CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Sebastian walked slowly up the ramp onto the ship.
It felt like he should be limping, like all of the hurt he was feeling should be cracking open his body, but he managed to walk normally, carrying a bag with the few clothes and toiletries he’d moved earlier from the ship to his room in the palace.
Kaz came clattering down the metal stairs of the cargo hold at his arrival. She had gone to the party briefly, taken one look at the crowd, then filled up a plate of food and left.
Now she stopped short, staring at Sebastian’s face. “Oh, shit.”
“It’s not that bad,” Sebastian said, though it felt like his very bones were about to shatter. “Ren and I — I guess this would be a breakup.” The words seemed ridiculously inadequate, but he didn’t know what else to call it.
She drew her eyebrows together. “Why?”
“Reasons. Lots of reasons.”
She kept staring at him, the tattoos on her arms lashing around in uneasy patterns. “Do you, uh, want to talk about it or something?”
He was touched by Kaz’s awkward offer because he knew that she’d likely prefer being tortured than sitting down to talk about his feelings. “It’s okay, I’m just going to rest. Things’ll look better in the morning. That’s how it works, right?”
“Sure,” she said uncertainly. “I’m sorry, though. I mean, that it didn’t work out. He was okay.”
It was one of the nicest things he’d ever heard Kaz say about an actual human being, but Sebastian could only nod and turn away.
He made his way down the empty corridors to his quarters. He’d been by to check on the ship a few times, but since he’d been out of the hospital he’d been staying in the palace. Because Ren was there.
Sebastian crawled into bed not bothering to take off his clothes. Soft music began to play; it reminded him of rain, the gentle kind of storm from when he was a kid that meant he could stay inside and dream by the window rather than have to work.
“Thank you, Dub,” he whispered and shut his eyes tightly.
It was morning — or rather some vague morning-ish time as defined by the ship’s chronometer — and Sebastian didn’t feel any better. He still ached with loss and, after staring up at the ceiling most of the night, he was tired and scratchy-eyed. Even worse, he now had to face preparations for leaving the planet without knowing how many of the crew were coming with him.
He was certain of Mags, because she’d felt responsible for him ever since he’d been a scrawny stowaway teen, and Bo would follow Mags through fire — or whatever disaster Sebastian came up with. Kaz was there for Dub; putting up with Sebastian was a barely tolerable part of the deal.
As for the rest? He loved his crew of misfits and runaways, but he wouldn’t blame them for staying. He would too if he could.
Sebastian made his way groggily to the galley and made himself the bitterest cup of BuzzyBrand yet, shoving a nutrient bar in his mouth to try to kill the fake-coffee taste. The caffeine woke him up, but nothing got rid of the dread he felt at the prospect of the day — of the rest of his life.
Still, he tried to seem cheerful as he made his way to the cargo hold. Might as well put a brave face on for whoever was there to see it. He stepped out into the large space of the hold, and seven pairs of eyes looked at him.
They were all there — the whole crew, loading supplies and stowing gear.
“Should just be a few more hours until we’re ready to go, Sebastian,” Mags said, making notes on a clipboard.
“Oh,” he said, somewhat lost. “So you’re all coming with me?”
Bo nudged his shoulder as he carried some tools past. “’Course.”
Simi had what appeared to be a large hickey on her neck. “This place was fun, but job’s over, right? Time to move on.”
Lydia was carrying a large bouquet of flowers, and she nodded to Sebastian over the blooms. “We’re with you.”
He looked at Jaime. “Are you sure about this? You’d be royalty here.”
Jaime shrugged, his thick hair looking especially tangled after a night of dancing. “Everybody was nice, but too nice. It was weird. Like they all wanted something from me.”
Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “To get into your genes, no doubt.”
Jaime rolled his eyes at the pun and reached out for Rylan. “Anyway, this is our home.”
Rylan set down a crate he’d been moving and took Jaime’s hand. “What’s our next mission, Captain?”
