CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
IN THE ECHOING silence after their father had left, Maybe watched her sister as she struggled to hold herself together. “Go to her,” Alexsei said quietly. “But before you do, I want you to know I love you. You’re so much more than he chooses to see. I know why you held that story back. But it’s not yours to be guilty over.”
The difference between knowing in your head and your heart was a little bit shorter then. “I know.” She kissed his forehead. “Thanks.”
It made a difference, she realized, to hear that from him. Like it had made a difference that he’d remained at her side, protective and angry, that whole exchange.
She had to admit to herself that a part of her wondered if he’d run off once he found out more about her relationship with her parents. And now she was embarrassed that she’d doubted him.
“Thank you,” she repeated to him.
“It comes with the service, Maybe. I love you. I’m here for you. I will kick the heads of assholes who try to harm you. Even if they’re your father.”
“My hero.” And she meant it. “You make me feel safe,” she whispered against his lips before kissing him.
He pulled her close, settling her jangled nerves. “You’re everything to me, zajka. Brave and strong. That you lean on me fells me.”
He’d been in her life for two years. She’d admired from afar and had come to grow a deep friendship with him. But this? What he’d brought her felt like it had been waiting for just the right time. And when they both not only needed to find this kind of love, but could fight for it and appreciate it, that it finally bloomed between them.
So much of her thinking had been about other people and what they needed that she’d sort of forgotten about what her heart and soul needed. Music had filled part of that space and she’d been making do with that.
Until Alexsei had become her Lyosha and unlocked that need inside she’d been denying existed. The need to be understood and valued and listened to. And he did all those things.
Maybe was about to have to deal with her sister and possibly open up lots of wounds. And she had to, not just for herself and her own emotions at having to deal with their parents. But for her sister’s well-being. She could at last because he allowed her to see herself better. To not shy away anymore, from being honest with Rachel, even if it would hurt.
She squeezed him before breaking the kiss and the hug.
* * *
RACHEL STILL STOOD near the front door, staring out the window as she figured their father was driving away.
“Hey,” she said. “I won’t ask if you’re okay. I sure as hell aren’t. I’m not. Yeah, not aren’t. Whatever. I’m feeling like I just got run over by a truck and I bet you do too.”
Rachel turned abruptly and pulled Maybe into a tight hug and then shoved her back, socking Maybe in the arm so hard it stung.
Maybe rubbed at the spot. “Ouch!”
“I can’t believe you never told me about Mr. Evans. And at the same time, I know why you didn’t. You were all alone and I didn’t do anything to help. Didn’t you trust me to take your side?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But it’s about me not you. Do you understand? For a long time it was hard not to feel guilty about. Or that I’d done something to send mixed signals. I know he was in the wrong,” she added before Rachel could argue. “But they told me a long time it was about what I did or didn’t do.”
“Even badasses stumble sometimes?” Rachel said. “Did he hurt you? Try to get to you again?”
Maybe licked her lips, worrying the jewelry in her lip a little. “No. I honestly don’t know what Mom and Dad said, or if it was all the wife. They were out of my life and I did my best not to think about it. I don’t know if there were other girls my age or not. I feel bad about that too.”
“You feel bad about a lot of shit you can’t control, Maybe. You don’t need to be a fucking martyr. You were a kid. A shitty thing happened. Your parents should have protected you and they sort of did, but look at the damage it caused because they were so terrible at it. Just like you letting him back into your life because you wanted it for me. You let them hurt you. For me. God. I’m not as recovered as I thought I was.”
The sisters hugged tight.
“Don’t let them screw with your head too,” Maybe said as they broke apart. “You’re recovering every day. You’re strong. I just... I should have told you and I didn’t. I should have been more honest about everything they’d been doing.”
“Here’s what we’re going to do. Let’s stop saying we’re sorry for all the stuff they did. Okay? I think that should be our new deal,” Rachel said.
“We need to be unified for what’s coming.” Maybe sighed. “This legal stuff. What are we going to do?”
Rachel hugged her again. “I’m sorry I yelled at you just now. And I’m sorry for all that stuff he said. And did. I’m just sorry, Maybe. Sorry you had shitty parents.”
“I have a really great sister. And an aunt and uncle who love me. I have Alexsei and his family too. I do have shitty parents. But they, up until this point, weren’t shitty parents to you.”
