Kara
If it wasn’t for my phone vibrating relentlessly, I wouldn’t have looked up from Horace’s hexameter verses while trying to figure out how it brought about patriotism and mistrust of imperialism in ancient Rome.
I was having a hard time critiquing his poetry since I concurred with most of his musings. Still, I had to find something to say for my paper in Ancient Rome and its Politics, a higher general education requirement that I was itching to finish this term.
“Sis.” Rikko.
I couldn’t tell what his mood was from the tone of his voice. He sounded sleepy and since Rikko didn’t wake up before 10 AM, I was surprised to see his name on my screen at 9:35 in the morning.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I’d been reading since I got out of my spin class at 7:20 and was planning to continue reading until Hanna arrived.
Yes. YES! My BFF was arriving at two o’clock and I couldn’t contain my excitement. I wanted to finish this paper so I could spend three days with her without thinking of school.
“I heard from Scott.” Rikko didn’t really say anything about my relationship with his best friend. After the initial shock and typical brother protective instincts had worn off, Rikko just told him to take care of me and to always treat me with respect.
My brother was protective of me, but he’d known Scott for a long time and he trusted that Scott would be good to me.
“Oh.” It was the only thing I could say because while Scott and my brother were best friends, what happened between Scott and I was our business.
“How are you?” Even after all these years, Rikko’s main concern was me. He could have easily gone off talking about Scott, but I was his sister first.
“I’m good,” I said, twirling the black pen on my right hand. “It was time, Rikko. I had to break it off. He’ll always be my friend but I had to.”
Rikko’s silence was telling because Rikko was seldom silent.
“What? Did Scott say something?” I inquired. I was sure that as soon as I met up with him after College Game Day that he would have said something to my brother.
It’d been six days since I’d seen Scott and said, “I’m sorry, Scotty…I can’t do us anymore. It’s on me this time around and it’s for good.”
Scott had given me a shocked look at first then he’d asked to hug me.
In his hug, I felt the years of being together blanket us, but I also felt relief in knowing that I was doing the right thing.
I hadn’t cried and neither did he. As if he was just waiting for me to drop the ball and call it quits between us.
That’s how I knew that he and I would cherish the time we had, but we couldn’t be together in that way anymore.
“He’s hurting, Kiki.” Rikko’s admission confounded me. “He told me that you broke up with him and since then, he’s been really quiet.”
Scott’s always been quiet.
“He’s been watching film, but I don’t think he’s really watching it and two nights ago, he asked me if we could go to a bar,” Rikko continued talking, as my heart started feeling heavy.
“He’ll always be my friend,” I said, staring at the space in the corner of my room that used to house the paraphernalia that Scott had given me while I’d been here – his jerseys and three small bunnies – I’d brought them with me when we met up for coffee because I really wanted a clean break.
“You know that I’m not the type to mess around with you guys, I’d rather leave you two alone to deal with your stuff but I really think he misses you.”
What Rikko said was true. I never talked to him about Bishop and I wasn’t going to start now.
“Rikko, I miss him too, but I can’t be with him anymore. Not in that way. I have school and he has football and he has all of these plans after college that he won’t even share with me. It’s frustrating being the girlfriend who doesn’t know what her boyfriend’s up to. Half the time I have no idea why I’m by his side because as great of a guy as he is, I feel like he doesn’t really need me,” I blurted out. “I’m still trying to come to terms with my decision and I’d really like it if you’d give me the space to be okay with it.”
“I get it, Kiki. I’m not trying to influence your decision…I just wanted to let you know that he misses you. You know Scott doesn’t drink, especially on game week but the fact that he’s had a hangover in the last two days lets me know that my best friend’s in pain. He hasn’t said much but he did say that he understands why you broke it off with him.” Rikko’s words didn’t relieve the weight on my chest, it did the opposite – it compounded the load I was carrying.
It took an enormous amount of strength and resolve for me to say goodbye to the future between Scott and I. I may not have cried in front of him, but Hanna had seen me unload buckets of tears.
“I’ll always be his friend.” It was the best I could offer. “Whenever he needs me, I’ll be here. I’m going to be around. I’ll remind him of his diet and not to push himself so much. I’ll be his conscience when he needs me. I’ll be the shoulder he never has to worry to cry upon.”
I said everything that I was telling Rikko to Scott.
There wasn’t an ounce of lie in my words. I’d always be here for him. As a friend.
“Okay,” Rikko said, he knew that once I made up my mind about something, there wasn’t anything that could convince me to go back on it.
“Thank you,” I uttered, I may not have been born with great parents, but I was gifted with a great brother.
“One thing, Kiki,” he said, it was in the voice that he used when he needed a big favor. “Would you come to my game tonight?”
“Rikko.” If I went to his game, Scott would be there. “I don’t think that’s for the best right now.”
“Sis, I only have a few games left in my college career. This is one of the last remaining home games that I’ll be playing. I’ll tell Scott that you’re there for me if that’s what’s making you apprehensive.” I thought of the last time I saw my brother play that wasn’t on TV or on the computer. The last time was during a homecoming game in high school. It was when he and Scott connected during the last twenty seconds of the game for a touchdown. They won the game by three points.
As much as I wanted to steer clear of Scott’s path for now, I knew that in a way it wasn’t going to be an easy feat. Especially since he was so embroiled in my life with Rikko being his best friend.
But for my brother who didn’t ask for much, I would go. “Okay.”
“Cool. I’ll have the guys save some seats for you in the front.” The excitement in his voice was hard to box up.
“Can you save another one for Hanna?” I requested, I may have initiated the breakup but my feelings were still raw. It would help to have the moral support of my best friend.
“Hanna?” Rikko questioned. “Hanna Banana’s here?”
It was his nickname for my BFF. Actually, everyone who was close to Hanna called her Hanna Banana for rhyming reasons.
“Yeah, she’s arriving this afternoon,” I said. “What time’s the game?”
“Six.”
“That’s weird. It’s at night?” College football was usually played during the day unless they were the Bowl games.
“You know we’re Primetime.” My brother’s voice was filled with pride. “It was pre-set by NCAA and College Sports to gain more viewership. I dunno, Coach said it had something to do with cable contracts and shit. I don’t ask questions, I just play.”
“It’s great that it’s at night so that Hanna will have some time to rest and she can come watch the game with me.” I didn’t really care what time they played, I was just ecstatic that Hanna would be there with me.
“Okay Kiks, I gotta go meet up with the guys.”
“Okay.”
“Love ya, sissy,” he said with ease and comfort.
“Ya, yeah. You still owe me for not picking me up at LAX.” I wasn’t letting him forget it.
A light chuckle bounced off the phone, “Fine. You can borrow my car.”
“Really?” I said with enough enthusiasm to wake up the snoring person who I could hear through the thin walls of the dorm.
“Yep. Really. Alright, I gotta go,” Rikko said and I hung up the phone.
Get your football spirit on, I texted Hanna.
Hanna was quick to reply, Rah rah!
It was the first time I was attending an SDU football game.
Wasn’t it ironic?
I was attending a football game to watch my brother play on a team where the star quarterback had just recently become my ex.