I always thought that I was equipped to handle life’s stressors. While Lindsey was prone to wallowing and blasting sad music, and my dad preferred a bottle of gin to a to-do list, I always thought that I was a go-getter. But it turns out that suddenly having feelings for your sort-of kid’s co-parent, trying to pay your dead sister’s mortgage, grieving said dead sister, helping a three-year-old deal with grief, and managing a construction site was a lot more stressful than I initially anticipated.

So, a week later, even though I swore I’d never go back, I found myself back at the tavern. It was the only place where I could keep my mind from wandering towards the direction of Micah’s immaculately exfoliated lips, and trying to combat my own internalized homophobia. At this point, I’d take any solace that I could get, especially if it came on tap.

Micah and Julie had decided to take Ross to his first movie tonight. Ironically enough, now that Ross was in their lives they were spending more time together than they ever did when they were kids. According to Micah, Ross was the perfect buffer between him and his family. I was glad that Ross was getting to know his grandparents. And, after a series of grueling phone calls with Leo’s workers comp case manager, the company providing the copper wire for the pipes on the site, and Lindsey’s bank concerning her ever-increasing mortgage, I was grateful to have a little time to myself.

Instead of greeting me with a jovial wave, Clyde greeted me with a concerned sigh. “Long time no see, Ben. What brings you back to the scene of your crime?” he asked.

“Oh, you know, just work stuff. It’s really been piling up lately. Between that and Lindsey’s mortgage, and everything, I could use a cold one,” I said, my voice full of fake cheeriness.

“Listen Ben, I get where you’re coming from. We all need a drink to take the edge off from time to time, but you’ve been coming by a lot lately and this isn’t the best way to deal with grief. Maybe you could go to a support group or something? I went to one when my dad died a couple of years ago and it actually really helped.”

I could see that he was trying to be helpful, but the last thing I wanted was unsolicited advice from another person. “I’m fine. Nothing is wrong with me, I’m ‘grieving’ or whatever. Damn, between you and Micah this whole town must think I’m some sort of crazy mess. If one more person suggests going to therapy to me, well I don’t know what I’ll do. Besides, I’m a paying customer, you think you’d be grateful for all the business I’ve been bringing you lately.” A slight edge crept into my voice.

“Fine, what’ll it be?” Clyde asked.

“Get me your best IPA on tap.”

“No problem, but I’m cutting you off if you get drunk. I’m sick of keeping your truck in my parking lot, this isn’t a dealership.”

The air was cool and crisp as I walked home. I’d decided to walk to the bar this time because I was getting a bit of a beer belly, and I was sick of Clyde giving me shit for leaving my car there. This seemed like a solid solution to both problems. As I turned the corner onto my street, I suddenly realized that I forgot to pick Ross up from Micah’s mom’s place, shit. Julie and Violet wanted to see me, I breathed into my cupped hand and sniffed, I smelled like a brewery. There was no way in hell I could pick Ross up like this.

Resignedly, I sat on my front steps and called Micah.

He answered right away. “Hey, what’s up? We got back from the movie a little bit ago, and now we’re just hanging out with Julie. She did Ross’s nails, don’t give me any toxic masculinity bullshit.” He sounded like he was having a great time, it dawned on me that I was about to ruin his night.

“Is there any way that you could drive Ross back to my place instead of me picking him up? I’m not feeling well, I think I ate something at lunch,” I said.

“You’ve been—hold on one second Julie.” He shuffled around, it sounded like he was leaving the room. “You’ve been drinking again haven’t you? What the hell? Did you drive? Do I have to go get your truck again?”

My jaw tightened. From his tone of voice, Micah had seen through my bullshit. “No, I walked. I was sick of making you be my towing service.”

“This isn’t funny, Ben. We’re going to talk about this when I get back with Ross.”

I’d never heard him so mad before.

When Micah got back, Ross was already wearing his pajamas and passed out in Micah’s arms. “I’m putting him to bed, and then we’re going to talk,” he said.

I started to follow him back to the guest room that I’d been using as Ross’s temporary room, but he put up his hand to stop me.

“No, you stay here. I don’t want your lumbering around to wake him up, and I don’t want him to see you like this.” He walked down the hall determinedly, as if to make a point.

I settled down into the couch. Micah joined me, sitting poised on the opposite end, his body language stiff and unforgiving.

