The door slammed behind Gavin and my entire body felt the impact of it. My heart fluttered inside my chest—not like a plain old butterfly, but one that was on fire and dying a painful death. My eyes were glued to that damn door like it might actually open again, that Gavin might come back. It didn’t.

I tried to breathe, but even that was a struggle. The hurt on his face had ripped me apart, the utter shock like he couldn’t possibly believe I was turning him down. God, how I’d wanted to go. I’d have given anything to be there for him when he needed me the most. But there was no way I could risk an airport. I wasn’t even sure my ID would uphold that kind of scrutiny, let alone how dangerous it would’ve been. One quick, random facial recognition scan and I would’ve been done for.

“You’re a real piece of work.” Ben stepped in front of me, his upper lip curling back. “What the fuck is the matter with you?”

“Ben.” Rachel stepped between us, refusing to even look at me. “Let’s just go.”

His desire to tear into me was written plainly all over his face. This time I couldn’t even blame him. I knew what this looked like from their perspectives. Even from my perspective I hated myself.

“Please,” Rachel said. A little stronger this time.

He shook his head, finally relenting. The two of them left without another glance back, not even bothering to slam the door. A quiet click echoed around the empty room and then I was alone.

I turned, aimlessly, until I spotted the overturned bag of bagels on the counter. They were scattered across the granite, one having tumbled all the way to the floor. I stooped to clean them up, but nearly dropped them, my hands were shaking so hard.

I deserved every nasty look they gave me and more.

It came back with a vengeance then, the itch to run, to take action. My bones ached with it, my heart yearned for it. At least now I could tame my response. I changed quick and headed for the other end of Gavin’s condo. I’d only peeked in before, but it had been enough to know it was a personal gym. And right there in the corner was a treadmill.

I didn’t stretch, didn’t ease into it. Turning the speed up as high as I could manage I sprinted as fast as I could. My whole body shuddered with the impact of my footsteps, but I pushed through it. I pushed past the burn in my chest, the screaming muscles in my legs, ignored the sweat soaking through my shirt.

Dani, Dani, always running. Did you think this time would be any different? He’ll always want more than you can give him. You’re not enough for him. It doesn’t matter how much you want it, how much you crave it, you don’t get this life. You don’t get him.

My foot hit the belt awkwardly, ankle twisting, and I went down hard. I didn’t even have time to get my hands up in front of my face before it slammed into treadmill, and the belt threw me backward onto the floor.

Pain was the first thing to register—my ankle, my forehead, my ribs. Wetness streamed down my face, and I lifted a shaking hand to brush it away, sure my fingers would come back stained red. But they weren’t. There wasn’t any blood at all. I was crying. The tears running down my face and plummeting off my jaw.

It wasn’t fair.

Life isn’t fair, Dani, my father’s voice answered me.

I forced myself to sit up, sucking in a breath at the fresh wash of pain. The wall was behind me and I leaned against it, a trembling, aching shell of myself. I’d fallen into this too deep, let myself get tangled up in all the wishes and dreams I’d fought so hard to deny. I wasn’t the girl who got picket fences. There wasn’t a happy ending to this story.

I wouldn’t regret it though. Couldn’t really. Because that would mean I’d have to regret Gavin and that’s something I’d never do. What was that line about losing love? That they’d prefer to have lost it because that meant at one point they had it?

I’d spend the rest of my life with a broken heart beating in my chest, but I’d never be anything but grateful for it because it meant I was lucky enough to fall in love. Even if it wasn’t the kind of love I could have forever.

With effort, I picked myself up off the floor and limped to the bathroom. I made a pit-stop at the mirror to see if I’d done any really damage to my face. There was a sizeable lump above my eyebrow, dusky with bruising. I had a matching bruise on my ankle, but I could tell from the type of pain it was shooting up my leg it was only a sprain.

Shedding my clothes, I walked into the shower. Gavin had these nifty shower heads mounted to the ceiling that felt like a gentle rain shower. But much, much hotter. I used Gavin’s shampoo to wash my hair, loving the slightly spicy scent to it. If I closed my eyes, I could almost trick myself into believing he was somewhere nearby.