Sebastian ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. Let’s find some long-haul job that’ll take us far from here and won’t get us shot at or embroiled in any political conspiracies.” He smiled at all of them. It was a small smile, but it felt real. “All right, let’s stop being sentimental and get ready to go.”
“Good,” Kaz muttered loudly.
Simi yawned. “Is there time for a nap?” She grinned wickedly. “I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“You’re not the only one,” Lydia said.
“Lydia!” Simi said, delighted. “Who was it? That lady from the hospital, the royal cousin?”
The doctor smiled over her flowers. “I didn’t care for her hospital administration, but it turns out she has an interest in botany. Among other things.”
Simi looped her arm in Lydia’s as they headed for a door. “Now you have to tell me everything.”
Sebastian watched them go and then turned back to the task at hand. Mags came to stand beside him, speaking softly. “You looked surprised when you came in, like you didn’t expect everyone to be here.”
“I didn’t. They could have… done better for themselves.”
She looked at him with gentle patience. “Give yourself some credit for once. Maybe most of us started out on this ship because we didn’t have anywhere else to go, but that’s not the reason we all stay.”
He looked down, blinking, not trusting himself to speak. When he was finally able, he joined his crew in the familiar, comforting work.
It was after a couple of hours of busy work that there was a loud throat clearing from the bottom of the ramp. Sebastian peered down to see Zaria standing there, looking both precise and put out.
“Zaria.” He came down the ramp, wiping his dusty hands on a rag.
“It seems you’re leaving.” She didn’t sound unhappy at the prospect.
“That’s what you wanted, right?”
She somehow managed to look even more haughty. “What I want doesn’t matter. I do my duty.” She gestured behind her and Sebastian saw two guards pushing a large metal crate on a wheeled cart.
“The prince wanted you to have this. As a farewell gift.”
Sebastian frowned. The crate looked sealed and pressurized, with temperature controls, like the kind for shipping spoilable food.
“What is it?”
“Several cases of Arcadia’s finest wine.”
Sebastian might have expected something more personal. Hell, some part of him had hoped Ren had sent Zaria and the guards to arrest him so that he wouldn’t leave the planet, but he only smiled slightly. “He knows me well.”
“So it would seem.”
The two guards pushed the heavy crate up the ramp and onto the deck of the hold while Zaria hovered around them, speaking sharply as they fumbled getting it off the cart. When they were finished securing it to Zaria’s satisfaction, the guards marched back down the ramp, and she turned back to Sebastian.
“Don’t just leave that wine sitting in the case for long,” Zaria said. “It’s very rare and it needs to breathe.”
“I’ll guard it with my life,” Sebastian replied jauntily.
She grimaced. “That’s worth more than your life.”
“The prince is… very generous.” Sebastian hesitated. “Look after him for me, would you?”
Zaria gave him a withering stare. “I will continue to do my duty and serve the royal family of Arcadia to the best of my ability.”
“That’s all anyone could ask.” Sebastian thought they could also maybe ask that in the future she not screw up completely again and fail to trust Ren, but it was probably best that he not mention that right now.
Zaria was still sizing him up, like she couldn’t quite understand what anyone could see in Sebastian. He didn’t think they were going to hug.
“Well,” Sebastian said finally, “bye.”
She harrumphed a final time and turned away, patting the crate lightly as she passed, before walking stiffly down the ramp.
“I think she was starting to warm up to me,” Sebastian noted to Mags as he raised the ramp and sealed the cargo doors.
“Take us up, Kaz,” Sebastian said from his chair on the bridge and tried not to let the hollowness he felt show in his voice. There was no putting it off any longer. They’d secured everything and run more than the usual checks. Kaz had contacted the Arcadian authorities about their flight plans, but there had been no objections, no last-minute calls to wait.
Sebastian watched sky change outside the window as the ship rose into the sky. Some part of him hoped that there’d be some minor glitch that would require them to go back, but it was a steady climb into the atmosphere of the planet. It was for the best, really. Sebastian knew he didn’t have the strength to leave again. He’d end up begging Ren to take him back and fail at his attempt to do the right thing.
