“Damn that rush was crazy!” Jules sings as she waltzes to the back of the bakery. “There’s no one here right now, you want me to go lock up?” Her finger jabs to the front of the shop and she grins, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Make it an early day?”
“No early day,” I blurt, trying not to look frazzled but Ford hasn’t texted me back all afternoon and I’m starting to get worried. I don’t want to be that girl, though. I can’t be the needy one. Or the territorial one. We’re not married, we don’t live together…yet… I’m just carrying his baby. Probably.
“You alright today?” She hops onto the counter and swipes up an extra bowl if icing, sliding her finger through it before licking it off.
“I’m fine, thank you.” I take a step back from the cupcake cake I’m creating and nod. “Definitely fine,” I mutter, going back to work. I’m not fine. I’m nervous. I’m nauseous. I want to eat every damn thing I’ve made today. Being pregnant and hormonal and hungry while inside a bakery is probably the worst thing for my sugar.
“Hey we’re going out to the bar tonight. You want to come with? Maybe bring Ford?” She grins and my eyes shoot up to her.
“I uh…” I can’t say yes because going bar hopping when I can’t drink won’t be any fun at all. My best friend’s grinning at me like I’ve lost my mind so I sigh, resigning to tell her the truth of the situation. I have to tell someone! “I can’t.”
“And why not?” Her eyes narrow at me and she slides off the counter, heading for a bottle of water.
“Uh…” I stammer. “I’m pregnant?” I whisper it so softly I think she doesn’t hear me but when I notice how she’s frozen in place, water bottle almost touching her lips and her eyes wide as day, I know she heard me loud and clear.
“Mackenzie…pregnant? You?” Her panicked eyes flick from my face to my stomach then back to my face. “Are you shitting me?”
“We took about twelve tests that were all positive. I still have to have my doctor’s appointment, but it’s set for next week s— oof—” I’m cut off when her arms wrap around me tightly.
“I’m going to be an aunt!” she shrieks. “A fucking aunt, Mack!”
I laugh, patting her back and holding onto her, because this is the reaction I wasn’t preparing myself for. I was ready for the lecture of being too young and the lecture of not being married first, but this is a welcome surprise.
“I mean I am an only child, so on my side at least this kid’s got no aunts.”
“I’m gonna be way better than any other aunt on the planet,” she chides, backing up and squealing. “I can’t believe you’re having a baby!” she screams suddenly, making me laugh even harder.
“Just don’t tell anyone yet, ok? We want to wait until after the doctor’s appointment and all.”
“My lips are sealed.” She zips her lips shut and the front counter bell dings. “I knew we should’ve closed early,” she says, winking.
“Closing early doesn’t pay the bills, Jules!” I call after her as she heads to the front of the store.
By the time three o’clock rolls around I still haven’t heard back from Ford and I’m starting to panic. I grab my phone and hit send to call his brother. Maybe he knows where he is.
“Hey Mackenzie, what’s up?” Lincoln answers.
“Have you seen Ford?” I blurt. “Sorry. I mean, hi Lincoln. Things are fine but I can’t get a hold of Ford and with tomorrow…well…you know. I’m worried.”
He chuckles and I hear him sigh.
“Mack, what do you know about tomorrow’s importance in Ford’s life?”
I roll my eyes.
“I know it’s the anniversary of his ex-girlfriend’s death. I know he blames himself. I know he’s gotta start to live life, Lincoln.” So that probably wasn’t the nicest way to phrase it, but it was either that or ‘shut the fuck up and tell me where he is.’ I care for Ford. I care for his feelings. But right now I just need to know where he is.
“So then you know how it devastated him? How he’s only been sober these past few months because of you. How he’s a lot weaker than he puts on when it comes to her? Did you know he hasn’t visited her grave in six years because he can’t bring himself to go back? Did you know when the accident happened he didn’t leave her hospital room for two full weeks? Or how he lost about thirty pounds and was on the verge of needing to be admitted to the hospital the weeks following her death because he refused to eat?”
