EPILOGUE
“Take it easy,” I remind Evan as he stretches to hang the Christmas lights from the eaves of the apartment.
He’s healed remarkably well—a testament to how fit he is, I’ve been told—but his scarred wound still gives him trouble when he pulls the flesh like this.
“Woman, I know where my limits are,” he says before promptly groaning and proving my point.
“Yeah,” I smugly say as I head back over to the bag of decorations I bought yesterday. “Sure you do.”
The spirit of the season has never really been something that’s gripped me before. Previous years, the three-inch dollar-store decoration I stuck on the end of my kitchen counter sufficed, but this year … well, I have a reason to be a little more festive.
“Do you think he’ll be surprised?” I slide a tray of snowflake-shaped lights out of its box, knowing I’m going to rue this next year when they aren’t all so neatly packaged.
“I think so.” Evan carefully climbs down from where he’d been precariously balanced on the edge of my stairwell. “Where do you want to hang those?”
“Thought we could do it like a line that goes along the bannister rail.”
He nods, taking the lights from me. “There’s going to be plenty more times like this, you know.”
“Yeah, I do. That’s what sucks.”
I managed to somehow avoid the looming subject of Christmas without Kath, but once the stores began their displays—in freaking October—there was no way around it. Briar laid eyes on the massive tree set up in the centre of the mall, and I just knew it.
Everything clicked into place.
He stared at it for a solid minute, his brow slightly furrowed and his body unmoving, before he packed away the questions for later and carried on—albeit a lot grumpier.
I’ve been watching him carefully in the weeks since, waiting for him to decide he was ready to discuss it and approach me first, but then Mum happened.
“Hopefully we get it all set up in time.” I eye the dimming sky, calculating in my head where my parents will be with Briar.
They flew over for the holidays last week, surprising Briar by being the ones to pick him up on the last day of the school term. A plan that would have gone off spectacularly had Mum not accidentally put her foot in it.
“What are you looking forward to most for Christmas, Briar?” She’d asked as they made the drive home.
His answer added another forty minutes to the trip and an impromptu roadside counselling session between Briar and my dad.
He misses her, which is normal, but he also doesn’t think he deserves to celebrate if she can’t too. It’s heartbreaking that he feels unworthy of living after she’s gone like that.
Which is why Mum and Dad have taken him out for the day, so I can decorate the apartment. To show Briar it’s okay to be happy. It’s okay to enjoy the season with the ones around you, and that we can also remember those we’ve lost at the same time.
I kneel down and reach into the shopping bag, pulling out the biggest surprise: a framed picture of Kath and Briar at his first Christmas that will sit under the tree.
“I hope I don’t upset him more with this.” I track my thumb along its edges, torn on what to do.
“I think he’ll know you’ve done it with only good intentions,” Evan says close behind me.
I twist and look into his face as he leans over me, always at awe that I was gifted this second chance with him. “I just don’t want him to forget her because the grief keeps his memories locked away.”
“Which is why this,” he says, gesturing to the image, “is so important. You’re ensuring he keeps her close the only way he can, by accepting she’s gone.”
“I sometimes wonder if it’ll ever stop, you know? The pain.”
“I doubt it.”
I sigh, leaning into Evan’s legs. “Life is fickle, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” He reaches down to take me by the arm, coaxing me to my feet. “But it’s also something complex we’ll never have the honour to fully understand.”
Exactly. Like how after almost ten years this gorgeous man could walk back into my life and reclaim my heart as though he never let it go. “I could never have loved someone else like I do you.” I push up on my toes to whisper the last words against his mouth.
He captures my lips between his, one hand roving to my lower back as he whispers in reply. “I never would have let you.”
And I don’t doubt that for a second.
He may have left me when I needed him most as a teenager, but he’s made up for that ten times over by being there for me as an adult. How many people can actually say their significant other literally risked their life for them?
I’ll never be able to repay that, so all I can do is to hope that I get a chance to remind him daily how much I appreciate what he did.
“Love you, Officer North.”
“Love you more, Mimi.” He chuckles, running his nose the length mine.
“What?” I lean back against the strong arm that’s wrapped around my waist. “Why are you laughing?”
“Because here I am with a massive boner, thinking about leaving the lights where they are and taking you indoors …” He sighs. “And your parents pull up.”
I twist, looking down the stairwell. “What?”
“Yeah. I just heard them.”
Sure enough, Dad’s deep baritone drifts up from the car park.
“Shit! We need to hide the rest of this stuff.” I pull away from Evan, only to have him wrench me back against his chest.
“Not so fast.” He places a hand on the side of my face and steals a scorching, yet quick kiss. “Now you can go.”
By the time Mum and Dad make it through the apartment door with Briar, I’m casually reclined on the sofa with a book, and Evan’s in the kitchen knocking back a bottle of water as though nothing amiss has gone down.
“Oh, hey,” I greet, pretending we had no idea they were home. “How was your day?”
Briar’s eyes land straight on the eight-foot tree I have decorated in the corner of my living area. His jaw slackens as his gaze travels along the strings of tinsel and lights tacked to the wall, and then to the quilted advent calendar I hung next to the TV.
“Aunty?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s …” He stares, retracing his way back to the tree.
I set my book aside and sit up, nervous. What if he really hates it? What if it hurts him more?
“It’s awesome!” A smile breaks over his face, and I laugh in equal parts relief and joy.
Well, thank heavens for that. “I’m glad, dude. I’m really glad.”
I look to my parents, my heart swelling at the way they smile at Briar, and then look for Evan. Yet he’s nowhere to be seen.
