Chapter 19
Something in the Air
Ella
While Lance and Radar were away at their pre-game skate, the door-bell started ringing. A gorgeous salvaged wood coffee table we snagged at the antique shop was the first item to arrive, but all morning long, delivery guys were arriving with our other purchases. I was glad to have the distraction, and I hopped right into action and started decorating the condo.
I hoped that work might be able to take my mind off other things—but while I unpacked boxes and rearranged furniture, my thoughts were elsewhere.
Like the nauseating guilt I felt over lying. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't the end of the world. But to me, it mattered a lot. It went against my principles. Frankly, I had to wonder why I even bothered to lie for Radar in the first place. Why should I care if he nuked his relationship with Lance? I warned him not to kiss me. What did it matter to me if he damaged his own career? He knew that those were the consequences of getting with me in the first place.
But as soon as I started covering up for him, I enabled his crimes. And so I had to live with the guilt while he got away with his misdeeds. He probably didn't even learn anything from this whole experience. He'd be all over the next forbidden piece of ass he came across. What would he do next? Try to sleep with Lindsay the butt model when Lance wasn't around?
Worst of all, I couldn't even say last night was a total disaster. Yes, he got me all excited to lose my virginity only to leave me stranded at the altar like a jilted bride. And somehow, disturbingly, that fact only made me want him more. But all morning long, filthy little memories from last night flashed through my head. And I couldn't help but be turned on, as pathetic and horrifying as that sounds. But I couldn't help it. He was so good. His perfect kisses, his electric touch, the panty-melting bulge that towered in the crotch of his pants …
Or, ugh, how good he was at oral—teasing my folds with his tongue, licking me until I thrust at his face uncontrollably. Or how he kissed and sucked at my clit and finger-fucked me until I screamed so embarrassingly loud in orgasm.
After I came, and Radar sucked my juices right off his finger? God, that was so dirty, but so hot at the same time. I felt like he wanted me so bad, that, well, he deserved me. And besides, I wanted to lose my virginity. And who better than Radar—a guy who wouldn't get attached to me or make a big deal out of it. A guy who'd just take me and then it'd finally be over.
At least, that's what I thought.
But then, Radar got me into his bedroom, got me naked, … and then he turned me down.
My thoughts turned inward at the moment. Is something wrong with my body? Why doesn't he want me?
But no. It wasn't me, or at least that's what he swore. Apparently, he'd just decided to grow a conscience. He didn't have a problem with kissing me or groping me or eating me out on the brand new couch. But fucking his best friend's little sister? Well, that was a bridge too far, and something only a bad friend would do.
What I did with Radar wasn't some new milestone for me. I'd given, and received, oral with my past boyfriends. But it was always my boyfriends who pushed for more—only to get gently turned down—and end up complaining about their severe case of 'blue balls.'
Last night, for once, I was the one to get turned down. And now I had my own case of the 'blue balls.' My insides ached with frustration … abandonment … misery.
I guess this is how my boyfriends always felt. There might have been a hilarious irony in that, but I certainly wasn't in the frame of mind to appreciate it.
And yet, nearly lost in all my suffering, were two curious and bothersome questions: if Radar turned me down … wasn't he actually the kind of guy that I'd basically given up on trying to find? And why would I lie for a guy if I truly thought he was worthless?
You're just getting your hopes up, I thought to myself with a sigh. He only cares about himself.
***
When the duo of hockey bozos returned, I was standing on my tip-toes on the top rung of a step-ladder, struggling with the new curtains we bought for the giant living room windows.
“Suh-weet! This place looks so fucking legit already, Ella!” Lance cheered as he stepped in and saw the chaos. Radar lurked behind him. “I love it, Honey Badger!”
“I'm glad,” I said, focused on my task.
Radar neared and steadied the base of the ladder. “Can I help you with that? I'm tall, I'll be able to reach up there easily.”
“No thanks,” I said in a perfectly polite and cheerful tone that I hoped was another dagger to his heart. “How was practice, Lance?”
“Ah, you know, it was just a morning skate, not a big deal. Except for … this guy!” Lance ran up and put Radar in a head lock. “Radar was a total scrub out there!”
That bit of information put a warm fullness in my belly. Ahh. Just desserts.
