Chapter Thirty-Eight
Nina
I fled back to my house, yanked open the patio door, and slammed it shut behind me. Gidget came running. I led her to the couch where she jumped up beside me. Hugging her, I tried to make sense of what had just happened. West’s hateful words replayed in my head. Had he really meant that? I was convenient? That’s why he was with me?
The cynical part of my brain laughed and pointed out the obvious. Why would he put forth the effort to meet a girl he liked if there was one next door who was willing to sneak off to a shed and make out with him? How could I have been so naive…so stupid?
My eyes burned, and a cold, dull ache radiated through my bones. I never should have trusted him. I could have sworn he liked me, cared about me. If he had, he couldn’t just end things and walk away from me, right?
Since he had done exactly that, it meant he’d never actually cared. The realization slammed into my chest, making it hard to take a full breath. I wanted to curl up in a ball. Instead, I hugged Gidget and let the angry tears flow.
Gidget whined and licked my face.
“You’re the best dog.” She yodeled in agreement and cuddled closer, providing furry warmth and unconditional love.
Screw West. I didn’t need him. Right now his biggest punishment was he would get exactly what he wanted—to be alone with a crazy hoarding mom and an almost-as-crazy OCD dad.
Besides, I didn’t need him. I had a dog. And dogs were far more loyal than men. Hadn’t my own father proven that?
Once I was cried out, I called Lisa.
“I can’t believe he broke up with you. Did he say why?”
“No.” I sniffled. I couldn’t tell her what he’d said. It was too painful and humiliating.
“What a jackass. Is there anything I can do to help?” she asked.
When I was thoroughly stressed out, the only thing that helped me cope were books. “I need something to help me ignore reality. Want to run to the bookstore?”
“Sure. I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes.”
I ran to the bathroom and checked the mirror. Wow. Waterproof mascara, my ass. It looked like I’d cried black paint. I washed my face and didn’t bother applying any new makeup.
I left a note on the kitchen table telling my mom where I’d gone. Maybe Lisa and I would eat cookies from the bookstore cafe for dinner. That was the only thing that sounded good right now.
…
Waking up Tuesday morning was extra sucky. In retrospect, staying up until two in the morning to finish my book had not been a smart plan, but I had needed a happily ever after, even if it was fictional. The three cookies I had for dinner probably hadn’t helped, either.
To top it off, I’d forgotten to reset my alarm to a reasonable human time of the morning, so I woke up at the stupid early time I’d been waking up to ride with West. But I wasn’t riding with West, because he was an emotionally stunted idiot. So I spied out the window as he climbed into his car and backed down the driveway without so much as a glance in my direction.
“Are you okay?” my mom asked.
I gave her a look worthy of her dumb question.
“You know what I mean,” she said. “Is there anything I can do?”
“No.” Part of me wanted to stay home and pout, while the other half wanted to go to school to show West I was fine without him. “Guys suck.”
“Yes, yes they do.” She gave me a quick hug.
“Cole isn’t a jerk.” Jason called out from the kitchen.
“But now you’re being one,” I yelled back.
“You’ll be fine,” my mom said. “Because you have me and Gidget and Jason and Lisa. You’re luckier than West. Remember that.”
Was this how my mom had coped with my dad’s betrayal? “Thanks, Mom. I better go.”
The first thing I noticed when I walked into school was the fresh round of recycling posters taped all over the hallways. Wherever one of my Keep the Hilmer Library Open posters hung, one of West’s was displayed right next to it. That was rude. He should find his own spots to hang posters.
I had to walk past West’s locker to reach mine. Charlie made eye contact with me and gave a quick nod. I nodded back. West pretended I was invisible, which made my stomach ache. Acting like it didn’t bother me, I kept walking.
At my locker, I noticed the gossip who’d asked me about West a few weeks ago. She sidled closer as I worked the combination lock.
“Can I help you?” I asked.
“Is it true?” she asked. “Did you and West break up?”
“We did,” I said, keeping my tone even, like it wasn’t a big deal.
“Sorry about that,” she said.
Sure she was. I nodded and went back to organizing my books. Lisa showed up a few minutes later.
“Any problems so far this morning?” she asked.
“Besides the burning desire to kick West in the balls? No.”
She pulled a flat bakery bag from her backpack. “Just in case you needed more cookies.”
I was pretty much cookied out, but I took the bag. “Thanks. Did you notice how pro-recycling signs popped up next to all of our save the library signs?”
“Yes. That’s sort of rude.”
“My thoughts exactly. So what are we going to do about it?” I asked.
“We could accidentally rip them off the walls,” she suggested.
“I don’t have a better idea,” I said. “But we probably shouldn’t do that.”
By lunch, all I wanted to do was go home and go to sleep.
Matt approached our table and sat down. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but West is a miserable SOB today. He’s barely speaking to us.”
“Good,” Lisa said. “He broke up with Nina. He deserves to be miserable.”
Matt frowned. “Huh…from the way he’s acting, I would have thought it was the other way around.”
“Nope,” I said. “This is all his doing. Feel free to punch him if the opportunity arises.”
He nodded and walked off.
…
West
Matt and Charlie waited for me by my car after school. I don’t know what they had in mind, but I was not in the mood to go anywhere or deal with anyone. “What’s up?” I asked.
“That’s what we wanted to ask you,” Matt said.
“Yeah,” Charlie chimed in. “Why are you in such a foul mood?”
I didn’t owe either of them an explanation, but I couldn’t really talk to anyone else about this. Glancing around to make sure no one was close enough to overhear, I said, “My mom spoke to Nina and let her in the house.”
“That’s good, right?” Matt said.
I stared at him, waiting for him to get a freaking clue.
