It usually took me until coffee cup number two was complete before all synapses fired correctly. As Cooper spoke, I hoped my confusion came from the lack of caffeine.

“I’m sorry.” A yawn hit me, and I covered my mouth. “Can you repeat that?”

Cooper’s hand was at my temple, sliding down to cup my neck. “I’m sorry to wake you, but I got a call from Max earlier. I need to get home.”

Home. My eyes closed from the force of those words and my chest went hot.

He was leaving?

“Why?” And worse, why did he look okay with this? Happy, almost. Last night, the bath—afterwards— all of it rushed through my mind. It had been incredible. The connection between us almost otherworldly. I had never thought of allowing another man to touch me and yet at the first kiss from Cooper last night, Joseph had never once entered my mind.

Only hours after offering Cooper more than my body, my heart was being put through a food processor.

“Camilla’s throwing a fit and refusing to sign the divorce agreement until I meet with her. And worse, there are photos of you and me at Down Home last week. Someone must have recognized me and snapped a picture.”

Oh, snap. I shot up in bed, brushing my hair off my face. Cooper’s hand fell to my lap and then rose, bringing sheets with him. “What are you talking about?”

“Cover yourself,” he teased, holding the sheets to my chest until I took them from him. “Or I’ll never get out of here.”

That was the last thing I wanted. A lump lodged in my throat. My heart pounded. This was not fair.

“Tell me what happened.”

His smile was beautiful. A bit sexy with a side of cute and I stared at his mouth. I couldn’t meet his eyes. I couldn’t let him see what was swimming in mine. He was leaving and it was happening too quickly.

“Max said Camilla saw it. She said I either fly back to L.A. and deal with her there or she comes here, and trust me, no way in hell is she stepping into Kansas.” He quirked his lips. “A house might fall on her.”

I didn’t smile. This was no joking matter.

“You’re leaving,” I whispered. My voice was dry from sleep and my fear coming true. God, why had I thought I could be with him and keep my heart out of it?

“I’ll be back in a day or two. As quick as I can.”

That made no sense. “Why?”

“What?” He shook his head as if my question was ridiculous. “But I do have a favor to ask. Do you mind if I take the truck in the garage? It’ll take too long to get an Uber.”

Maybe this was a dream. A really, really bad one. Like the kind I used to have after Joseph died, that he was still alive. I hadn’t had one in weeks, months. But this felt like the same, agonizing pain.

Now he wanted to drive Joseph’s truck, something I’d been debating recently about selling. Maybe donating. Or just giving to a high schooler in town. I didn’t need it, but Joseph loved it. He treated it like a queen and I often teased him that it was in incredible condition for being fifteen years old, minus the garbage he couldn’t be bothered to clean.

“Yeah, you can take it. But…” This was all happening so fast. I wasn’t prepared to steel my heart against the possibility of saying goodbye to him. “Why would you come back? You sign those papers and your divorce is over. Camilla will go away and the paparazzi will move on to someone else. There’s no need—”

He slammed his mouth to mine. I tasted mint and inhaled a whiff of his cologne. Plus, he was dressed, freshly showered. He’d gotten ready in the guesthouse and came back to say goodbye. Had he had to debate it?

“I’ll be back,” he stated, eyes narrowed as he spoke. “And I’ll call you while I’m gone. Then we’ll talk. But I gotta get going. Max already has his plane in the air and the sooner I get there, the sooner I put this bullshit behind me.”

And the closer he was to being able to return home for good.

“Cooper—”

“You’re sleepy. We’ll talk when you can make sense of what’s happening here.”

He kissed me again, his hand at the back of my head, one on my shoulder. His tongue slid inside and I pressed against him. If this was our last kiss, it had to last me for a long, long time.

“Bye, Becca. I’ll call you.”

His hands fell from mine, he pushed off the bed and stood, and my head was spinning as he walked out my bedroom door.

I hadn’t even said goodbye.

