London

Crewe went to lunch with a client in town, so I spent the afternoon alone. Even though I was with him every morning and every night, any missed opportunity to spend time with him felt like a waste. I liked having lunch with him in his office or on the terrace. Sometimes we didn’t have anything to talk about, but that was perfectly okay.

I changed into my active gear and walked downstairs to go for a run. I was restless and bored, and exercise was usually the only thing that could cure my jitters. Besides, sitting around all day was making me gain weight. I found myself eating less and less just to prevent that.

I got to the bottom of the stairs when Ariel appeared. “Hello, London.”

Yuck. That’s what I wanted to say. “Hey, Ariel. Is Crewe back?”

“No. He’ll be out for another hour, at least.” She held her folder to her chest and walked me to the office. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

I knew exactly what she wanted to discuss. It was only a matter of time before Ariel pounced. “Sure.”

We walked into his office, surrounded by the masculine power that existed even when he was absent. The brown and black tones echoed his personality perfectly. I was happy to see there wasn’t a bottle of scotch anywhere in sight. He was back to drinking a reasonable amount, the kind that wouldn’t give him cirrhosis of the liver.

I took a seat on one of the leather sofas and crossed my legs.

Ariel sat opposite of me and set her folder on the coffee table. She crossed her legs too, her calf muscle hard and defined below her dress.

I waited for her to execute me.

“I talked to Crewe.”

“You talk to him a lot. What’s that supposed to mean?”

She ignored my attitude. “He’s not interested in Anna.”

He’s not? I expected him to be attracted to her the way everyone else in the room was.

“Said he only wants to be with you.”

My eyes automatically wanted to soften and my lungs to suck in a delightful breath.

“I think if you weren’t corrupting his thoughts, he’d be able to think more clearly. Anna is perfect in more ways than one. Also, Crewe told me he’s going to propose to you.”

Now I couldn’t hide my reaction at all. My hand moved up my chest, and the tears welled in my eyes. I had asked him about marriage once before, but he never gave me a concrete answer. Instead of caring for Anna, he was only interested in being with me. It gave me the kind of high I’d never felt before. But the higher I soared, the further I crashed.

“So you need to leave now before he asks you.”

She couldn’t be serious. “Are you crazy? Crewe told you he wants to spend his life with me. You really can’t just be happy for him and keep your pettiness to yourself?”

She narrowed her eyes. “We made a deal, London.”

“I’m aware. But you really haven’t changed your mind?”

“No.”

Cold bitch. “If I leave, Crewe will be miserable.”

“He’ll get over it.”

“Didn’t seem like he got over it last time.”

“It’ll take time, but he’ll bounce back. He’s experienced far worse.”

This woman was seriously evil. “I’m not sure if I can do it…”

“If you do, I walk. That’s our arrangement.”

Now I was back to square one. I had to do the right thing for Crewe or the right thing for myself. What would it be? “He’ll be devastated if he loses either one of us.”

“I’ve known him for ten years. I’m family to him. You’re a woman he’ll forget in six months.”

I couldn’t believe how terrible she was. It was unbelievable.

“London, we made a deal. You can’t back out now. I don’t respect you, but I thought you were someone who kept her word.”

“I do keep my word…”

“Then you know what you need to do, and you need to do it soon.”

I refused to cry in front of Ariel. I refused to appear weak. But in that moment, I wanted to sob on his couch until my chest couldn’t heave anymore. I wanted to drown in my own sorrow and never recover. The warm tears burned behind my eyes, but I never let them streak down my face.

Ariel must have sensed my depression because she silently excused herself from the room. “I know you’ll do the right thing, London. If you really love him, you’ll let him go. We both know you don’t deserve him.”

Thankfully, Crewe went straight back to work when he came home, so I had a few hours to collect myself. I argued with myself continuously, wondering if I should keep or break my promise to Ariel. I loved him so much that I was willing to let Ariel walk away. But when I remembered how upset Crewe was the first time she left, I reconsidered.

And I was the reason he had a scar on his chest.

I was the reason he lost his men.

I was the reason Ariel had almost been taken.

