CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Sloane
It was good to be out of the rehab facility. Be in a car.
Be with him.
I still couldn’t believe it.
He was right. We still had much talking to do, but that didn’t have to happen right now. Just like any dating couple, the details would trickle out. The thought made me smile. Us. Dating. After our explosive meeting, it was funny to think about us doing something so normal.
Well, normal for us. Our version of dating was on steroids with loads of heavy baggage attached.
As Zane pushed me through the plush hotel lobby, not as many people stared at me as I thought they would. It was something I’d been worried about. That people would stare. That their eyes would be full of sympathy. But they didn’t.
And I was wrong.
Having them not stare was worse.
It’s been said that hate was the opposite of love, but as people turned their heads or refused to meet my eye, I realized that avoidance was more painful.
At least hate was pure, it had foundation.
Avoidance was true to its origin. It left a void, made you doubt your presence and substance within the universe.
As we rolled, I found myself trying to smile at people, catch their eye, let them know that I was here, that I existed. That it was okay to acknowledge me. That I wasn’t a cripple. I was so much more than that. I was alive. Here. Not the same, but fully present.
In the elevator, Zane laid his hand on my shoulder, and our eyes met in the mirrored wall.
If I’d become weaker during our time apart, he’d become stronger. His muscles seemed to be bigger even though he appeared to have lost some weight. His hair was a little longer too, like he’d been avoiding the barber. I liked it. It made him even more Tarzan-like.
The room he’d rented was lovely. I heard him speaking to the hotel staff on our way there, asking for an upgrade to a room that was handicap accessible.
I still wasn’t sure how I felt about all these new labels. Handicapped. Disabled. Challenged. Maybe I was focusing on the wrong ones. My other labels were no less true. Woman. Lover. Friend. Colleague. The package was different, but the contents of that package didn’t have to change.
We had sweeping views of the White House, National Mall, the Washington Monument, and the Capitol Building, but I only had eyes for Zane.
“Are you hungry?”
I shook my head. “Not for food.”
His nostrils flared an instant before his eyes grew concerned. He knelt in front of me, taking my face in his hands. “Will I hurt you?”
I honestly didn’t know. I told him that. “This isn’t something I’ve spoken about with my therapists… but if they have me up walking, surely a different type of exercise will only be helpful.”
He raised a brow. “So, are you using me as your personal jungle gym?”
I ran my hand through his hair, smiling at my earlier observation as the curls slipped through my fingers. “Is that okay with you?”
He kissed the tip of my nose, my ear, my neck. “Absolutely.”
“Zane?”
He lifted his head. “Yes?”
“I’d like to take a bath first, if that’s okay. It’s been a long time since I’ve had access to one so big.”
He kissed the tip of my nose again. “I’ll fill it for you now.” He pushed up to his feet, and a few minutes later, I heard the water begin. And with it, the doubt flooded back.
Zane didn’t mind doing these things for me now, but what about a month from now? Six months? A year? Would he soon find me to be a burden?
I gave myself a mental shake. I had to stop thinking so negatively. I was meaner to myself than I’d ever been to a bad guy.
When Zane came back in only his jeans, my mouth began to water, and he must have sensed my instant lust because he grinned. “Arms up.”
It took a second to understand what he wanted before I slowly raised my arms, and he pulled my shirt over my head. With a flick of his fingers, my bra was next. He considered me for a moment, trying to decide how to handle me.
“I can stand.”
He smiled but the gesture didn’t show through in his eyes. He still looked concerned. “Show me.” I noticed he stayed nearby as I used my upper body strength to get to my feet. “Bravo.” But there was a frown on his face as his eyes scanned my torso.
“Yeah… ugly scars.”
He shook his head and stepped closer to me. “Never ugly,” he said, his fingers unfastening my pants. They dropped to the floor, and soon, my panties followed. “So beautiful,” he murmured, his thumbs sweeping over my nipples. They hardened instantly at his touch, and I moaned with the pleasure.
Stepping forward, he effortlessly lifted me into his arms, then turned in a fast circle, making me laugh. “Do you know how much I’ve missed this? Having you in my arms?”
