S he tossed and turned, getting only a few hours of sleep. Each time Beth closed her eyes, she’d see his face; his strong jaw with a hint of new growth that framed his full, luscious lips. Spending an evening with her ex had been agony. Not because he’d been mean or condescending, but because she’d enjoyed it. Benny was a blast to be near. His gregarious personality had been what sucked her in years ago. He was also damn easy on the eyes. She hadn’t been able to stop staring. It bothered her how badly she wanted him.

All the pain and tears he caused weren’t enough to stop the onslaught of desire. He’d requested a chance to talk, and she hadn’t given it to him. She rolled around, wondering what he could say to make it right. It seemed she’d finally drifted to sleep when her alarm went off.

Finals were right around the corner, and she couldn’t afford to miss any classes. Her grade-point-average wasn’t high enough yet to secure the scholarship she needed. The inheritance she’d received from her father’s death had been enough to pay for her first-year tuition and living expenses. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough to cover much else. That’s why she worked nights at a downtown pub. The meager pay and tips became her contingency fund.

Beth dragged her feet out of bed and traipsed to the showers. A lukewarm splash of water helped to wake her. She stood under the gentle flow for several minutes too long. By the time she’d dressed, and grabbed her books, she was late for her first class.

The professor didn’t care, but she did. Showing up thirty minutes into the lecture threw her off. She’d have to borrow notes from someone else, and she hated having to ask for help. The door slammed behind her, announcing her late entrance. She smiled awkwardly as she scanned the full room. All the good seats near the front were taken. Professor Kindler spoke so softly the microphone rarely helped. Taking a seat in the back, she cursed Benny for distracting her from what mattered. Once upon a time, she’d let him take over her life, following his dreams instead of her own. His career had been her priority, but those days were over. She had her own life to live.

The rest of the day was more of the same. She was off her game. Her notes were a mess, and she’d been unable to concentrate. She even spilled ketchup on her favorite sweater at lunch; all because of Benny and that kiss. She’d kissed plenty of men since they broke up. A few of them were exceptional kissers, but none of them made her knees weak. None of the other men made her delirious. Only Benny.

All day she’d been unable to get him out of her mind. She’d been on the verge of calling him at the end of her last class, but she refused to give in to temptation. Still, she clutched her phone in her hand as she ran across the campus to the next lecture hall. The cold February air helped cool her raging hormones. She had one class to get through. One more lecture before she could call it a day. Then she could decide what to do about him.

Her feet halted as she neared her class. A foggy image of Benny appeared before her. Had she conjured him? No, that wasn’t possible, yet there he was. She removed her glasses, and it was really him all right. He stood close to a head taller than most of the students, and his large build occupied much of the hall. It was impossible to miss him or the large bouquet of purple bell-shaped flowers.

She could hardly believe her eyes. Benny Wilder was in her school, surrounded by a handful of girls. He’d gone out of his way to find her. The man she remembered would never have done anything so romantic.

“Are you sure this is the right place?” His sultry voice reached her ears, making her shiver.

Beth zipped around a corner to remain out of view. He’d never chased her before. Being pursued by him was all new. They had hit if off effortlessly after they met years ago. It was almost too easy. She’d been too easy. Things were different now, and she didn’t appreciate his not taking no for an answer. Even though, she didn’t hate seeing him.

The noise in the hall increased. She hung back and watched him. He scanned the halls waiting for her. The girls from her class all vied for his attention.

One girl whose name she didn’t know slipped her number in his pocket. Whether he noticed or not, he did nothing. Jealousy flared. Beth itched to storm down the hall and rip the paper to shreds. It was ridiculous to feel that way when he wasn’t hers. She’d told him as much, but that didn’t stop her fists from clenching or her heart from racing. It irked her she even cared. He was free to date or to fuck anyone. But the image of him touching anyone else made her sick to her stomach. She wrapped her arms around her torso.

It was wrong to hide and gawk, but she didn’t know what else to do. As the minutes ticked by it became clear, he wasn’t leaving and she couldn’t hide forever. If she watched him any longer, she’d be late. Mustering all her courage, she marched towards the crowd.

“Elizabeth,” he said, and a smile covered his face.

