Chapter Thirty-Nine
West
I went back into the now empty kitchen and looked out the window toward Nina’s backyard. She was seated at the picnic table with her back to my house. Her brother, Jason, was nowhere to be seen, but her mom sat across from her. Gidget lay in the grass chewing on a rawhide bone.
What could I say to her? I had no idea. All I could do was try. I headed out the back door. Nina’s mom saw me coming. Her eyebrows shot up, which clued Nina in.
She turned around, spotted me, and frowned. “What do you want?”
“I wanted to talk to you.”
“I’m a little busy now.” Nina indicated the game of Life she and her mom were playing.
“Who’s winning?” I asked.
“None of your damn business,” Nina replied, and turned back around.
Okay then. I knew this wouldn’t be simple, but I was already over here, and I wasn’t giving up without a fight, so I sat down next to her.
“No one invited you to sit,” she said.
“I know you’re mad,” I started in. “And you have every right to be.”
“Nope. Not mad. I might be profoundly pissed off, hateful, and fantasizing about kicking you in the balls, but I wouldn’t say I’m mad.”
“Okay. I deserve that. The terrible things I said when I broke up with you, I didn’t mean them. I said them on purpose to drive you away.”
“Mission accomplished,” she shot back. “Anything else you want to share before you Go Away?”
I got it. She was throwing my words back in my face. Time to cut to the chase. “Breaking up with you was the only way I could keep my mom from inviting you to dinner.”
“Wait a minute,” Nina’s mom said. “I thought you said your mom was sick and couldn’t have visitors.”
“He lied,” Nina said.
“I didn’t lie. My mom is ill,” I said. “But it’s not her immune system that’s the problem. She’s mentally fragile, so my dad is overprotective of her. If my mom had invited Nina to dinner, my dad would have followed through on his threat to evict you.”
“What the hell?” Nina said. “That’s why you broke up with me?”
I nodded.
“Did you ever think you could have talked to me about this, instead of acting like the biggest jerk on the planet?”
“You don’t understand. My mom is not rational. She doesn’t back down from an idea once it’s in her head. My dad literally threatened to kick you out and let my mom fill the house with more of her crazy collection. Breaking up with you seemed like the only solution.”
“Why can’t Nina eat dinner at your house?” her mom asked.
“I haven’t seen our dining room table in more than three years. I guess it’s still in there somewhere, but it’s buried under boxes of useless crap my mom collects. My dad loves her, and therapy didn’t help, so he puts all of her things in storage boxes. My entire house is floor-to-ceiling boxes, and my dad doesn’t want anyone to know, so I’ve been telling people that my mom is ill for years.”
“Oh…wow.” Her mom frowned. “I’ll go inside and let you two talk.”
After her mom left, I scooted closer to Nina. “I swear you weren’t just convenient. Can you give me a second chance?”
“If this is supposed to be an apology, it’s not working,” Nina said. “Rather than telling me the truth, like you said you would, you threw my worst fear in my face. You made me feel worthless, just like my father did.”
“I’m sorry.” I reached for her hand, but she yanked it away.
“Don’t touch me.”
Well, this was a spectacular failure. “If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me.” I stood and walked toward my house, hoping she’d call me back. Of course, that didn’t happen. Apparently, there are some things an apology can’t fix.
…
Nina
My mom must have been hovering by the patio doors, because she came back outside as soon as West left. “I take it that didn’t go well.”
“No,” I said.
“So West’s dad is the mentally healthier parent?” my mom asked. “Poor West.”
“Right. Poor West.” I spun the spinner with a little too much gusto, and it took forever to land on a number. I moved my game piece three spaces. “He should have told me the truth.”
“You’re right,” my mom said. “But sometimes being right isn’t everything. Sometimes you need to think about what makes you happy.”
I froze. “If you’re trying to tell me you’re getting back together with Dad, I swear to God I’m moving in with Lisa.”
“What? No. Never. What your dad did was selfish and wrong, not to mention illegal. What West did was stupid and shortsighted and immature. You’re the only one who can decide if it’s forgivable.”
Later that night I called Lisa and relayed the interaction with West and what my mom said. “And honestly, there’s only so much time and effort I’m willing to put into any relationship,” I said. “And I’m not sure West is worth the trouble.”
“So you think you’ve reached the end of your emotional budget?” Lisa asked. “Where his issues aren’t worth the emotional investment?”
“Maybe. Is that something your mom tells people when she’s counseling them?”
