Ross and I ended up staying the night at Micah’s mom’s house because Julie said I looked, “too gross to drive.” The next morning, I woke up no longer feeling like I was on the brink of death. My body wasn’t achy and I didn’t have the chills. I went into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee, letting it brew while I went to check on Ross. Julie was sitting in the living room with Ross, they were both in their pajamas playing on the floor. The color had returned to his cheeks and he was intently watching Julie as she stacked blocks into a tower. He looked like himself again.

“Your turn,” Julie said. Ross placed a block on top of the tower and promptly swiped at it, laughing as the blocks tumbled down. Julie looked defeated.

“Oh, now you’re gonna make me clean all of this up?” she asked.

“Yeah aunt Julie!” he replied.

“Ugh that is such a di — jerk move. Oh, hey, Ben. Ross, look who it is.”

“Hey Ross, are you feeling better?” I asked.

“Yeah! I want cereal,” he declared — that was a good sign, his appetite was back.

“Okay,” I said.

“What about you, Ben? Are you feeling alright? You looked pretty rough last night,” Julie said.

“Yeah, I’m feeling better. Want any coffee?”

Julie nodded and followed me into the kitchen, with Ross trailing behind her. She dug through the pantry for some cereal while I poured coffee into mugs.

“So … Julie, have you talked to Micah?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

“Nah, he texted me when he landed and that was it. I know he had that big meeting. Why?”

“Oh, I was, uhhhh, just curious.”

This time, Julie laughed out loud as she poured frosted flakes into a bowl. “What’s going on with you two?”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on Ben, don’t play dumb. I know you and Micah have been seeing each other.”

“Yeah I mean I do see him when I drop off Ross,” I said, trying to deflect.

“No, ugh you’re so obtuse, you know that’s not what I meant! I know you guys have been,” she gestured at the air for a minute trying to find the words, “hooking up or whatever! I see the way he looks at you.”

“He does not look at me,” I said, avoiding her knowing gaze.

“Yes he does! He gazes … wistfully. Like he’s in deep. It’s hilarious. Come on, tell me everything you know. Micah never lets on about anything that isn’t work-related. Give me all the hot goss,” Julie begged.

“There’s nothing to tell. We had a huge fight last night, so whatever we had is probably over. I don’t know, Micah called me last night and I kind of yelled at him.”

“What do you mean you yelled at him?”

“I told him he was irresponsible and that he needed to stop being so self-centered and actually be there for Ross.”

“Okay, that’s kind of true. This whole family needs to get their act together for Ross. But, Ben, you should know this, Micah doesn’t respond well to being chastised especially when people tell him about what he should be doing with his life. .” She shrugged. that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook either. You clearly love Micah and you need to stop being a dumb ass and figure out how to use your words and actually tell him these things instead of bottling it up inside. ”

“Aunt Julie, what’s a dumbass?” Ross yelled over his cereal. I shot Julie a dirty look.

Later that day, Ross and I decided that we were feeling better enough to go home. But when I pulled into the driveway of my place, Ross looked disappointed.

“What’s up, buddy? We’re home.”

Ross shook his head. “No!” he said resolutely.

“What do you mean ‘no’? We’re home, this is your house,” I said gently, but Ross still shook his head.

“No, I wanna go home,” he said, almost sounding mad. Then it hit me, he wanted to go to Lindsey’s place. Ross hadn’t been there since before the funeral, I figured that it would have been too painful for him after he freaked out that first time. I realized that keeping him from the home that he had known for his whole life was painful for him too. So, I backed out of the driveway and drove to Lindsey’s.

The minute I unlocked the door, Ross sprinted into the house. I hadn’t seen him this excited in months.

“Take your shoes off, you’ll wreck the rug!” I called quickly. But Ross had launched himself onto the living room couch, where he was frantically pulling Lindsey’s gross old throw blanket off the back of the couch.

“It’s blanket! Totoro, it’s blanket!” he explained to his bag, situating it on the couch beside him.

I felt like an idiot for keeping him from his home for so long, and suddenly I saw just how kind it was of Micah to buy Lindsey’s house. He wasn’t trying to one-up me, he knew how much this place meant to Ross. He was trying to tell Ross that he was willing to meet him where he was comfortable, and here I was berating him. I wanted to call him, but I doubted that he would pick up the phone after the way that I had talked to him — I’d said some truly terrible things.

Ross and I made dinner, we found some cheese and bread and made grilled cheese. I dug through Lindsey’s cluttered kitchen cabinets and found a miscellaneous assortment of cookie cutters. I cut Ross’s sandwich into the shape of a dinosaur and put it on a plate, then I had an idea.

“Why don’t we have a picnic?” I asked. We spread Lindsey’s blanket out on the living room floor and ate our sandwiches, pretending to camp and look out for bears. But even while I was looking for an imaginary bear, I couldn’t help but think of Micah. What if I had pushed him away for good? I looked at Ross, so happy to be playing pretend in his house, and I realized that I wouldn’t be the only one who would be heartbroken if Micah left.

