Denise

“What’s up with you today Denise. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I just was thinking.”

“Well that’s half your problem. You get to looking out that window and then you get to thinking. I don’t know why you are looking towards that harbor again. You know he's not going to be there. They pulled out after the explosion. Now no one is going to fix it. It’s just going to stay like that.”

I sighed and it was partially because she knew where I was looking. I didn’t want her to know that I was thinking of Ethan or that I was staring at the harbor that changed life around here in so many ways. Everything had changed after that and I was afraid that it was never going to be the same.

I pushed away from the window and looked back at my boss. It was hard for me to say that nothing was wrong. She knew me too well and the bump at my mid-section was distracting as I put my hands on my stomach. A lot had changed since that fateful day and I was stuck here to deal with it all. I didn’t know what happened to Ethan, but I heard that he was eventually released a month back from the hospital. I supposed they got sick of me calling and now I had nowhere to call. I don’t know where he went and since he had a fiancée, it was better for me just to forget about it all.

“Seriously Denise, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

“What about the baby? He should know who his father is and I think that Ethan has a right to know.”

“He got you pregnant while he was working out of town about to get married to another girl. That’s pretty cut and dry to me sweetie.”

I knew what she said was right, but that didn’t mean that I needed a reminder.

“I know, I just… I never thought that I would be a single parent or the other woman for that matter. God, it felt horrible standing there when I found out in front of her. She was pretty. I will give that to him.”

“So are you. I’m sorry he got hurt, but is a real jerk for not telling you. I know that much for sure.”

I agreed wholeheartedly, but I was passed the anger stage about it all. Now I was just at grief and I was trying to hold it together because I was going to have our baby in a few more months. Then I wouldn’t have time to miss him and be lonely because I was going to be too busy. I still didn’t know how it was going to work in a small house, but I figured if I could live with Ethan for a time, a baby was going to be no problem.

I smiled at Molly and told her I was fine. “Really Molly.”

She didn’t look so sure, but she let it go and I was thankful for it. The day was over and we were cleaning up. Everything settled down after the explosion, so we didn’t worry about problems at the restaurant. They’d gotten their way and the harbor project was not happening any longer. All investors pulled out after five people died and so many more were wounded.

Now it was just a reminder of the hate that had surged through the town and what they’d done because of it. The sad part was that it wasn’t outsiders that had been killed. There were three of the men that didn’t make it were from Nome, so the whole town was in mourning for a while.

I didn’t like to look at the site because it reminded me of everything that happened and Ethan. Then my head went to betrayal and before long I was all upset and there was nothing that I could do to change it. It certainly didn’t make anything better so I was doing my best to make sure that I kept my hand out of it.

“It’s going to get better Denise. Soon you will have that little baby to keep you busy and company. You’ll never be alone again.”

That sounded good, but I didn’t want to do it alone. I wanted to be with Ethan. Somewhere along the way I had fallen in love with him and it wasn’t getting any better. All I could do was hope that it was a feeling that would someday fade so that I could get on with life.

“I know. It’s just been a long day. I don’t think about him that much anymore.”

“Liar.”

“Probably a little bit, but I can’t help it.”

“I know. You don’t have to be strong. It’s okay if you want to be upset. I’m here to talk to about it if you need to.”

“I know. I don’t know what to say half of the time. It’s all just a big mess and I want to find him and tell him that I’m going to have his son, but I don’t even know if he would care. If I was just some little fling while he was away at work, he isn’t going to want to know.”

I felt the lump in my throat and I had to swallow hard to get it to go down. Saying it out loud made my predicament even clearer and I can’t say that it was very pleasant at all. I didn’t like thinking that way. But it was the truth and I needed to get used to it, no matter how hard it was going to be.

“Wow, I can’t believe you can say it like that. It was more than a little fling and you know it.”

“Yeah, but that’s what it was. He is getting married to someone else and I’ve never been so humiliated in all of my life.”

“Well good thing about Nome is you will probably never see him again.”

She said it to make me feel better, but in truth, it made me feel so much worse. I was never going to see Ethan again and that was more than I could bear to think about.