“Yes.”
“It makes sense to have an emotional boyfriend budget. Some sort of scale to decide if the good outweighs the bad. If you are better off with or without a guy.” I pulled at a thread on the sleeve of my sweatshirt and the hem unraveled. “Crap.” West had warned me about that. Was this some sign from the universe that I needed to leave well enough alone or that I needed to hear West out? Or…it could just be an old shirt with weakened thread.
“So what are you going to do?” Lisa asked.
“I have no idea. Part of me wants to hear him out. Part of me wants to break the mirrors off of his Fusion with a baseball bat.”
She laughed. “Let me know if I need to come play lookout so you won’t get caught.”
After hanging up with Lisa, I thought about West. He claimed he didn’t mean what he’d said. Oh, how I wanted to believe that. Did I want to give another chance to a guy who’d hurt me on purpose, even if it was to protect his mom? I didn’t know. And yes, he’d been trying to keep me from being evicted, but all of this pain could have been avoided if he’d just told me the truth. But he hadn’t. And that was the real problem.
…
West
Sunday night, I sat out on my barbecue court, burning sticks and charcoal in the grill. I’d given up on bringing paper out here to burn. If my dad didn’t care about five-year-old mildew-stained mail, then why should I give a shit?
I listened, hoping I might hear Gidget running and barking. Maybe she’d lead Nina out here to me so I could try pleading my case again. Even though I’d eaten dinner, my gut felt cold and empty. God, I was pathetic. She was just a girl. There were other girls out there. A small voice in my head pointed out that the other girls probably wouldn’t try to feed me every time I came over or give me loaves of homemade banana bread. They wouldn’t hide out with me during rainstorms reading Harry Potter out loud. Nina was different. I’d never met a girl like her before, and I probably never would again.
My cell buzzed. I checked the text and was slightly disappointed when I saw it was from Charlie. He and Matt were going to grab something to eat if I wanted to meet them. I texted back a quick No thanks, and then stared at my phone, willing Nina to text me. Of course, that didn’t happen. There had to be something I could do to show her how sorry I was.
…
Monday morning, Mr. Grant made the official announcement that the pro-recycling petition had more signatures than the one to keep the library open. The political powers-that-be felt the same say, so the Hilmer Library would become a recycling center, which meant people would have to drive forty minutes to the library, if they wanted to borrow books. That was one more reason for Nina to be mad at me, even though I couldn’t do anything to make that situation better.
At lunch, I Googled traveling libraries to see if there were any groups who shuttled books around to towns who didn’t have their own libraries. There were, but Greenbrier didn’t qualify for services. There had to be something else I could do. And then I had an idea.
I stayed after school so I could talk to Mr. Grant. Since his brother was donating the manpower to rehab the interior of the Hilmer building, turning it into a glorified warehouse, maybe we could alter the plans just a little bit. I had an idea that might make Nina and the other library ladies happy.
Mr. Grant listened to me, and then he smiled. “I’m proud of you for thinking of this. It’s such a simple concept, and it will make two groups of people happy. Good job.”
“Thanks.” I only hoped it would be enough to make Nina give me another chance.
“I’ll let my brother know that you’ll come by after school tomorrow to help set things up.”
There…now I had a plan. I didn’t know if it would be enough for Nina to forgive me, and I’d need to enlist some help if I was going to make this happen. I shared my plan with Matt and Charlie at lunch.
“That’s not a bad idea,” Matt said. “I don’t know if it will win Nina back, but it’s a good start.”
“I might need your help getting Nina to the right place at the right time. Can you talk to Lisa about this, because I don’t think she’ll listen to me.”
Matt nodded. “I can do that.”
Three days later, after school, I waited outside the recycling center for Nina and Lisa to arrive.
Matt texted me when the girls were on their way.
I stood off to the side of the sign I’d just finished hanging. I heard Nina before I saw her come around the corner of the building.
“I don’t know why you’d think I’d want to see this stupid recycling center,” she griped.
“Just keep moving,” Lisa said.
Nina came around the corner, spotted me, and then noticed the sign. “Hilmer Book Recycling Center? What’s this?”
“It’s a free library.” I gestured that she should go through the door.
She seemed unsure, but she entered the building. I followed and then watched as she scanned the small room.
