CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Adara
It was nine forty-five in the evening and clients would soon be arriving at Jewel.
I’d spent most of the day watching my favorite Audrey Hepburn movies: Roman Holiday, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and My Fair Lady. I felt filled with the mystique of vintage romance. And I’d use the mood for my show.
Since having the dream last night, my emotions — which’d been dead for nearly two years — were trickling back in. I’d kept myself armored, protected from my own feelings for so long, I hardly recognized them.
I realized now I’d walked through life in a fog of indifference. Blotting out my ability to experience joy or pain kept me perfectly encased in denial. If I never remembered my past or relived it, I didn’t have to face it. I could survive.
Meeting a man like Roman reminded me that not all men were careless, sex-starved patrons of the night. Knowing Brandy, despite being my closest friend, would probably throw me under the bus the first chance she got was also a wake-up call.
I’d have to face all my emotions soon, and I’d have to face them alone.
Was I strong enough for that?
As much as I dreaded the idea of going back to Jewel tonight, I assured myself I’d perform and nothing more. I didn’t have to accept anyone’s offer, especially Jack Marshall’s. I had the legal right to walk home after my performance without threat or penalty.
The next day was Sunday, my day off, and I planned to book an Airbnb off campus in the mountains somewhere and rejuvenate for the whole day. And plan. I looked around the room at my possessions and thought about what I’d pack for my day away, and when I left here for good. I didn’t have much. All of the furniture belonged to Jewel and so did most of the clothes. Brandy had finagled them for me when I’d come, since I didn’t have the money to purchase clothes of the caliber Jewel required.
Excitement ran through me just thinking about leaving the campus tomorrow and I decided to go ahead and pack a small bag of my things. Then I added a few of the things I treasured most just in case, all things I had to hide here: photographs of me and Nate, the Grammy I treasured, notebooks I’d used to write most of my songs. It was frightening to think of leaving here, because I knew I had nothing and no one left to run to.
I didn’t have friends or family to turn to. Before Nate, my friends were people who were more enamored with my fame than my friendship. When I was no longer famous, most of them bailed. It didn’t help that I was also a caustic bitch. I was so hurt, I didn’t know where to channel that energy, so I pummeled my friends with it.
I wasn’t sure where I was going to find a job, but I could sing. Maybe I’d try and get work as a back-up singer, although it’d probably crush me to sing back up when I loved the spotlight. In the spotlight was where I belonged. The rush of emotions flooded me and again, my eyes teared up, but this time I also felt a surge of hope. If I had survived this, I could survive anything.
I left my things at the door for tomorrow and walked briskly to my dressing room.
“Hey there, Mona,” a beautiful redheaded girl said from across the hall. Glory had the dressing room across from mine and was one of the dancers, but I didn’t know much else about her.
“Hi,” I said, stopping briefly at her door. After spending the day alone, I wanted a little human interaction. “You have plans for tomorrow?”
“I’m going to sleep.” She offered a gorgeous smile. “I’ve had a client after the show for the last three nights. I’m totally beat.” She almost sounded like she was bragging about it. “I heard you’ve started taking clients as well.”
As soon as she said it, I knew she was fishing for the story. A flash of apprehension coursed up my spine. Is that what people thought? Did they think I was taking clients now? My head spun, and I felt unsteady despite my cane.
“Ah… no, not really. Just one guy… we talked.” I turned quickly back toward my dressing room door and threw over my shoulder, “Break a leg,” as I walked quickly in and shut the door behind me.
At the makeup table, I took off the flesh-colored mask I wore during the day to switch it to the black one. Without cosmetics or something covering it, the jagged, puckered gash was deep and gnarled and a shock even to me each time I uncovered it. I’d needed more plastic surgery to repair it to something that was even passable. Looking on the bright side for the first time in forever, I decided I could scare kids on Halloween, like something out of a horror movie. I made a snarly face in the mirror and growled, then laughed at myself. Roman hadn’t seen my face, or he’d probably have run as soon as he had.
I shrugged. Any man would have to accept me as I was now. I couldn’t be anyone else. Still, tears pressed against the backs of my eyes and I quickly returned the mask to its place.
Just then, Brandy burst through the door. Tonight, she was all smiles and lightness. “How’s it going, Ady?” The room filled with her sweet, clingy perfume. She was dressed in a short, perfectly tailored off-the-shoulder dress that lifted her breasts out so far, I wondered if her purpose was to tempt clients to grab them.
“Please be careful. It’s Mona.” God forbid Glory overhear her out in the hall. “It’s going okay,” I answered quietly, waiting for the ball to drop.
