My apartment was exactly how I had left it, and oddly enough, I was still feeling the same way as when I had walked out that door one month before—heartbroken. Except now I had another reason to be feeling down: in addition to losing the love of my life, I was losing my best friend.
I opened the curtains and looked out my window. I loved this time of year and the longer days—almost 9 p.m. and the sun was just starting to sink into the Manhattan skyline. A million thoughts raced through my mind as I looked out at the city, so close to Simon and Jack yet so far away. I wondered what they had been up to. Had they taken their trip to Disney World like he was planning? How I wished I could have gone there with them. I sighed deeply, knowing I had to make a decision as to what I wanted to do. If I planned on staying in New York, I was going to need to find a job soon. I had just enough money in my bank account to get me through the next few months. My brother had spoken to one of his associates that he did business with in the city who was looking for an administrative assistant. He told me that I was guaranteed to get the job, but I was still a little leery. I hated knowing I was being offered a position just because of who I knew and not on my own merits. Not to mention, I didn't have any office experience at all. Still, it was an option I was going to keep in the back of my mind if no other opportunities presented themselves. After taking the red-eye back the night before, and being mentally drained by my afternoon with Hannah, I was too exhausted to think. I'd deal with all of the questions, all of the worries, and all of the heartache tomorrow. For the time being, I was going to seek the refuge of my nice comfy bed that I had been missing for so long.
***
It felt good to wake up in my own apartment. As much as I loved awakening to the peacefulness of Paul and Trey's house, I missed the familiar sounds of the honking horns, sirens, and garbage trucks outside my bedroom window. I finished up my coffee and plotted out my day, glancing at the books on the counter and trying to muster up the courage to deliver a copy to Simon as requested. I battled whether I wanted to do it that day and take a chance of him being there, since it was a Saturday, or wait until Monday when I knew he'd be at work. I took a deep breath and thought deeply. I was tired of always running away. I was going to do it that day, and if he was there, then so be it, I was going to face him. I hurriedly showered and dressed before I lost my nerve. Giving myself one last look in the mirror, I grabbed the book and was on my way.
My stomach clenched when the cab pulled up to his place and I saw his car parked on the street. "Umm...you did say this was the address, didn't you?" the cab driver asked as I sat in the back seat deep in thought.
"Oh, yeah." I snapped out of it, handed him his fare, and took the first brave step onto the street.
My knees became weaker with each step I took, and by the time I reached the front steps, I thought they'd give out on me. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, allowing the warm sunshine beaming down on me to calm my nerves ever so slightly. My hand was trembling when I pressed the doorbell and waited in angst for him to appear, sucking in one last deep breath when I heard the door opening. Relief and disappointment simultaneously washed over me when I saw Rosa, Simon's cleaning lady, standing on the other side.
"Oh, hi, Rosa," I spoke.
"Hello, Bree. How are you?" She smiled.
"I'm well. Is Simon here?" My voice wavered.
"No, he took Jack and the dog to the park. It's such a beautiful morning." She poked her head out and looked up at the sky.
"Oh, okay." It was just as well that things had worked out that way. Simon probably wouldn't have wanted to see me anyway. "Would you be able to give him this and let him know it's from Sister Hannah?"
"Sure." She took the book from my hand and gazed at it.
"Thanks,” I whispered.
She gave me one last smile and closed the door. I walked away, feeling a little defeated. As nervous as I had been to face Simon again, I still wanted to; there were so many things left unsaid between the two of us, and I hated it.
With hardly any recollection of the walk there, I found myself nearing the familiar park, where I was assuming I’d find Simon and Jack. It was the same one we’d walk Macy to every evening after dinner once the weather started to break. The park was filled with people taking advantage of the beautiful June morning before the blazing afternoon sun casted its rays, causing them all to seek refuge indoors. My heart rushed with excitement then clenched with apprehension when I caught a glimpse of Jack and Macy playing a game of fetch in the distance. I scoured the area for Simon, and it didn’t take me too long to spot him. I stood there silently, taking every ounce of him in, realizing just how much I’d missed every single thing about him. I knew I’d always regret it if I didn’t take a chance and let him know right now how I was feeling. What was the worst that could happen? He’d reject me and I’d be feeling even worse than I already was, if that was even possible. I didn’t care how much it would hurt, if that were the case; I had to take that gamble. I took the first courageous steps forward…until she stopped me—the pretty blonde who looked to be around my age, picking up Jack and spinning him around while he laughed in delight. Simon’s smile matched Jack’s happiness as I stood there frozen, realizing my wish for them had come true: they were happy—without me. I bit my bottom lip. How could I still be so in love with him when he’d moved on so quickly? Maybe it wasn’t as real as I thought. Maybe his love for me didn’t match how I had been feeling for him. Whatever the case, my heart couldn’t bear to watch any longer. That chapter in my life had just come to an end, and unfortunately it wasn’t the one I had hoped for.