“I…” I sigh, tears threatening. “I knew it was bad, but he’s never gone into details,” I whisper, sitting down at my desk. Just the thought of Ford being that depressed about it puts a lot into perspective. I always thought he was just a crazy, careless party animal but he was hiding demons he never fully explained to me. “He doesn’t talk to me about it much.”
“And he won’t. Ever. Because he can barely talk about it to his own brother without needing a few shots of whiskey. He’s my younger brother and over the last few years I’ve watched him almost throw everything away. He refused college. He refused a real job. My parents had to force him into what he’s doing now and luckily he’s good at it, but it wasn’t pretty.”
“I thought he loved the West House,” I whisper, shaking my head.
“He does now. It’s his life. But it hasn’t always been that way. Ford’s fragile. And this morning the man I saw was a ghost of the man he’s been these past few months. Tomorrow’s weighing heavy on him, Mackenzie.”
“What are you talking about? He left the house ecstatic this morning.”
“That’s not who I saw when he got here. Something happened. Something switched. That’s how Ford goes this time of year. Some switch is flipped and he retreats into the darkness, with his booze and pitch black rooms. We’ve all tried, but nothing helps…” he trails off and I blurt.
“No. I refuse to accept that. Where is he? Is he there now?”
“He left a couple hours ago.” The phone goes silent. “Do you really love him, Mackenzie?”
“I do, Lincoln.”
He lets the pause go on longer than I’d like. It’s unnerving, like he’s not telling me something. For as close as the West family is, none of them like to talk about this subject apparently.
“I’ll head over and pick you up. I think I know where he went.”
The call ends and I swipe at the tears that have slipped their way past my eyelids. I can’t believe that Ford would just retreat back to what he used to be like without even texting me. Without calling me. We have a system and this system works wonders for him. Sure, he probably should seek some type of medical help for the depression if it’s that bad, and AA is a place he could consider, but I really thought I was doing good for him. I refuse to believe that the man who Lincoln said he saw this morning is back.
“Jules,” I blurt, walking out front. She’s setting out some fresh baked chocolate chip cookies and I swipe one up, shoving my purse onto my shoulder. “Something came up. I have to go. There’s shit I need to finish tonight so maybe I’ll come back but I… I gotta go.”
“Everything ok?”
“Fine. So fine.” I glance outside when Lincoln’s car pulls up. Gotta love the promptness of these West boys. “I’ll call you later.”
I run out to the car and Lincoln gives me a sad look when I buckle in.
“I’m sorry for the phone call. This time of year’s hard on everyone but I shouldn’t expect you to have known how bad he gets. And I shouldn’t have questioned your love for him. It’s evident in the way you two look at each other how much love there is.”
I want to yell at him for being as weird as his brother’s been today, but instead I give him a weak smile.
“I understand. You don’t want to see him hurt more than he already is. I get it, and in a way I appreciate it. I’ve never had the sibling connection with anyone before so I don’t understand it at times, but I know he’s lucky to have you two.”
He smiles over at me and the handsome brother of the man I’m in love with officially has won me over. I know he’s a good guy, I’ve known it this whole time, but I always felt like an outsider around him. I now know why. He’s just been afraid I was going to ruin Ford…again.
“I don’t know for sure if he’s here or not, but it only makes sense today.” He says, pulling off the road and into a small cemetery just on the outskirts of town. “He hasn’t been here since the funeral, but something tells me this year’s different.” He pulls to a stop and glances over at me, hope brightening his face. “I hope this year’s different, at least.”
“Thank you,” I whisper. “I do too.”
I see Ford before Lincoln stops the car. Leaning against a headstone, head hung and something in his fist I can only pray isn’t an empty bottle of alcohol.
“Shit,” I huff, bolting from the car as soon as Lincoln slows enough to get out. Slowing my steps as I get closer, Ford’s eyes never look up. I can’t even tell if he’s awake at this point.
I make it right in front of him and my eyes see what’s in his hands. A fucking whiskey bottle.
“Ford?” I whisper, dropping to my knees in front of him. He slowly glances up at me, his eyes wet with tears, and he lifts the bottle. It’s still sealed and my heart soars for this broken and hurting man.
“I didn’t do it, Mack.” His pained whisper cracks and he shakes his head. “I fucking bought it because it’s what I know…used to know at least. But I couldn’t do it. It doesn’t help anything.”