“Glad you came in. You had me worried, tensions were pretty high last night.” She didn’t look at me while she spoke, just pulled one of the sexier outfits down from the rack.
It was made of a nearly sheer gold fabric that had a purplish hue, and not much to go under it besides a G-string.
“I don’t like that one,” I told her as I brushed through my thick dark hair.
“And you never wear it, so you’ve got to wear it tonight. The rest of the dresses are going to the cleaners.” She laid the flimsy dress across the back of my chair.
I shook my head in disdain, and hoping to appeal to her inner beauty queen, said, “It clashes with the red highlights in my hair.”
But she still didn’t look at me, instead focusing on the bottles on my makeup table. “You’ll be happy to know…”
Oh, god…
“I’ve had another offer from Mr. Wellington. He’s in the theater this evening.”
My heart leaped then stuttered and died in my chest. He’d only touched my hand last night, kissed my hand, but my dream had been so real that I could almost feel his hands on my body now. If I took him as a client tonight, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my guard up. I’d become a whore. I shook my head, but inside, I wanted to say yes. Please, yes. “No. I won’t take him.”
Brandy laughed. “I figured you’d say that, but all he did was talk last time. He wants another chance to talk with you. He’s offered seventy-five thousand for you tonight. This time, he gets more than five questions, which I think is totally fair.”
“And what does that include?” I struggled to take off my brace and put tights on.
“Nothing you don’t want it to. Mona, the money is so good. And he’s a gentleman. There’s nothing wrong with talking.” Her voice was soft and encouraging, too much so. It made my fingers pause in the act of stretching the tights over my thighs. “Just do it. You won’t have compromised anything, but you’d be an idiot to turn down money like this. We both know you need it.”
She helped me back into my brace and I did everything in my power not to go giddy with relief. She was right, I couldn’t pass up the money, especially now when I needed some financial security to buy me time while I figured things out. And, if I were honest with myself, I was thrilled to be able to see Roman again.
I wanted to see the way his eyes warmed when he looked at me, and get lost in just being in his presence. I didn’t care if my heart shattered when he found out what I really looked like. I wanted one more night… just one more night of fantasy. I’d be careful, wouldn’t let him touch me.
I looked down at Brandy and gave a tiny smile. “Just one more time,” I whispered and used the excitement of Roman to ride me over into the subject that would be a disagreement. “And on my terms again. You have to tell him that I’m not on the menu, no touching.” Though the thought of his hands on me made my breathing speed up. My eyes darted to hers from behind the mask and I took a deep, stabilizing breath. “Then we have to discuss my termination date.”
Brandy finished helping me with my brace and kissed me on the cheek. “Let’s put a pin in that for the moment. You’re being hotheaded. Don’t make any rash decisions. You could make a lot of money here, have security.”
“I had security before and look what it got me. Eff security. I want out of here,” I said, wrenching my leg away from her. “It’s not where I belong.”
She stood up and stared down at me, fists on hips. “And where the fuck do you belong, Adara? We’re family, right? I saved your ass, got you a job here.” Her skin flushed red as her perfectly crafted persona started to crack.
“You know I’m thankful for that, Brandy. But I won’t prostitute myself.”
“The fuck you’re thankful,” she scolded, her anger palpable. “You hold yourself above everyone, above me.”
“Brandy, that’s not true. I don’t want—”
I took in a long breath, not wanting to argue. What was wrong with her? She sounded jealous and like she hated me.
“Well, after this meeting with Mr. Wellington, I’m sure you’ll come to your senses.” She brushed a lock of my hair away from my face, her eyes welling with tears. “It has to be done.”
A spider of apprehension crawled up my spine. “What has to be done, Brandy? What’s going on?”
She shook her head. “Nothing. Tonight will give you a little money, and that’ll feel good. I love you, just don’t forget that.” She sniffed and tucked my hair behind my ear. “Go knock ‘em dead.”
“This dress could do that all by itself,” I grumbled as I struggled out of the dressing chair and into the hideously indecent dress.
Brandy stood at the door for a long moment. My heart sped up. Something really was wrong, but I didn’t have time to consider it. I only had fifteen minutes to curtain. I’d talk to Brandy after I saw Roman. Maybe it was just the excitement of seeing Roman again, my body was a bundle of nerves.
Brandy blew me a kiss as I put on the black cape. “Break a leg,” she whispered and disappeared into the hall.
I tucked my hand inside the pocket of my cape to hide my phone and felt the cool sleekness of Roman’s business card inside. A wave of peace washed over me.