She didn’t respond and kept walking. He tried to get near her, but she raced by him, disappearing into the classroom. Other students followed behind her. As she settled into her seat, she prayed he wouldn’t stick around. If he thought one mistaken kiss absolved him, he was sorely mistaken.

The seat next to her squeaked, drawing her attention. Her eyes widened when she saw who it was. Benny. “What the fu—”

“I can’t stay, and I wouldn’t want to interrupt your learning. Nice glasses by the way,” he whispered, leaning closer. “When you’re done, I’d like to take you out. Will you let me?”

She took off her reading glasses and stared at him in shock. “You can’t be here.”

“I know, but you walked right by me in the hall. Give me a chance to at least explain the past,” he said and his big brown eyes implored her to listen.

“Mr. Wilder,” Dr. Hinklen boomed into his mic as he walked towards them. “You are not a student in my class, and I’m not interested in letting you audit. Is there something you needed?”

Benny stood up and smiled. “I found what I was looking for. Accept my apologies for the interruption sir.”

“I assume those hyacinths are for one of my students. Kindly deliver your late Valentine and be gone,” he said, dismissing Benny and returning to the front.

“Right.” Benny handed her the bouquet. “Except these aren’t Valentine flowers. It’s the first step in saying I’m sorry. I’ll see you after class.”

In the blink of an eye, he was gone. A room full of eyes were on her and her cheeks turned crimson. The blush traveled all the way to her toes. She cast her eyes down to avoid the ongoing stares.

Crystal took the seat Benny had vacated. “What’s going on between you and Hottie-McHockey-Star? I thought you were seeing Joe Larson?”

Benny’s arrival did nothing for her reputation. Many of the students thought she was a puck bunny and slept around. Even Carly had suspected her of being promiscuous. It wasn’t anyone’s business.

“We’re just friends,” she answered.

“Who’s your friend, beefcake number one or two?”

“Both. I guess.” Her tone was snarkier than she intended. Beth put the flowers on the floor by her feet and pulled her tablet from her backpack. “Sorry, I’m having a rotten day. I need to concentrate and talking hockey won’t help.”

“Whatever.” Crystal shrugged her shoulders and ignored her for the rest of the class.

Once again, Beth couldn’t focus on the information. She recorded it and hoped to make more sense of it all later when she wasn’t reeling from an encounter with her ex. The sweet aroma of spring wafted her way throughout the lecture, making it impossible to forget him. Not that she could forget his promise to see her later. That more than anything had her sitting on the edge of her seat counting down the minutes.

When the classes ended, and she collected her things, she debated leaving the flowers. She didn’t need the reminder of his romantic gesture. He did nothing without expecting something in return. Benny Wilder was a man on a mission, and she was his prey. Except it all felt like one giant manipulation. She wanted no part of it.

True to his word, Benny waited outside the doors for her. Beth stomped passed him, on her way to the library. “You have five minutes. Talk,” she said, grinding her teeth.

He followed into step beside her. “Not like this. Can we sit down? Let me buy you a coffee or something.”

“I want nothing from you.” She exited the building and the blast of cold air hardly registered.

“I made a mistake.”

“So you’ve said. Anything else new to convey? I really need to study before my shift,” she stammered between heavy breaths. It had nothing to do with the pace of their steps and everything to do with his closeness.

“Where are you working? Another fancy panty shop?” He all but growled. “I remember every sexy little number you owned. Gawd, I loved how you modeled them all for me.”

She’d loved showing off for him too. His eyes would turn a darker shade of cognac when he got aroused. She’d dance and tease him, but he never kept his hands to himself for long. Working at the lingerie store had been fun, but retail didn’t pay as well as bartending. Money mattered more than frilly underwear these days.

“I work at O’Rig—” she stopped herself before giving him the name. The last thing she wanted was him showing up at her place of employment. School was bad enough. “A pub downtown. Your time is almost up.”

Two strides later and he planted himself in front of her. “I need more time. Where are we going? It’s fucking freezing out here.” He stuffed his hands into his leather jacket pockets.

She laughed. “You’ve been in LA for too long and forgotten what Canadian winters are like.”

“Two years too long. I never should have left. But the west coast never gets this cold.” He exhaled and his breath lingered like a puff of smoke around them, making his point.

“You get used to it. The library’s over there. You can warm up before walking back to your car.” She pointed towards the building with the wall of windows.

