Chapter Twenty-Two
Kenna rolled over in bed, groaning as she pulled the covers over her face. It was morning, and she didn’t want to be awake. She didn’t want to face the day. There was no way in the few hours they had left that she’d find Estelle’s brooch or Kenna’s ring. It was impossible.
Oh, and don’t forget how pleasing it was going to be for Bear to escort Kenna up and down the aisle at the wedding, her arm in his, his hand over hers, dancing with him at the reception with him holding her close in his tight embrace, and staring at him during the rest of the festivities.
Yeah, she wasn’t ready.
On instinct, she reached over to his side of the bed but found it empty. Disappointment swirled through her, though she wasn’t sure why. She’d kicked him out last night after all. It must’ve been the finality of it that made her most upset. The fact that last night hadn’t been a nightmare like she’d hoped, but instead, it had been very real.
She groaned.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Sam said, making Kenna yelp in surprise.
Flipping the comforter down from her face, Kenna peered at Sam across the room in a chair by the window.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“I’d ask how you slept,” Sam said, glancing at her. “But judging by the Medusa hair, swollen eyelids, and black mascara smudged all over your cheeks, I’m going to guess it wasn’t well.” Standing, she said, “Get up. We’re going for a walk.”
“A walk?” Kenna looked at the clock on the bedside table, trying to focus on the numbers. “At seven in the morning?”
“While you’ve been sleeping, some of us have been taking care of stuff.” Sam opened a drawer and rooted through Kenna’s things. She pulled out a sports bra, tank top, and shorts and threw them at her. The bra landed across her face.
Kenna peeled it off and threw back the covers, attempting to sit up. “How’d you even get in here?”
“Extra key,” she said. “You’ve got five minutes, or I’m going to drag you out of this room in your pj’s.” Sam assessed Kenna’s current outfit, which weren’t pajamas, instead she wore the shirt and shorts from the night before, then walked out to the balcony.
Kenna slowly rolled out of bed and stumbled into the clothes Sam pulled out. She went into the bathroom and ran the toothbrush through her mouth. As she walked through the open doorway outside, she pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail. “Fine. I’m up. Where are we walking?”
Without commenting, Sam spun, holding a pair of oversize sunglasses out for Kenna, and headed for the door.
They ended up at the beach, walking across the wet sand, letting the warm water splash at their feet and ankles. The sun had risen about an hour ago, casting a hazy glow over the water that hinted at a hot and humid day. The wedding was set for sunset, so hopefully the temperature would break a bit once the sun started to go back in.
“Are you nervous at all?” Kenna asked with a glance at her friend, who seemed carefree. “For the wedding.”
“Not a bit.” Sam slowed her pace and turned to walk backward in front of Kenna. “But that’s because it’s right. Ash is the one. There’s no doubt in my mind. I want him forever.”
“No matter what?”
“No matter what.” Sam came to a stop, cocking her head and giving Kenna a funny look. “Why?”
Kenna stopped, too, and lifted a shoulder. “Even if the life you expected—the one you’d dreamed of—isn’t what you actually get?”
“Yeah, even then. Any life with Ash is better than none at all. We learned that the hard way. I can’t imagine not being with him. No matter where we are or what we do.”
After they’d gotten engaged, Sam had told Kenna about her love affair with Ash and how they’d battled drug lords, jealous lovers, and crooked cops in order to find their happily ever after. Kenna had heard Luke and Cass went through something similar where Cass had nearly died at the hospital with Luke by her side.
Sam’s expression went thoughtful. “Do you think Bear’s still the one?”
Kenna loved him. By God, she loved that man with every ounce of her being. He was the only one she’d ever wanted her entire life. The one who completed her so fully he’d ruined her for anyone else.
It was always him.
“He could have been the one,” Kenna said with a shrug.
“But?” Sam asked.
But she was still angry. Though, the stage of anger varied. When he’d first told her about his condition—and that he’d kept it from her for so long—she was raging-red angry. She’d wanted to lash out at him and make him hurt as bad as she did. Then it morphed into disbelief at how absolutely clueless he’d been to not trust in their love. And now she was sitting at just plain pissed off. All that time apart could’ve been avoided if he hadn’t been so damn hardheaded.