“Listen, I’m sorry I forgot to pick Ross up. I’m just stressed.” I knew that was a terrible excuse, but what was I supposed to say? Hey Micah I can’t stop thinking about kissing you and I’ve never thought about kissing someone so much in my entire life and it’s really freaking me out but don’t be offended? Oh and can we get a custody agreement settled?

“Again,” Micah reminded me. “You forgot to pick Ross up, again.”

“I know, I’m sorry. It happens though, right?”

“Ben, I know you had a functional family that loved you or whatever as a kid. But, my mom forgot to pick me up from acting or daycare dozens of times when I was a kid, and it sucked every time. I’m glad Ross was with me and Julie this time so it didn’t seem like a big deal, but you can’t keep doing this.”

I sighed and stared down at my hands, picking at my cuticles.

“And what about your drinking? Do you need to go to A.A.? What happened to going to therapy? You told me last week that you were going to look into it and you never did,” Micah said.

Now I was angry, what gave him the right to constantly push help on me that I didn’t need? As if his life in L.A. wasn’t a constant stream of booze, drugs, and hookups? What a hypocrite.

“Don’t act like you don’t like to go out to de-stress,” I snapped.

“I’m the first to admit that I like to go out, but you know what I don’t do?” Micah got up off the couch to face me. He sternly put his hands on his hips, “I don’t let my drinking or partying get in the way of my previous commitments or work. I don’t care how hungover I am the next day, I make it to work on time, or I call my agent, or whatever.” Now he was clearly furious. he started pacing back and forth, “ The fact that you’re starting to let drinking take precedence over the things that you love and care about is a problem, even if it has to do with grief. I know you’re hurting, and I know you love Ross. But honestly, Ben, I’m not comfortable leaving him here with you if you continue to behave like this. I will take him to L.A. with me and petition the judge for full custody if I know that I can provide a more safe and stable home for Ross.”

“You barely know him! You’ve known him for what, two weeks? You can’t just take him away from me, I was there when he was born. I was there for his first steps, and now that Lindsey’s gone I—”

Moisture pricked my eyes; my throat was getting tight. I tried to swallow the sobs but they just poured out of me. Up until this point, I had been strong. I didn’t cry when the officer told me that Lindsey and Katherine had died, I didn’t cry the first time when Ross asked where his mom was, I didn’t cry at Lindsey and Katherine’s funeral, where Micah gave the eulogy and they were buried side by side. But now, I was sobbing, I was breaking down on my thrifted couch, my entire body shook from the sobs. Snot was dripping down my face. My chest was tight, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

Without hesitation, Micah slid across the couch and wrapped his arm around me. Even though he looked lanky, he felt surprisingly strong. He hugged me to his chest like I was a child, my tears were staining his probably designer button-down. This was pathetic, but Micah didn’t say anything. He didn’t offer any pithy reassurances like, “there, there,” or, “let it out,” or even offer me a tissue. He just held me, and let me cry.

Micah

I woke up the next morning curled up in my hotel bed, but already exhausted before the day had started. Ben’s breakdown had prompted one of those talk-until-sunrise moments. We talked until Ben had to get ready to go to his job site for a bit. I slipped out of the house just before he started to make breakfast for himself and Ross. If I was a therapeutic television personality, like Dr. Drew, I would have classified last night as a ‘breakthrough.’ After he stopped crying and I got him some real tissues other than my Armani button-down (which would definitely need to be dry cleaned,) he promised that he would stop drinking in order to deal with his grief. So, that was a start at least.

Now, I was curled up back at my hotel room. I rolled over to look at the digital clock by the bedside. It was just past noon, I’d gotten back here at 6:30. I’d barely gotten four hours of sleep. I stretched and decided that today definitely merited a hot stone massage and a late lunch in bed. I didn’t want to talk to anyone else, or get out of bed just yet. So, I decided to scroll through my phone for a bit, browsing various gossip blogs.