I don’t know what to say, so I say nothing. My arms go around him and he cries into my shirt. His hands tug at me and I end up on his lap, wrapped around him, feeling all of his pain for him while he empties years of regret and hurt onto me.
I’ll take it. I’ll always take it for him.
I want to talk. I want to know what’s going on in his head. I want to kiss him and make everything go away, but there are no words I can say right now that will make this better. I can only hope that in the years to come, days like today become few and far between.
When he finally pulls away and wipes his face, he looks at me. Those green eyes sparkling and he cups my face gently with his hands.
“I love you, Mackenzie.” His voice is gravely with emotion and his eyes are searching mine for a return of that same love.
“I love you, Ford.” I push my lips to his lightly and rest my forehead on his. “I’m happy you came out here today.”
He lets out a breath of air and sits back, nodding. His hands resting on my thighs and when he finally speaks I hold my breath for what’s to come. I can only hope he starts to open up more to me.
“This is the first time since the funeral. I…shut down after it was all said and done. Then I couldn’t bring myself to be here without wanting to jump off a cliff. So I didn’t.”
I trace my fingers down his jawline as he contemplates his next words, staying silent and letting him spill whatever he wants. Whatever he can.
“I told her about you,” he says, then chuckles, that dimple making a grand entrance into my heart again. “Sounds insane, but it kind of helped. I mean, she’s not gonna answer, I know that. But… I don’t know, it just felt right.”
I nod, glancing at the bottle of whiskey on the grass next to us. I’m happy it’s still sealed, but just the fact that he stopped to buy it tells me we still have a long way to go.
“Ford, it’s not insane. You probably should’ve been coming here more often over the years. Maybe it would have helped.”
He nods then shifts a bit, leaning against her headstone.
“I told her about the baby,” he finally says.
I smile. “That’s good. Did she throw you a baby shower?” I smirk and stand when he boasts out a laugh.
“Nah, but I’m sure Reagan will.”
“Jules wants in on it, too. She’s as close to a sister as I’ve ever had.”
“This baby’s gonna be so fucking loved.” He moves to his knees and presses his lips to my stomach, then rests his hands on my hips, nuzzling my stomach. “You’re already so loved, little nugget,” he whispers.
I’m so overcome with emotion that when the tears start to roll I don’t even know it’s happening until the first one falls and lands on his hand. His brows furrow and he looks up at me and in that moment, I know without a doubt in my mind I will spend the rest of my life with this man.
“Why are you crying?” He stands, cupping my face in his hands then snaking his fingers to the back of my head.
“You’re too good to be true, Ford. And this is so…” I groan, “so many hormones running through me,” I say, letting out a laugh and a shiver runs down my body as the cold winter wind blows. There’s no snow on the ground anymore but not until now did I realize how cold it is out here. I left in such a hurry, my mind set only on finding him, that I didn’t even grab my coat. He wraps his arms around me tight and kisses my forehead.
“Come on. Let’s get you home. I’ll make dinner tonight.”
He starts to walk me away but pauses, one last time to glance back at the headstone. I wait with him, giving him the time he needs. God, I’m so happy I gave him the time of day. I never would have met this amazingly strong man had I listened to the hate that Eric kept spewing about him. Looking back I know it was jealousy and worry, and I’m so happy that part of my life is over and I’m getting another chance at a happy ending with Ford.
“Grilled cheese?” he asks when we make it to his house. The snow’s starting and I hate that I still have to go back to work tonight.
“Tomato soup?” I quirk an eyebrow at him, my stomach growling. “Sorry,” I laugh. “I didn’t realize I was that hungry.”
“You’re eating for two now. You need to eat like what, all day?” He grins and laughs when I throw my scarf at him. He heads to the pantry and grabs two cans of soup. I could watch this man cook anything and it would never get tiring. Watching someone who looks like him in a kitchen, making something as easy as tomato soup and grilled cheese shouldn’t be turning me on this much, but it really is.
“Hey, I have to go back to work later. You want to come with?” I smirk at him and hope he does, because I could do some really naughty things with him with all that leftover, unused icing I’ve got sitting in the cooler. Man, these hormones are making me horny. Ford looking at me like he is right now isn’t helping either.