She didn’t have the energy to relive everything that had happened over the last week, especially what transpired last night, so she tried to change the subject.
“It’s a long story,” Kenna said. “Besides, you have a wedding to focus on today. Stop worrying about me and Bear.” She pasted on a brave smile, even if she didn’t feel it.
“Tell me,” Sam said, her forehead crinkling slightly above the large shades. “How long have we been friends?”
Kenna thought back for a few seconds. “More than twenty years.”
“Right, so I’m well within my rights to tell you when you’re full of shit.”
“Excuse me?”
Sam’s smile was cocky. “You, Kenna McCord, are full. Of. Shit. You’re changing the subject because you don’t want to face the facts.”
“What facts are those?”
“That you’re afraid to trust Bryan with your heart again. So you’d rather be miserable for another twelve years, holding on to that anger until it consumes you. At least then you can be safe knowing he won’t hurt you again.”
“You don’t know what happened,” Kenna said, indignation making her bite the words out. “Or what he did.”
Sam waved that away with a slice of her hand. “The question isn’t what he did. It’s whether you’re willing to forgive him for it. And the only way you can forgive is if you decide to trust him again.”
Trust. There was that word again. After everything that happened between them, how could she trust him again? What could he ever hope to do to prove to her that he deserved it?
Even if she’d entertain the idea of another word with Bryan, she couldn’t imagine what he could say or do to make things right. To make her forget the pain of the last twelve years.
But Sam had a point. Pain couldn’t heal without a person first accepting it and deciding to forgive. It was up to Kenna whether she could or not.
“So,” Sam asked. “Are you willing to forgive him? Can you let Tyke back into your life and your heart?”
Kenna caught her confused reflection in Sam’s shades. “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I just don’t know.”
“Well, at least it isn’t a ‘hell no,’ ” Sam said, sliding her gaze over Kenna’s shoulder. “I got her warmed up, now she’s all yours.”
Kenna’s body locked up as she slowly turned to see Bear standing behind her with Ash.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed and then cleared his throat. He looked a little unsure of himself when he glanced at Ash.
Ash forced Bryan forward with a shove. Bryan stumbled a step or two before regaining his balance.
Kenna jerked a look at Sam, trying to spear the other woman with her gaze. You set me up.
Sam smiled, not worried in the least about the accusation. She clasped Kenna’s hands. “Hear him out. Please? For me?”
“I hate you,” Kenna hissed.
“No, you don’t,” Sam whispered. “I’m helping both of you get out of your own way.” Sam stepped toward her soon-to-be husband but stopped. “Oh, almost forgot.” She dug into her shorts pocket and then started fiddling with something on Kenna’s shirt. “Like I said, this was always about you guys getting out of your own way.”
When Kenna glanced down at the item pinned above her heart, she saw it was oval-shaped, about an inch long and half inch wide, with a decorative E and V inscription in the center.
Aunt Estelle’s brooch.
“Where did you—?”
Sam was already curled under Ash’s arm and they were headed back up toward the resort, holding each other tightly. “Don’t be late for the wedding!” Sam called over her shoulder with a grin. “And remember, it was all for your own good!”
Bear stood with both hands in the front pockets of the same shorts he was wearing the night of the rehearsal dinner. Same shirt, too. And those damn untied black boots. Only difference was his hair. It wasn’t in a tie. Blond strands hung loosely around his shoulders in disarray as if he’d been tugging on it all night. The sight would’ve made her giggle if it weren’t for the fact that she was so shocked to see him at all.
When it seemed like he wasn’t going to start, she said, “You hurt me.”
He took a hesitant step forward. “I know. I was stupid. I was an idiot. I should’ve told you. I should’ve come back. I’m sorry, Kenna. I’m so sorry.”
She studied his face. It looked paler than normal. Crease lines around his forehead and eyes appeared deeper. His expression showed desperation.
