They rumbled through town, weaving along the twisting and narrow roads, until he pulled to stop in front of a cabin well out from Summerhaven. He sat for a moment, wondering if he wanted to do this, then switched the bike off.
She felt a chill as they pulled to a stop on the concrete pad at the back of the cabin. The cabin was bigger than she expected, with a steeply pitched roof and dark wooden siding. There was a deck surrounding the cabin on three sides with a natural stone chimney extending off one side. The deck was at ground level in the back, where they were, but the ground dropped precipitously toward the front, the tall deck supported by thick stone columns.
“This your cabin?” she asked in the quiet.
“The club’s cabin, yes.” She shivered, and not just from the cold. “You cold?” he asked when she shifted.
“A little. I can’t believe how much cooler it is up here. I should have worn a jacket.”
“Want to see inside?”
She did. “Only if you’re ready.”
He nodded. “I won’t know until I go inside.” He looked around him. “This is about where I found Dad.”
“We don’t have to do this,” she said softly.
“I need to.”
She stepped off the bike. He sat for a moment longer, then kicked the stand down and stepped off. There were only a couple of small windows and a door on the back of the cabin, a door he unlocked and opened. She stepped into a short hall as he flipped on the lights. To the left was a laundry room, the right a full bath. She moved down the hall into a large kitchen, but what caught her attention immediately was the view. The kitchen and large family room formed one large space with floor to ceiling windows that reached to the peak of the vaulted ceiling thirty feet or more above. The room was dotted with oversize furniture, all arranged to face the glass or the mammoth fireplace.
She moved farther into the house, and the kitchen ceiling stopped. She craned her neck as lights popped on. She looked behind her, and over the kitchen was a high ceiling. She could see the second floor, railed off from the opening with wood.
She turned to Arsen. He was standing in the kitchen staring at the floor. “Is that…?”
“Yeah.”
There were no signs of violence, but he was clearly seeing his dead wife and mother lying in the floor. “Give me a tour?” she asked, trying to draw him out of his memories.
He looked up and gave her a sad smile. “Sure. This is the kitchen, obviously. He joined her in the family room. “Some view huh? You should see it in the daytime.”
She could just make out the shapes of the surrounding mountains, the dark night alive with stars, and the occasional bright pinpoint of light of another cabin.
“This is amazing,” she murmured.
“Up there is one of the bedrooms,” he said, moving across the room and tromping up the steps as she followed. The room was open on one side, allowing them to see out over the family room below and through the wall of glass. There was a large bed and a sitting area, with a bath beyond. She took a quick peek into the bath then returned to gaze through the windows.
The cabin was a temple of glass, wood and stone, and was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. She looked over the railing, admiring the hulking natural stone fireplace and stone tile floors below. The entire cabin was simply but beautifully decorated, a mix of rich earth tones with splashes of color.
He led her down to the family room, then down again. Below the family room was a game room, compete with a pool table, a few pieces of furniture, and a refrigerator built into storage cabinets on one wall. On the opposite was the same stone fireplace as above. Though this room had normal ceilings, it didn’t distract from the wall of windows, and the patio beyond, shaded by the deck above.
“The other bedroom is back here,” he said, leading her into another large bedroom.
There were no windows in this bedroom, or it’s adjoining bath, and she realized it was probably underground, but the room was bright and cheery with a large television mounted on the wall.
“Zane calls this the sex room,” he said with a grin.
“Why?”
“The walls are concrete because they are part of the supporting structure of the house. You can get as loud as you want in here and nobody can hear.”
She grinned. “Maybe so, but I like the other bedroom better.”
He nodded. “Everyone does. This room is only used if there is more than one couple using the place.”
“It’s beautiful,” she said as they clomped back up the stairs.
“We like it. Somebody comes up here almost every weekend in the summer.”
They stepped out onto the large wooden deck on the front of house. At its farthest point, it had to be at least thirty feet off the ground. “I can’t believe how cool it’s gotten. I’m going to freeze my ass off going down the mountain,” she said.
The temperature had dipped into the sixties, and she wasn’t dressed for that. “Want to spend the night here and ride back in the morning?”
“You don’t have to do that.”
He leaned his elbows on the railing as he looked out over the shadowy landscape. “It’s okay. I have to face this. I can’t hide from it forever.” He looked at her. “It helps to have someone here with me.”
She turned to look at him. “I don’t want you feel like you have to stay on my account.”
“I’m not. I love this place. I didn’t realize how much I missed coming here until tonight.” He shrugged. “I was afraid I would go all to pieces, but…” he paused then shrugged again as he smiled softly. “Maybe I’m finally getting over it.”
She looked at him a moment then melted into his arms. It was the first time she’d hugged him since she moved into her own room and tonight she didn’t want to sleep alone. “Will you stay with me tonight? In the room with the windows?”
“If you like,” he said softly as he stroked her head.
She pulled back and looked into his eyes. He smiled at her with a lopsided grin she was becoming very fond of. With a smile of her own, she stretched up, offering him her lips, sighing softly as he took them.
“Are you sure about this,” he asked as their kiss slowly dissolved.
“No,” she whispered.
“We don’t have to do this.”
“I want to.”
“Are you sure?”
She looked down. “No. But like you, I have to face this. Somebody has to be my first time, and I want it to be you. You have been so kind and wonderful and patient. I trust you. I have to find out if I’m…broken.” She looked up at him. “I used to love sex. I can remember how much I enjoyed being close to Wade, feeling his caress after we’d made love. I miss that. I want that again, but I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of being broken, of not being able to enjoy the touch of a man again. I’m afraid nobody will ever want me after I’ve been used by so many men.” She looked up at him, unable to read his expression in the darkness. “Would you want a woman that couldn’t stand your touch?”
“No.”
“Nobody would, so I have to know.”
“I want you,” he said softly.
“Even after what happened to me?”
“That doesn’t matter to me. It won’t matter to anyone else, either. Or, if it does, you’re better off without them.”
Her face began to twist as she struggled to not cry. She hadn’t cried at all in the last two weeks and she was disappointed that she was about to now.
He pulled her in and brought his lips close to hers, but stopped, allowing her to decide if she wanted to be kissed or not. She stretched up and took his lips, enjoying the warmth of the kiss. She could feel his pull, her passions spooling up, but then felt a sickness in her stomach. She pulled back and looked down again. She wanted to, but she didn’t know if she could.
“We’ll take it slow,” he said softly, sensing her hesitation. “We’ll stop anytime you want. Or I can just hold you.”
She nodded, struggling to shove the darkness back into the box. “Take me to bed?”
He tipped her head up. “You don’t have to do this,” he repeated, trying to make it clear he wanted it to be her decision.
“I have to know,” she said again. “I have to know, and I want to find out with you.”
He nodded, took her hand, and led her back inside.