I did know. I’d missed it just as much.
We kissed, and he carried me into the bathroom. When he lowered me into the water, I groaned loudly as I sank into its warmth. I relaxed and went under. All the way under, cocooned below the surface until I needed a breath.
Reaching for the handle, I pulled myself up to find him sitting on the side of the tub. I quirked a brow. “Coming in?”
His eyes flared, the green growing darker. He stood and finished undressing. My entire core squeezed as his cock popped free from his boxers, pointing straight at me.
Zane climbed in behind me, and I was soon surrounded by his arms and legs. I loved it. He palmed my breasts, squeezing them, kneading them until I ached with the need for more.
Desire twisted in me, and I turned my head to find his mouth. The movements weren’t fluid, but between the two of us, we managed to get me turned until I straddled him, his hard cock between my legs.
I ground down on him, so very grateful that I could feel him. Yes, my injury could have been much worse. A few more centimeters to the right and my spinal cord would have been severed.
His teeth were on my neck, biting my skin, leaving marks across my shoulder, his hand dipping low to find my clitoris, to sweep inside. I didn’t care about marks. All I cared about were the sensations below my waist.
“Can you feel this?”
I took his face in my hands, meeting his eyes as I came. Pleasure exploded, and I cried out, feeling my eyes roll back in my head. His fingers slowed, but stayed inside me, on me.
“I love making you come. Love watching your face. Hear the noises you make.”
I laughed. “Please don’t ever take a picture of my orgasm face. I might never recover.”
And that was how it was for a while. We laughed and kissed while he shampooed my hair and I shampooed his.
Kissed while I washed his back, his chest, his arms.
We kissed as he washed me in return, his strong fingers kneading the muscles as he cleaned.
Turning on the water, he picked up the handheld nozzle. “Lean your head back.” I did what I was told and soon the bubbles were rinsed away. I touched his face, traced its strong contours while he finger-combed silky conditioner through my hair.
“This was never a lie, was it? This powerful attraction between us?”
It hurt my heart to see the doubt, the worry, in his eyes. “Not for an instant. You have some mighty powerful mojo, Mr. Boyd.”
“Only for you.”
I breathed in the words and took his mouth in a long kiss.
“I want to make love to you now,” he said. “In bed. On top of you. I need you, Sl…lilly.”
I laughed. “Slilly?”
He laughed too, pressing his forehead to mine. “I think I like it. You have to admit, it suits you.”
I reared my head back. “Slilly suits me? I think I might possibly be offended.”
He pulled the drain on the tub, still grinning. “Get over it. You are now officially my Slilly, the perfect combination of badass Sloane and gentle Lilly. I decree it to be so.”
I batted my eyes. “Well, if you decree it then… okay. Just not in public.”
He laughed, and I noticed he didn’t make any promises. “Let’s rinse off and get out of here.” He turned on the nozzle and rinsed us both as the bath water drained away. He stood, and I watched the water run down his powerful legs.
He was so very beautiful. Powerful and strong.
Mine.
Because I decreed that to be so.
I would hold on to him with both hands and my teeth. I would work harder in therapy to walk so we could dance in earnest. And if I couldn’t dance, then I would make him so happy that nothing else mattered.
“What are you thinking?”
I let my eyes take a long stroll down his body. His cock bobbed under my hot gaze. “I’m thinking that I can’t wait to have you in my mouth, my body.” It bobbed again, as if nodding in approval.
“Then let’s make that happen.”
I was scooped up and deposited on the floor in front of him, the tile cool under my bare feet. “Hold on to me,” he said as he wrapped a towel around my hair.
Just like things had been easy between us when we first met, it was easy now. He just seemed to get me. Understand my limits without any awkwardness between us.
Feeling steady on my feet, I reached for a towel and dried him too.
“I decree us dry enough,” he said and swept me into his arms.
“Yes, my king.”
Weeks ago, he would have tossed me on the bed. Now, he gently lowered me onto the mattress. But that was the only concession he made to my handicap. I could tell that he wasn’t going to treat me with kid gloves otherwise. And I was glad.
My hunger for him surprised me. Surprised him.