After toweling myself dry, I hobbled to the kitchen for the ice. One pack for my ankle, another smaller pack for my face. I took a quick trip to the front door, throwing the dead bolt and locking the handle. Those two little pieces of metal were the only things protecting me here.

With that thought in mind, I scooped up my purse and dumped it next to the couch before I stretched out along the soft cushions. I meant to stay awake, but the day had taken its toll. Emotionally drained and physically hurting, it wasn’t long before my eyes drifted closed and I slept dreamlessly.

The sound of a car alarm roused me almost six hours later. Two bags of mostly melted ice lay on the floor, my hand dangling alongside them. I opened my eyes, blinking them, testing to see how much residual pain I had from the treadmill accident. It was a dull throb, a minor four on the pain scale. I flexed my ankle and judged it to be about the same.

I went for my phone first, eager for news. Hoping Gavin might have landed in New Hampshire to good news. The screen of my phone flashed to life, but there were no missed calls or texts. Honestly, after what happened today, I wasn’t entirely sure Gavin would bother keeping me in the loop at all. Then again, I’d told him my phone was for emergencies only. I hoped he knew this counted.

Scooping up the old bags of melted ice, I walked them to the kitchen and tossed them in the trash. I sighed. I hated not knowing. It took me straight back to the handful of times Dad and I had been forced to flee with barely a moment’s notice. Waiting at our spot, counting down the minutes until he arrived. Spending each second wondering where he was, whether he was alive, if he was going to show up at all.

Which . . . was exactly how Gavin must be feeling.

Shit. I had to know what was going on. Even if it was eleven o’clock at night and everyone hated me.

Keys in hand, I locked up the condo behind me and took the stairs down one flight to Felix and Juliet’s place. I’d never been before, but from what Gavin had told me I knew they lived directly beneath them.

There was no hesitation as I lifted my hand and knocked on the door. Felix answered the door a few minutes later, looking grumpier than I’d ever seen him. “Need to borrow a cup of sugar?”

“Have you heard anything from Gavin?” I wasn’t there to play games.

“Haven’t you?”

Jules appeared next to Felix, somehow still looking like she’d rolled out of the pages of a magazine in her pajamas. “Oh my God, Dani, what happened to your face?”

“It’s nothing.” My fingers traced the edges of the bump. “Have you heard from Gavin?”

Her gaze narrowed on Felix. “You didn’t tell her what’s going on?”

“I figured if Gavin wanted her to know he would have told her himself.” He shrugged and wheeled away, effectively leaving the conversation.

She sighed. “He landed a few hours ago. He’s made it to the house and is there with his mom. His other sister, Lilah, is there with them. The police are involved, but so far they haven’t had any leads. Wherever she is her cell phone isn’t on so they can’t track it. There’ve been no charges to her debit card since she left. It’s like she just vanished.”

My stomach dropped like the floor had suddenly disappeared. Vanishing might seem easy, but it wasn’t. I knew how hard it could be. Really, truly vanishing like that took effort. “Will you let me know if you hear anything else?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you,” I said with relief. “Out of curiosity, why are you helping me? You must’ve heard what happened. Felix definitely did.”

“Yeah, I heard.” One corner of her mouth pulled up in a smile. “But unlike Felix and Ben, I know what it’s like to have to make a decision that tears you in half. Sometimes you don’t have a choice. And seeing the way you look at Gavin I can only assume that’s why you did it.” She held my gaze. “Am I right?”

“Trust me, if there was any way I could be there, I would.”

She rubbed a hand over her jaw. “Not that I’m trying to pry, but I know for certain individuals flying, in particular, can be . . . problematic.” She paused, waiting for me to correct her if she was wrong. But she’d hit the nail on the head. “That being said, Concord is only four-ish hours away. Not that long of a drive if someone were particularly motivated to get somewhere.”

I blinked, her idea hitting me in the head with the subtlety of a hammer. Driving. Why the hell hadn’t I thought of that? It was so obvious. I’d risk a four hour drive in a heartbeat for Gavin, for something this huge.

“I don’t—”

She held up a finger. “Hey, Felix?” Her head tilted to the side. “Can you bring me my keys, please?”

A few seconds later he parked next to her and reluctantly handed over a key ring. She immediately passed them to me. “I’d tell you to take Felix’s truck because it would serve him right, but my Audi is faster.”