Chapter Nineteen
Tyke stood next to the table, unable to move as he watched her go. Estelle hustled after her niece, but given Kenna’s speed, it would be a miracle if the old broad caught up with her.
He wanted to go after her. Chase her down and make her understand. Explain why he couldn’t make her happy.
He had a passing thought that she’d turn around and come back. For Sam’s benefit. But her hatred for Tyke must’ve been a lot stronger than her love for her friend.
He knew she hated him. Hell, he hated himself. But to hear it. To listen to the words in that strangled voice of hers. To hear how broken she’d been over him. How his leaving still affected her. It ripped him up. His insides were in shreds. He’d been selfish to think they’d be able to get through this week without incident. Without reliving their past.
And he was stupid to think he was over her.
He’d been ashamed of himself for so long. Disappointed he couldn’t be who she needed. That he’d betrayed her trust. But he saw now that she needed to know. Otherwise, she’d never get over the past. She’d hold his leaving against him forever. And she deserved to be free of him. To truly move on and not look back. Once she knew why he never came back all those years ago, she’d understand. She’d finally be done with him. For good.
It’s what they both needed.
Even if he’d live in misery for the rest of his life. At least he could go on knowing she wasn’t suffering anymore. He wanted to give that to her.
He had to tell her. Fuck forgiveness or apologies. He just needed her to know why he didn’t come back.
“Hey, man,” Calder’s concerned voice came up behind him about the same time that he stood at Tyke’s side and gripped a hand onto his shoulder. “You okay?”
“Fine.” Tyke threw his head back and inhaled a huge gulp of beer. Not that it would do anything to numb him. Might take the edge off. But at this point, he’d take what he could get.
“Is Kenna okay?” Calder asked. “She looked pretty upset. Something happen between you two?”
He wanted to laugh. Laugh until he ran out of air and it strangled him to death. Then he wouldn’t have to feel what he was feeling now. Yeah, something happened between them. She wanted him. He wanted her. She was pissed at him. He couldn’t be what she needed.
A real fairy-tale story.
“What’s going on?” Ash said, coming up on Tyke’s other side. “Why’s Kenna all worked up?”
He rolled his eyes and took another long drag from his bottle. “Don’t you two have anything better to do?”
“Cass wanted me to check on you. Said you looked perplexed.”
“Sam, too.”
Tyke grumbled. Damn nosy, big-hearted women.
“I’m fine,” he said. “Kenna’s fine. Everything’s fine.”
Luke scanned the area in a wide arc. “Then where’d she go?”
Tyke glanced at Calder from the corner of his eye. “Do I look like her keeper?”
“For a while you did.”
Tyke grunted. “You two don’t know anything.”
Ash pulled out Tyke’s chair and gestured to it. “Then why don’t you tell us?”
Bryan glanced down at the item in Ash’s hand, then looked up at his friends. “There’s nothin’ to tell, okay? She went wherever women go to do whatever women do. Ask your fiancées, maybe they know where she is.”
Ash took his hand off the chair in order to fold his arms. “Sam has a theory.”
Tyke looked up at the cloudless night sky and exhaled. “Great. Can’t wait to hear it.”
“Good, ’cause you’re going to.” There was a pause, then Ash said, “She thinks you two still love each other.”
Calder’s eyes expanded, the whites glowing like huge eggs in the candlelight. “Is that true? Do you love her? And does she love you back?”
Slowly turning his head, Bryan looked at Luke. “What is this? Days of Our Lives or some shit?”
“Looks like it the way you two are on-again and off-again every freaking second,” Luke said. “Want to write her a note and have me pass it to her in study hall?”
In about two seconds, he was going to rearrange Calder’s pretty-boy smile.
Ash must have sensed the change in cabin pressure because he jumped in. “What Calder’s trying to say is you need to talk to her.”
Tyke scrubbed a rough hand down his face. “What the hell am I going to say?”
“Whatever you want. Tell her how you feel.”
He blinked a few times making his friends’ tall frames grow fuzzy the faster he did it.
“I know,” Ash said in a mock horrified voice. “I can’t believe I just used the F-word. What in the hell is wrong with me?”
“You’re in love, Coop,” Luke said, picking something out of his teeth. “Just admit it. I have no issue saying it. Hell, I can’t say it enough. After almost losing Cass, I’m going to tell her every single second of every day.”
Tyke loved Kenna. He wasn’t afraid to admit that. He’d loved that woman from the second he’d laid eyes on her in third-grade math class. He’d sat behind her and threw little balled-up pieces of paper into her red mane trying to get her attention. It had worked. She socked him on her way home from school with the weakest punch he’d ever felt. So he’d taught her how to throw a proper jab. It was the day he knew she was the only one for him.
