Madison woke up earlier than she would have expected since it had been after two in the morning when she’d fallen asleep.

Timothy had slept with her all night. He hadn’t asked or said anything about it when he’d gotten back from the bathroom to dispose of the condom. He’d just gotten under the covers with her, and she’d turned out the light.

She liked that he’d slept with her, that he hadn’t thought it was weird or awkward. She had no idea what was happening with him, but she was glad he hadn’t gone back to his room after they’d had sex.

When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was that he was awake too. He was lying on his back, one hand bent up above his head, but his head was turned toward her and his eyes were resting on her face.

She gave him a little smile and was relieved when he smiled back.

He looked unbearably sexy at the moment with rumpled hair, bare chest, and a groggy look in his eyes. He lowered his arm and rolled onto his side so he was facing her.

“Did you sleep?” she asked.

“Yeah. I just woke up a few minutes ago.”

“Oh. Good.” She had absolutely no idea what to say. “Last night… it was… Thank you for last night.”

His eyes narrowed slightly as if he were trying to read her expression. “Am I supposed to say you’re welcome?”

“I don’t know.” She gave him a sheepish smile. “I don’t usually do this.”

“Me either.”

“To tell you the truth, I’m not sure how I ever thought I could go through with… with my plan for the weekend.”

“Hooking up with Kevin?” he asked dryly.

She should be embarrassed that he knew so clearly what she’d had planned, but it was actually a relief that she didn’t have to explain it to him. “Uh, yeah. It was just… I don’t know. Charlie, Hannah, and I all wanted to do something to get what we wanted this weekend. What they wanted was a lot bigger. But I guess I just wanted to take some sort of concrete steps toward… toward…”

“Feeling good again.”

She nodded, oddly emotional.

“You think I don’t know how you were feeling? You think I haven’t wondered if I’ll ever feel good again.”

The emotion in her throat tightened so much she couldn’t breathe for a moment. “I know you have.”

Timothy’s expression softened, and he reached out to brush a strand of hair out of her face. “I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I didn’t mean to play some sort of victim card that trumps everything else. We all have hard things. We all have to struggle to get through them. I was just trying to say that I understand.”

“I know you do. I’m glad. I… I had a really good time last night.” It was the most she could make herself say to lead into the conversation she wanted to have—about how he felt about them now.

Was this just a one-night thing? Or did he want them to be something more the way she did?

“So did I. Obviously.” He paused, his eyes scanning her face. “Wasn’t it better than a hookup with a stranger?”

“Y-yes. Definitely.” She smiled casually, but she didn’t really like how that sounded. Maybe he was thinking it was just a hookup.

If that was what he was thinking, then she was okay with that. It was what she’d wanted after all. Just to have fun, feel good again.

She had.

She had nothing to complain about now.

She waited to see if he would say anything else, but he didn’t. She swallowed hard and searched her mind for something appropriate.

There wasn’t anything.

She’d already said thank you. She’d already said she had a good time. She couldn’t ask him to have sex with her again if that wasn’t what he had in mind.

And she certainly couldn’t ask him to love her if he didn’t.

Even if she wanted him to.

She’d always been practical. She’d always been realistic. That wasn’t going to change now.

She’d done what she wanted to do.

Everything would be fine.

“That brunch thing doesn’t start until ten,” Timothy said in a different tone of voice, as if he wanted to move them past the awkward moment. “I thought I might take a hike. It’s a little cold, but you could come if you wanted.”

“Yeah. That would be great.”

She smiled, trying to be relieved that they were being friendly and normal again.

She wasn’t relieved.

She didn’t want to be friendly and normal with Timothy.

She wanted to be more.

***

They hiked for a couple of hours, and Madison basically enjoyed it. She liked the cold, brisk air, and she liked the scenic mountains, and Timothy was always good company, telling her all kinds of interesting things about the trees and the anthropological history of the area.

After a while, she even forgot that she was kind of disappointed by how the night had ended. Other than a lingering heaviness in her stomach, a remnant of emotional aftermath, she had a good time.

They got back just in time to shower and change for the wedding brunch. It was served buffet-style, and guests could come and go as they liked. Madison was happy to see Hannah and Bruce come in shortly after she and Timothy did, so they all sat together. The conversation was casual and friendly, and Madison tried to act normal. But when Hannah excused herself to go to the restroom and suggested Madison come with her, Madison knew her friend had something to say.