“As soon as we’re past the moon we can turn on the FTL drive,” Kaz said. “You sure about the coordinates?”
“If you’re sure about the calculations.” He’d picked one of the furthest outposts — some lonely space station out in the black of space. It might take them a while to get there, but he was sure by then he’d come up with some idea for a job. Or at least feel less lost.
Mags was giving him a look from her chair but said nothing, and Kaz focused on the navigational computer. Sebastian clutched tighter at the armrests of his chair. A few more minutes and the planet would be far away.
The comm next to him crackled. “Captain?” Rylan’s voice said through it. “We’ve got something weird here in the cargo hold.”
“Can you be more specific?”
“No.”
Sebastian sighed and got up from the chair. “Kaz, hold off on the jump. Mags, you’re with me.”
They found Rylan and Jaime standing over the long crate of wine that Zaria had brought.
“It’s this crate,” Jaime said, gesturing at it. “I’m sensing too much tech going on with it to just be temperature controls. It’s got a crazy amount of shielding, but I think there’s a whole system of electronics in there.”
“So what’s inside it?”
“I have no idea, but it’s definitely not a regular shipping container.”
“Let’s get Bo down here with his bomb defusing gear, just in case.” He didn’t know Arcadian politics well enough to be sure there wasn’t some random crazed faction that would want to blow them up.
“Just how badly did you end things?” Mags asked him as she pulled a pistol from her belt.
“Zaria would certainly be glad to see me in little pieces.”
Jaime ran his hands over the surface of the crate without touching it. “I’m pretty sure there’s no bomb.”
“How sure?”
“Mostly? Maybe almost definitely.”
“Good enough for me,” Rylan said, looking at Sebastian as he stood over the crate.
“Okay,” Sebastian said. “Open it up and then stand back.” He moved beside Mags, both of them facing the crate, and gestured for Jaime to get behind them.
Rylan nodded and then pushed the locking mechanism on the lid of the crate, jumping back behind it as he did. There was a hiss of air as the crate unsealed and the top of it swung open. Sebastian ventured a step closer—
And then Ren sat up in the crate.
He blinked up at them. At Sebastian. “Hello.”
Sebastian just stared. His only movement was to put a hand on Mags to make sure she lowered her gun, though he’d never known her to ever accidentally fire a weapon.
“What the hell?” Rylan said. “You could have suffocated in that thing.”
Ren got to his feet, still standing inside the crate. “There was no danger. It’s set up with sufficient oxygen for days, and there’s light. I brought a book. Though I admit I didn’t think the restroom facilities through, so I’m glad you opened it when you did.” He looked around at all their faces. “I did have a way to open the case from the inside, but there was a concern that other crates might get stacked on top. So this… worked out well then… I suppose.” He trailed off uncertainly.
Sebastian still stared.
Ren met his eyes. “Permission to come aboard, Captain?”
Sebastian strode forward, grabbing at Ren. Several things happened at once. He was trying to hug Ren, to kiss him, but also to lift him out of the crate. Ren was heavier than he was, so that wasn’t exactly working. Somehow they stumbled together, mouths finally finding each other.
“We’ll give you some space,” he thought he heard Mags say. But nothing else mattered except Ren’s soft lips and his body against Sebastian’s.
“How, how?” he gasped dizzily against Ren’s mouth. “How are you here?”
Ren’s hands were moving over Sebastian’s face and hair, and Sebastian mirrored him, tracing cheekbones and eyebrows, trying to assure himself it was all real.
“You couldn’t stay, and you wouldn’t ask me to come with you,” Ren said. “So I thought I would find a different way. I remembered your story of stowing away on a ship when you were young.”
He kissed the tip of Ren’s nose. “You did better than me. I would never have thought of something like needing to breathe.” He leaned his forehead against Ren’s and closed his eyes. “Are you sure about this?”