After the way things turned out, I knew I didn’t deserve him. I had nothing to offer besides my love. Apparently, Crewe thought that was enough. But after a few years, the resentment would begin to sink in.

Letting him go was my only option.

I hated the idea of returning to America and starting over—for the second time. I hated picturing my wedding to a faceless man in a suit. I hated imagining my children, who looked nothing like Crewe.

But I had to do it.

I procrastinated for several days, much to Ariel’s displeasure. Every time I thought I could do it, I chickened out. I kept wanting to soak in every second that I had left with him. Our relationship had returned to the way it used to be—full of trust and affection. I would miss that when I slept alone.

By the third day, I still hadn’t done it. I slept well with his muscular arms wrapped around me. I melted every morning when he kissed me goodbye. When we made love during his lunch hour, I was a woman in love. There were so many reasons to stay that sometimes I forgot why I was leaving in the first place.

When Ariel had enough, she confronted me while Crewe was in his office. “London.” That’s all she said to me when she walked into my bedroom. In black heels and a black dress, she looked stuffy and sophisticated. Her appearance almost never changed.

“I know.” I didn’t need to hear her pressure me again.

“You obviously don’t know because you’re still sharing this bedroom with him.” She wasn’t nearly as calm as she was before. Now her attitude had fired up like a revved engine. “You’re playing a dangerous game with time right now.”

Subconsciously, I hoped I could wait long enough to see him get down on one knee. I wanted to experience that moment even if it ended badly, as selfish as that was. “Get off my case, alright? You’re asking me to do the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

“And if you can’t do it, I’m leaving now.”

“Seriously, how does Cassandra put up with you?”

Her eyes narrowed the second her girlfriend was mentioned. “That’s a road you definitely don’t want to take.”

“How would you feel if you couldn’t marry the one person you loved?” I asked incredulously. “If Crewe didn’t accept your sexuality and made you choose? I distinctly remember him wanting you to be yourself. I distinctly remember him not giving a damn what anyone thought of you and supporting you. This is how you repay him?”

She placed both hands on her hips. “Cassandra didn’t shoot me—”

“I didn’t shoot Crewe.”

“But you pretty much pulled the trigger. You lied and deceived him. Just because the two of you worked things out doesn’t erase the past.”

“Maybe you should get over the past. Seems like everyone else has.”

“The men haven’t killed you because Crewe ordered them not. Only reason why you’re safe. But they’ll hate you for as long as they live.”

“You all sound pretty petty to me. I’m a good person with good intentions. You need to forgive me and let it go.”

“Forgive you?” she asked. “I don’t forgive anyone who fucks with Crewe like that.”

We’d already had this argument before, and I didn’t want to have it again. She was too cold even to understand what forgiveness was. I would always be condemned here. Even if I became his wife, I would never be welcome here. I couldn’t allow my children to witness them disrespect me. Maybe Crewe and I wouldn’t have worked out anyway. “I’ll leave, alright?”

“When?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Actually tomorrow?” she asked. “Or are you just saying that?”

“Tomorrow. I’ll call my brother and arrange for him to pick me up. Is that better?”

She dropped her arms to her sides. “It’ll never be better until you’re truly gone. When he gets off work tomorrow, I want you to say your goodbyes and leave. Alright?”

She punched me in the face when I tried to get Crewe to the hospital. I would love to return the favor, but I couldn’t sink to her level. She may look elegant in her clothes and glasses, but I was still the better woman—if you asked me. “Alright.”

I wasn’t sure if I could make it through the night.

It was my last evening with Crewe in the beautiful castle. We’d made so many memories here, infecting the halls with our laughter and kisses. I was the only woman who had slept on these sheets, and I wondered how long it would be before he replaced me with someone else, probably Anna.

Crewe got undressed before he came to bed. In the nude, he slid under the sheets until we were close together. Immediately, his heat filled the sheets like a personalized heater. He kissed my shoulder and my hairline before he rested against me, his powerful body rising with every breath he took.

As much as I loved to lie with him, I wanted more. We usually made love before we went to sleep, but we’d been having a lot of sex so he was more tired than usual. Based on the way he lay beside me, he didn’t have any intention of making a move.

That wasn’t how I would spend my last night with him.

