Carter tried to block out the memory of yesterday’s lunch fiasco with Hanna. He worked in the library, went for a run, but none of it helped. His gaze kept wandering to the cottage. His thoughts centered on how her mood had flipped. She’d been guarded since he’d first knocked on her apartment door in New York, but yesterday had been different. She’d shut down and he still wasn’t sure why.
He’d been raised to be quiet, seen and not heard. He’d learned to tiptoe through disappointment and difficult situations by using a mix of acting like he didn’t care and humor. He kept most of his relationships pleasant but shallow. Shallow was safe.
All of that practice meant he could charm his way out of most situations. He’d smile and engage in unimportant chatter. His brothers joked that he was the perfect party host. He kept the conversation flowing. And for the first month after his dad kicked him out, he’d spent a lot of time partying. The alcohol flowed freely, which had allowed him to capitalize on the whole life-of-the-party thing, getting sucked in deeper and deeper.
He’d stopped cold turkey after he blacked out. It only took that one time, that complete loss of control, to scare him. He’d realized he preferred the warm heat of scotch rolling down his throat to being with people...to doing anything. The realization was enough to turn him around.
He refused to give his father the satisfaction of breaking him, so he’d stopped drinking. But he had the very real sense he’d been on the verge of a full-blown addiction that would have dropped him to his knees.
But all of that was his secret and in the past. He’d refused alcohol since he’d been back home, but neither of his brothers were big drinkers, so they didn’t seem to notice. But now, looking around the small conference room table just outside Jackson’s office, Carter was tempted to dive in and tell them everything.
His brothers and Jackson were in fine form, joking as they reviewed plans for some new commercial building project that would bring in millions of dollars. It sounded fine to him but wasn’t really his expertise. Which was why it didn’t make sense for them to have called him in from Virginia this morning. But he’d come willingly, relieved to be away from the temptation of Hanna and his plans to confront her.
The building talk died down and Derrick spun his chair around at the head of the table so that he faced Carter head-on. “So...”
One of the walls was all glass and faced the hallway and the desks and offices beyond. Still, Carter suddenly felt trapped. Spence, Derrick and Jackson all stared at him. Tension pressed in on him and he didn’t care for the suffocating sensation one bit.
He also knew he needed to stop whatever nonsense was headed his way before it could start. “No. To whatever you’re going to say. The answer is no.”
“It doesn’t work that way.” Derrick took a long sip of coffee, leaving a charged silence in his wake. “I’m oldest. I get to be bossiest.”
Jackson nodded. “We should put that on your business cards.”
Derrick kept his attention on Carter. “Where have you been hiding and why?”
Carter looked across the table at Spence, then to his right to Jackson. They all paid attention now. None of them looked at files or paperwork or reached for the fruit and bagels sitting in the middle of the table.
Carter sensed a setup and decided to play it off. “I drove in, then tried to steal Jackson’s coffee—”
Jackson cleared his throat. “In related news, I’d like a lock on my office door.”
“I’m surprised it took you this long to come up with that idea.” Spence laughed as he swooped in for the bagel closest to him.
Derrick being Derrick, he did not get knocked off stride by the chaos swirling around him. He hopped right back into the conversation where he left off. “Not this morning. I mean that you ran off to do Dad’s dirty work and then—”
Spence made a strangled noise. “Please rephrase that.”
“Then you came back to town and subsequently disappeared for a few days.” Derrick leaned back in his big office chair as he continued to talk to Carter. “Now you’re here, with that blank look on your face.”
“Blank?” He did not need this today, not when he’d spent the entire morning trying to decipher Hanna and the mystery of the envelope and gauge how to read her fluctuating moods. But turning the conversation away from wherever Derrick was heading could only be a good thing. So, Carter grabbed a mug and then the coffee pot. Skipped the sugar and went for black. A shot of caffeine might do him some good. “Sounds to me like you’re not getting enough sleep.”
“Nice try, but you’re wearing your I’m-trying-to-come-up-with-a-lie face.” Spence laughed at his own joke as he turned to Jackson. “Carter has been using that ever since he could walk.”