“It’s a snowstorm out there and you’re going to drive back to work in the dark?” His hand is stalled above the grilled cheese and I raise my eyebrows.
“You’re going to burn my dinner,” I say, propping my feet on the chair. “And yes. I have to go finish a few things that need to be done by the morning. You’re more than welcome to come with me.” I bite my lip and his mouth lift into a smirk, but before he can answer, his phone rings in his pocket.
“Hold that thought,” he says, then curses before answering it.
“What?” He snaps, grinning at me. He lets out a heavy sigh and shakes his head. “Yeah. No that’s fine. I’ll be there in an hour or so.”
He ends the call and pouts at me, his lip sticking out way too far.
“What was that about?”
“Wren and Linc’s babysitter flaked tonight. I gotta go watch Carter.” He makes a face but I can’t help but smile at him.
“Family comes first, Ford,” I stand and walk over to him, hugging him. “It’s really a turn on how involved you are with your family. And reliable.” I press my lips to his neck when he flips my sandwich. “And you’re super sexy making these sandwiches for me,” I whisper, nibbling his ear lobe.
“You want sex or this awesome grilled cheese? Because I can only do one.”
I push my finger to his dimple gently and he laughs when my stomach growls.
“Food. Definitely food first,” he says, laughing.
We eat quickly because he needs to get to Lincoln’s, but after we’re done and I’m cleaning up the dishes he wraps his arms around me.
“You’re so sexy being all domestic,” he growls, pushing his lips to the side of my neck and I melt back into him.
“You gotta go soon, don’t you?” I ask, a giggle escaping me when his hands grasp my tits.
“I got all the time in the world for you, Mack.”
I drop the plate in the sink and turn, lifting an eyebrow and pulling my shirt over my head.
“Gotta catch me first,” I whisper, bolting past him. I hear him laugh and soon he’s lifting me in the air and we fall onto the bed, tangled limbs. My laughter turns into moans when he dips his head and bites onto my nipple. I’m burning with need for this man. When he slides his hand between my legs, a low growl rumbles through him.
“Holy fuck, Mackenzie.” He pulls his fingers out of me and I grin. “You’re so wet!” His eyes are wide and full of lust when he brings his fingers to his lips.
“Pregnancy hormones,” I laugh. “That, and the fact that you’re mega fucking hot cooking dinner for me.”
“Fuck, if that’s what cooking you dinner gets me, sign me up for life.” He slams his lips to mine and in no time I’ve wrestled his clothes off him. He flips me on the bed and I go to my knees, ass in the air for him. Glancing back at him, he locks eyes with me when he slams into me once, hitting deeper than ever before and I moan, letting my head fall to the bed but when he fists his hand in my hair he pulls my head up and thrusts into me hard. I meet his every pump, and when he pulls me up on my knees and his teeth latch on to my shoulder, I start to shudder.
“Fuck, Ford, I’m so close,” I whimper, his dick hitting my g-spot so fucking good.
“Play with yourself,” he whispers in my ear and my hands tighten on his thighs. “Reach those pretty fingers between your legs and play with yourself, Mackenzie. You know you want to.” I moan and reach between my legs. “That’s my girl,” he whispers in my ear. The minute my fingers start those tight circles around my clit I come completely undone. I scream out, my legs buckling and my entire body quaking as I come. Ford thrusts into me hard once, then twice more and when he releases into me I can feel his dick pumping into me and I’m so turned on I could probably go for more immediately.
We collapse onto the bed, both of us coming down from that and wrap ourselves in each other’s arms.
“I want to stay like this all night,” I say breathlessly into his chest. His arms are wrapped so tight around me I could fall asleep here and sleep for days.
“Me too,” he murmurs, but when his phone dings he groans. “But I have to babysit.”
He pushes his lips to mine after pushing my hair out of my face. “I love you,” he whispers.
“I know.” I smirk and hop off the bed to get dressed. The faster I can get this work done the faster I can get back here with him.
By the time I make it back to the bakery, Jules is already home and cozy and wouldn’t meet me here but I’m okay with that. I really need to get these cupcakes done and without anyone here to distract me I should be able to knock these out in no time.