She knew from the text Hannah had sent her and Charlie earlier that Hannah had completed her mission last night. She was no longer a virgin. As soon as they were alone, Madison whispered, “So how was it?”

“Good,” Hannah said, looking slightly diffident. “It was really good.”

“And Bruce was okay with everything?”

“Yeah. He hesitated at first, but he was fine.” Hannah’s expression twisted slightly as she added, “He doesn’t want things to get complicated.”

“Ah.” Madison was quite sure that Hannah’s feelings for Bruce were deeper than she’d ever admitted, so she wasn’t surprised that Hannah was rather torn about the whole thing.

“But stop trying to distract me. What’s going on with you and Timothy?”

“What do you mean?” The question was just a stall. She never kept secrets from Hannah and Charlie.

“You know exactly what I mean. Something is definitely going on. You look like you’re about to shatter from acting so normal, and Timothy can’t keep his eyes off you.”

That last bit surprised Madison. “What do you mean he can’t keep his eyes off me?”

Hannah rolled her eyes. “I mean that every time you’re looking in a different direction, he’s staring at you like he’s trying to read your mind but he doesn’t want you to see that he’s looking.”

“Is he?”

“Yes, he is. Now tell me what happened.”

“We had sex,” Madison admitted in a whisper. They were standing near the sinks in the restroom, and no one else was there, but she still lowered her voice.

“What?”

“We did.”

“How? When? What the hell happened?”

“I don’t even know. It just didn’t feel right with Kevin, and then Timothy and I ended up in my room, and it just… it just happened.”

“And it was good?” Hannah’s eyes were very round.

“Yeah. It was… great. But now… I don’t know. I feel like it wasn’t exactly what I wanted.”

“You’ll never convince me you didn’t want to have sex with him.”

“Of course I did. Of course I did.”

Hannah nodded. “You just want even more.”

Madison let out a breath, letting out the tension in her body at the same time. “Yeah. I guess I do. But he doesn’t seem to want the same thing.”

“How do you know? Timothy isn’t into casual sex. Even I know that about him.”

“I know he’s not. But he keeps talking like it was just… something we needed for the night.”

“Maybe he’s not sure what you think about it. Maybe he’s waiting to see what you’ll do.”

“I need to know what he wants first.”

“Why? Why does what he wants matter most? Why doesn’t what you want matter just as much?”

Madison stared at Hannah for a moment, oddly struck by the abrupt questions.

It reminded her of what Timothy had said to her more than once.

What she wanted did matter. She didn’t have to wait to find out what Timothy wanted first. She didn’t have to mold herself around what other people wanted or needed all the time.

She wasn’t sure why she always did that.

“So you’re going to say something?” Hannah asked, evidently reading something on Madison’s face.

Madison nodded. “I guess so. I’m not sure what. I don’t want to humiliate myself or make things irrevocably awkward between us. But I’m not… I’m not happy with how things are right now.”

“Then change them,” Hannah said with a smile. “That’s what this weekend is all about.”

“I’ll try. Are you going to do the same thing with Bruce?”

“I… I’ll try.”

***

Despite Madison’s resolve, the afternoon passed quickly, and she couldn’t find a good time to bring up the topic she wanted to discuss.

Timothy said he needed to grade the rest of his papers in their few hours of free time, and he insisted that she go down to the spa and enjoy herself some more. So she got a wonderful massage and a specialty skin treatment and got her nails done. She had a good time, but the whole time she was wondering what she should say to Timothy—or if she should say anything at all.

By the time she’d gotten back to her room, it was time to get ready for the wedding. She did her hair and makeup and put on a pretty steel-gray dress with a soft skirt and sweetheart neckline. She ended up ready twenty minutes early, and she was so restless and nervous about not having said anything to Timothy yet that she ended up walking across the hall and knocking on his door.

He opened the door in just a few seconds, fully dressed in his tux. He had a slightly tired look in his eyes, and his laptop was open on the table across the room.

She blinked. “Are you grading papers in your tux?”

“Not all afternoon. But I was dressed and I have two more papers to go, so I thought…” He gave a wry little shrug.

She giggled. “At least since you do it online, you don’t mark all the papers up in red pen.”

“Oh, I use track changes so all the markup is still in red. They’re not getting away with missing out on the red.”

She smiled at him. Then realized she’d come over here without anything planned out to say.

“Were you ready to go down already?” he asked, his eyes scanning over her body.