“At your expense. And now at mine apparently. This conservator shit is beyond the pale. How dare they try to take over my life like this?”
“You have some friends who are attorneys. You’ll make an appointment to speak with one of them and we’ll get this handled. They can’t just take over. They can’t. You know that.” She took Rachel’s hands in her own, squeezing. “We got this. Okay? We’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe and independent.”
Rachel took a bracing breath. “Okay. Okay. I’m still stunned and I feel sick that you suffered all of this in silence.”
“He was cruel and abusive. He made me feel small and gross because I was female. Made me feel like my busyness and color were signs of instability. I doubted myself for a long while. But in the end, I can’t be anyone other than who I am. Even if that might change from time to time. He’s part of who I am as an adult and that’s good and bad.” Maybe shrugged.
“I’m mad at you for not telling me. I’m mad at everyone I guess. But since you’re so cute and your boyfriend does most of the cooking I guess I have to get over it,” Rachel said at last.
“He is really handy that way. Look, be mad. It’s good to feel all that stuff. Just, don’t feel guilty. Guilt is useless.”
“Says the woman who feels guilty for shit other people did to her as a child so she never asked for help.”
Ouch. Damn sisters and their unerring sense to know just exactly where to hit. “I’m working on all that. I’m a badass, as you well know. But it’s hard to be like that when it’s your parents I guess.”
“You want them to love you. To see you for the amazing person you are. And they should. Damn it. You are a badass, Gladys. Doesn’t mean you always do the exact right thing at the exact right time. Because you’re human too. You stick up for yourself just fine in a variety of ways with a variety of people. Including that time you punched Brad in the dingus. That was pretty awesome.”
“He’d just told you he fucked your best friend in your bed while you were in a coma. He’s glad I didn’t hit him with a bedpan or something. I’m sure he was able to use it to fuck other women soon enough.” She huffed at the memory of Rachel’s shitty ex.
“So punch some dicks a little closer to home next time. I got your back. I’m sorry I didn’t have it before.”
“I told you to stop that. I mean it. I don’t accept that apology because fuck making kids responsible for the things adults do to them. You didn’t make him hurt me, Rachel. He did it. She knew about it. It’s all on them and whatever issues make them hate me so much.”
Rachel hugged her, one-armed, as they headed toward the kitchen. “They’re dumb. That’s why.”
“Natch. I need a drink now.”
Rachel pulled the vodka from the freezer. “Me too, bitch, me too.”
* * *
ALEXSEI PRETENDED HE wasn’t openly eavesdropping on the conversation as he and Vic hung out in the kitchen.
Hearing that story had filled him with so many emotions. Protectiveness, at the core. Tenderness. Rage. So much rage. It had taken every last bit of his control not to rush after Richie Dolan and beat his ass right in the open.
It had been only the look on her face that held him close to her. Knowing she’d need him at her side. There’d be other opportunities to make his feelings for Richie Dolan very clear.
There would be a price to pay. Alexsei would think on it, figure out the best way to bring the man low.
“He’s like a grotesque villain from a Gothic novel,” Vic said quietly. “I still can’t believe he said all that to her. About her. I wanted to punch him at least ten times so I know you wanted to rip his head off.”
“I already had a low opinion of him from what she’d told me.” But who could have truly imagined how cold the man could be? The reality was far worse than he could have imagined. “He hates her. How can he hate her? She’s not anyone I can imagine hating. She’s Maybe. Fucking sunshine and song lyrics and shit. She literally sings made-up songs to dogs if she sees one. How can anyone hate that?”
Vic burst out laughing. “She does? I can totally see that.”
“She has to stop and greet every dog she sees. It makes a simple walk a lot more interesting.” If not way more time intensive. “She’s strong willed. Independent. Smart and strong and she is fierce when it comes to people she loves. The thought of her running away at sixteen after that sicko her father worked with preyed on her that way. And of them simply letting go once she’d landed with her aunt and uncle.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “And she let them back in. For Rachel.”
“I don’t think Rachel expects that though,” Vic said.
“I agree and after tonight I think this issue has some solution that will keep her heart safe. And her body. He’s desperate and desperate people do stupid, dangerous stuff. Having him out of her life is a positive on all levels.”