“Not good enough,” she said, crossing her arms. “What else?”
His eyes widened slightly like he hadn’t expected that. “It tore me apart to stay away. I thought about you every day and every night. It haunted me. I hated myself because I’d failed you. In more ways than one. I was a wreck. It took me years to even want to be around other people. I just felt so goddamn sorry for myself. For what I’d done to you. If I could take all the pain away, I would.”
He paused like he was trying to gauge her reaction, so she lifted an eyebrow to say, keep going.
“I’m nothing without you, Kenna. You’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted, and the only one I’m ever going to want. Ever.”
A soft wave of warm water ebbed around her ankles, then as it retreated it pulled the sand away, forcing her to shift her weight. “Still not good enough. I know all of that. We want each other, that’s never been our issue. But do you know how hard it is for me to even think about trusting you again?”
Another step forward. “I do. That’s what I regret most. I hate that you can’t trust me. You have every right not to. But I’m telling you, Kenna, I’ve changed.”
She still wasn’t going to relent her closed-off stance. Words. Right now they were just words. “How do I know you won’t go off and make decisions without my input again? How do I know you’ve changed?”
“I have,” he said. “I swear.”
“I don’t believe you,” she said. “You wasted more than a decade thinking I’d care about not having kids with you. If you had thought for one second about us, you would’ve realized that we could’ve worked through it. As long as we were together. There are so many options out there to be parents. Are you okay with the fact that you can’t have kids? Because it seems to be a huge hang-up for you.”
“I don’t even care if we can’t have kids.”
Her eyes narrowed.
He brushed a frustrated hand over his hair. “I mean, I care. Of course, I care. It’s just that I don’t care if they’re not mine.”
Her eyebrows went up.
“Fuck. That’s not what I meant, either.” He blew out a breath, then balled his hands into fists. “They’re never gonna be my kids, you know, biologically. And I’m okay with that. It doesn’t mean I won’t love them. As long as we raise them together, that’s all I care about.”
“So you’d be fine with adoption.”
“Yes,” he said.
“Fostering?”
“Sure.”
“Using a donor?”
He opened his mouth, but then closed it. He hesitated, his features guarded, then tried again. “What do you mean? How does a donor work? Like, you’d be pregnant? You wouldn’t have to… I mean, would another guy have to have sex with you?”
She was proud of herself for swallowing the laugh that wanted to explode. Leave it to Bear to be so naive that he didn’t even know how IVF worked. Of course, why would he? It’s not like it was something the Army or DEA would’ve taught him. But still, it was the twenty-first century.
“Yes, he would,” she said, feeling a bit of triumph at testing him. Her satisfaction grew when his face showed disbelief with a shade of protectiveness.
Muscles popped in his jaw, and his nostrils flared as he was no doubt getting a clear mental picture. “If that’s what you want, I’d try really hard not to kill the guy before, during, and after.”
She fought to conceal the twitch of her lips. He deserved this after all the shit he’d put them through.
“Good. But I’m sure there are other options,” she said. “Still, it’s nice to know you wouldn’t mind.”
“Oh, I’d mind,” he said quickly. “But I’d look past it for you and our kid.”
Our kid.
The first slice in the protective barrier around her heart cracked and a tiny sliver of hope seeped out.
“Estelle said something that made me think,” he said, moving toward her. He stopped close enough to reach out and touch her if he wanted to, but his hands remained at his sides. “She told me just because you don’t give birth to someone doesn’t mean you can’t love them. I didn’t know it could be like that. But I see the way she is with you. And she’s only your great-aunt and your godmother. But she loves you. A lot.”
“And I love her,” Kenna added.
He nodded as he looked away and readjusted his boots in the sand. “I wanted to do something to prove to you how much I’m okay with not being able to father our kid.”
Turning, he reached for a box she just now noticed behind him on the ground.
Bryan held it out to her. “Here.”
Confused as all get-out, she cautiously peered in. She blinked a few times before looking at Bryan. “It’s a crab.”
“It’s the crab. The one that bit me the other night.”
