CHAPTER 1

 

Pain. Humiliation. Anger. I wanted to drown out these emotions, bury them deep within the crevices of my heart, so they wouldn't seek out to the surface again. The more I thought about the last few weeks, the more I wanted to kick myself at my own stupidity, gullibility, and naivety. I was a fool to fall in love with that man. I gave him my everything, body, heart, and soul. Little did I know it was only a trick.

He was good, I admit. He should have won the Emmy for best actor. All those love confessions and kisses. All those solemn expressions. How long did it take him to master?

Did he really love me when he made love to me?

Idiot. We didn’t make love. Every time we did it, he would insanely fuck me, like we were animals. And I enjoyed it.

God, I was a mess. Maybe therapy could help my messed-up mind.

But the question still remained. Why did he want to be the sole heir of the Devereux legacy when he was already a billionaire himself? What else did he want with that money?

Idiot, again. He’s a greedy man; that’s why. His wealth alone wasn't enough to quench his ego. He needed the status too, the title of president, being the major shareholder of Devereux Enterprises.

My heart twisted like a knife had sliced through it when I thought back to that night. When he confessed the truth to me, I almost couldn’t take it. Not to mention I couldn’t even escape from his grasp. He fucked me like crazy until we were both exhausted. Even now, I still couldn’t believe how I even had the strength to leave him. Physically speaking, my body was so exhausted even my core was sore for days.

Everything back then was just a blur to me now, like a collage of memories all mixed in a blender. I remembered taking the taxi to the airport and buying a one-way ticket home. Papa was so surprised to see me. He even asked why I’d changed my mind when I said I wanted to stay in Miami for a couple more days.

Poor Papa. Of course he didn’t know what I’d gone through. It was too humiliating to confess to him. So all I did was collapse into bed and cry my heart out.

Stupid bastard. If I weren’t so scared of being shoved into jail back then, I would’ve bashed in his beautiful face while he was asleep, just to show he shouldn’t mess with a woman like me.

That was what he was, a man with a beautiful face but the heart of a monster. A beautiful monster, who somehow had captivated my heart and trapped me within his hold. Even though I wasn't physically with him, I was still emotionally attached to him. So attached I couldn’t stop thinking about him now. How his lips touched my own. How his tongue tasted. I fumed at the thought.

Julian Devereux, I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

“Kimmy.”

I looked up from the rim of the cocktail I was holding, mind kicked back into gear when I heard Amelia speak.

We were back where we first started three years ago. It was almost like a reunion. Theresa, Joanna, and Amelia were all here tonight, celebrating my return from America, in the same bar we frequented, Moonlight.

“You’re unusually quiet tonight. What are you thinking?” Amelia asked.

“Nothing,” I answered, eyes still on my cocktail, fingers clenching the small glass.

“Then talk,” Joanna added. “Aren’t you the one who wanted a get-together tonight? I thought you’d be spontaneously combusted by now.”

I lifted my eyes to see three faces staring back at me, faces sketched in concern. “I’m fine,” I reassured them, only to turn back and sulk some more.

“You don’t look fine, Kimmy. Want me to take you home?” Amelia asked.

“I’m fine,” I told her.

“You know, if you have any problems, you could always tell us. I know we won’t be able to help much, but we can listen. It’s the least we can do to help you.”

Would telling them about my problem achieve anything? I was always the one lending a hand, but this dilemma was my own fault. I brought my own downfall. I had too much confidence in myself, in my skill to help and heal people. I'd failed to look at the deeper picture. I was too absorbed in my task to save him from his family that I'd neglected the little facts that kept popping up along the way, screaming at me to examine them and analyze my situation.

Like when Josh told me not to get too close to Julian because he was a dangerous man. Did I listen to him? Of course not. I took Julian’s side. I took Julian’s words as fact and ignored everything else. No cross-examination. No verification. Just like when I found that embezzlement letter on Julian’s desk regarding Josh laundering money from Devereux Holdings. I felt sorry for him and comforted him instead of confronting Josh and asking what the hell was going on.

I did all this because I thought I loved him.

No, telling my friends about Julian wouldn't achieve anything.

