CHAPTER 26
Jessie sat in silence, her tears uncontrollable as she thought about all that he had shared. It made sense of who he was and what made him Blake
. He was protective, found joy when he was with the kids, even knew how to deal and interact with them – it was all instinct and experience. It also explained why he was so distant and tortured – he was afraid of that kind of pain, and he wouldn’t have to live it if he kept them all away.
She felt as though she owed him more. He knew what he had read about her, even saw in distasteful pictures that would always haunt her – but he didn’t know how she felt
. Compelled to share the more intimate part of her story, the part about her heart and mind, she put the animals down and went inside to find him. She didn’t have to go far; he was in the living room at the edge of the couch. She stood before him and started to unbutton her sleeveless red plaid flannel shirt.
“Jessie…” he said, trying to stop her from removing her shirt.
“Sshhh…now, it’s my turn,” she said, draping her shirt around her elbows, revealing just her chest.
Looking down to her left breast, she started, “I was never one for tattoos, but somehow the ink saved me. It’s the veil between who I was and who I’ve become. When Jason…raped
me, it was more about control than…pleasure
.
“That moment, violating me like that, it wasn’t enough for him. He needed more…like a trophy or something. But, how does something like that produce a trophy or long-term reward?”
She grabbed Blake’s hand and slid it across the elaborate tattoo, to which he furrowed his brow with each invisible ridge the pads of his fingers traced.
“Those lines that you feel? His trophies. Each time he…hurt me,” she said, choosing a softer word so she wouldn’t crumble, “he used a hot knife from the campfire to add a mark – a welted scar. Every time I looked at them, it was like remembering each and every time he…”
Blake finished for her, understanding what she was trying to say, “His trophy. A constant memory of him.”
“Exactly. Like a notch in his belt.” She turned, still holding her shirt around her arms and pulled her hair over her right shoulder, revealing another elaborate tattoo. Without a word or her guidance, he touched the artful image and dragged his fingers over the not so impressive image carved underneath. He saw the picture and knew what it was she was hiding.
“The circle…with a star in the middle,” he said.
“It’s a symbol of satanic worship, or whatever,” she said, trying to make light of a heavy conversation. “The other marks were a reminder of what he did, but this one was a reminder of who
he was
.”
She turned back to face him. “I was a preacher’s daughter, raised in the church. I stood for everything he wasn’t.”
“Why you?” he asked.
Jessie shrugged, having wrestled with that question herself. “Why not me? I was a young and naive girl who was on my own, at college, after living an extremely sheltered life. I was easy, I guess? Didn’t know better? Didn’t see red flags? He was my first boyfriend – still a virgin, even. He was…damaged.”
“He’s a monster,” Blake argued.
“He is. But, he didn’t win, and won’t this time either. He didn’t take everything from me. Almost did…but didn’t, and that’s what pisses him off. I fought back after the trial. I learned how to protect myself, conquered my new fears, one at a time, and discovered who I really was. Through my scars.
“The tattoos represent my journey. The lotus flower represents the struggle I went through and overcame,” she explained, pointing to the tattoo above her breast. “The heart around it is the strength I fought for. And the butterfly on the heart – that’s my favorite – it tells a story of transformation, change, and resurrection. So, that’s what I see when I look in the mirror – who I am
– not him.”
More tears spilled over, but they weren’t of sadness or fear. There was triumph in her expression and pride in her sweet smile. She was a fighter, and he was proud of her for that.
“The cross?” Blake asked, referring to the large tattoo that covered the symbol Jason Bolton left.
It was a cross that appeared to be charred and standing in the remnants of a fire. It was covered in a green vine that wrapped around it, many times.
“Ah,” she said, turning her shoulder his direction. “That was an easy choice. I covered his attempt to make me something dark and evil with something good…pure
. It’s a choice to stand here in faith, despite my circumstance and despite who the preacher said I was.
“I chose life, and good, and happiness. That’s what brought me to McKenzie and keeps me here.” She smiled sincerely. “None of them can take that choice away. With every obstacle I had to overcome, there’s a reminder in the mirror that I’ve been desperately clinging to since his release.” Her voice cracked on her final words.
Blake, still sitting on the couch, put his hands on her waist and pulled her close. He kissed the scar above her breast and rested his head on her stomach. Her fingers slid through his hair as she leaned down to kiss the top of his head. It was such a simple exchange, but given the lack of simplicity in the past hour, it was much needed.
They each felt lighter, a sense of relief in knowing they didn’t have to warrior on alone. It was healing, what they had done, like they had been grieving something each was ready to finally let go.
“You are the strongest, bravest woman I know,” he whispered.
She chuckled. “I’m not feeling very brave or strong right now.”
Looking up to her, locking gazes, he asked, “Why? Why now?”
“He’s here. He nearly killed me in that church – those symbols were everywhere – I froze. Then, in my own home. He got the better of me, Blake.”
“Jessie, you don’t have to fight him alone anymore. You have me, and the gang…”
“No! Please. I don’t want anyone else to know. They’ll want to help, and I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to them…or you.”
He nodded in understanding. “He can’t hurt us. I won’t let him. I’m done losing the people I…love
.”
“You can’t love me, Blake. I can’t be what you need.”
“You’re already everything I need…and want
,” he replied.