Cooper was wrong. I knew exactly what was happening. He was taking steps to put all the attention behind him and soon, he’d leave and wouldn’t need to return.

Then, I would have to say goodbye. And it might destroy me.

---

“He didn’t leave us, Pepper.” The goat bumped against my knee and whined again. “I swear it. He’ll be back.”

Even if it was just to say goodbye. I wasn’t telling the goat that. He was acting almost as morose as I felt. I’d spent the day alone on the ranch. It was the first time I’d had to do everything by myself in weeks and the day was dragging on slower than molasses.

It had taken me more than my regular cup of coffee, at least three, to finally comprehend everything Cooper said to me before he left.

We’ll talk when you can make sense of what’s happening here.

It was that statement he casually dropped in my sleepy and decaffeinated lap still making my head spin as I gave the goats more water. It was as hot as the dickens out and sweat dripped down my neck into my shirt. My hair was pulled onto the top of my head and I was beyond certain the sun beating down on me was giving me heat stroke with the way my thoughts were drifting.

Did he mean he wanted to stay longer?

What was happening?

I knew that since Cooper arrived, sauntering up to me like he owned the land and everything around it, I’d been on a whirlwind, tossed and thrown about, and yet I knew, if it were to end today, if this morning was goodbye, there was nothing I regretted. What we had last night wasn’t what he so callously called being fuck buddies weeks ago.

It was deeper than that. When he wasn’t around, I thought of him. When he was around, I caught myself watching him when he didn’t see me, and when he caught me, I smiled and turned away, heat searing my cheeks. When we talked, I did everything I could to bring out his smile, his laughter a bonus.

And that night in the kitchen. Last night in the bathroom.

I couldn’t remember a time my body responded with such frenzied have to have you now passion. Maybe I had with Joseph when we were first together. Maybe it was an explosion of chemistry from going without for so long mixed with his of the same as he’d told me.

Maybe it was something different…something different than Joseph and I ever had.

And was that bad? To be able to experience something new and exciting and powerful? Different was good, right?

Pepper bumped my knee again, making an almost groaning sound. “Shh, Pepper. I miss him too.”

It surprised me to hear myself say that. Almost eight months ago, I’d buried my husband. I’d spent the winter in grief and anger and doing the bare minimum to maintain the ranch. Now, only weeks after meeting Cooper, I was hopeful, looking forward to something new, looking forward to someone.

And wasn’t that just the kick in the pants?

Because he might return to me in a day or two, but he was still leaving.

I locked up Pepper and the rest of the goats once I finished filling their troughs with water.

Then I drug my feeling-sorry-for-myself-behind inside, where it was safe to wallow alone.

---

Showered and dressed in black yoga shorts and a tank top, I was heading down the stairs to cook myself some dinner when my phone rang in my back pocket.

A pinch hit my chest when Jordan’s name flashed on the screen and not Cooper’s.

He’d said he’d call, and yet I hadn’t heard from him. I was beginning to worry, not only about his safety on the flight but the fact he didn’t bother letting me know he’d arrived. Max would call though if there was an emergency, wouldn’t he?

I answered the phone with that question niggling in my mind. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Hey kiss ass, you and Hollywood busy tonight? You’ve been all over town and haven’t yet come to my restaurant. Get your asses here and dinner’s on me.”

I was smiling when he called me my childhood nickname. Jordan never wanted anything to do with the farm. He helped because he had to, but the man always had a ball of some form in his hand while doing chores. On the other hand, I was sitting in the tiny passenger seat, watching Dad work and waiting for my turn to drive the tractor before I took my first steps. When Jordan and I were teenagers and argued, he always threw out me being a kiss ass to become dad’s favorite.

As if I needed it. I was Dad’s favorite the day I was born.

My smile faded by the time he was done talking. “Cooper’s not here, but thanks anyway.”

I flipped through leftover containers in the fridge, trying to find something that sounded good. Cooking for one was hard and I’d forgotten how good company was. Me and my pity party for one were perfectly fine with leftover steak.