“After you — we…” Ren’s voice wavered. “After I left last night, I went to Ilona, and we talked for a long time. She agreed to this. Having me around as the former heir was always going to be awkward. But it would look worse if she sent me away or tried to freeze me out — also she wouldn’t do those things, because she does care about me. Letting me be the runaway prince again is a better solution.”
Sebastian pulled back to get a better look at Ren, to make sure there was no regret on his face. “It’s your whole world. What about duty and honor and all those things?”
Ren brought both his hands up to cup Sebastian’s face. “I’ve been trying to get away from that my entire life. Every day I felt trapped, like I was hiding behind a mask. I can’t live like that now that I’ve seen how it can be with you. Don’t you see, Sebastian? You’ve given me something to run to rather than just run away.”
Sebastian whispered in a strangled voice. “I told myself I was doing the right thing for you.”
“I know, and I love you for it. But this is me making a choice about the direction of my life for the first time in… ever. What I choose, what I want, is you. If you’ll have me?”
“It’s just — I never thought I deserved—”
Ren held onto his face so tightly. “I don’t know what I deserve either, Sebastian, but could we try to deserve each other? Please, can we try?”
“Yes.” He leaned in to kiss him. “Yes.” And again and again. “Oh, yes.”
Ren buried his face against Sebastian’s neck, body trembling with relief. Sebastian wrapped his arms around him and smiled dreamily. “You on my crew.” He’d never been anyone’s first choice for anything before, and it felt like something to be savored.
Ren raised his head up and smiled, lifting an eyebrow. “I don’t know about crew. This was my ship originally, after all. I was thinking… partners.”
Sebastian’s smile grew wider. “I like the sound of that. Co-captains.”
Ren’s lip curled. “I’ve had enough titles for a lifetime. You be the captain, but I do have ideas about how to run things. I’m taking over the accounting for a start.”
“All my dreams are coming true today.”
Ren tugged lightly on Sebastian’s beard. “And I have thoughts about our clientele. You were right about me understanding how the wealthy think. Certain of my cousins for instance are always looking for off-world luxuries. We could do a couple of trips a year to Arcadia so I can see my family. Even on other colonies, perhaps goods smuggled in by a former prince would be a kind of status item. We could move in more profitable circles.”
Sebastian beamed in delight. “You’ve become a criminal mastermind.”
Ren shrugged. “It was quite boring in that crate, I had time to make plans.”
Sebastian raised his voice. “What does everyone think?”
Because of course no one had actually left the cargo hold, and the rest of the crew had gathered to spy on them from the doorways and the top of the stairs.
There was applause and a few shouts of welcome to Ren. A sudden whooping alarm sounded.
“Intruder.” Dub said, her artificial voice sounding amused. “Intruder alert?”
“Cut it out, Dub,” Sebastian said.
“Aye, Captain,” she said, “and welcome back, Ren.”
“Thank you, Dub.”
Kaz sighed over the comm, the only one not to have come down to the hold. “If all the talking and kissing is done, can we go now?”
“Neither of those are anywhere near being done,” Sebastian said. “But Ren may have some ideas about our destination. We’ll be up to the bridge shortly.” He waved a hand vaguely at the others, while using the other to pull Ren closer. “Go do some work. Or pretend to be busy elsewhere.”
Ren twined his fingers in Sebastian’s hair. His lips skimmed lightly over Sebastian’s, tongue darting out to trace the curves of his upper lip.
“So,” Sebastian murmured, “where do you want to go?”
“Everywhere,” he breathed. “Let’s see everything.”
Sebastian thought that was doable. It was impossible not to kiss Ren deeply at that moment, and they sank into each other, bodies melding together. He leaned back to catch Ren’s smile again, like bright sunlight. Of all the people in the universe, it was shining on him.
“Wait,” Sebastian said, glancing down at the case Ren had hidden himself in, “does this mean there’s no wine?”
THE END
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