He grabbed her hand, and they hurried towards the warm shelter. She laughed at his urgency. “It’s too cold to laugh,” he said, sprinting the last few steps.

“Spoken like a non-Winnipegger.”

“You’ll have to help me acclimate,” he replied, opening the door for her.

She walked under his arm and inhaled. Damn he smelled more alluring than the flowers she had stuffed in her backpack. “You’ll do fine on your own.”

Benny held her hand, preventing her from stepping further into the library. “I don’t want to be on my own anymore. I came here for you, and I won’t stop trying until you realize we belong together.”

“Fine. You owe me an explanation, but I can’t promise it will change anything.”

His smile took over the room. “That’s all I need. Thank you, Elizabeth.”

“Don’t thank me. I’m not dating you again; I’m giving you a chance to explain why you dumped me the way you did. We had something special. At least I thought so. I deserve to know why you fucked that up.” She pulled her hand away and marched towards a group of tables.

“We’ll see about that.” His self-assurance had once been a quality she admired. Today, she rolled her eyes.

The place was busy as expected, but they found an empty table in the corner. Having this discussion at the library wasn’t the greatest choice, but it was now or never. She’d been waiting for over two years for this moment. Yet, as she settled onto the hard-plastic chair, she found it difficult to catch her breath. It was too hot in there. She removed her coat and cringed when she looked down at her stained attire. Beth crossed her arms over her chest to hide the red marks, and to stop her hands from shaking.

They sat there for a moment, staring at one another. His nose had been broken numerous times and a permanent bend remained near the bridge. It only added to his ruggedness. But she couldn’t let herself be swept away by his handsome face. Good looks didn’t change the fact he was an asshole.

“We’re sitting, so enlighten me.” Her legs bounced under the table.

“I’m guessing you blame the trade for what happened between us. That living in different cities was too much of a challenge to overcome, but you’d be wrong.”

“I’m all ears.” She sat back in her chair.

He leaned forward with his forearms propped on the table. “After the ink was dry, and I landed in LA, life got extra busy. It’s not an excuse, but you know how busy the schedule is in the NHL. The coaches and trainers were going crazy trying to rebuild. I hardly had a moment to myself.”

“It takes a second to return a call,” she said flatly.

“I did, at first. Getting you to move south consumed my thoughts. I missed you like crazy. The other—”

“You have an interesting way of showing people you miss them. As I recall, you got traded and moved within a week. We talked the first few days. Then I left you a message, telling you my dad was in a car accident. He was in a coma and we needed you. I needed you. You never called back; never returned a single text. Nothing. I called everyone I could think of to get the messages to you. It didn’t make a difference.”

Her eyes burned, recalling the moment she got the call about her dad. They were supposed to hit the gym together, like they did every morning, but she’d canceled. Benny usually called in the morning and she didn’t want to miss his call. Only, the next call was from the hospital. She’d waited hours for him to come out of surgery. His prognosis wasn’t good. Seeing him hooked up to a million different machines tore her up inside. Then she’d prayed and waited to see if the swelling in his brain would decrease. It didn’t, and she had to make the call to pull him off the machines. No daughter should ever have to make a decision like that.

Perfect strangers offered their support. But the one man she needed more than anything never reached out. He had moved on and her problems didn’t matter.

“I got them all, but I fucking panicked. Your dad couldn’t die. He was healthy and vibrant. I couldn’t deal with losing another dad.”

“You’re a coward!” She slapped his arm.

“I was petrified of reliving the same hell all over again. Each time my phone rang, I’d jump and my skin would crawl, thinking it was you with bad news.”

“You were scared of losing him, but I was the one who lost everything. You’d been through the loss of a parent and I needed you so badly. We kept him alive for two days. Only he never woke up. We never got the chance to say goodbye properly.” The first tear slipped out, she didn’t bother wiping it away.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, unfolding her arms and taking her hand.

“He was the only family I had left, and he died. When I reached out to you, my boyfriend, for support,” she bellowed, jamming a finger against his chest. “I got nothing. Correction, you sent me a text telling me you were sorry. Do you have any idea how fucking much I was hurting?” Her voice got far louder than she intended.