Suddenly a headline caught my eye: ‘Up-and-Coming ‘Hot Law’ Star, Gavin Meyers linked to social media influencer Justus Garrett [W/ PICS.]’ Compelled by a morbid curiosity, I clicked the link. Gavin was one of my costars from Hot Law. He played Paul Paravati, Aiden Wright’s pansexual paralegal, who got into law to find justice for his wrongly incarcerated sister. I had no idea that Gavin and Justus knew each other, Justus never mentioned it. They must have met during chemistry tests back when Justus was still being considered for the lead, and judging by these pictures of Justus shoving his tongue down Gavin’s throat at Toulouse (our favorite upscale restaurant, mind you) they had plenty of chemistry. It’s not like I was jealous or anything, Justus and I weren’t exclusive by any means. It’s more like I was frustrated, I figured Justus would at least want to tell me if he was hooking up with someone new. It was true what they said, you couldn’t trust anyone in Hollywood. I sighed, and refused to click through the photo gallery of their ‘romantic night out.’ If Justus wanted to get gonorrhea from Gavin, he totally could.

My phone buzzed, it was Antoni. I picked up immediately.

“Hey kid, how was the funeral?” he asked. I had to reschedule my meeting with Lawrence Owens last week because we finally got the preparations for Lindsey and Katherine’s funeral together. Lawrence was surprisingly understanding.

“Antoni, it was a joint funeral for my best friend and her wife. How do you think it went? Thanks for explaining everything to Lawrence by the way, I really owe you one.”

“About that kid, is there any way that you could fly down here on Friday and meet with him? Just crash here for the weekend so we can get everything done with the contract, and finish shooting the rest of the promotional materials? CBS wants the commercial spots by next Thursday at the latest. And Lawrence understands that you’re going through some personal issues right now, but you really need to get down here sooner rather than later. Lawrence needs to see you as reliable, especially if you’re going to be his leading man, and you really can’t keep canceling on him.”

Quickly, I glanced at my suitcase sitting in the corner of my hotel room. Truthfully, after almost two weeks in my hometown, I was starting to miss L.A. desperately — I was about to shiv someone if I didn’t get a properly made smoothie bowl. And, Antoni always tried to give me at least a weeks’ notice before I had to travel anywhere, if he was wanting me to pack up this quickly it had to be pretty serious. Quickly, my mind flashed back to Ben and Ross. I was still unsure if Ben was stable enough to be left with Ross for the time being, but then again he’d been taking care of Ross until I got here, and he was also an adult man.

“I guess I could make it,” I said.

“So is that a yes or a no? I’m booking you a flight for tomorrow morning at 11 a.m., I’m about to click the ‘confirm reservation’ button.”

“It’s a yes, tell Lawrence I’ll be there and CC me on the email.”

“Now that’s more like it, Micah. I’ll arrange for a driver to pick you up from the airport. Will you be staying at your apartment or do you want me to book you a hotel?”

“I’ll stay at my place, I’m getting sick of hotels.”

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow. Welcome back.” Antoni clicked off hurriedly and five minutes later, I got an email confirming my flight to LAX.

Micah

The next day, I decided to go visit Ben at the construction site again. It would be better to break the news about L.A. to him in person. To butter him up I texted him that I would meet him for lunch and grabbed him a sandwich from his favorite deli.

“Hey,” Ben greeted me smiling and wiped the sweat off of his brows. “What’s this?” he asked, gesturing towards the paper bag in my hand.

“I got you a pastrami on rye from O’Dell’s,” I said.

Ben’s face lit up, the way to his heart really was through his stomach. “What’s the occasion?”

“Okay, so, I need to go to L.A. this weekend to finish shooting promo material for Hot Law and I need to finish some stuff with my contract. I leave on Friday.” There was no need to beat around the bush. Ben grabbed the bag angrily from my hand, clearly not placated by my peace offering.

“What? Two days! Micah, you can’t just skip town! How could you be so irresponsible?” he snapped, typical.

“My agent literally just told me about this yesterday, and I need to go. The director’s getting impatient, and it’s a work trip, that’s not irresponsible. I’m not going to party, I’m going to be in meetings half the time.”

Ben stared at me for a minute. “Fine.”

Oh, no, I wasn’t about to let it go like that. I was watching as his expression literally closed down. I started fast talking. “You could come with me, you and Ross! It’s literally for forty-eight hours, it’ll be like a mini vacation. No one needs a vacation more than the two of you. Besides, it’ll be good for Ross to see L.A., I want him to get used to it. I’ll pay for it.” It was a spur of the moment idea, but I had cash to burn since Antoni was paying for my flight.

Ben sighed and chomped into his sandwich. “Micah, I can’t just pack up and leave my crew, these people depend on me.”

“Come on, Ben, they’re grown men. They can handle things without you for two days and you deserve it. You didn’t even take a day off after the funeral. Have you ever been to California? You’d like it, we can sunbathe and show Ross the ocean. It could be … healing.”