I wanted to feel really alive again. Feel this. Feel him.
Before he could move away, I sat up and took his cock in my hand. Steel wrapped in the softest velvet, it pulsed in my palm, growing even harder in my fist. I stroked down, and he groaned. He was long and thick, my fingers unable to close around the base. I swiped my thumb over the head, spreading the drop of pre-cum before taking him in my mouth.
His fingers were in my hair, fists pulling at the strands as I licked and sucked, cupping his balls in my hand. He growled low in his chest as I took him into my throat, wanting to consume all of him.
With no warning, he pushed me until I was on my back, his cock popping from my mouth with a sound that was erotically vulgar. Before I could protest, his lips were on mine, stealing my breath, his fingers clamped around my breast.
“Please.”
I wasn’t sure what I was asking for, and he didn’t ask me to elaborate as he kissed down my throat and chest until he was sucking on a nipple. Each pull of his mouth sent pleasure down into my toes.
“You’re so beautiful,” he growled against my skin as he continued to pull bliss from deep inside my core. Each time he sucked, I arched into the pleasure, my legs weak but bending at my command to help me.
Then he was kissing my scar, licking into my navel, spreading my legs apart. I cried out, gripping the sheets when his mouth found me.
“Do you feel me?”
“Yes.”
I did. It was different than before but no less powerful. No less urgent than my need of him.
Not just this. But the man. This man who’d fallen into my life, been temporarily entrapped in my web of lies… and who loved me anyway. The depth of my feelings for him astonished me.
I sank my fingers in his hair, needing to hold on to him. He tongued me harder, faster, sucking my lower lips into his mouth. I felt it, felt everything when his fingers entered me.
Crying out, I was overwhelmed with sensation. His fingers moved inside me as his tongue and teeth stroked up and down my sex. I was going to come, probably harder than I ever had in my life. As it built, I feared that it would shatter me completely. “Please… I can’t.”
“You will.”
I did.
As I exploded, he licked and sucked, his hand moving up to my breast. My desire for him intensified as his fingers twisted and squeezed my nipple. Pleasure danced with pain, leaving me breathless as I absorbed and surrendered to it all.
Zane moved up my body, licking into my mouth, his knees pushing my legs farther apart.
“Tell me you want me.”
My eyes snapped open and I looked into his. “I want you.”
“Tell me that you need me.”
“I do. I need you. And not just here, not just now. I need your presence, Zane. I need you in my life. These past weeks have been miserable without you.”
His nostrils flared, satisfaction in his eyes.
“Tell me you’ll never leave me.”
I cupped his dear face in my hands. “I will never leave you. Never again. Even if you try to get rid of me, you won’t be able to.”
He lowered his hips, settling between my legs, the tip of his cock nudging my entrance. “Date me. Live with me. Let me take care of you. Let me hire a therapist to come into the home we choose together.”
My heart squeezed and I smiled. “Date?”
He smiled too. “Yeah… those things where I pick you up and we go to dinner and a movie. We get to know each other, ask lots of questions.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard of those.”
He kissed the tip of my nose. “The only difference is that I’ll pick you up at our master suite. I’ll drop you off at our door. It’ll be perfect.”
It would be perfect. Not typical, but exactly right for us.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Are you withholding sex until I say yes?”
He chuckled, the sound vibrating from his chest and into mine. “And if I was?”
“Then I say you have perfected torture. You could give the FBI some tips.”
He pulsed his hips, giving me less than an inch of his length. “So… Slilly. Will you date me?”
I rolled my eyes. “I suppose. It’ll be hard putting up with all your sexiness, but I… ohh.”
He was inside me. Deep. To the root.
With a combination of strength and gentleness, he made love to me, careful to keep his weight off my hips and stomach. I wasn’t able to wrap my legs around him like I wanted to, but I’d just make that another goal to attain.
“I love you,” I said, my hands on his face, needing him to see the truth of my words in my eyes.
“I believe you.”
Beautiful words. Words I held on to and vowed to never take for granted.
When I came and he followed, it wasn’t the explosion of sensation I was used to experiencing with Zane. It was still powerful. Just different.
And maybe different wasn’t so bad.