Jackson shook his head. “I forgot how fun it was to deal with all of you in the same room.”
“Consider yourself an adopted Jameson,” Spence said as he spun the plate in the middle of the table and grabbed the cream cheese.
Jackson caught the spinning tray before items started to fly off. “No, thanks.”
Derrick exhaled louder than necessary. He also scowled and generally looked annoyed. He’d perfected that look. “Let’s circle back to the original question.” Derrick aimed all of his focus on Carter. “What’s up with you?”
Admitting he had Hanna hidden at the Virginia estate would only invite questions. Sure, he could insist she deserved closure and they owed it to her after what happened to her father on their property. But the truth was his reasons for inviting her were far more complex and confusing. He did it for her, but he also did it because, after years away from her, he didn’t want the time with her to end. He was the guy who moved on but when she tried to make him do that, to leave her house, all he wanted was to stay.
He didn’t get it. He couldn’t explain it. He really didn’t even want to analyze his reaction to her all that closely.
He took his time twisting off the cap on the water bottle. “You guys were all busy with your women—”
Spence whistled. “I dare you to say it that way to them.”
“He’s stalling and saying provocative things in the hope of throwing us off track. He thinks it’s charming or something.” Derrick’s gaze hadn’t wavered. It stayed locked on Carter as the conversation swirled. “Which makes me wonder... Do you have a woman of your own you’re hiding somewhere, like maybe in a big house in Virginia?”
Derrick made the comment just as Carter swallowed, or tried to. The water came rushing back up his throat and he started coughing.
Spence snorted. “Well, well.”
“That’s telling,” Jackson said at the same time.
Then, for once, and not when Carter wanted them to, they all stopped talking. Their joint attention focused on him until he had to fight the urge to squirm. Calling up all of his life-of-the-party reserve, he aimed for calm and nonchalance. “I’ve been doing some work on the Virginia property.”
Spence dropped his bagel without taking a bite. “I don’t know how you can stand being there.”
“Not all the memories are bad.” Carter said that more as an automatic reaction than with genuine feeling. He’d programmed his brain to downplay the dysfunction. To ignore his playboy father, his dying mother, and every snide comment about being a failure and a disappointment.
His father had been harsh and cold. He’d thought nothing of throwing them to the ground or pitting brother against brother in both emotional warfare and actual physical fighting. Dear ol’ Dad insisted that behavior made them strong. Made them ready to take over the business. The same business he nearly bankrupted with his questionable under-the-table deals and lying.
“You held your engagement party there. We can all agree that was nice,” Carter said as the most obvious escape from the conversation popped into his head. He’d walked in on something interesting at the party, complete with Spence and Abby fidgeting and adjusting their clothes and looking as if they’d been caught if not in the act, then right after it. “Spence seemed to have enjoyed himself. Want to talk about that, Spence?”
Spence just smiled. “Not when we’re still talking about you.”
Well, damn. That didn’t work.
“Look.” Derrick set his mug down. “We just want to make sure you’re okay. That you’re not...”
Carter almost hated to ask but he had to know what thought or word had Derrick, his usually practical and reserved oldest brother, glancing around the room and avoiding eye contact. “What?”
Derrick grimaced. “Lonely.”
“Do we really care about that?” Spence asked, the sarcasm obvious in his voice.
“You don’t have to stay at the estate. You can live with me.” Derrick shook his head. “Ellie is upset you’re not at our place already.”
Carter couldn’t figure out if Derrick was using his fiancée as an excuse or not. But he did know the soon-to-be parents deserved some privacy. “Thanks, but now that Spence moved in with Abby, you should take a break from housing wayward brothers for a month or so.”
Derrick pointed at his second-in-command and friend to all of them. “Then live with Jackson.”
“Wait...what?”
Carter debated saying yes just to see Jackson sputter some more.
“Answer this question.” The squeak from Derrick’s chair echoed through the room as he sat forward and balanced his elbows on the edge of the table. “Are you thinking about leaving again?”
For a second, Carter’s brain scrambled as he rushed to figure out what Derrick was talking about. Then he remembered the scene a year ago when Derrick begged him to stay and promised a united front against their father. Carter had kept on walking, a move he regretted because it sent a message to his brothers that he’d never meant to send.