I rolled him onto his back and straddled his hips, feeling his soft cock underneath me. I ran my hands up his chest, feeling the powerful slabs of muscle on either side of his spine. With no fat and smooth skin, he was beautiful. Even the scar over his left nipple was beautiful.

Crewe’s cock hardened in response. “Figured you were tired.”

I wouldn’t get any sleep tonight. “I’m never too tired for you.”

His hands moved to my hips, and he rocked his cock through my folds. “You always know what to say, Lovely.”

I groped my own tits as I stared into his eyes, my thumbs causing my nipples to pebble in response. I trailed one hand down my stomach and between my legs, rubbing my clit as my other hand remained on my chest. I never did these scandalous actions with other men because I was far too self-conscious. But the arousal in his eyes gave me the courage to do anything.

His hands moved to my waist, and he gripped my sides aggressively, his eyes exploring my body even though he’d seen me a hundred times. His cock thickened as the seconds passed, reaching a combustive level. “Lovely.” His thumbs swiped across my nipples, and then he gripped my tits in his strong hands.

I rubbed my clit harder, feeling his hard cock underneath me.

He moved to my shoulders and pulled me down, forcing my lips to lock with his. He pulled my hand away from my clit and rubbed his cock right against my nub, giving me the perfect friction to make my body shake.

He sucked my bottom lip into my mouth as he ground against me harder, trying to make me come without even being inside me.

I always wanted an orgasm, but I wanted one with him buried inside me. I pulled away before my senses could be overly stimulated, and I slipped him inside my slit. The second I felt his massive length, I rolled my head back and moaned.

His hands returned to my waist, and he guided me up and down, wanting me to bounce on his cock just the way he liked. He loved to see my tits shake and my eyes roll to the back of my head. “Fuck…”

My hands returned to my tits, and I touched myself for his benefit, doing all the things I knew he loved. I wasn’t a sexy person, but being sexy with him was easy. He was the kind of guy who made it easy.

I reached behind me and cupped his balls with my hand, my fingers massaging his sac as I continued to rock him.

His fingers dug into me harder, and he closed his eyes as he fought the urge to explode.

The sight gave me an extra push that shoved me over the edge. As if I were on fire, my entire body burned white-hot. I screamed through the pleasure and clung to the sensation for as long as I possibly could, knowing I would miss it once I couldn’t have it again. “Give me your come. I want it.”

“Yeah?” He rolled me onto my back and positioned himself on top of me, one of my legs over his shoulder while the other stretched out to accommodate him. He pounded into me harder, stretching my clit into a circle with every thrust he made.

I gripped his arms and prepared for his load, knowing he was going to give me a ton of it—like usual. “Please, sir.”

“Jesus Christ.” Three thrusts later, he hit his threshold and filled me. He shoved himself completely inside me so he could give me every drop. His need to pump all of his seed inside me always turned me on all over again.

“Yes…” I ran my fingers through his damp hair and felt his cock start to soften when he was completely finished. I watched the tightness soften in his jaw and the satisfaction enter his eyes. He rarely pulled out of me to come on my body rather than deep inside me, and I knew it was his ultimate way to possess me.

Not that I minded.

His hand slid into my hair, and he kissed me hard even though we were finished. His tongue moved with mine before his kiss suddenly turned soft, nearly apologetic.

My fingers wrapped around his wrist, and I felt his pulse, my favorite lullaby.

When he finished kissing me, he kept his forehead pressed against mine. “I love you more than anything in this world.”

Instead of feeling happiness, I felt a surge of heartbreak. I was broken in two, and I hadn’t even left yet. Despair washed over me, but I was forced to ignore it, to pretend it never happened at all. “I love you too.”

He kissed my forehead before he gently pulled out of me, taking his time so he could secure his deposit inside my slit. He liked knowing his come was sitting inside me all night long while we both slept. That was the kind of possession he liked to take.

He finally pulled out of me then got comfortable in bed, his powerful body next to mine. He draped his arm over my waist and nuzzled his face into my neck, the coarse hair rubbing against my soft skin.

I didn’t think I could sleep tonight since I was going to leave tomorrow, but my eyes grew heavy and I fell asleep almost immediately.