“What do you mean he’s not there? Did he run into town? Got all night for dinner.”

A strange pinch pricked at my chest. “He’s in California.”

“What? Why?”

His voice took on that strange, guttural sound I was used to hearing after he’d lost a baseball game. Or when he was being a prick to my boyfriends.

“Jordan—”

“No way. He worked with us all day. And I saw you with him. He can do that, act like a member of your crew and then disappear? What the fuck?”

My brother. He was younger but mighty protective. He always was but became worse after he moved back and then our parents died. And then Joseph. Every time I lost someone important, his protectiveness magnified. I wasn’t in the mood for it tonight.

“Max called. It’s no big deal. There was something with Camilla he had to see to. He’s coming back when it’s done.”

“He’s coming back.”

“Well, yeah. That’s what he said. And he took the truck to the airport.”

“Joseph’s truck?”

His shock wasn’t a surprise. I hadn’t driven the truck since last fall. Hard to drive a truck your husband died in. I hadn’t done anything except get it repaired after the accident. Actually, Jordan had handled all of it, although I vividly remembered the day the truck was brought to my place. Jordan was there, and I was still living in a fog and not having showered for who knew how long. I’d lost my mind when he took the vacuum from my house to clean it out.

“Yes,” I admitted, that familiar prickle deep in my throat whenever memories of Joseph hit me hard and fast. “Listen, I gotta run—”

“Don’t run,” Jordan said, his voice harsh and commanding. “And don’t hide out on us. Bring your girls to the restaurant. Dinner and drinks on me. I don’t want you sitting alone in that house tonight.”

Again…. He left the word unsaid but it came through crystal clear. I wanted to wallow. To consider what was happening to my life. With me and Cooper. If there was anything happening.

Silly. There wasn’t. There couldn’t.

I rubbed my forehead, the early thumping of a tension headache mounting. “Maybe it’s for the best he left.” As I said it, my throat clogged. “He’s leaving anyway. This is good. It’s good I take a step back. I’m not ready.”

I was more thinking out loud, almost forgetting Jordan was on the phone until his heavy sigh came through the phone.

“Come to the restaurant, Rebecca, or I’ll come pick you up myself.”

He wasn’t joking. “I don’t even know if Brooke or Kelly can make it.”

“Then call Christa. Hell, come alone and sit at the bar. Tank’s working, he’ll take care of you.”

“Oh my God.” I laughed despite myself. Tank’s real name was Tanner Johnston, but he got his nickname, Tank, when he was in seventh grade because he was suddenly six foot tall and over two hundred pounds. For two years, he had to play up a grade or two in sports until other guys caught up to him. He looked like a tank. By the time he was done growing, he was six-nine, almost three hundred pounds with a heart as big as an ox and a smile that had the ability to make everyone feel like his best friend within minutes.

Everyone in town called him Tank. I preferred to think of him as a gentle giant.

“He’s working there now?”

“Started bartending last week. Couldn’t handle breaking up fights at Jack’s anymore.”

“Well, who could blame him?” Jack’s bar was on the south side of town. At one time, before urban sprawl hit and our town started growing, it’d been one of the only places to go. Now, the rougher crowd went and cops pretty much stayed parked outside the lot all night long, knowing at some point, they’d be called to break up a fight. Tank was good at his job, but even someone as big as him had to get tired of throwing drunken idiots out of the bar, night after night. “I’ll come. Give me an hour and I’ll be there.”

“I’ll have your favorite wine ready to go. Text me if your friends come and I’ll make sure they save you a table.”

“Oooh,” I teased. “Look at me, getting the VIP treatment.”

“You’re such a pain in my ass. I’ll see you soon.”

He hung up before I could say goodbye, but he’d already done his brotherly duty. I hung up smiling and no longer wallowing.

Yeah, my younger brother rocked.

---

Brooke set down her glass of Rosewood Riesling and pushed it to the side as I told the story. True to Jordan’s word, he’d had it waiting for us. It wasn’t just my favorite Riesling because it was delicious and local, but because it was employed by adults with special needs. Their work was amazing and gave those who had difficulty providing for themselves a place to thrive. Yeah, I was a fan.