Pulling her shirt, the rest of the way down, he dropped it to the floor and kissed her stomach. As he took to his feet, he trailed his kisses from her abdomen, to her tattoo above her breast. Cupping her face, he tilted her head so she was forced to look up at him.
“You’re perfect,” he said.
A single tear ran down her cheek where he was quick to swipe it away with the pad of his thumb. Something about that gesture, the swiftness of it, meant something that left her a tad more confident. She wasn’t fighting alone anymore.
Jessie trailed her hands under his shirt, her nails raking over his skin. He pulled his t-shirt over his head, and pulled her against his body, skin to skin, and held her face again.
Looking down at her, stroking her jaw with the pads of his thumbs, he stared down at her, a new softness in his gaze. “Are you sure?”
She smiled sweetly and nodded. “Falling in bed with you, Blake Cooper, is falling in love with you.”
She remembered his words, and her perfect timing led to a relieved deep sigh. “Finally. I’ve been waiting forever for this.”
Snaking her arms around his neck, Jessie reached for his mouth with hers. With his hands on her ass, Blake lifted her off the ground and wrapped her legs around his waist so he could walk them to the bedroom. He wasn’t ready to put her down when he reached the side of the bed…or ready to end the kiss they were sharing.
As much as he wanted to take her fast and hard to make up for lost time, he knew better. After what she had been through, he could only imagine how difficult intimacy must be for her. Sure, she had worked hard to heal, but some wounds leave deeper scars. He would be careful with her body, as much as he would be gentle with her heart. He was determined to win her trust in this, too.
He sat down on the bed with her still straddling his waist. Without breaking their kiss, he reached behind her and unhooked her bra, slowly sliding it off of her shoulders, dragging his fingers as he went, leaving a chill in his wake. She broke their kiss and gasped at the sensation he was creating, that he was teasing her with. When his head lowered to her breasts, her head fell back, and a soft moan escaped her.
Her nails trailed the length of his arms as she leaned back, giving him more access and accepting the pleasure his wicked tongue was lashing out. She kicked off her boots, leaving them on the bed, and reached down, unbuttoning his pants first then her own.
Blake lifted his head and smiled before finishing what he started. He moved from one breast to the other, making sure to give ample attention to both with his hands, being careful to hold, pinch, and tweak whatever he couldn’t get in his mouth.
Jessie reached between them, pulling his hard length free, and wrapped her hand around him. He was too big for her hand; her fingers couldn’t touch, and that left her with a new pooling heat that she needed Blake to tend to…soon
. Stroking him slowly, she heard his growl as he intensified his assault, sucking, biting, and scraping her hardened red buds.
The sensation he created, along with the thrill of him getting harder in her hand, had her rocking against his base while her hand massaged the rest.
Blake had started slow, careful to follow her lead, hopeful not to trigger her in any way but pleasure. When her response was so bold, and movements displayed her hunger, he couldn’t have been happier. With a questioning look from him, she nodded, and he turned them quickly.
Swiping her boots off the bed, sending them flying across the room, he laid her down, kneeling between her knees. Slowly, he pulled her tattered jean shorts and black lace panties down her legs, tossing them to the floor before pushing down his own garments and kicking them off his ankles.
Sitting back on his heels, he stared, taking in every beautiful inch of her. From her large brown doe eyes to her pouty lips, his intent look admired her light olive skin, perfect breasts, and finally stroked her smooth toned legs as his eyes followed her soft washboard abs, leading to her perfect sweet spot, which he was ready to explore.
She acted shy, maybe a bit embarrassed, so he looked to her for permission before he advanced. Her eyes were heavy in seduction, lips were swollen from his mouth, and in an act of both brazen confidence and needy desire, she signaled him to continue by caressing her own breasts, causing her back to arch and legs to fall open wider for him.
Blake didn’t hesitate, burying his face between her legs and covering her with his mouth. A cry escaped her, and her back arched even more. With her hands fisting his hair, she pulled him harder against her and moved in sync with his mouth. She was wild, untamed, and took everything he could give her like a greedy sensual savage.
When her body tightened around his fingers, and her breathing changed to a pant, he stopped. When Jessie came undone and pulsed through her ecstasy, he wanted to be buried inside her. Moving up her body, his tongue mapped every inch of her until he finally found her mouth once more.
Resting himself just against her, he stopped once more and looked into her eyes, waiting for permission before he took her. Neither one said a word; they just stared, until she broke into a soft smile, and he mirrored the emotion.
Blake wanted to have her in a single motion but set his cravings aside for her. He had to do this right, or there wouldn’t be a chance in hell for them. Slowly, he worked her, responding to every cry and moan with tantalizing grazes to her breasts, her collarbone, and then her mouth.
Jessie’s hands raced down his sides to his ass, where she grabbed her handful and pulled him in, swiftly. A move that nearly ended things before he could really get started – it was hot
. In perfect sync, they moved together – faster and faster they went until she raised up on one elbow, trying to flip his large body to his back. He chuckled before accommodating her, giving her the control she needed in that moment, and let her decide how they were going to do this. She moved quickly, trying to get more and more of him. Her head tossed back, and her hands fisted in her own hair while she cried out.
He sat up, not breaking their rhythm, and took her mouth, claiming every one of her cries when she finally fell over the edge, and they rode the wave together. Falling to the side, they each laid there, trying to catch their breaths, never losing their connection. A connection that they each knew in their hearts would last a lifetime.