“You should've seen him, Ella. The guy must have some seriously weak knees after last night! That's why Coach always tells us, don't blow too big of a load the day before a game! You gotta save a little cum in your balls, or you won't have any legs left to skate!”
“That is so fucking gross,” I wailed.
Radar fought to get out of Lance's hold, and the two began to rough-house right in my area.
“Would you mind?” I asked, annoyed. “Last thing I need on this vacation is for you two jerks to knock me off this ladder and put me in the hospital.”
They separated.
Lance gestured down the hallway. “Well. It's about nap time. Shall we, Radar?”
“… Sure,” Radar said.
“Aw, that's cute,” I mewled, “but aren't you supposed to store up your cum for the game?”
“Shutup,” Lance whinnied. “You know I didn't mean it like that. We all take naps before a game, in our own beds, thank you very much.”
“I'm just giving you shit, like you would me.”
Lance walked off and made for his bedroom. But Radar stood in place, staring and watching me as I hung the curtains. I could feel his gaze on me but I didn't dare return it.
Lance called for him from down the hallway. “C'mon, Radar, leave Honey Badger alone and get some shut-eye, will ya? You obviously need it …”
Quietly, Radar exhaled and walked off.
***
An hour later, the boys were napping in their bedrooms and I was quietly eating a lunch-time snack and flipping through a magazine on the couch, when I heard a bedroom door crack open. Quiet footsteps followed as someone deliberately sneaked down the hallway. I waited, with an eyebrow raised, for what I knew what was coming.
It was him, alright.
“Hey,” Radar whispered as he lowered himself onto the cushion next to mine.
“What do you want?”
“I want you to know that I'm sorry.”
“For what?”
“Last night. Making you lie to your brother today.” He sighed. “Everything, really.”
“Mm.”
“I went too far last night. I should've listened to you. You were the voice of reason, and you knew things would only get fucked up, and you were right. But … I couldn't help myself.”
A silence grew between us.
“Seriously, what can I do?” he asked.
“About what?”
“About this. I want to make things right. I hate that you're mad.”
“What do you care? I'll be gone tomorrow and that'll be that. Besides, we'll probably never see each other again. And you got what you wanted, didn't you?”
He chuckled quietly.
“No,” he said.
“No?”
“I wouldn't feel this empty if I did.”
“Well.” I paused to thumb through a flurry of magazine pages. “I know how that feels.”
“Ella, I only tried to do what I thought was righ—”
Radar stopped talking when we heard Lance's bedroom door open, and his footsteps come down the hall.
Uh oh.
Lance stepped into the living room. For the second time today, Lance walked in on us having a private chat, and I could see the wheels turning in his head—even if he wanted them to stop. “I thought I heard voices out here … what are you two up to?”
“I couldn't sleep,” Radar said, rising from the couch. “So I came out here to see how Ella's decorating was going.”
I tutted with a quiet tsk tsk under my breath. Still lying.
But Lance bought it, probably because he wanted to buy it. “Oh, okay. Well, you really ought to try to nap, man. Even 20 minutes would help you a lot.”
Radar slapped Lance's shoulder as he walked past. “Yeah, you're right, Lance.”
After Radar's door shut, Lance neared. “Everything alright with you, Ella?”
“Yeah Lance, why?”
“I dunno. I can't quite put my finger on it, but, God, it seems like there's a weird feeling in the air today.” He shrugged. “Who knows. I'm probably imagining it.”
I smiled at him. “I'm fine. Thanks for asking.”
Lance scratched his head, like he knew something wasn't right but he couldn't quite figure it out. “Well, okay. Hey, after the game tonight, you wanna come out with the boys? I told 'em you were visiting and they're all pumped about going out afterward.”
I pretended to think it over. “Hmm. No, I don't think I'm in the mood, really.”
“Aw c'mon, Ella. It's your last night here, and I haven't even gotten to take you out anywhere but our shopping spree. I know how bad you wanted to do something last night.” He grabbed my arm and began to tug. “At least come to dinner with us after the game.”
“Fine. I'll do team dinner.”
“And maybe the club after?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.
“I'll think about it, but no promises.”
“Alright, alright.” Lance dropped my arm and backed away. “Back to bed for me.”
“Sleep tight.”