Even the strongest of people had weak spots when it came to family. When it came to wanting to be loved and seen as worthy. He needed to continue to show her she was. Let her be the strong, smart woman she was every day and know it was perfect. Just as she was.
Perfect in her flaws, in her jagged edges and burrs.
The discussion between the sisters had calmed a little as he and his cousin remained nearby but not so close they couldn’t work through whatever they needed to.
After an hour, they went back out to the living room. He needed to touch her, assure himself she was truly all right and an hour had been pushing the limits of his patience.
“Hi,” he said as he caught sight of her perched on the couch, a bottle between her and her sister.
She looked exhausted and sad at the edge, but she was still there, strong, beautiful and all his. Her expression when she caught sight of him gladdened his heart.
“Hey. We’ve been drinking. Care to join us or are you running away to find a girlfriend with way less problems than the one you have?”
He couldn’t believe she’d think it. And he saw past the joke to the heart of it. She did, in some part of herself, think she wasn’t worthy. Or that he felt such a thing? Please.
“It’s funny coming from you as my ex-fiancée comes to dinner and asks me to butter her bread.” He squeezed himself next to her so Vic could be closer to Rachel.
“I told her I’d throw a knife next time she asked. I don’t think she’ll ask again.”
He tried not to laugh, but he couldn’t help it. “She’s annoying, but not stupid. I doubt she will either. She’s the one, by the way, who stopped by the shop to tell me she saw that scene with you and your dad out here two weeks ago. I think she’s warming up.”
Maybe gave him a dubious look, but a small smile lived on her mouth for a moment.
“Have you given any thought as to how to deal with this situation? Do you think he’ll come back or show up at your work, Rachel?” If Dolan showed up at Whiskey Sharp he knew he wasn’t the only one who’d be happy to introduce the man’s face to a fist.
“I don’t want him back here,” Maybe said.
“I told him last month I didn’t want him coming over here,” Rachel told her. “This is your safe place too. And I know how important that is. But he’s been here twice since I said that and caused a scene both times. So we know how well he takes our wishes into account. I’m going to call a few old friends tomorrow to see if they can hook me up with an attorney here who’d know just what we’re facing. I don’t even know if I should be truly alarmed or just outraged.”
“I know you have some expertise on this stuff, but I was thinking of contacting Seth tomorrow to see if he can offer any advice.” Alexsei looked to Maybe.
“Like a protection order or something?” Maybe asked him. “Perhaps. They cover family as well as intimate partners. Then he’d know we meant business and for him to stay away.”
At least for the next while, Alexsei figured. Dolan was on some sort of weird holy mission and he wasn’t so sure a protection order would last in the long run with a man like him.
“Don’t you dare tell me not to close the doors on them just yet,” Rachel told Maybe.
Maybe held both hands up. “I’m done now. Truly. A month ago I might have told you to go on with them but to keep me out of it. I’ve always supported your seeing them.”
Alexsei barely withheld a growl of annoyance. “That’s the problem, Maybe. Sometimes it’s okay to tell people what you need. And sometimes it’s okay to need something that might appear difficult to give.” Alexsei wanted to shake her to keep her from getting hurt again.
And she would. He knew that in his gut. Because she was right. Their father wasn’t done and this business with the lawyer was going to get ugly before things were over.
And through all that, Maybe would be battered. Because the Dolans knew they could pummel Maybe to get to Rachel. Up until then, they’d seen it as a way to keep Rachel in their good graces. So they kept up some semblance of acquiescence.
He was pretty sure from now on they’d see knocking her around as a way to keep Rachel off balance and Maybe a less effective advocate.
Perhaps they’d even use that to their legal advantage. Make Maybe appear off balance or unstable.
No use saying any of that out loud just then though. Rachel had dark circles under her eyes and Maybe exuded sadness. It was enough for one night.
He’d watch her. Protect her in an uncompromising way. She might still—no, she would—put Rachel before herself. But Alexsei had no such responsibilities or commitments.
His responsibility was to Maybe and only Maybe. And it was about damned time someone did it.
“I need to call Cora and then go to bed.” Maybe stood, as did Rachel. The sisters spoke quietly and hugged before Rachel walked Vic to the door.