I quickly move down the hallway at the sound of the front door opening, my heart racing faster within my chest with each hurried step I take. Turning the corner at the entryway, I find Joseph quietly shutting and locking the front door.  He holds his hands against its solid wooden surface for a moment before turning around to face me, his conflicted eyes seeming reluctant to meet mine.

“Where is Jake?” I ask quietly.

“He’s on patrol in the woods,” Joseph replies, his gaze drifting from mine before fully reengaging with me.  “He’ll be out there for a while.”

I nod and know what needs to happen next, but my feet do nothing to move me.  Panic rises within me at the thought that the moment we’ve been planning for is finally here, but I don’t know if I can go through with it.

Before I have too much time to think about it, I turn around and move down the hallway toward the bedroom that Joseph and Jake share.  It takes a moment, but Joseph’s footsteps finally follow behind me.

The room is bathed in natural light when I step inside, daylight finding all corners of the room through the sheer curtains covering the window.  The yellow sundress I’m wearing seems appropriate on this sunny spring day, though the weather is not the reason for this deviation from my normal attire of jeans and a t-shirt.

I come to a stop when I reach the end of the bed, closing my eyes briefly before taking a seat on the mattress.  Joseph steps up in front of me and runs a nervous hand over his brown, buzz cut hair.  He locks gazes with mine and hesitates before reaching around me with his muscular arms to help ease my back down to the soft surface of the bed.  He takes care to pull my long, dark hair to the side so that it doesn’t get caught underneath me.

His eyes are soft, but intense as he looks down at me beneath him, and I can’t look away.  I can’t look anywhere else in this room as I hear his belt buckle loosen and his zipper come undone.  The sound of his jeans hitting the floor only increases the rapid pace of my heartbeat.

He breaks his stare with me and looks to the side, and my eyes have no choice but to follow his in that direction.  We both glance to the man in the chair on the side of the room who is watching us with pain written all over his features, the darkness in his expression a complete contrast to the sunlight engulfing the room.

Silas’ olive green eyes meet mine through the shadowing strands of his tousled dark hair.  He gives me the slightest nod, and my reaction is immediate.  My unsteady hands grasp the loose fabric of the bottom of my dress where it drapes over my thighs.  I pull the dress and my legs up at the same time, bending my knees and letting them fall slightly to the side.

I know Joseph can see this private part of me now as I’m already completely bare underneath in preparation for this moment, but I make no attempt to look at him.  I hear him rubbing himself, hardening himself for what he’s about to do, but I keep looking at Silas.  Even as Joseph presses up against my opening, I continue staring at the man I love who is watching from what might as well be miles away, even though he’s only on the other side of the room.

The moment Joseph enters me, Silas breaks my gaze, but I continue watching him.  As Silas sees each gentle thrust of Joseph inside me, his expression becomes more strained.  By the time Joseph’s thrusts have increased in pace and become more forceful within me, Silas’ head is in his hands while he continues to watch us.

When Joseph cries out and releases inside me, Silas’ expression reaches the height of anguish, his body completely still but for the tears streaking down his face.

My cheeks are similarly stained with tears.  My expression is just as pained.  I feel the crack that has just now formed in the heart of the man who would do anything for me, feel it all the way across the room in my own heart, and the broken feeling I’m left with is only intensified by the knowledge that I’m the one causing him this pain.  I’m hurting the people I love to fulfill my own selfish desires.

The weight on my chest suddenly feels enormous—almost too much for me to bear—but in my current position, sprawled on the bed with my brother’s partner between my legs, all I can do is look away from Silas.  My eyes find Joseph’s gaze instead, but I find no comfort there, either.  His face is similarly pained, but lined with panic as he stares down at his cock slowly slipping out of me.

“Joseph?” I say hesitantly, barely able to push the single word through the thickness in my throat at seeing these strong and supportive men in my life breaking down in front of me.

He takes a step back and swallows hard before looking at me, but he doesn’t say a word.  He doesn’t have to, though, because his expression tells me everything.

I have asked too much of him.  Far too much.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I close my legs and let them fall to the bed, but he doesn’t acknowledge my apology as he pulls up his clothes from his ankles.  He won’t even look at me now as he secures the zipper and button of his jeans and buckles his belt.

“You can never tell him,” Joseph finally says, avoiding my gaze completely as he walks toward the door.  “Jake can never know about this.”

I nod because it’s all I can do.  I can’t stand the thought of hearing my voice carry across the room any more to the selfless man who just gave me the ultimate gift.

The gift of life.

As Joseph walks away down the hall, I realize that the parts of him that have been left behind are slowly seeping out of me and that I need to do something about it.  I should get off of this bed and go wash up.  I need to wipe away the stain of what I just did, but I find that I can barely move, the weight still too heavy on my chest from the choice I’ve just made.

A hand sneaks into mine as Silas suddenly takes a seat on the bed next to me.  He strengthens his grip on my hand as he leans down to kiss my forehead and then my lips.

Despite how broken I know he feels inside, he’s here supporting me as he has many times before.  He keeps me together in one piece when all I want to do is shatter across the floor.  The love, encouragement, and understanding he has shown me each day have gotten me through the last two years since modern society was brought to its knees, and I know he’ll help me along this new path we’re forging together.

He’ll be the perfect father for this child.