Kara
My homework was piling up.
Econ wanted a discourse on the effects of banking and the competitive market. Tara and Jayden, my groupmates for the assignment, wanted to meet on Monday after we’d done our research.
My general ed classes, Societies of the World and Ethics, were easy, but they took up most of my time. There were two papers due every week and they had to be a minimum of five pages each. I liked school, but writing papers were a waste of time. I had put off completing my GE’s because I was so focused in completing my double major requirements.
The only class that I was actually caught up with was Quantum, but that was a given.
Some people found their happiness in chocolate. I found mine in distinctly flavored ice cream cake and Science.
I sat in the front row of Quantum so I could listen to the Professor better.
Sure, that’s what I kept telling myself.
But as tempted as I was to look back, I didn’t give an inch to temptation.
Who cared if there was a hot guy in class?
I, for sure, didn’t.
Then why did you think of one hot guy instead of hot guys, Kara?
I felt the tiny hairs on the back of my neck rise during the whole class. My body knew I was being watched.
I gave Dr. Milliken a hundred and ten percent of my attention as he discussed motion in central potential.
I raised my hand a few times and I took part in the small group work during class.
I kept my eyes to the front and never allowed them to wander to the back of the room.
And as soon as class finished, I lingered around to talk to the professor about my planned paper for senior year. I was getting ahead of myself, but I wanted his input so next year I wouldn’t have a hard time convincing my subsequent professor, Mr. Khan, that using Fermi’s golden rule to provide an opposing view to Bohr might not be so wise, as others have often proposed.
Of course, I saw the shadow of a tall guy waiting by the exit.
I had no idea if it was him, but I couldn’t take the chance.
I had a boyfriend, and I was here to complete my degrees and not engage in college drama.
It was presumptive of me to assume that he would be waiting for me.
I didn’t know if the shadow was for me or how long he’d waited.
But thirty minutes after the class ended, I walked out the door, looked around, and saw students huddled along the corridors, waiting to get into their classes.
There were no signs of him.
I took a deep breath in, and upon exhalation I felt a stirring sense of disappointment inside of me…
Why did it feel like somehow I was missing something?
“Hanna banana, I wish you were here with me,” I said to my best friend who was on Facetime.
She was wearing a Texas U t-shirt paired with red pajama bottoms. With the two-hour time difference between us, my best friend was ready to party in her bed while I was on my way to my first frat party at SDU. At Texas U, we’d been to a couple of frat parties and they weren’t impressive.
The amount of booze and random hookups weren’t big on my radar. We went because we wanted to have the whole college experience.
“Kara, you’d be here if it weren’t…”
“No, no, we’re not going over that again.” I stopped her before she could continue. “I’m moving forward and so should you. I made my choices and I would make them again.”
Her brown eyes started to fill with regret, “I wish you didn’t have to.”
Not trusting myself to not break into tears, I said, “Why do you want to ruin my makeup?”
Her teeny laugh spread across the room. “Are you even wearing any?”
She was right. I barely wore makeup. I had fun applying it, but the hassle of removing it was too much. When I came home from a party, all I wanted to do was brush my teeth and go to bed. Removing makeup took at least five minutes and that was too much time for me to spare.
“I am.” Closing my eyes as I faced the screen. “You should be proud of me.”
She’d taught me the basics of makeup. For tonight’s look, I’d layered my lids with an orange eye shadow that set a strong contrast to my blue eyes thus setting my iris ablaze. Unlike Hanna, who has the sultry look down just by smiling, I had to work on mine. We’d gone through bottles of makeup just to find the right primer for my pale skin. I stayed away from the neutral colors unless I wanted to look like a vampire.
Hanna’s voice hinted with pride, “I love the colors on you. The eyeshadow makes you look like a siren and the gold contouring really frames your face.”
I hopped in place, “Yay! Finally, I get a gold star for my efforts.”
She tsked, “What are you wearing tonight?”
“I could go for the basic little black dress or I could wear something with color.” I stepped out of the camera screen to go to my closet. Dorm closets weren’t big, but I only brought basic clothes that I could mix and match so it wasn’t a problem. Plus, I was in San Diego where malls were as common as the beach so if I needed to buy clothes, there were lots of places to go.