Plus, that asshole Julian and I were officially over anyway. We wouldn't be seeing each other again. Since we lived on different continents, there was almost a hundred percent guarantee I wouldn't be having any awkward running-into-each-other moments. Also, I wasn't the type of person to dwell on stupid mundane issues like this. Yes, I gave my heart to him, but I’d heal. And first off, the healing phase started with me getting wasted. And possibly picking up a random guy and having my first one-night stand.

That’s right. Experience more. Sex with Julian was great and mind-blowing, but he wasn't the only guy in this universe. Surely there was a guy out there who was worth more than the package in his pants.

Deciding on the best course of action, I looked at all three straight in the face.

“You know what, guys? You’re right.” I dumped the cocktail down my throat in one go, eyes burning when the liquid hit the back of my throat. I slung my chestnut hair back and jumped off the high stool with energetic force. “Let’s get out on the dance floor. My legs need some exercise.”

Nicki Minaj was on. I loved that song. "Pound the Alarm." Pound my heart too, please. Get this shit feeling called love out of my heart too, please. Let me wake up from this illusion and get my life back on track.

I was having fun. Thoughts of Julian and my heartache were trapped in the back of my mind somewhere. The melody pulled at my blood, making my body move in tune to the electrifying music. But in the midst of my groovy moves, I had a niggling sense someone was staring at me. I whipped my head around and locked eyes with steel-grey eyes and inky black hair.

“Julian.” My heart skipped a beat. “Oh shit!”

My stomach coiled. Bile lodged in my throat. Tears stung my eyes. The need to retch was so strong. I rushed to the bathroom. Luckily, no one was in sight. I rushed in and locked myself in one of the stalls.

Shit. I’m a lost cause. Here I was, kneeling over a toilet bowl, throwing up my dinner over a stupid guy who’d manipulated me for his own gain. I thought I was over him, but just the mere sight of someone looking similar to him had my heart pounding and my blood running hot.

What a fucked-up person I turned out to be. If papa knew about my ailment, there would be no way he’d put me to work at his company. And right now, I wanted to work. Get my mind to focus again so I would stop thinking about that stupid guy.

Once my stomach was rid of all the food, I huddled in the corner of the stall and cried. My body shook with the pending anger. Droplet after droplet of tears rained down my face. I was so tired and exhausted from this whole affair. I wished I could just scream out all the hate I had for him, just to get it out of my system.

Maybe that was what I needed. To unleash my anger, to scream out my pent-up rage. So I took my phone from the back of my tight jeans and did the only thing I could think of. I called Julian to give him a piece of my mind.

“You’re a fucked-up person, Julian,” I shouted over the pounding music as soon as I heard the ringing stop. “You think you’re something, using me as your pawn. Well, guess what? I used you too. You were fun to have sex with, but now I’m bored of you. Compared to my other boyfriends, I rate you average.”

And then I snapped the phone shut and cried even more.

Oh God, how far from the truth. I needed his touch like a drug. I was so addicted to him I was trembling with want. Even knowing he was a flame and I could get burned if I got too close to him, I still craved him.

I rested my head on the toilet seat, breathing out a sigh. I didn’t even know if he heard me over that loud noise. Nor did I know whether he picked up or not. I bet he must have thought I was some psychopathic person stalking him. But my mind was too consumed with conveying my message I didn’t pay attention to any of this.

A pounding on the door alerted me to someone on the other side.

“Kimmy, are you in there? Are you all right? Let me in.” Amelia’s alarmed voice came through.

I fumbled to stand up, losing strength as all my energy was used up in the shouting match on the phone. The pounding at the door didn’t cease. In fact, it was synchronized with the pounding in my head. And Amelia's shouts were like death sirens, increasing the pain even more. I really needed to get home, have a shower, and get straight into bed. Forget about that one-night stand. I could hardly stand on my own two feet to support myself.

I finally managed to open the door at last. I saw the flustered look on my friend’s face. Her eyes grew wide and her lips trembled as if she were afraid I might fall over any second.

I smiled weakly and scoffed at her. “Amelia, you don’t have to look so—”

I didn’t get any farther. I sank into the depths of oblivion.

 

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