“Oh. No. I was just… Anyway, I’ll let you finish your papers.”

Shaking his head, he reached out with one hand and pulled her into the room by the shoulder, closing the door behind her. “The papers can wait. What did you want?”

“I wanted to…” She trailed off. Admitting what she wanted was a lot harder than it should be. “I wanted…”

Timothy took a step closer to her, holding her gaze with a very serious look. “Tell me what you want, Madison.”

“I wanted to… to talk.”

He nodded. Licked his lips. Then said, “About last night?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you feel… awkward about it?”

“Yes. Do you?”

“A little.”

She let out a breath of relief. “Well, at least I’m not the only one. It might be just that I’m not any good at casual sex. I don’t… I don’t usually have it.”

“Me either. I’m not good at it either.”

She twisted her hands together until she realized what she was doing. Then she released them. “And the truth is… the truth is…”

He leaned forward. “What’s the truth, honey?”

She sucked in a breath at the endearment. And it gave her courage enough to admit in a hoarse whisper, “It didn’t really feel casual to me.”

Timothy’s face relaxed. “Me either. It didn’t feel casual to me either. And honestly…”

When he didn’t finish, she prompted, “Honestly what?” Her heart was racing now—with excitement rather than fear.

“I really want to do it again,” he rasped.

“You do?” Her voice squeaked embarrassingly, but she was too thrilled to care.

“Oh yeah.”

“Me too.”

He groaned softly as he pulled her toward him, kissing her hard and deep. He stepped her back until she was up against the desk, the edge of it poking into her from behind. In almost no time, she was opening her mouth to his tongue and clawing at the jacket to his tux.

Desire seemed to have overtaken both of them without warning because he was just as hot and urgent as she was. He was already hard against her, pushing the bulge of his erection against her middle as he kissed her.

“Do you want to do this right now?” he mumbled against her lips after a minute.

“Yes. Yes, please. Just don’t mess up my hair.”

He laughed low and husky as he helped her pull up her skirt and prop up on the desk. The height was just about right for him, so she fumbled with undoing his pants and pulling out his erection.

“Do you have another condom in there?” he asked, indicating the clutch she’d brought with her.

“Yeah.” She pulled it out, and he took it from her hand, and together they freed his erection and rolled the condom on.

It took less than a minute before he was nudging against her entrance. She wasn’t as wet as she’d been last night, but she was already deeply aroused. She wanted nothing more than to feel him inside her, and she moaned in satisfaction as he edged his way in.

They stayed still for a moment, her legs wrapped around him, their foreheads leaning against each other’s, him sheathed inside her.

“I love this,” she whispered, surprised by the breathy admission.

“Me too,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss against her mouth. “Me too, honey.”

He started to move then, thrusting in short, choppy rolls of his hips. She held on with her arms and legs and was soon swept away by the sensations. Her gasps turned to whimpers and then to little sobs as the pleasure tightened inside her.

Timothy was losing control quickly. She could feel it in the tension, the urgency of his body. She didn’t want him to come before she did, so she slid a hand down under her panties—which he’d just moved aside to enter her—and rubbed her clit as he pushed against her.

That was all it took. An orgasm broke inside her, and she moaned uninhibitedly as it washed over her.

Timothy came almost immediately afterward, huffing until he froze on a choked exclamation, his face twisting with pleasure.

They stayed wrapped up together until the tremors had worked through them, and then he finally eased himself out of her and stepped back.

She was panting as she lowered her feet back to the floor. Her knees buckled, so she leaned against the desk for support as he took care of the condom.

He gave her a naughty little smile as he fastened his pants, and she couldn’t help but return it as she smoothed down her skirt.

It was a little wrinkled. No help for it. But she didn’t think it looked too bad.

Her lipstick would have to be reapplied, but otherwise she was in a decent shape.

“That was… unexpected.”

“Yeah,” she said. “But good.”

“Definitely good.” He looked warm and relaxed and as sexy as anything she’d ever seen in his tux and slightly flushed cheeks.

“I’m glad I came over then.”

“Me too.”

She fixed her lipstick, and he smoothed down his hair and buttoned his jacket. Then they were ready to go down.

The wedding ceremony was lovely, and the reception was extravagant and beautiful. Madison tried to focus on the celebration, but mostly her mind kept screaming at her that she’d just had sex again with Timothy.

It had been amazing.

Better than amazing.

It was nice that he wanted to have sex with her again.

But she still didn’t know how he felt.