? Maybe get a second opinion?”
“I’ve asked that same question over and over again, and neither of my parents are willing to try anything new.”
“That’s so frustrating and just plain wrong.”
Not like I was going to argue with her.
“I’ve been racking my brain about something that might be nice for your mom,” Nina said. “Do you think she’d want to listen to some audiobooks? You can buy them and download them onto your phone or tablet.”
That was actually a good thought. “I’ll mention it to her.”
…
While I sat in homeroom, I thought about how different Nina was from Vicky. Nina actually seemed to be concerned for my family. I’d given Vicky the same story about my mom being ill, but she never offered any suggestions about how she might be able to help. I’d never expected her to. Then Nina comes along with her weird hugging family who likes to feed everyone…which was actually kind of nice. Maybe I could tell her what was really going on with my mom. It would be such a relief not to have to keep so much of my life secret from the girl I liked.
Whoa. Where did that come from? Unless I could argue my way out of it, I was stuck taking Nina to the dance, but nothing would happen after that. Right? Nina could be a friend. And that would be okay because, despite what I’d said to Vicky, my only two friends were Matt and Charlie. If Nina proved trustworthy, maybe I could add her to that small select group.