“You don’t need to pity me, I don’t need healing or your money,” Ben said bitterly.

“I’m not pitying you, I’m just suggesting that you could use some time off, and that you use the resources that are available to you. Don’t be too proud for a free vacation, think of Ross.”

Ben sighed. “I’ll think about it. Thank you for the sandwich, I have to go call our concrete guy,” he said abruptly. Part of me wanted to laugh, the day that Ben accepts the help that is offered to him is the day that hell freezes over.

“I’m still coming over tonight to hang with you and Ross. I’m making you buy me pizza and grocery store wine,” I called. Ben paused and after a moment his stiff shoulders relaxed turned back and nodded, smiling slightly. I mean, who could resist me when I was trying to be charming?

Ben

Ross looked exhausted when I picked him up from Courtney’s place the next day. Courtney answered the door, beaming as always.

“Rough day?” I asked. Ross rammed himself into my leg.

“Yeah we had a bit of a rough time today,” Courtney said.

“What happened?”

“He just wasn’t acting like himself today, he’s been really withdrawn and surly whenever I did try to engage with him. Lila was home for a bit and she tried to play with him and he,” Courtney looked around anxiously, “he hit her so I made him go to time out and he did not like that.”

I stifled a curse. Lila, Courtney’s youngest, was Ben’s friend they’d played together several times. This was someone he was comfortable with, not some stranger. I hated to admit it, but I was a little embarrassed, way to parent, Ben.

“Ross, we don’t hit. You know that,” I said sternly. Ross refused to look at me.

“Don’t worry, I talked it through with him and he apologized to Lila. It’s okay, really. A lot of times when kids are grieving they tend to act out,” Courtney explained.

“Yeah, I know I’ve been doing some reading … but Lila is his friend. It just doesn’t make sense.”

“Yeah, have you talked to him specifically about Lindsey or anything?” I knew she wasn’t trying to pry, she was just trying to be helpful.

“I mean, he knows that she’s gone but it’s okay because he still has a lot of people that love him and want to take care of him. But lately, he’s been asking about her a lot.”

“Micah’s actually been a huge help explaining all of this, I’m not one for kid psychology, y’know,” I added. Courtney arched her eyebrows at the mention Micah.

“Oh, the svelte one with the designer clothes? He’s Ross’s bio dad, isn’t he?” she asked.

“Yeah, he was Lindsey and Katharine’s sperm donor. He came down here for a couple weeks to help with everything. I honestly couldn’t have handled the last couple weeks without him.”

“I wouldn’t mind having him around to help either,” Courtney said suggestively.

“It’s not like that, Micah’s … just a friend. We’re just trying to co-parent at this point. He actually invited me and Ross to go with him to L.A. for the weekend, but I don’t know. I can’t just pack up and leave and Ross probably needs to stick to a routine.”

“Wait, Ben, it’s just for the weekend right? And why L.A.?”

“Yeah, we’d leave Friday and get back Monday. Micah seems really excited about it, he really wants to show Ross L.A. and it wouldn’t be anything too crazy, he has to do promotional work for that dumb legal drama he’s in, Hot Cop or something?”

“Wait, you mean Hot Law? I saw an ad for that the other day, it looks amazing! Who’s Micah playing?” Courtney asked, seeming genuinely excited.

“I have no idea, I’ve learned to just block it out when he rambles about it. He’s the lead? I guess.”

She beamed. “Oh Ben, you have to go! It’d be so fun! And honestly, I think Ross would like to have a change of scene. I think it’s been confusing for him to be here without Lindsey and I think if he sees you in Micah in a new place together it’ll actually really help him. Plus, you need to give me all the Hot Law details.” She tittered.

I considered it, Courtney had a point. I hadn’t been on vacation in forever, and Ross was really bonding with Micah, I think he’d like to be able to see him in his element. Plus, maybe we all needed a break.

“Alright, I’ll give him a call once we get back home,” I said, grabbing the rest of Ross’s stuff.

“That’s the spirit,” Courtney said, closing the door behind her.

I called Micah once I finally got Ross to bed. He answered on the first ring.

“Hey, is your offer for the trip to L.A. still on the table?” I asked, not wanting to skirt around the real issue at hand.

“Wait, really? I’d love for you to come, I can get your tickets right now,” Micah said excitedly.