“Everything okay?” Crewe checked his black tie as he watched me.

“Yeah…why?” He was about to leave for work, and I was doing my best to pretend everything was fine. Since he was so in tune with my mannerisms and expressions, he probably knew I wasn’t behaving like I normally did.

“Seem a little off.” He grabbed his watch and secured it around his wrist before he walked up to me and kissed me on the mouth.

“Just tired.”

“Alright.” Crewe didn’t press me further and kissed my hairline. “I’ll see you later.”

“See you later.” He walked through the door.

“I love you,” I blurted, unsure how many more times I’d get to say it.

He turned around and smiled. “I love you too.” He shut the door and disappeared.

I felt sick to my stomach. I would spend the day packing and organizing my departure. He had no idea when he walked through that door everything would be different.

I only had one small suitcase, and I threw everything inside, not caring about tidiness. I stole one of his shirts from his drawer and kept that too, knowing I would want it when I was sleeping alone in my apartment.

When everything was put together, I called Joseph.

“What’s up?” he answered.

“I was wondering if I could catch a ride from you later today…” It was hard to talk when I was on the verge of tears.

Joseph heard the sorrow in my voice. “Are you leaving him?”

“Yeah…”

“You’re sure you wanna do this?”

“Yes.”

“I hate the guy, but you shouldn’t let some cunt tell you what to do.”

“I’m not…I just know it needs to be this way.”

“Well, I’m nowhere near Scotland right now. I’m in Russia, actually.”

“Oh…” I assumed he was about to perform the heist that he and Crewe planned together.

“But I can have one of my men pick you up. A very trustworthy guy.”

I didn’t feel comfortable sitting in a car with someone I didn’t know, but I didn’t have any other choice. I just needed to get to the airport. “That’ll be fine.”

“Okay. I’ll have him swing by.”

“Thanks.” I sat on the edge of the bed with my arms crossed over my chest. There wasn’t anything else to say and Joseph wasn’t interested in these types of conversations, but it felt good just to sit on the line with him.

“I don’t want to be insensitive, but I need to go…”

“Oh, I understand.” I knew he was busy with more important things.

“But I still think you should reconsider what you’re doing. If Ariel is willing to hurt him like this, she shouldn’t be in his life at all.”

“I know…but I did a lot of terrible things. I understand why she doesn’t trust me.”

“It’s fine that she doesn’t trust you. But this is hurting Crewe—the man she’s supposedly loyal to.”

“Joseph, I appreciate what you’re doing, but this is how it has to be.”

He sighed. “Whatever you say.”

“I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright. Love you.” I hardly ever heard him say anything remotely sweet, so I knew he meant it.

“I love you too.”

When five o’clock came around, my heart shattered.

This was the most difficult moment of my life.

I had to let him go even if he didn’t want to let me go.

Crewe walked inside and immediately peeled his jacket off, but he halted when he saw my roll-aboard suitcase at the end of the bed. “Is this a hint that you want me to take you on a vacation?”

I stood beside the suitcase and couldn’t meet his gaze. It was too difficult. In a matter of seconds, I would hurt him more than I hurt right that second. “I’ve been doing some thinking…”

Crewe stiffened noticeably. I could see the movement in my periphery since I refused to look directly at him.

“I don’t think I can sacrifice my whole life to be with you. I’ve always wanted to be a doctor and practice medicine, but I can’t do that here. My friends are back in New York. I can’t give up everything just for you. And a life of royalty…it’s just not for me.” I held back the tears up until that moment, but I wouldn’t be able to hold back the dam much longer.

Crewe was absolutely still. It didn’t seem like he was even breathing. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I’ve decided to go back to America, Crewe. That’s all I’m trying to tell you.”

He stepped closer to me before his voice turned hostile. “Look at me.”

I knew I would cry the second that I did. I lifted my gaze and stared into his scotch-colored eyes. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes then dripped down my face.

Crewe watched me without an ounce of sympathy. “Where is this coming from?”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”

“Didn’t seem that way yesterday,” he said coldly. “Or the day before. Or the day before that…”

“I just…I guess I’ve been waiting.” I grabbed the handle to my suitcase, like that would make my intention more convincing. “I’m sorry, Crewe. I don’t know what to say.” I moved around him and headed to the door.