“Meh. Black dress for a frat party,” Hanna sounded out her opinion. She loved color and that was another thing I learned from her. As a blonde-haired woman, I used to be scared of color so I stuck with the basic grays and blacks. Hanna showed me how to appreciate the way the different hues worked on my skin.
“How about this?” I raised a green mini dress in the air where she could see it.
“It would clash with your eye makeup.” She answered back and I saw her fling a wave of ‘no.’
I went back to my closet and saw how my options were really limited. Maybe I should’ve gone shopping today, but coming back from two study groups didn’t give me much time to do anything.
I heard her soft voice, “Do you have anything in the shade of orange… Maybe a tangerine?”
I yelped, “Yes! Yes, I do.” I brought it with me because I loved the material and I thought the sunny California weather would be the perfect place to wear it. Then I remembered, “It’s backless.”
I stepped to the right so Hanna could see my expression. “I don’t want to show a lot of skin.”
“Really?” She said with an epic eye roll. “It’s a frat party. The less clothed you are, the better.”
“My brother’s gonna be there,” I countered. “He might not appreciate it if he sees his sister showing off her goodies to the world.”
Hanna hit back, “Since when has Rikko said anything about what you wear, Kiki?”
“Remember that time I wore the blue dress with a super long side slit?” It was a point of contention with my brother. He had wanted me to change before my prom date arrived. My prom date being Scott.
“Kiki, you were seventeen,” Hanna contradicted. She was now propped up on two pillows while she was lounging in her Batman-inspired bedsheets. She and I shared the same love for superheroes. Hence my Supergirl pillows and bedcovers. “Plus, Rikko was just getting used to the idea that his sister’s all grown up and she was being escorted by his best friend to prom.”
I didn’t have any problems showing off my body, but the fact that I didn’t know anyone at the party except for Scott and Rikko made me hesitate.
“Stop mulling it over. Stop overthinking it. The dress is beautiful.” She was with me when I bought it. “It will look amazing on you.”
I lifted my head to the side, “It won’t be too much for a frat party?”
Hanna shook her head, “It will be perfect. You’re going to be beautiful, and Scott won’t be able to take his eyes off of you.”
“Right,” I mumbled, tasting the raspberry flavored lip gloss on my lips. “Scott.”
“I’m sensing something in that statement.” I could never lie to her. She was my soul sister. She knew how hard it was for me whenever Scott broke things off because he was busy. She was there, right along with me, to pick up the pieces.
“He’s a good guy,” I said, my voice leaning towards the defensive. “He’s just always busy.”
“He’s not the only guy, Kiki.” She liked Scott, but she often said that I shouldn’t be always waiting on him to tell me when our relationship’s on or off. “I’m sure he’s busy… But you also need a guy to put you first. Even just once.”
“He tries…” My defense sounded weak because football always came first. “I mean he wants to try.”
“A guy who wants to try is not really trying enough.” Hanna said as she laid her head back on the pillows, “You’ve always waited for him. When are you going to come first, Kara? When are you going to be the number one priority?”
I couldn’t answer so I deflected to, “I have to get ready, Hanna Banana.”
She felt the sadness rippling in the air, “I love you, girlfriend and I like Scott. I really do. But I just wish –“
As much as I didn’t want her to finish it, I said, “You wish for what?”
“That a guy would come along who completely deserves you.”
I felt a small tremor inside my chest, “I’m happy with him.”
“Are you really?” Hanna questioned, “Because from my view, you look like a girl who is trying to be happy with a guy she’s been with her whole life.”
“He needs me.” I didn’t say it much to Hanna because she knew where I was coming from. “He needs me to be here for him, Han.”
She was silent for a few seconds, then when her dark eyes met mine she said, “What about when you need him, Kara? Is he there for you?”
The only answer I could come up with was, “He tries.”
Clearly sensing the need to keep the heavy discussion for another time, she said in a comforting voice, “Go have fun tonight, Kiki. Be the beautiful person that you are and remember that maybe you also need to take care of yourself before anyone else.”
“Love you, Hanna.” I nodded as I threw her a kiss.
Throwing my kiss back at me, she made a shape of a heart with her hands, “Love you too, sister.”
Sisters.
That’s what we were.
We might not have been born from the same family, but she had been there for me through the thickest of thick and the happiest of times.
And like I said before, If I had to do everything again, I would do it again for her.
Three times over.