“I’ll reimburse you for the tickets, and I’ll have you know that I’ll be paying my own way,” I said sternly. Just because I agreed to go on this trip didn’t mean that I was accepting any of Micah’s handouts.

“Ben you don’t have to be so stubborn, I’m more than happy to pay for everything.”

“No, I want to do this, don’t worry about it.”

Micah sighed. “Fine, if you want to be stubborn you can, but I’m still excited to see you. We need to get to the airport by like eight A.M. on Friday, I can pick you and Ross up.”

“Sounds good, I’m excited, too.”

“Pack your swim trunks, we’re totally going to the ocean,” Micah said. I could have sworn he was being flirty.

Ross was fascinated by the airport, and the red rolling suitcase that I had found for him. He spent nearly all of yesterday asking me when we were going to California with Micah, and now that we were finally here he was mesmerized.

“Plane?” Ross asked excitedly.

“We’re gonna be on the plane in a little bit, buddy,” Micah explained. We were waiting to board, and Ross was alternating between watching videos on his iPad and asking about the plane. Micah was sipping a massive coffee and occasionally glancing over at me. He looked thoughtful, I wondered if he was worried about going to L.A.

We boarded the plane with relative ease. I gave Ross the window seat and he was excitedly peering out the window for about the first hour. Now he was restless, anxiously kicking his legs as he watched videos on his iPad and attempting to unbuckle his seatbelt.

“Ross, you have to stay put,” Micah explained, buckling his seatbelt as he squirmed. I should have seen this coming, Ross was an active kid and he was terrible at sitting still for more 30 seconds, especially since the novelty of the plane had worn off.

Ross whined and shot Micah a frustrated look.

“Here, do you want a snack?” Micah asked. He unzipped Ross’s backpack and presented him with a package of crackers.

“We can eat a snack and watch Nemo,” Micah suggested. He’d stocked Ross’s iPad with plenty of movies in anticipation of the trip. He opened the crackers and offered them to Ross, smiling. Ross wasn’t having it, he screeched and swatted the crackers away causing them to spill all over Micah’s lap. Micah’s face reddened, embarrassed.

“It’s okay,” I said awkwardly leaning over to brush the crumbs off of Micah’s pants while trying to not to blush. Ross continued to scream, he was full-blown crying now.

“You see John, this is why people should know better than to try to fly with small children,” an elderly woman who was sitting in the seat in front of us stage-whispered loudly. She was wearing a pristine set of pearls and sipping on a mimosa with the subdued grace of an heiress. At that moment I was both jealous and resisting the urge to lean over in my seat and yell at her, but I focused on calming Ross down.

Eventually, Ross tired himself out from screaming and slowly quieted down.

“Here, wanna sit with me?” Micah asked. Ross nodded and Micah lifted him onto his lap. “I get antsy on planes too, it gets boring,” Micah said reassuringly. Together, they sat and watched Finding Nemo until Ross fell asleep. In that moment, I’d never been more grateful for him.

At LAX, a stout Italian man wearing a too-tight designer suit stood next to the luggage carousel holding a sign that said, “Micah Carson.”

“Is that a fan?” I asked apprehensively. Did Micah even have fans?

Micah chuckled as he grabbed our luggage from the carousel. “No, it’s worse, it’s my agent. Antoni, what the hell are you doing here?” Micah called, giving the man a tight hug. For once, Micah was taller than someone.

“I forgot to call you a car and I had to run you over the script for the third episode of Hot Law so I decided to kill two birds with one stone. Plus, I wanted to see the famous Ben,” he said, grinning up at me.

Micah blushed. “He’s just Ben,” he muttered, trying to play it cool.

“Nah, Carson, you’ve been going on and on about how you gotta stay put for Ben for weeks, I’ve never seen you so committed to staying in one place since a Pinkberry opened up across the street from your apartment,” Antoni quipped. “Good to meet you, Ben. And this must be Ross!”

He offered me his hand and nodded at Ross who was sleeping in my arms. I shook it happily. I liked Antoni, he seemed like he had the sense of humor that one would need in order to wrangle Micah’s ego.

“Nice to meet you, too. And, I thought you didn’t eat dairy,” I said, elbowing Micah.

“Have you seen him stress eat Ben and Jerry’s yet?” Antoni asked.

“No, I would pay to see that. But, I know he likes pizza,” I added.