Briar envelops me in a hug, and then promptly rushes to the tree to inspect the decorations up close. “Look at this one.” He points to a globe with a snowy sleigh inside.
Dad crosses over and starts a conversation with him about the different things I bought.
“He had a great day,” Mum says quietly, taking a seat beside me.
“Where did Evan—”
“Ran us ragged,” she continues, clearly cutting me off.
Why would Evan miss out on this moment? It’s all he talked about this week, insisting I send him messages at work to show him what I was buying.
“I thought we could have an easy dinner,” Mum says with a sigh, relaxing into the cushions. “Fish and chips?”
“Sure, whatever.” I go to stand, search out Evan, yet she forces me back with a hand to my stomach.
My nostrils flare, the rage building inside me ready to erupt at her brusque behaviour when the man in question emerges from my room. What is he up to?
“Eddie? Bring Briar over here,” Mum calls out, resituating herself on the armchair.
I frown as my parents crowd around the single chair with Briar and turn their attention to Evan.
“So,” he says, turning an envelope over in his hands, “it’s only four days to Christmas, right?”
“Right.” I frown harder.
“I was going to keep this until I saw you Christmas afternoon, but I’ve bought you other presents, and to be honest, I’ve been hanging out to give you this one since I stole it out of your mailbox.”
What the heck is he up to? I look at his hands as he clasps the mystery gift in it, and then drag my gaze back up his strong arms to his face, only to find him watching me with the same intensity.
“Merry Christmas, babe.” He steps forward and hands me the gift, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.
I hold the government stamped envelope in my hands and look between it and everyone else.
“Well, come on,” Mum prompts. “You won’t know what it says unless you open it.”
I shoot Evan a warning look, and yet he simply smiles, nodding to egg me on. I’m pretty sure I already know what’s inside though, and that thought alone has my heart racing.
My fingers shake still as I tear the top open and slide the folded sheet of paper out to reveal the contents.
My heart seizes before restarting with violent conviction.
“Evan …” The room falls silent as I intently read every word twice to be sure I haven’t misunderstood. “Did you know?”
“I guessed what was inside and then asked a few favours at work to confirm it.”
I look across to Briar who appears lost as he watches us talk. “Does he …?” I jerk my chin toward Briar as I look back to Evan.
He shakes his head. “All you, babe.”
Oh my God. How do I tell him this? I swallow back the fear I’ll mess up this precious moment and beckon Briar over. He slides out of Mum’s hold and gets comfy beside me.
“You remember how we talked about you living with me, how I asked if you would like me to make it official?”
He nods. “You said you had to ask if you were allowed to be my guardian.”
“Yeah.” I stop fighting my smile and let it spread wide as the pieces fall into place for Briar. “This,” I say, handing him the papers, “says I can be. It’s official, buddy. You and me against the world.”
Mum claps her hands together while Dad squeezes her shoulder. Evan smiles, mirroring the look on Briar’s face as he says, “Thank you, Aunty.”
I welcome his hug, wrapping my arms around him. “It’s my pleasure.”
He slips away, returning to the tree to fidget with the toy soldiers. The papers sit beside me, the lines I didn’t let onto Briar staring back up at me.
Not only have I been appointed his guardian, but Tristan has had any rights he may have had as one removed. He legally has no access to Briar, ever, without my approval first. And we all know that would never happen.
Is it rough that I’ve chosen to cut him off completely, especially when I know how that feels to be alienated and cast aside? Maybe. But I also know it was a decision made not out of selfishness, but need.
Tristan isn’t a dad. He’s only a father by DNA. He’s nothing that Briar needs in a role model. The man who is, is standing right beside me.
Evan and I might have a way to go before our lives are completely back on track, but we’re taking steps toward it. He’s bringing Deacon over Christmas afternoon to be formally introduced to Briar and me. We figured why not start off a new blended life on a day that’s all about joy?
“Couldn’t hope for a better outcome,” Dad says as he taps Mum on the shoulder, hinting they should give us some privacy.
“Thanks, Dad.”
“We’ll head out and get dinner,” Mum says, gathering her purse. “Be back soon.”
Evan leans down as they shut the door behind them, his arms either side of me. “You’re fucking amazing, you know that?”
“Not too shabby yourself, there,” I tease, rubbing my nose against his.
He tilts his head and pinches my bottom lip between his, giving it a little tug before I return the kiss. “Love you, Officer Evan.”
“Love you more.”
Briar breaks the moment, dropping onto the sofa beside me with a bounce. “Eww.”
“Don’t knock it,” Evan teases. “One day you’ll have a girl you want to spend every second with.”
“No way,” he protests, his eyes alive with humour. “Can we have a movie, Aunty?”
“After dinner, sure.”
“Yay.” He beams before launching off the sofa and bolting to his room.
“I think you made him happy,” Evan says with a chuckle.
I reach up and yank him down by the front of his shirt. “You make me happy.”
“Oh yeah?” He traces the side of my face with his finger, bracing himself with his other hand.
“Yeah,” I whisper in his ear, finishing off with a nip of his earlobe.
He growls, shunting his arm behind my back to scoop me up with him. I brace myself against his chest, giggling as he playfully nuzzles my neck. “You’re starting something you can’t finish, woman.”
“Really?” I press my hip against his front, relishing the evidence that digs into me. “Maybe I’m just teasing knowing it’ll make it even better when we can.”
“Dangerous,” he mumbles, nipping my jaw. “Very dangerous thing to do.”
“Didn’t you know?” I ask with an eyebrow raised. “My life thrives on chaos.”
He chuckles. “Yes. Yes it does.”
And it couldn’t be any more perfect.