Micah

I left the meeting before the ink on the contract had dried. Antoni followed me out, huffing to keep up with me.

“Carson, what the hell are you doing?” Antoni asked. “Lawrence Owens just invited us out for drinks. What’s with the escape route?”

“It’s Ben, I need to go home,” I said. I hailed a cab to the airport and hopped in before Antoni could reply.

Back home, I drove around aimlessly looking for Ben. I called him and texted him several times but he hadn’t responded. In a moment of desperation, I called Courtney, the woman who sometimes watched Ross.

“Hey Courtney, it’s Micah,” I said.

“Oh Micah! What a surprise, what’s up?” Courtney asked.

I was flustered. “Have you seen Ben? I just need to see him.”

“Oh no, I haven’t. He called me the other day asking if I could watch Ross because he had to work, but I haven’t heard from him since,” she said apologetically.

“That’s okay,” I said, panic starting to rise in my chest.

Lucy tried to chat with me about Hot Law but I told her quickly that I had to go. I pulled up into the parking lot of the tavern and peered inside, trying my best to not seem creepy. The tavern was sparsely populated, Clyde was inside wiping down tables and a couple of guys were grabbing drinks, but neither of them were Ben. I drove down the street to his place, all of the lights were off and his truck wasn’t in the driveway.

I called him again, no answer. Now I was frightened, what if something happened? What if he drove drunk and crashed his car, and now he was languishing in a hospital bed as an unidentified John Doe? Where was Ross? My mind was spinning, my heart was pounding, I felt like I might pass out. Then, in a moment of inspiration, I turned down the street and drove by Lindsey’s house.

The lights were on and the curtains were open. Ross and Ben sat side by side in the living room. They were eating grilled cheese while sitting on the floor, a surprisingly lax move for Ben who constantly touted the values of a consistent routine. Ross was eating grilled cheese and simultaneously playing with his trucks. Ben laughed, leaning back on his elbows, my heart melted and then I remembered that I had a key.

“Ben, what the hell are you doing? You never let me eat on the floor,” I said coolly as I walked through the front door.

“Dad!” Ross cried. He got up and sprinted into my arms, I crouched down to catch him and picked him up, spinning. He giggled.

“Hey buddy! I heard you weren’t feeling well, are you feeling better? I’m sorry that I wasn’t there while you were sick, it’s not going to happen again.”

Ross hugged me. “It’s okay, Dad,” he said. My heart felt like it was about to leap out of my chest. Ben had gotten up and was standing awkwardly in the area where the living room carpet met the tile of the kitchen floor. He looked stunned.

“It’s a picnic,” Ross explained pedantically.

“I see, can I join?” I asked. I went and sat down with Ross on the floor, which I now saw was covered in a ratty old blanket.

Later that night, I helped Ben put Ross to bed. He briefly stopped icing me out long enough to read Ross a bedtime story because Ross said that he wanted, “his dad,”. Then I followed Ben downstairs and helped him clean up the remnants of our picnic. We each carried a stack of dirty plates and cups into the kitchen. Ben started scrubbing the pan that he used to make the grilled cheese. “I’m sorry,” we said in unison.

“I never should have left without telling you, that was dumb.”

“I never should have called you irresponsible, you’re not irresponsible, you’re one of the hardest working people I know,” Ben said.

“Yeah, but I left without telling you because I was being petty and I wanted to hurt you, and that’s not responsible or fair to you. You and Ross are important to me, and that’s not how you treat people who are important.”

I pulled back for a minute, worrying that Ben would spit in my face or tell me that I was being dramatic and it didn’t matter, that I was still selfish and I would never be fit to be a father. But instead, he put down the plate that he was drying and turned to face me.

“You know, Micah, you’re not the only person who has made mistakes in this relationship,” Ben said. “If anything, I’ve been far from perfect and I haven’t exactly given you much of a chance to prove yourself as a parent. When you first got back here, I thought that you were selfish and egotistical, but you’re not. You’re an incredible person. I’m lucky to know you, and Ross is lucky to have you in his life.

I was pretty pissed when you left without telling me, but then I realized that I can’t expect you to be the only person who makes sacrifices in their career for Ross. I missed one day of work and I freaked out, but here I was expecting you to put your entire career on hold and that just isn’t fair. Parenting is about teamwork, and there are times where I definitely wasn’t pulling my weight, and I put unfair amounts of pressure on you, and I’m sorry.”

I put the dish towel down, leaned forward, and kissed him forcefully. I had missed the rough feeling of his hands on my body, the slight scratch of stubble from his beard. He tangled his hands in my hair, I leaned forward more causing him to slam his elbow into the counter with a thud. He bit my lip in fright, I pulled back laughing.

“What the hell was that? Are you okay?” we asked simultaneously, dissolving into a fit of laughter.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m sure we’ll figure it out.” I leaned in to kiss him again.