“Oh no way! You got him to crack on hashtag no carbs 2018,” he joked.

“It took exactly five minutes and one bottle of cupcake wine from the grocery store,” I said.

Antoni cracked up. “Wow Micah, you really went back to your roots, didn’t you?”

Micah was beet red. “Let’s just get to my apartment,” he snapped, clearly mortified.

“You sure you don’t want to stop and get Pinkberry? Or a good slice?” Antoni asked.

Micah’s apartment was a beautiful terracotta three-flat, situated half a mile from the beach. The entrance was framed by palm trees and there was a fountain out front, it was the sort of place that someone would snag the minute they came into money.

The lobby looked like it could double for a high-end spa. The doorman said, “Mr. Carson,” primly and tipped his hat. Micah smiled. The elevator ride up to his place was silent.

“I apologize in advance for the mess, I didn’t really get to clean or anything before I left,” Micah explained as he unlocked the door. I shifted Ross onto my other hip.

“Come on, you’ve seen my kitchen, don’t worry about it,” I said.

“Just giving you a heads up — Justus?” Micah exclaimed. A shirtless man with a flawless six-pack and well-defined pecs was sprawled across Micah’s leather couch. He wore a thin necklace and athletic shorts, and he looked comfortable. Micah, however, looked like he was about to have a coronary.

“How did you — I, what? Who let you in? Did you take the key under the mat? Why are you here?” Micah was clearly flustered.

“I wanted to surprise you,” he said, grinning. He got up from the couch and loped over to Micah, circling his arms around his waist and pulling him close, giving him a deep kiss. Micah stiffened, grimacing a little bit. He pulled away, looking shocked.

“I thought we were going to meet up tomorrow,” Micah said.

“Yeah, I know but I wanted to keep things exciting. I haven’t seen you in weeks, babe,” Justus said running his fingers across Micah’s bicep sensually.

I hung back and observed the scene.

“Who’s this? Did you take my advice and finally get yourself a manny?” Justus asked, looking me up and down hungrily. It made me uncomfortable, there was a hot rising feeling in my stomach. I wanted to bash Justin Gavin’s or whatever his name was, face into the wall. Wait, was I jealous? I couldn’t be, you know if Micah wanted to sleep around that was his own problem, not mine. Micah quickly looked at me, as if he was just remembering that I was there.

“I’m Ben, I’m Ross’s uncle,” I volunteered, offering my hand. Justus took it, his handshake was delicate, as if he was used to being fawned over.

“Oh!! Micah, oh my God, is this your spawn?” Justus asked gesturing towards Ross, who was still sleeping. Micah grimaced.

“Yeah, that’s Ross, he’s my son,” Micah said stiffly.

“Oh my God, can I see him? Wait, he looks just like you, this is freaky.” Justus held out his arm eagerly.

“I don’t that’s a good idea, we’re all pretty exhausted. We had to get to the airport pretty early,” Micah said.

“Oh for sure, I’ll let you unpack then. But, there’s a party for Rihanna’s lingerie line tonight and I got an invite, you can be my plus one if you want and I’m sure we can sneak Jack in, I’ll just tell the bouncer that he’s my new assistant,” Justus said.

“I’ll text you, okay?” Micah said, clearly wishing that Justus would leave. Justus got the hint and bounded out the door, winking at Micah as he left.

An awkward silence hung heavy in the air, then Micah finally spoke. “Sorry about that,” he started.

“What do you have to be sorry for? It’s not like we’re together or anything,” I said flatly.

In reality, I wanted to knock Justus Garrett out cold the moment I saw his lips touch Micah’s, it made me furious. I had no idea why I was so full of rage, it was true, Micah and I had shared a couple kisses but we never talked about what they meant, or what it would be like if we pursued the obvious chemistry between us. Truthfully, I’d hooked up with guys before, but I’d never actually pursued a relationship with one before. I was still getting used to the idea that I liked men, but it was always clouded in a sort of secrecy. . That was one of the reasons why I missed Lindsey, she’d been helping me sort through all my feelings about my sexuality, and helping me admit that there was a reason why I hid this side of myself for so long. Now with Micah, I was completely confused. I’d known him for decades and I couldn’t ignore the butterflies in my stomach that popped up whenever he looked at me. Now, watching him kiss someone else, I realized that maybe I did want to be with him. But how would I break that to him? Why had he invited me to L.A.? Was it a courtesy trip, or did he sense that there was something between us as well?

