“Okay, now you’ll be sure to walk Mimi twice a day?” Trey asked for what seemed like the millionth time.
My arrival in California had coincided perfectly with Paul and Trey’s trip to Paris. I was not only a house guest, but now in charge of their beloved “daughter,” Mimi, who just happened to be a four-legged, furry chow mix.
“Yes, Trey! I promise, Mimi will be in good hands with me.”
He still seemed unsure before relenting. “Okay, good! I feel much more comfortable with you taking care of her than that little girl up the street.”
“She’s not a little girl, Trey,” Paul shouted from the other room. “She’s a responsible college student.”
“Well, I don’t know about that, I’m pretty sure she and her boyfriend were doing the nasty in the spare bedroom the last time she dog-sat.”
I threw my head back and laughed. “No worries here, Trey. I promise there’ll be no boys in the house while you’re gone.”
“Oh shoot! I forgot to pack my dress shirt!” Trey’s ADD was kicking in as he went running up the steps to finish up his packing.
I stepped out on the patio, taking in the view. Trey and Paul’s home was a short ferry ride or a drive over the bridge to San Francisco. It should have been the perfect antidote for soothing my aching heart, nestled on a peaceful hillside with the soothing sounds of the nearby creek. The air was so fresh and clean, but I still found myself yearning for the thick, exhaust-fume-filled air of New York City. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, throwing my head back and allowing the late afternoon sun to shroud my face. Glancing at my watch, I quickly calculated East Coast time in my head—6:07 p.m. If I hadn’t left, Jack and Simon would be braving my latest dinner recipe before we headed out to take Macy for her evening walk. My chest swelled just thinking about it, wishing I was there with them right then.
“Hey, everything okay?” Paul asked, sneaking up behind me.
“Yeah, I just forgot how peaceful it was here.”
“Yeah, it’s a lot different than what you’ve grown accustomed to.”
“It sure is,” I whispered.
“So why the sudden trip after I’ve been trying to get you to come back for months now?”
I bit my bottom lip, unable to keep my tears at bay.
“Did something happen with you and Simon?”
I nodded. “I broke his heart. I broke my heart and then I did what I do best—I ran away.” I spilled my guts and told Paul everything.
He listened thoughtfully, gently offering me advice every now and then.
“I certainly admire you for putting aside your wants for what you feel is right.”
“Thanks, but it hurts like hell.”
“Look, my specialty is corporate law. Family law and criminal law aren’t my area of expertise, but I do see where you’re coming from. You did the right thing by deciding to testify. You may get dragged through the ringer for a short while, but once it’s done with, it will be forgotten when the next big story comes along. The last thing you’d want is to have a record that will carry with you for the rest of your life. As far as him losing custody to his in-laws over things, that’s a tough call. Most judges wouldn’t take the child away from the biological parent, especially when the other parent is deceased. But that’s not saying that if they got some sharp lawyer who could sway the judge’s decision, that wouldn’t happen. That would’ve been a gamble.”
“And it was a gamble I didn’t want him to take, especially when the stakes are so high.”
He nodded. “I get it, Aubree. I just wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better about your decision. I know how much you cared about him. I saw it. He changed you a lot, and I’m so thankful to him for giving me my sister back.”
He wrapped his arm around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder. “Do you think he’ll ever find it in his heart to forgive me?”
He was silent for a brief moment. “You never know. Hopefully one day he’ll realize that you did this for him. Sometimes love is choosing to walk away to benefit the other person even though it hurts like hell, instead of staying just to spare your own feelings.”
I looked up at him and smiled. “I like that…a lot.”
He rested his lips on the top of my head. “Does it make you feel any better to know that I’m so proud of you for doing what you did?”
“Yeah, it does,” I whispered.
“Oh damn!” Trey shouted from inside.
Paul shook his head and let out a frustrated sigh. “Let me go see what crisis awaits.”
Letting out a giggle as he walked inside, I took out my phone, pulled up my email, and began to compose an email.
Dear Hannah,
How are you? How’s your mother? How’s the book coming along? There are so many things I need to tell you, and can’t wait until we can get together again and talk about hot guys and s-e-x…haha! I did want to send you a little something for your book. You once asked me to write a paragraph about falling in love. I was a little reluctant to do so at first because I wasn’t really sure of what to say, but now I do. So here goes nothing…
By the time the last word was typed, I could hardly see through my tears. I hit the send button and closed out my email on my phone. My words had brought me back to those Thursday afternoons with Simon from not so long ago, but they seemed like a lifetime ago now. Our relationship had grown so much since then, only to fall apart in the end. I wondered if he thought of me every single second of every single day, the same way I thought about him. I wondered if Jack was looking up at the moon, the same way I’d been every night since I left, and I wondered if the two of them realized that in the short time of knowing them they had become my entire world.