I pointed at the half-full bookshelves. “People can donate books they no longer want and pick up a different book to take home.” I pointed at the bulletin boards on the wall labeled Book Reviews and Book Requests. “People can leave reviews recommending a book or ask if anyone has seen a copy of a book they want. And that corner over there”—I pointed to an old brown leather couch my uncle had donated—“is for people who want to hang out here and read.” The sign above the couch read: Nina’s Book Nook, and a there was a small bookshelf next to it featuring a hard-backed boxed set of Harry Potter.
Nina turned in a circle and took everything in.
My heart beat faster in my chest. Will this work?
…
Nina
West had done this for me? It was a fantastic idea. “I like it. It’s a great idea. Good job.”
His smile faltered. “Thanks.”
Did he think this made up for the terrible things he’d said? I wasn’t sure if it did. Still, he’d put a lot of effort into this place. I don’t think he would have done that if he didn’t care about me.
“When did you decide to do this?” I asked.
“After I talked to you in your backyard and realized a simple apology wasn’t going to cut it,” he said. “I was hoping you’d see it as a peace offering and maybe you’d give me another chance.”
“Why do you want another chance?” I asked.
“You’re going to make me argue my case about why we should get back together, aren’t you?” he asked.
I nodded. “Got it in one.”
“Fine.” He reached for my hand, and I let him lace his fingers through mine. Warmth radiated from his touch. “My house is a very stressful place. The only time I’ve been happy lately is when I’m with you. You make my world better. And I’d want to be with you even if you didn’t live next door.”
Should I believe him? He seemed sincere.
“I think this is one of those hugging moments,” West said, pulling me closer until we were toe-to-toe.
“It is?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “I’m hoping it will be followed by a kissing moment, but that’s up to you.”
“How’s it going in there?” Lisa called out as she peeked around the doorframe.
“We’re dating again,” West said.
“Cool. I’m out of here. You can give Nina a ride home.”
Lisa took off, and I looked at West. “Funny, I don’t remember agreeing to date you.”
“Too late.” He grinned like he was quite proud of himself. “I said it. You didn’t argue. Lisa heard it. So now we have to date; otherwise, you lied to your best friend.”
“You think you’re so smart,” I said, “don’t you?”
“With the recent exception of being a total dumb-ass…yes, I’m smart enough to know a good thing when I see it, and this time I’m not letting go.”
“And next time there’s a problem you’ll talk to me rather than push me away?”
“Yes. And in case you haven’t figured it out yet,” he said, “this is a kissing moment.”
I grinned as his mouth came toward mine. He pulled me closer, and I leaned into him, enjoying the sensation of being wrapped in his arms. It felt right. It felt like I was where I belonged. I knew West and I wouldn’t always agree on everything. We were bound to have some disagreements, but as long as he took the time to talk to me, everything should be all right.
When the kiss ended, I smiled up at him. “So…I hear there’s some sort of Spring Fling dance coming up.”
“And you think dances are stupid, so we’re not going,” he said.
“No, I think I’ve changed my mind,” I teased. “I want to go to a dance.”
“We’re not going to a dance because the only reason you’re saying you want to go is to torment me,” he said.
“Maybe, maybe not. But If I really wanted to go, would you take me?”
“Yes,” he said. “As penance and because I want to make you happy.”
“Thank you.” I kissed him. “And don’t worry, I don’t actually want to go to the dance.”
“No,” he said. “I think you’re right. We should go to the dance.”
“But I don’t want to go to the dance.” What is he trying to pull?
“I know,” he said. “Let’s go grab some coffee, and we can talk about what you’re going to wear to the dance.”
“Yes to the coffee,” I said. “And no to the dance.” We walked out of the lending library, hand in hand. West continued his debate on why we should go to the dance. His argument became more outrageous, and he had me laughing by the time we made it to his car. Maybe this is what relationships were supposed to be about, finding someone who wanted to make you happy because you made them happy. Even though West had freaked out and messed up big time, he’d put effort into making things right.
A small voice in the back of my head pointed out that we’d both be heading off to college soon, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t enjoy the time we had. Who knew, if things went well, maybe we’d go away to school together. Rather than focusing on a pie-in-the-sky-happily-ever-after ending, I’d focus on living in the moment and being happy for now. Just because my dad had been a jerk didn’t mean West would be. Neither of us were perfect. Being in love and caring about someone was kind of like sharing a driveway. Being close to someone, putting your emotions out there, left you vulnerable. And accidents, like ripping West’s car mirror off, or getting into fights, were bound to happen, but most things were fixable, if you put effort into it.