“Or not,” Charlie said. “Because of your mom’s collection.”
“My dad read me the riot act. I told Nina when we started dating that she could never come over to my house and bother my mom, and she did it anyway. The end.” And with that, I got in my car. There was nothing left to discuss.
…
Wednesday morning when I walked to my locker, I knew something was up. Matt and Charlie stood nearby with their heads together like they were plotting something. As I worked the combination lock, they came to stand on either side of me.
“Whatever it is, the answer is no.” I didn’t like it when they pulled the twin card and ganged up on me.
“Crab ass.” Matt leaned against his locker. “You don’t even know what we were going to say.”
“Fine. Talk.”
“You didn’t have to break up with Nina,” Charlie said. “She knows your secret. You could be honest with her.”
“That’s not the point,” I said.
“Then what is the point?” Matt asked. “Making yourself miserable?”
I didn’t bother answering. I just headed off to homeroom. Matt and Charlie had no right to judge me. They didn’t live in my house. They didn’t know what it was like to deal with crazy twenty-four hours a day. And not just my mom’s craziness, my dad was also nuts in his own antisocial, OCD way. And yes, Nina knew about them, but that didn’t make the situation okay; it made it worse. When I was out of the house I could pretend my life was normal. Having Nina know meant I couldn’t pretend anymore. The crazy would always be there staring me in the face. I was better off dating a girl who lived across town, someone who’d never know about my family. Someone who didn’t look at me with pity.
…
Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday all rolled into one big ball of shittiness. I avoided talking to everyone because Matt and Charlie kept prying, and my mom wouldn’t stop asking about Nina.
My dad was the only person who seemed happy.
Saturday afternoon, I went for a drive to clear my head. My life was fine. I didn’t need a girlfriend, especially one who lived next door to me who could bring everything crashing down around me at any moment.
I only had three months left of school. Time to focus on which college I wanted to attend. I’d been accepted by several with good engineering programs and was still trying to make up my mind. Maybe I’d pick the one farthest away. My dad could cater to my mom’s craziness all he wanted, while I lived a normal life someplace else.
With no plan in mind, I drove downtown near the barbeque place where Nina and I had eaten. I Googled the restaurant’s phone number, ordered the family special as carryout, and waited in the parking lot for it to be ready. Because it’s not like I had someone at home cooking me dinner.
Couples walked up and down the street holding hands, looking in the stupid store windows. All the girls were smiling. Most of the guys didn’t seem unhappy, but I could tell this wasn’t their favorite activity. I was glad not to be one of those guys who had to pretend to be interested in window displays, even though Nina and I had had a good time.
When twenty minutes had passed, I headed over to the restaurant to pick up my food. On the drive home, I ate fries straight from the bag. They weren’t as good as I remembered.
At home, I found my mom and dad eating pizza in the kitchen. I held up my bag of carryout. “I picked up barbecue, if you want some.”
“Maybe later,” my dad said.
I fixed a plate and sat at the table.
“Are you feeling any better?” my mom asked.
It took me a moment to realize she was speaking to me. “I’m fine.”
“No. You’re not,” my dad said. “What’s wrong?”
I set my fork down. Resentment rose up inside me. “Nothing’s wrong. I made sure Nina wouldn’t be a problem anymore, just like you told me to.”
“Why would she be a problem?” my mom asked.
I let my dad field that question since he was the one who’d set this ball in motion, but he didn’t say anything. Fine. “Dad didn’t want Nina over here, and you wouldn’t stop asking about her, so I did what I had to do. I broke up with her.”
My dad looked at me like I’d said something that didn’t make sense.
“I don’t know why you look surprised,” I said. “Everything I do—keeping to myself, only being friends with Matt and Charlie, never getting too close to anyone, living like a freaking hermit—is to keep our family secret.”
My dad shook his head. “I never asked you to do that. I thought you were like me, that you preferred to keep to yourself.”
“No.” I wanted to shout at him, but I didn’t have the energy. “I put my entire life on hold to try and keep the peace around here.” I sank down in my chair. I thought confessing this might make me feel better, but it just felt like I had fallen deeper into a hole of my own making. This was all too much.
“I don’t understand why Nina can’t come over,” my mom said.
I loved my mother, but I’d reached my limit. “How we live isn’t normal. Your collection…all of these boxes stacked floor to ceiling is not normal. Anyone who came into the house—”
“West, that’s enough!” my dad shouted.
“Why?” I was on a roll. “Why can’t we talk about it? Mom is a hoarder. It’s a fact. Not naming the problem won’t make it go away.”
“Pointing it out doesn’t make it any better either.” My dad reached across the table to hold my mom’s hand. He looked at her as he spoke. “This isn’t your fault.”
My mom stared uncomprehending at me and then at my dad. “I don’t understand, but if I stop asking about Nina, will that make it better?”
“Nothing will make this better.” I stood and stalked off to my room. Lying in bed, I rubbed my temples hoping to make my pounding headache go away.
My bedroom door swung open.
“What?” I sat up, expecting to see my father.
My mom stood there ringing her hands. “Go talk to Nina. She made you happy. Your father and I want you to be happy.”
“It’s too late for that.”
“It’s never too late,” she said. “Go make things right.”
“I’m not sure I can.” I’d said some unforgivable things.
“Think about it.” My mom left, closing the door behind her.
It was a little late for motherly concern and advice. Could I make this right after what I’d said? The truth was, even though Nina might make my life more difficult, I had been happier with her than without her. Was that how my dad felt about my mom? Not that I planned to propose marriage to Nina, but I wanted her back in my life. After the way I’d broken things off with her, I needed to come up with a good argument to win her back. First step: talking to her.