My brother wasn’t just a pain in my backside, he never missed an opportunity to dish out crap to any guy I brought around. He enjoyed seeing them tremble in fear in front of him.

It wasn’t surprising he showed up today. I’d expected him to make the maneuver he just made as public as possible. Yippee me, I had a younger brother who thought he was funny.

Fortunately, Cooper not only didn’t shrivel beneath my brother’s steely gaze that psyched out more than one batter when he played ball, he stood against it, at my side, and protected me.

I hadn’t had that. Not in a long time. It felt damn good and scary as hell. I ignored the way my heart fluttered at an unnatural speed and turned to Cooper.

“Can you fill him in on everything?”

He scowled at Jordan. “You trust him?”

“Yes,” I said. A soft laugh escaped me. “He’s my brother. Of course I do.” I whipped back to Jordan. “But don’t be an ass, either. I’m going to get dressed. You want to stay for breakfast, I’ll get on that after I go upstairs.”

“Awesome,” Jordan said, slapping his stomach. “I’m famished.”

I glared at him, stomping up the stairs, knowing that glare didn’t faze Jordan. “Don’t you own a restaurant? Somewhere else you can get food for free?”

He shrugged shamelessly and followed me up the stairs.

I almost stumbled over the top step as he winked at Cooper and grinned. “Yours is better.”

“Damn straight,” I replied.

I let the door slam shut in front of him and hustled up the stairs.

Good Lord, I’d barely managed to throw on a robe before I ran downstairs when I woke to the rumble of his truck.

And it was seven-thirty! I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept in, or the few times I had, the work had already been done.

I also hadn’t expected Cooper to get up and handle everything.

More, I hadn’t expected last night to happen.

I whipped off my tank top, tossed it onto my bed and turned to my closet, my body chilling not from being half-naked but from the memory of last night as it assaulted me.

Holy crap. I kissed him. His cheek, but that wasn’t where I was aiming.

What was wrong with me? I stumbled backward and when the soft fabric of my sheets hit my knees, I collapsed onto it.

I’d almost kissed another man.

I’d wanted to kiss another man. A man who wasn’t Joseph. A man who wasn’t permanent.

It was Cooper’s fault. It was his smiles and his strong jaw and his even stronger arms and muscled body and it was his laughter and his easy confidence.

It was all the things about him I’d noticed and kept ignoring ever since I agreed to the stupid idea to allow him to come here and all the stupid things about him I’d been pushing away since I Googled him and saw his photos.

He was a man, an attractive one, and I was no longer solely appreciating his physical characteristics.

“Damn it.” I dropped my face into my hands.

Joseph was the only man I’d ever loved. He was the only man who’d understood me. I’d also thought he was the only man I’d ever met who was as equally passionate about my dreams and living on our land and ranching as I was.

He was also the only man who betrayed me.

Turned out, I loved him with everything I had and yet that hadn’t always been enough, especially near the end.

Almost seven months after his death, I still couldn’t reconcile those two pieces together.

Last night, Cooper hadn’t pulled away. He hadn’t touched me back, he hadn’t bent his head to kiss me, but he didn’t move back either. He’d looked at me with torment in his eyes, the push and pull of wanting what I was offering and knowing it was a mistake. It was written clear as day in his beautiful green eyes.

The only thing he’d said was my name, ripped from his throat like he was tortured with the decision of whether to let me kiss him or shove me away. I couldn’t stop remembering it. I pressed my fingers against my temples, squeezed my eyes closed to dispel it all from my brain, but the vision only sharpened.

I’d wanted to kiss another man, and he was going to let me.

It was all, so horribly, horribly wrong.

I shoved off the bed, grabbed my phone, and flung off a quick text to Brooke.

I almost kissed him. What is wrong with me?

Tossing the phone onto my bed, I went back to my closet and finished getting dressed. I couldn’t think about this.

It wasn’t right, and it would never happen again. Not with Cooper, not with anyone.

I hadn’t been a virgin when I met Joseph. I’d known him my first two years of college, and I’d always been attracted to him, but he didn’t seem interested. I was so intent on squeezing everything I could out of the college experience, far from home, that I’d dated lots. I’d been with men I didn’t date, just hook-ups that left me doing the walk of shame across a bitter cold college campus. College had been a joke. I sat in class after class learning how to work on a farm, but I’d been doing it since I could walk. There wasn’t anything I was learning in books I didn’t already know, so I was still getting straight A’s and didn’t have to spend a lot of time studying. To keep busy, I spent a lot of time having as much fun as possible.

When I returned to Iowa State my junior year, it was time to get serious. The fun of one-night stands and ridiculous dates with guys I knew I’d never end up with had lost their shine. It was Joseph who still held my attention. I’d made the first approach, flirting with him and pretending to need his help studying.

He hadn’t fallen for it. Instead, he’d given me a questioning look and asked, “You done wasting your time and ready to be with a man who actually wants you?”

I’d acted offended. Then he’d kissed me. Right there outside the Hansen Agriculture Center, he’d pulled me to him, wrapped his hand around the back of my neck, held me to him and kissed me, and I hadn’t looked at another man since.

My last first kiss. I’d told him that. I’d known it instantly.

He’d pulled away, gave me a smile that shook me to my toes and said, “Yep. Glad you finally figured it out.”

Somehow, all that went to shit.

I was in the bathroom, piling all my hair on top of my head and wrapping it into a messy knot when my phone pinged.

Tears I’d been fighting swam in my eyes and dripped down my cheeks. I grabbed the phone, the text from Brooke only two words but as warm as if her arms were holding me tight.

Oh honey.

Another text came in almost immediately after.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting it. And there’s nothing wrong with you. You have every right to search for a new kind of happiness.

I collapsed back onto the bed and lost the fight with my tears and my emotions.

“Fuck you, Joseph. You weren’t supposed to do this to me. You weren’t supposed to leave me like this.”

I cried until a knock hit my door and I jumped off the bed, swiping at my eyes and sniffing away tears.

Oh God. I’d completely forgotten about Cooper and Jordan downstairs.

“Yeah?” I called out.

“You okay? Taking you awhile.” It was Jordan. My shoulders fell with relief.

“Yep. Be down in a second.”

I waited to hear his footsteps leaving, but I heard his voice instead. “Rebecca. You need me?”

Damn him. I sniffed again and blew out a breath. Jordan’s voice was soft, covered in steel, and worried. So damn worried about me all the time.

“I’m good. I’m good.”

I wasn’t. I was weak and falling apart by the minute, but Jordan didn’t need to see that. He had his own life, his own business.

Finally, I heard him walk away, calling out, “All right. Take your time.”

Still with the soft voice, still thick with concern, but he knew not to push.

I went to the bathroom, splashed water on my face, added concealer beneath my eyes and brushed my teeth.

Cooper was there to help, and he’d leave.

But…would it be so wrong to kiss a man like that? Someone who wouldn’t be here long enough to hurt my heart, but could maybe…help me in other ways?