“Yeah, well it’s still awkward and it’s definitely not how I wanted to show you L.A., so I’m sorry. Anyway, I don’t know about you, but I really need to shower if that’s okay. The guest room is through here if you want to take a nap or anything.” He pointed the guest room out to me and left me to my own devices as he showered. Ross passed out on the bed with ease, flying had tired him out.

We took turns showering, then I walked into the small kitchenette to see Micah fumbling with a pan.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m trying to cook but I don’t have any fucking food,” Micah mumbled.

“Well let’s see,” I said, opening his fridge. The fridge was bare except for a few rotten apples, a half-empty bottle of wine, and some cheese. “I’ll order you some groceries and then I can make you something.”

“Oh you don’t have to do that.” But he leaned against the counter, crossing his arms with the air of a man who was more than happy to let me do the cooking. I snorted.

“No, it’s the least I can do. Consider it a thank you for letting us stay here this weekend,” I said.

I ordered groceries and the supplies for a frittata for us with chorizo, peppers, cheese, and a little bit of spinach.

“This is amazing, where’d you learn to cook like this?” he asked.

“Food Network,” I admitted as I cracked the eggs and started to whisk them.

“Really? I had no idea you that you even knew how to turn on a stove. Are you sure you don’t want me to help or anything?”

“Speak for yourself,” I joked. Micah laughed. “You can sauté the spinach if you want, and start cooking the chorizo.”

Micah washed the spinach and started to chop intently.

“Listen, I’m sorry again about Justus. He’s just a friend, I mean, not really a friend, more like a hookup that I occasionally talk to. We met at a party and he auditioned for Hot Law too but the director turned him down. He doesn’t mean anything to me,” Micah explained.

I continued to ignore him and focused on whisking. I didn’t need to hear about his Hollywood hookups. We continued to work in silence, and then Micah started to brown the chorizo, then he turned to me abruptly.

“Did it mean anything to you, when you kissed me? I know you’re not the most emotionally intelligent guy and honestly neither am I, but I need to know. And don’t say that you were just drunk or experimenting because that’s bullshit,” Micah said defensively.

I sighed, why did Micah have to turn everything into such a big declaration?

“I’ll admit, the kiss definitely meant something to me, and I didn’t kiss you just because I was drunk or whatever. I kissed you because I like you, I think you’re great, actually,” I admitted. Micah smirked a little bit. “But then again, I know that I’m just some small town guy and not some sort of Hollywood charmer, so I can see if you think it was a mistake or something.”

“You have to stop being so self-deprecating, it’s not hot. I don’t like your weird small town inferiority complex or whatever the hell you have going on with you. I don’t think I’m better than you just because I moved to L.A. or anything. If anything, I wish I could be half as caring and kind as you are, Ben.”

“Then show it,” I said harshly. “Show me that you won’t drop me for all of your superficial Hollywood friends.”

Then, Micah leaned over and he kissed me again. It was a gentler kiss than our last one, full of longing — a longing to be understood. I slipped my tongue into his mouth and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him close. Micah deepened the kiss and groaned a little, suddenly I smelled smoke.

“Oh shit! The eggs!” I said, dumping the now charred pan of eggs into the sink. Micah laughed, a deep full, belly laugh.

“So much for frittatas,” he said.

“Want me to order a pizza? Do they even have pizza in L.A.?” I joked.

“Yeah they do, let me order it, I know the best place.” Micah grinned and dialed the number on his phone. We sat on his couch while we waited for the pizza. Lazily, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

“Micah,” I said apprehensively, still wondering how I should say this.

“Yeah?”

“I know we’re still figuring out what we’re doing,” I hesitated for a moment, “together? But I would appreciate it if you didn’t see anyone else during this time.” I bit my lip nervously, “Were you seeing … Justus? Before you went back home?” Micah never mentioned anything about his dating life, and the last thing that I wanted to do was pry. ” I asked. Micah nodded, smiling. “Sure, Ben. I’ll kick Justus to the curb, wait, are you jealous?” He stared at me as I stiffened. “You totally are jealous.” Micah laughed, leaning his head against my shoulder. “Don’t worry, you could totally take Justus in a duel for my honor.” He continued laughing.

“It’s not like that,” I said defensively.

“Sure,” Micah said. The buzzer sounded, and Micah got up to grab the pizza while I went back to the guest room to wake up Ross.