***
Five days into my dog-sitting gig, and Mimi was finally snapping out of her depression of missing my brother and Trey. I was thankful for that because I hated fibbing to Trey each day he’d call to check on her.
“Who’s here, Mimi?” I asked while she danced around my feet, barking and alerting me to someone at the front door. “Okay, okay!” I said as her excitement grew.
My body froze when I flung the door open to find my father on the other side. There were so many times since I had arrived that I’d tried to find the courage to call or visit him, but I always chickened out at the last minute. So to see him standing there, taking the first step, meant more to me than anything. My smile turned to tears when he stepped inside and threw his arms around me without saying a word.
“You look beautiful.” He took my face in his hands and looked me over.
“I-I was going to stop by to see you, but I just wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me.”
Tears filled his eyes. “I’m sorry, Aubree. I was just so angry at you.”
“And you had every reason to be. I’m angry at myself for who I let myself become. But I’m not that same person anymore. I’m starting my life over. I’m scared because I’m twenty-eight years old, with no college degree and no formal experience with anything but dancing. But I’m not going to let that stop me.”
“Twenty-eight years old—you still have your whole life ahead of you. I’m fifty-seven and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.”
I laughed. “You mean you don’t know what you want to be after you retire. That’s assuming that you’ll ever retire,” I teased.
“No, this is the year. I truly mean it.”
I made us some iced tea and we sat out on the patio, taking advantage of the beautiful weather. My dad filled me in on the last three years of his life, including the new woman he’d been dating. I knew right away she must’ve been pretty special. My father didn’t keep them around for long, and this one had lasted over a year.
“So, your brother tells me you’ve got someone special in your life.”
The smile instantly faded from my face. We were treading lightly with our reconciliation, and I didn’t want to throw a monkey wrench into it.
“Yeah, he’s a great guy.” I forced the smile back to my face. I hadn’t even thought about it until then, but the whole trial was going to open up old wounds with my father as well.
He nodded, and I wasn’t sure if he was buying into it. “He has a little boy?” he asked.
My smile became wider and more genuine, just thinking about Jack. “Yes, his name is Jack. He’s five years old, he’s adorable, and I just relate to him so well. He lost his mother at a young age, like me.”
Sadness washed over my father’s face. We never talked about my mother, and I knew that was a big part of our problem.
“Can I ask you something, Dad?”
“Sure.” He nodded.
“Were you angry at me for losing her?”
“What? No! My god. Why would you think that?”
“Because if I hadn’t been born, she would have never died.”
“Aubree, that was not your fault. Your mother wanted her little girl more than anything. The day she found out she was pregnant, she told me she knew it was a girl—without even having her first ultrasound, she knew. She went out and bought pink paint and made me paint your bedroom that very night. I often think how proud she would have been of you with your dancing.”
“Yeah, and I often think how different my life would have been if I hadn’t been injured in the accident or if the accident never happened at all. I’d still have my dancing career, and I’d still have Nathan.” I let out a deep sigh. “And I would have never become that person that I so desperately want to forget.”
“You can only focus on the future, Aubree. You can’t keep dwelling on the past. You had nothing to do with your mother’s death and you had nothing to do with Nathan’s death.”
“Didn’t I?” I raised an eyebrow, knowing that regardless of what he said, I did have a role in both of their deaths.
“So how long are you planning on staying?” my father asked, changing the subject completely.
I shrugged. I didn’t want to tell him until the detective called me back to testify. After that, I was unsure of my plans. I still had three months left on my apartment lease, so I had some time to figure out that part.
“Not that I want you to leave when you just got here, but won’t your new guy be missing you?”
I pulled in my bottom lip and shook my head.
He reached for my hand. “Your brother told me everything, Aubree.”
“Damn him,” I huffed.
“Don’t be angry with him. I’m glad he did. If we’re all going to be starting anew, there shouldn’t be any secrets. I want you to know that I’m here for you. I promise I won’t turn my back on you through this.” His piercing blue eyes were filled with emotion as he stared into mine.
“Dad, your job. You’re a police officer.”
He nodded. “And in a few months I’m going to be a retired one.”
“You really have no idea how much this means to me.” I threw my arms around him.
“You’re a fighter, Aubree, and you always stood your ground for what you thought was right. You’re fiercely protective of those you love. The way you stood by Paul when he decided to come out to everyone. I admire that so much in you, and I’m so proud of you for casting your own feelings aside to protect this special person in your life. Not many people would be able to walk away that easily. Just make sure that all this heartache you’re going through isn’t in vain and you send that son of a bitch to jail for what he did.”
“I’m gonna try,” I sighed.
“And I know you’ll succeed.”
I wasn’t sure if I would, but I was certainly going to do my best. Just knowing I had my family’s support behind me was all I really needed, and no matter what the outcome, I had gotten a part of my life back that I had been missing for so long.