I turn on the music loud and get to work. My phone dings right as I get into it and I grin at the screen.
Ford: Punk already fell asleep on me.
Attached is a picture of Carter sleeping stretched across Ford and I smile wide. That little boy has his uncle wrapped around his little fingers. My hand goes to rest on my abdomen and I type out a response.
Me: Snuggle him, Uncle Ford. He’s cold!
I slide the phone back to the counter and get back to work. Another text comes in soon and I’m pausing again, grinning.
Ford: Laid him in bed. Kid needed his pillows. Show me your tits.
I laugh out loud and take a selfie.
Me: I’m in my apron I need to wash. Hot mess.
I send the picture and he sends a reply immediately.
Ford: I’d tap it ;) Be safe. Come home soon.
Me: I love you <3
Ford: Always, babe. Always.
I put the phone into my back pocket and turn up the music, wanting to be done and out of here and back in his arms.
It takes me about two hours after setting up but I finally finish just as the evening is winding down downtown. I love the location of this bakery. Right in the middle of the business district of downtown Springfield. There’s lunch eateries on both sides of me so we’re always slammed around lunch time for people wanting desserts. We’re starting to open early, too, for baked goods in the morning but only three days a week so far. There are always people around and everyone here knows Jules and I. Springfield isn’t a small town by any means, but it’s definitely nothing like Orlando and the people here are surprisingly nice as hell.
Just as I’m locking the front door, bundled up from head to toe because the snow’s really coming down, I hear his voice and freeze.
“You’re the reason my entire life is fucked,” Eric’s voice snickers from behind me. My eyes go wide and for a brief moment I think maybe I should unlock the door and go back in, but I can’t run from him all the time. We both need to be able to live in this city. So instead, I turn and look at him. He’s in a short sleeve shirt that looks like it hasn’t been changed in days and his face is all kinds of fucked from what Ford did to it last weekend.
“What do you want, Eric?” I ask, shoving my purse tighter on to my shoulder and walking around him. He stops me by stepping in front of me and my eyes dart around the street, praying we aren’t the only ones out here.
“Sandra left me,” he hisses. “And it’s all because of you, you fucking cunt.” Phlegm fires from his mouth as he spits the words at me that make me want to cry. It’s not my fault. I know it’s not my fault. I also know I shouldn’t be here right now. Not with him. He looks like he hasn’t showered since the fight the other night and he reeks of alcohol.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Eric. But I had nothing to do with that. You made your bed. Now you have to lie in it. Excuse me.” I push past him but realize too late it was probably the wrong move. He grabs my ponytail and slams me to the concrete. My forehead hits the cold ground and the ice and snow that’s collected on the pavement is shoved into my nose. I try to fight him, but when his knee comes to rest on my back the only thought is ‘not the baby. Please not the baby.’ I whimper and try to get out of his grasp, but I’m at the point of being too scared to move.
Why is no one seeing this? Where the hell is everyone?
“And now,” he whispers in my ear. “I hear you’re bringing that fuckstick’s kid into the world?” He snickers, gripping my hair and lifting my head up. “God, Mackenzie. You’re fucking beautiful,” he pants, then presses his lips to mine and I bite his lip hard the first chance I get. He growls, slamming my head back into the ground and this time I taste the metallic taste of blood and can only hope it’s his, but the pain in my nose tells me it’s mine.
I groan and when he lets go of me I think the worst is over. I curl into a ball, trying to catch my breath but then it happens. His boot connects with my stomach. Not once. Not twice. But a slew of times while he spits hatred out of his mouth. He gets one more solid kick to my ribs and takes off, leaving me alone and cold on the snowy concrete.
My body is radiating pain and on fire. I can’t breathe, I can’t take a breath, and I already know without a shadow of a doubt…fuck I don’t even want to think it. I try to yell for help, but it hurts too bad to use that much effort. It’s all I can do to grab my phone and hit send two times, calling the last person I called.
“Hey, you get everything done?” Jules says.
“I need your help,” I manage and then start to cry hysterically as the pain roars through me. “Jules, I need you!”