This was a conversation they’d all avoided since he’d been back, as if by silent agreement. Carter didn’t want to broach it now, but he didn’t want Derrick to worry either. “Why would you think that?”
“You delivered the letter to Hanna Wilde as Dad insisted, right?” Derrick stared at Carter until he nodded. “That means there’s nothing holding you here. I get that you want to move on, but I was hoping... I’d like you to stay. At least until the baby is born.”
Derrick was one of the smartest, toughest people Carter knew and here he was, sounding like he was begging his baby brother to stick around for a few more months. Carter hated that his tendency to leave difficult situations—the family, any state where their father lived—meant Derrick felt he had to plead. He’d definitely screwed up with the way he’d handled leaving a year ago and this was the result.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Carter pulled back from saying more before he made a promise he couldn’t keep. “I mean, I know I’m not one to stick around, but as long as Dad isn’t here, I’m here.”
Jackson cleared his throat. “Is there anything else you want to talk about?”
The sentence was cryptic, but Carter understood Jackson was referencing Carter’s ideas about the future of the estate. Now was not the time. Carter still wasn’t sure those ideas were even the right ones for the business or for him. “No.”
Spence looked at Jackson. “What’s this about?”
Jackson looked at Carter an extra beat before turning back to Spence. “Nothing.”
“So, you’re hanging out in Virginia. You plan to stick around, at least for now.” Derrick smiled as he spoke. “Got it. But what about the woman part?”
Carter should have seen that turn coming, but he didn’t. It took his brain a second to unscramble. “We aren’t talking about my love life.”
“Actually, he was talking about fun. Some dating. A little sex.” Spence pointed at Carter. “You’re the one who mentioned love, which is not something any of us will forget.”
“I’d like to,” Jackson mumbled under his breath.
“And with that, I’ll be heading back to Virginia.” Carter stood up. He’d walk there if he had to, just to get out of this conversation.
“Hey.” Derrick didn’t raise his voice. If anything, he grew quieter. “Thanks.”
“I’m here because I want to be here.” Carter needed to make that point. His brothers could count on him even though he’d failed to show that to them in the past.
“Just let us know if that changes,” Spence said.
“Done.”
* * *
Carter didn’t get very far before Jackson caught up with him. In silent agreement, they both stopped walking and stood in the busy hall with phones ringing at desks all around them and the low rumble of voices filtering through the melee.
“I’m trying to figure out how brothers who are so good at loyalty and business, despite their idiot father’s meddling, can stink at interpersonal stuff.” Jackson shook his head. “Your ideas for the property, Carter. That was a perfect opening to talk it over.”
“Not yet.” He still hadn’t fulfilled his part of the agreement—a fact he knew because he still had that damn letter, but his brothers didn’t know yet. And without the three of them completing all of Dad’s tasks, their father wouldn’t officially turn the business over. He still held controlling interest.
Since Carter had vowed not to get into business with his father, that meant waiting until Derrick was officially in charge before moving forward with anything involving the Virginia property.
Jackson shifted his weight to the side to let two women from accounting pass by them. “Because?”
“I’m not ready.” He hated being unsure of his place in the family business, but that’s where they were. Jackson’s frown suggested he knew that. “And you can stop looking at me that way.”
“Is it possible you don’t want to talk about the proposal because if you do, and Derrick wants to pursue it, then you’re stuck here?”
Maybe that was another part of it. Settling in, creating roots, being a part of something. Not having the freedom to pick up and run to California for a few months. A part of him wondered if he’d ever be able to make the commitment to stay and rebuild his life here.
Another part knew the answer was no, not with all the memories chasing him.
“Did you get a psychology degree while I was away for a year?”
Jackson snorted. “I need one to deal with your family.”
That probably wasn’t far from the truth. Their dad had hired Jackson a few years ago. At first, Derrick had been skeptical but it hadn’t taken long for all of them to realize he was competent and not reporting back to Dad. Jackson moved from business associate to friend almost immediately. “You love us.”
“Some of you...” Jackson smiled. “But only sometimes.”