“What I want to know,” she said in a stern voice entirely unlike her, “is why you didn’t call your girls when he left this morning so you could toss this in our laps and let us help you.”

“Because she’s as stubborn as my grandma’s donkey,” Kelly muttered, her wineglass not nearly as forgotten as Brooke’s.

“Because it’s not a big deal. He’s leaving anyway. I should have been prepared for this. It’s not that big of a deal.”

The acidic taste of the lies wasn’t washed away with a giant gulp of sweet wine.

Kelly smirked at me. “That was two, ‘it’s not that big of a deals,’ woman. Who exactly do you think you’re fooling?”

I fell back into the seat cushion. “No one.”

“Damn straight. Now, I don’t think any of this is funny, although I really want more detail on how he was, you know?”

“I told you, we didn’t have sex.”

“Yes, let’s imagine that for a moment.” Kelly closed her eyes and hummed. Brooke slid Kelly’s wineglass to the other side of the table.

“And, that’s enough wine for the married pervert.”

Kelly peered at her out of one eye. “It’s not nearly enough for this pervert.” She grabbed her wine back and took a healthy swallow.

Not enough for me either. More times than had to be healthy through the day I caught myself thinking about the thickness of him in my mouth. Perfectly sized in width and length. The man was muscled and sculpted to perfection everywhere. But it wasn’t the physical act that held my main attention throughout the day. It was his tenderness in taking care of me.

Cooper Hawke was a man who would sacrifice his life for a woman. He’d serve her, take care of her. He’d comfort her and protect her and help her and stand at her side when she needed a partner. He’d be at her back when she needed to handle business on her own, and he’d be at her front when she couldn’t. Everything he showed me since the day he arrived proved the kind of hard-working, decent man he was.

And it was possible I was falling for someone who would no doubt break my already pummeled heart.

“I do have to say you two look really cute together, and I really like the dopey look on your face.” Brooke was on her phone, finger swiping, lips curled up.

“What are you talking about?”

“The photo of you two at Down Home. It’s really good.”

I ripped the phone out of her hand. And oh my goodness, she was not entirely wrong. Sitting across from each other in the booth handmade from wood pallets, white icicle Christmas lights that hung from wood beams across the restaurant all season long cast a gentle glow over Cooper and I. I’d been munching on a taco salad, he was carving into his ribeye steak, but both of us weren’t looking at our food. Our eyes were locked on each other and both of us wore the barest hint of a smile, like we had a secret no one else in the world knew. I didn’t even remember what we talked about at dinner, but I guaranteed no secrets were shared. We talked about our day, our lives, the differences and similarities.

Turned out, Cooper thought living in L.A. and working with actors and actresses felt similar to trying to corral escaped chickens. An exercise that made you want to bash your head into the nearest shed wall whenever it happened.

A notification slid down and her phone chimed. I didn’t mean to look but Cooper’s name scrolled across the screen.

“What’s this?” I asked, already swiping to see what Brooke had on her phone.

“Oh, I set up Google Alerts for him.”

I raised my eyes to her. “You what?”

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “No bigs. I have it for a lot of celebrities I like. I just sign up for Google Alerts and whenever they hit the news, that news hits my phone.”

“You are so weird,” I muttered, my attention diverted to her phone.

Where Cooper was sitting across from his wife. Smiling almost that exact same grin he had in the photo with us.

The sting of betrayal whipped through me and I dropped the phone. I’d known from the beginning he wouldn’t be mine, not forever, but it didn’t diminish the pain I currently felt. It was such a minor thing, he was out to eat with his wife after all.

That made it even worse because while he assured me his marriage was over, he was still a married man. A man I’d practically slept with.

And no one, not even my best friends sitting across from me, their silence palpable while I stared at that photo, knew, was that the night Joseph died, we’d been arguing because I’d just found out he cheated on me.