“Yes, because you weren’t alone. We all grieve differently.” His tone remained even and calm. “I mourned him too. But I couldn’t be around all the sadness and pain. It would have destroyed me and I had to concentrate on my new team. I didn’t have the luxury of being allowed to fall apart.”

“So, you pretended we didn’t exist? That’s very mature!” She stood up and her chair scraped across the floor. If her raised voice hadn’t brought them attention that did it.

He reached out, but she stepped back. “I needed time to process everything. You and your father had become my family and losing him… it hurt more than I was ready to admit.”

“You should have told me that; I would have understood. Or at least I wouldn’t have been imagining you with someone else, having a gay old time while I made funeral arrangements.”

“You fucking thought I’d moved on. Seriously?” He arched a brow as he stood. The fury was evident in his features.

“What the hell was I supposed to think? New city, new team, why not a new girl? It all made sense.” She crossed her arms again.

Benny took her arm, leading them away from prying eyes. “Not that.” He dragged her to an empty area near the back, hidden among the stacks of books. “I loved you so much and told you that all the damn time. Why would you doubt that?”

“Because you left me,” she screamed in his face. “You disappeared and never looked back. We broke up over text. I’m sorry. That’s what you wrote. That meant farewell in my books.”

“I never broke up with you. Those words were about your dad; not us. I thought about you every day, but I couldn’t pick up the phone. You were supposed to be in the car with your dad that day. I could have lost you both. You do not understand how that affected me. The team shrink told me I had to go see you in person. That seeing you would take away the fear. I was nearly crippled from the grief. When I came back to the city, you’d left. No forwarding address and you’d disconnected your number. Why did you leave?”

“I couldn’t wait around for a man who broke my heart. You didn’t love me enough to be there when I needed you the most. There were too many haunting memories in that city. Every day I stayed, hurt more and more.” She looked away, letting her fingers slide over the books. They’d walked into the romantic literature section. Ironic.

“You didn’t stick around long. I showed up two weeks—”

“Too late,” she answered for him. “You’re too late again. I don’t want a man who can’t deal with the hard stuff. Death happens all the time Benny. It’s ugly and painful and it hurts. It hurts even more when you’re alone.” She was breathing heavy.

“You don’t have to be alone. I want to be there for you.” He closed the distance between them, cupping the nape of her neck. “Sorry doesn’t cut it. I’ll forever regret how long I took to come to terms with what happened. My actions hurt you. I’ll never do that again.”

“No, you won’t!” She stared into his eyes, daring him to do something.

“I’m ready to be the man you need.”

His mouth descended onto hers. The kiss wasn’t gentle or kind; it was hard and raw. Their teeth mashed as their tongues fought for dominance. She pounded against his chest with her fists but didn’t stop kissing him. He let her beat on him until her strength gave out.

It had all been too much; the past and the truth. She clutched his shirt in her hands, aching for something to hold onto so she wouldn’t fall. He moved one hand down her side and over her ribs. She didn’t stop him when it dipped lower and he rubbed her sex through her jeans. Desire flooded between her legs to the very spot he pressed.

“More,” she breathed, completely caught up in the moment.

He gave her what she asked for. His fingers finessed their way inside her panties. Rubbing between her wet folds. He growled and pushed two deep inside her. She spread her legs wider and kissed him harder. Sucking on his tongue as he fucked her with his fingers. Between the classics on the shelves, he worked her over in the most primal way.

“Come, Elizabeth.” He pumped faster and rubbed her clit with his thumb. Their mouths connected again, and he swallowed her moans.

It went too far, too fast. She came silently and violently. Shaking from head to toe. The orgasm flustered Beth to the point of tears. Once he pulled his hand away, he hugged her close. She gazed at him in awe. Open mouthed and utterly confused by what had happened. She wanted to slap him, kiss him, do that all over again and run away all at the same time.

“Are you okay?” His brown eyes widened with concern.

“That shouldn’t have happened.” She stepped out of his arms and zipped up her jeans. Backing away from him took more effort than it should have. “A mistake that won’t happen again. Please go. I can’t handle this.” She asked him to go, but a huge part of her wanted him to stay.

“I’ll go because you’re asking me to, not because I want to. But never for a second think this was a mistake. We’re meant to be, and I won’t give up on us.”

“We’ll see about that,” she repeated his earlier words.

She had no intention of repeating previous mistakes.