These media days were a complete circus.

I thought I’d been around a lot of press for some of my Wish kid’s outings or activities, but this was insanity. The building was the size of a gigantic airplane hangar, and backdrops for every major news or sports news organization was set up in rows. Thousands of people—fans, athletes, reporters, agents, etc.—combed the place, trying to be a part of the action.

The buzz that surrounded the day was magical, filled with excitement and nerves. It was overwhelming just standing on the sidelines, I didn’t know how Pax was keeping it together.

It was the first time, and probably the last time I’d experience it due to his retirement, that I realized just how major he was to this game.

And in a way, I was extremely sad I’d missed that. That I’d been too scared, too weak, and he’d been immature and egotistical. We’d both gotten in our own ways. But at least we were together now.

Pax’s hand was laced through mine as we walked from media tent to media tent, him sitting down and giving generic answers to the same questions every reporter asked.

“So, give me the inside scoop, Shaw. What do you really think of the other team?” I nudge him, winking.

It’s the same question a bunch of reporters have already asked, and he’s given the respectable, toe-the-line answer.

Pax leans in, kissing my hair and whispering. “Off the record? I think they’re a bunch of overpaid assholes that I want to pummel into the turf. But don’t tell anyone I said that.”

I giggle. “My lips are sealed. Hey, where do you think you want to go to dinner after this?”

We hadn’t spent a lot of time together this week, what with his busy training schedule and the interview days. I understood, but I missed him.

“I say we go up to the hotel room the team reserved for me, order a bunch of room service, and give you approximately three orgasms before it gets there.”

Even though no one around us could hear any word of our conversation, I blushed. “Only if we can get mozzarella sticks.”

“Shaw! Man, I thought I’d see you here. You look old, dude!”

A familiar voice has us turning around, and when I see who it’s connected to, my heart jumps into my throat.

Jamison, the former outside linebacker for our college team, stands in the middle of the media frenzy, his big body taking up too much room in the wide aisle.

“Jami, good to see you! At least I don’t look like you. How are those knees?” Pax was poking fun at his weight, which I never quite understand how he could move it around the field.

Jamison moves closer and narrows his eyes at me. “Wait a minute … Demi?”

My stomach drops, because I see it in his eyes. That mockery, the secondhand embarrassment he is getting for me because I’m here with Paxton. Humiliation runs hot through me, making nausea rise in the back of my throat.

“Hi there.” I give a small wave, not sure what to do. “I’m uh, going to get a cup of coffee. Over there.”

I don’t want to stand with them, don’t want to talk to them. I feel like I’m transported right back to the days where I was an ornament instead of a respected woman.

Jamison is still talking to Pax about the game as I fill the paper cup at one of the media stands nearby.

“Man, she is still chasing that dick, huh?”

His words pull me right out of the lull that I’d been dazing in. What had he just said? Jamison was standing closer to Pax, and he thought I couldn’t hear. But my cheeks burned with shame, and I stayed silent to see what would happen.

“What did you just say?” Pax’s jaw clicks, and he eyes me from where I stand a few feet away.

I can feel him trying to contain his anger, exercising caution just in case we both just heard Jamison wrong.

“Demi Rosen, man. Shit, back in college, she would sink to her knees with a snap of your fingers. I guess some things never change. Desperate ho, am I right?”

My insides shut down, and tears choke me. Rage, despair, and regret consume me, and I wanted to sink into the earth and be swallowed whole. I’d gone a long time avoiding, or just altogether not remembering, people out in the world who had been witness to what Pax had put me through back then.

“You better shut your fucking mouth right now,” Pax growls, stepping into Jamison like he’s about to swing.

“Babe …” I rush back over, stepping between them and pushing my boyfriend back.

I’m not even thinking about the trash Jamison just tossed all over my name, the only thing I care about is preventing the man I love from getting suspended from the last game he’ll ever play. Once again, I care more about his well-being than my own.

“I’ll knock your teeth so far down your throat, motherfucker. You apologize to her, right now.” Pax is straining against the hands I have to his chest.

Jamison backs away, holding his hands up. “I didn’t realize it was … official now, man. I apologize. I’m happy for y’all. If banging leads to this, then sign me up for a fine-ass hookup. Matter fact, if he’s still treating you like he always did, maybe you want to go out with me tonight.”

He’s laughing at me, basically spitting in my face. “I’m going to go.”

I begin to walk away, because the shame I feel in this moment is so horrendous that I almost can’t live with myself.

“Demi! Demi!” Pax chases after me, and at least he follows me instead of beating his ex-teammates face in.

At least he’s matured enough to worry about me and not his ego.

I make it outside before he catches up to me, touching my elbow as I walk ahead of him. People on the street turn to stare, because there is a bona fide football star walking down the street in the city that has become the country’s most focused-on point in the last couple of days.

“Demi, please stop,” Pax pleads with me, his hand hovering on the small of my back as we walk.

I try to hold in the tears as we walk, the hotel my final destination. I have to get my things, get out of here, go home to Maya. A neighbor was supposed to watch her tonight, but screw it. I needed to go home, regroup. I needed to smooth out my jumbled thoughts, my twisted heart. I was fine, better than fine. I had been happy, completely blissful in my relationship. And in two seconds, a piece of shit jock that I’d known a lifetime ago had come in and annihilated it.

He stays with me, I feel his presence and need to talk right at my back the whole time. When we finally get to the hotel, I scurry across the lobby and into the elevator. Pax gets in with me, and I immediately move to the other side, too vulnerable to look at him or let him touch me.

“Demi, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His voice is pained.

I curl into myself, tears finally falling, my heart audibly breaking. I’m wounded, so damaged from our past. The scars that had begun to heal, had almost been whole again, from Pax loving me … now they were raw and bleeding.

The elevator dings on each new floor felt like a stab to the organ in my chest. I couldn’t contain the sobs, and one escaped my mouth, echoing between us.

“Baby …” Pax’s arms come around me.

I back against the wall. “No!”

I didn’t want him to touch me. Not right now.

When the elevator opens on our floor, I race to the room, fully intending to pack my small overnight bag and get the hell out. But Pax has other ideas.

“Demi, I’m sorry. Please talk to me, baby. I love you.”

His use of those three little words right now sets me off.

“He looked at me like some cheap whore. Because that’s what I was! I have to go.” I couldn’t be here right now, I was going to say something that I regretted.

Shoving what I’d taken out of my bag earlier back into it, I tried to make for the door.

“He’s a fucking asshole, and I wish I could shove his teeth down his throat. But most of all, I want to hold you. I want to erase any fears you have. I want to repeat I love you over and over until it sinks into your brain that I’m never, ever leaving you again. You’re my moon and stars now; I don’t breathe, I don’t function without you, baby. My whole world is black if you’re not in it.”

A sob burst from my lips again, because it’s everything I’ve ever wanted to hear from him, but for the very worst reason.

“Just stay. We don’t have to talk. I’ll go get another room. One next door to this one. Just like the night in my apartment, I won’t try a thing. But I can’t stand you leaving. Not like this.”

Pax’s full lips pleaded, his eyes staring into my soul. So, for the second time in as many months, I relented, staying in the place he put me.