The problem wasn’t love. It was that he couldn’t give her forever. She’d always wanted children of her own for as long as he could remember. They used to name their imaginary kids. After Kenna lost her mom, she and Tyke agreed they’d name their little girl after Mary Lou. They’d wanted to honor an amazing woman.
But after his accident, all of those hopes for a family were gone. He couldn’t be the one to give her that. And out of any woman he’d ever met, Kenna McCord would make an amazing mother. She was conditioned for it. She’d had the best example in her own mom.
His stomach dropped, that familiar misery making its rounds again. It ebbed and flowed through his body like a second skin now. It was a part of him. How inadequate he was. He thought he’d finally accepted it. But he was a fool to think he’d ever accept the fact that he loved her and couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
He dreamed of giving her a child. He’d thought about it as he came inside her each time they slept together. They both could have everything they ever wanted.
But it was just a fantasy.
He couldn’t give her a child any more than she could forgive him for their past.
When his thoughts finally cleared, and he could see straight again, he brought his focus to the two idiots standing in front of him, faces examining his.
“Yep,” Luke said. “He loves her.”
“Completely wrecked,” Ash agreed. He slapped Tyke on the back, making Tyke wince from the slight sting in his shoulder that was still healing. “Welcome to the dark side, buddy.”
“It’s not so bad,” Calder jumped in. “We have cookies.” He grinned, then, “And by cookies, I mean—”
Tyke threw up a hand. “I got it.”
“Just sayin’,” Luke said. “You might want to give it a try.”
Cooper was nodding. “Get your head out of your ass and tell her how you feel. Don’t let her walk away if it’s not what you both really want.”
The two gave him one last pointed glare before rejoining their fiancées at the bar.
Tyke dropped into the chair Ash had pulled out and cradled his face in his hands.
“They’ve got a point, ya know.”
He jerked his head up to see Estelle sitting across from him.
“Thought you went off after your niece.”
“Couldn’t catch her.” She sipped from her drink, then said, “They’re right.”
“Which part?” he asked, not really wanting the answer.
“The head up your ass.”
He laughed despite himself. He already knew that.
She stared at him with an assessing gaze he’d seen so many times from Kenna. It made him squirm but also comforted him at the same time.
“I can’t make her happy, Estelle.”
“So you know what’s in her mind, do ya?”
He pressed his fingers into his eye sockets. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re right. And neither does she. That don’t help the situation any, does it?”
“She’s gonna hate me,” he said.
Estelle tilted her head to the side to look around the wide white floral bouquet on the table. “Hate to point it out, Bryan, but she don’t exactly love ya right now, either.”
True. And wouldn’t it be better if she knew why he never came back? Then she’d have a valid reason to hate him, rather than just being resentful for something she didn’t understand. She’d said it herself—she thought he left because she wasn’t good enough. Christ, that was the furthest from the truth. If anything, she was too good for him.
It was time. Time to suck it up and own up to his past.
But first, he needed to be shit-faced so he wouldn’t have to remember the look of horror on her face when he told her.
By the time he headed back to the room, Tyke was so drunk he barely remembered the journey. He cradled his arm against his chest, groaning each time he bashed it into something. Like the wall. Then the door. Tyke pulled out his key card and tried to slide it into the lock.
He missed.
Tried again.
Nope.
And again.
Not that time.
Bending, he closed one eye and slowly glided the card toward the door. It wobbled but finally landed where it needed to. The door clicked, the sensor lit up green, so he turned the handle and entered their dark hotel room.
Something must’ve jumped out in front of him, because he lost his balance. “Shit.” He stumbled a few steps, his body starting to tilt forward. His hand landed on something soft, most likely the bed. Turning, he sat and waited for the room to stop spinning.
It didn’t.
“Kenna,” he said in a loud whisper. “Kenna, you awake?”
Silence came from her side of the bed.
His eyes finally adjusted to the dark, which allowed him to see the outline of her sleeping body, facing the window. She was curled with the blankets up to her neck. That red hair he loved was piled high on her head again, making him want to reach over and pull the tie out to let the strands fan over her pillow.
“Kenna?” he tried again. “Need to talk to you. Wake up.”
Tyke scooted back, adjusting himself onto his side of the bed without hurting his shoulder more in the process and rolled toward her.
“You awake yet?” He waited for a response.
All that came back was soft, steady breaths.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “So sorry. You deserve better. And you’re going to get it. I promise.” He reached down and started to unbutton his shirt so it wouldn’t be wrinkled for the wedding, but he couldn’t get his fingers to cooperate. He leaned to her ear. “You’re so good. I love you so much. But I’m no good for you. You need a real man. Not me.”
He let out a long yawn. “Nothing like me. I’m no good.”
And then he closed his eyes, rolled onto his good shoulder, and passed out.