It takes me a moment to determine where I am.  Not just my physical location within the house, but also my state of being.  Am I safe?  Will eager fingers slither their way up my thighs to violate me?  Am I awakening to find myself still bound by the invisible ropes that Xavier wound tightly all around my body and mind?

When I first open my eyes and see Jake sitting in the armchair across from my position lying on the couch, I panic at the thought that I’ve just been dreaming and that Xavier is still somewhere in the house.

“Relax,” Jake says calmly as he leans forward with his elbows on his knees.  “Everything’s fine.”

I breathe out a sigh of relief and settle back against the couch, letting it envelop and comfort me while I get my bearings.  “We’re all here,” I say with just the slightest bit of uncertainty in my words.  “I wasn’t just dreaming.”

When Jake’s expression turns uneasy, I shoot up to a sitting position, my heart rate spiking as I experience sharp fear, afraid that my newfound happiness—the result of getting my family and my home back—might have been short lived.

Jake sees my terror and immediately moves out of the chair and around the coffee table, kneeling down next to the couch so he can grab my shoulder.  “We’re fine.  Everyone’s fine.  At least they should be.”

His words fail to calm my soaring panic as I demand, “What the hell does that mean?”

Jake starts to speak, making only the slightest sound of speech before his words fail him.  He closes his eyes and glances away for just a moment before returning them to meet my gaze.  “Silas isn’t here.  He took the motorcycle out at dawn.”

Nothing Jake says is making any sense.  No matter how deeply asleep I was, I would have heard the roar of the motorcycle coming to life.  “How did he not wake me up?  I would have heard—”

“He walked it down the driveway toward the road.  He didn’t want to wake you.”

“Why the fuck not?” I burst out in fury before realizing that Jake doesn’t deserve my ire.

Silas does.

I clear my throat and give Jake an apologetic glance.  “What I mean to say is why did he leave without telling me?  Where is he going?”

Jake’s hand leaves my shoulder to find my bandaged left hand instead.  He takes it gently between both of his hands, being careful not to disturb the gauze wrapped around my sore palm.  “He’s looking for something.  Something for you.”

When Jake’s eyes lift from my hand up to my face and I see the full extent of his worry and pity, I instantly understand what this is about.  Silas wants me to take a morning-after pill.

My entire body shudders as my thoughts inevitably focus on my drastic measures to distract Xavier enough to take his life.  “Silas is worried that I’m going to get pregnant,” I whisper before realizing just how unwarranted his worry really is.  “We already know that I can’t have children, though.  Why is he risking his life for this?”

“The chance is small, but there’s still a chance,” Jake replies.  “It’s a chance he’s not willing to take.”

My throat clenches at Jake’s words.  As much as I want to believe that it’s impossible for Xavier’s seed to impregnate me, I know that there’s still a chance.

As much as I want a child, I don’t want to have Xavier’s child.

I can’t even fathom it.

Suddenly I feel sickened with myself, knowing that there are pieces of Xavier still inside me from yesterday.  My free hand finds my lower abdomen, and when I glance down and remember all of the times that I imagined Silas’ baby growing inside me, fury ignites within me.  My hand tightens into a fist, and I feel the sudden need to punch myself there to damage whatever fertile ground is left within my womb.

“Hey,” Jake says with the slightest bit of demand lacing his otherwise calming tone.  “He has to try.  If he doesn’t, he’ll never forgive himself if—”

My eyes dart to Jake’s, commanding him not to finish that sentence.  He thinks better of it and closes his mouth before stepping back to sit in the nearby chair again.

“I’m sorry,” I apologize immediately, letting my expression soften as I realize just how much I’m using Jake as my emotional punching bag right now when he’s only trying to help me understand.  “Do you know when he’ll be back?”

Jake look uneasy as he replies, “He said he’d be gone for as long as it takes.”

His words do nothing to relieve my worry.  All I can do is nod and hope that Silas will come back to me unharmed.

I’m both comforted and terrified by the thought that he can’t be gone for that long.  An imaginary timer started yesterday when I took Xavier’s release inside me.  Whether Silas finds the pill he’s looking for out there or not, the chances of it giving him the peace of mind he needs decreases the longer it takes for him to find the pill and get it back to me.