Taking a closer look, she noticed it had a large claw and a second much smaller one. “I don’t understand.”
“Kenna, meet Spike.” He swallowed hard, then said, “Our adopted son.”
She laughed, couldn’t help it. It just spilled out. “What are you talking about?”
He cleared his throat as color rose into his cheeks. “I’m showing you that I don’t care where our kids come from, the only thing that matters is that we raise them as ours. This one bites like a motherfucker, but I think it’s a coping mechanism because he feels inadequate around his other crabby friends. He knows he’s different, and there’s nothing he can do about it, and that makes him angry. But I’m sure with a lot of love and attention, we can show him that being different makes him special. Just because he doesn’t look like a regular crab, and he might not be able to perform like one, doesn’t mean he can’t be loved. And give love in return. He might think he’s lacking because of his perceived inadequacy, but I love him anyway.” He looked at her with a nervous expression. “Can you?”
Any remaining wall left around Kenna’s heart had completely crumbled and turned to dust. Her vision started to blur. He was talking about himself. He really had come to terms with his condition and was choosing to accept it.
And he’d spent all night searching for one particular crab to prove his point.
“Oh, Bryan,” she said, the words coming out gravelly because of the deep emotion rising in her throat. “Yes, I can love little Spike Tyke. He could never be inadequate in my eyes. He’s so special and unique. He always has been.”
A look of relief flashed over his face before he set the box back on the ground. Then he pulled her to him. Her feet dangled as he squeezed her tight enough against his chest to infuse her with his honesty, his regret, and his love. “I’ll never let you down again. I promise. Tell me you believe me. Tell me you can trust me again.”
She nodded against his chest, tears now spilling down her cheeks. “Yes. I can. I do.”
His hand went into her hair, gently urging her face up to his. He stared into her eyes, a look of relief and astonishment clear in his expression. Something else lingered there, too.
Yearning.
Kenna knew the feeling. They hadn’t freely given themselves to each other in twelve years. Their individual issues always held them back. Everything this week had been because of want, but not because of need. She needed him now and was ready to fully accept every piece of her past, present, and future with Bear.
She dropped her chin once. Yes.
His lips crashed down onto hers as the hand in her hair tightened. She threw her arms around his neck, her fingers immediately tangled into his locks as well. She grabbed a firm handful and kept him right where he was.
This kiss held so much promise. So much meaning. Because it represented their future. The one she never thought was possible.
When he pulled away, breathy, he set her onto the sand but didn’t take his hands away. They moved down her sides to rest on her hips. One corner of his delicious lips curled. “Does this mean we’re giving this thing between us another go?”
Kenna glided a hand up his chest and closed her fist around his shirt. His eyes blazed in response. “I’m ready if you are.”
The other side of his lips joined the first, forming a devilish grin that ignited a slow burn in her belly.
“We should probably make it official,” he said, reaching into his pocket. When he lifted his hand, between his thumb and pointer finger was a platinum ring with diamond baguettes along the band with a two-carat round sapphire in the center.
“How—where did you— You found my mom’s ring!” She leaped at him, trying to kiss anywhere and everywhere she could reach.
“Sam and Estelle,” he said with a chuckle, effortlessly catching her in his capable arms. “It was all a big ploy to get us back together. We can be mad at them later. For now…” He held her snug against him, lowering his mouth. Once. Twice. By the third kiss they were getting pretty into it. All the anger, sadness, joy, and hope over the last twelve years finally broke free.
“Woohoo!” Loud cheers and shouts erupted from farther up the beach, near the resort, where Ash, Sam, Luke, and Cassandra stood watching.
“About time, you jackass!” Ash shouted.
“Yeah, what took you so long, dipshit?” Luke yelled.
Bear spun with her in his arms, and she was pretty sure he flashed his middle finger at his friends, but she didn’t care. He kissed her with the fervor of a man in love, and she kissed him back just as passionately. His big hands cradled her face. She kept her arms locked securely around him. They soaked in the moment like it was their last. But it wasn’t. It was the first of many—together.
They’d found their happily ever after. Finally. There was just one more thing left to do.