He blocked the way with his massive size. “This isn’t making any sense. We were happy yesterday.”

“I haven’t really been happy. I stay home all day—”

“I never had a problem with you going to school.”

“I know, but it’s not—”

“You don’t need to transfer your credits if you get your citizenship and live here forever,” he said simply. “So what the fuck? This isn’t making any sense. What aren’t you telling me?”

“I’m not hiding anything,” I said defensively. “I just…I don’t want this lifestyle. I don’t want to go to these fancy parties with people I’ll never be good enough for. I don’t want to be dressed up like a doll and reminded not to slouch. I just want a normal life, Crewe. We both know I’ll never get that with you.”

“You’re destined to have more than a normal life,” he said quietly. “Even if you’re unhappy with the situation, it doesn’t make sense for you to leave. You love me.”

The words elicited more tears. “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

“I’m not the one making this hard. You’re giving me whiplash right now.”

“I’m sorry if I’ve confused you…but I want to leave.”

He clenched his jaw in annoyance, his eyes darkening. “This isn’t making any sense.”

“Crewe, I don’t want to be with you.” I strengthened my voice so it wouldn’t shake. “I came back because I thought I loved you, but I think that was just a high. Now that I’m here as a free person, I realize I don’t want to be here.”

He continued to block the door, but his hostile expression softened.

“Based on the way we started, it would never work between us. We had no chance anyway. We were never going to get married, so it makes sense for me to leave sooner rather than later.” The mention of marriage made me want to cry harder.

Crewe bowed his head to the floor. “I didn’t realize you felt this way.”

“I…I do.” A part of me wanted him to catch my lie, to know I didn’t want to say any of this.

“How long have you felt this way?”

I made something up. “A few weeks.”

“And you aren’t willing to work on it with me?”

“No,” I whispered. “I want to marry a normal guy…have a normal life. I’m sorry.”

He rubbed his fingers over his jawline, his shoulders stiff with pain. “And that’s it?” he asked incredulously. “You’re just gonna go, and we’re gonna move on like nothing happened?”

I nodded.

He dragged his hand down his face then shook his head. “I guess Ariel was right. I feel like an idiot.”

That was the last nail in the coffin. More tears fell.

Crewe finally stepped out of the way. He moved toward the fireplace and didn’t turn around, refusing to look at me.

The path to the door was open, and now I had no reason to stay. I waited for him to say something, to understand this wasn’t me at all. I hoped he would understand how much I loved him and I would never do this unless someone were forcing me. But I knew Josephine had fucked up his brain. She left him for someone else, and now I was leaving him. It wasn’t the first time a woman broke his heart.

I finally opened the door and walked out, doing my best not to look at him. I made it down the hallway and to the stairs, the tears falling harder and harder. Like a sheet of rain, the moisture drizzled down my face.

When I got to the front door, Dimitri stared at me with concern. He didn’t show any joy at my sadness, only confusion.

I got the door opened and ran right into Ariel. In her typical dark clothing, she looked like she had returned just to make sure I kept my word. She looked right at the tears on my face without giving the slightest reaction.

I had to steady my fist so I wouldn’t punch her. Nothing I’d like to do more than break that pretty little nose of hers. “You should be ashamed of yourself.” That was the best I could come up with on the spot. I moved past her, purposely shoving my shoulder into hers as I moved down the stone steps and to the driveway. There was a black SUV waiting for me, and the man got out and immediately helped me into the back seat.

I looked out the window as I waited for the car to pull away. Ariel stood at the front door with her arms crossed over her chest. She watched me with a stoic expression, my final words not leaving any kind of mark. I surveyed the windows of the tower, wondering what Crewe was thinking at that very moment. I treasured the final view of my home before I was pulled away forever, returning to my mediocre and passionless life.

When the car pulled away, I covered my face and gave in to the grief that burned inside of my heart. The driver didn’t glance at me over his shoulder. He didn’t ask me any questions either. He left me to cry to myself in peace, letting me express emotions that I couldn’t express in words.

I didn’t just lose the love of my life.

I lost my reason to live.