Chapter Five
Clove
Journey is safe, lying on a blanket on her stomach, her small head bobbing all over the place as she struggles to hold her head up. She’s growing so fast. I stare at her for the longest time, not caring that I am now sitting in lukewarm water in the bathtub. Now that I know for sure my mother wants to take her from me, I’ve switched from taking showers to taking a bath. The thought of her being out of my sight for even a second scares me.
She acts like a normal baby. Of course, the only baby I have been around much at all is my nephew, Nolan. Smiling, I think of him. He’s one now. I’ve missed his first birthday. More than likely his first words, too. Is he walking now? My brother and Krista have to be thrilled. I can see my nephew, the spitting image of Zack, running into his arms as he scoops him into the air, storing all these memories that will last a lifetime.
I’ve been stripped of a whole year of my life. This has to end soon. I either need to kill my mother, or I need to play on Trent’s sympathy and his love for me to have him help get me out of here. I know he loves me in his own gruesome way. I just don’t understand this side of him. I sure as hell will never trust him.
He was right when he said he is not as stupid as I sometimes think he is. The reality is, he is very observant. I know he overheard me today as I spoke out loud how much I miss Turner, and he won’t forget that. He also knew all along when he was pretending to be his brother that I knew it was him.
My mind is reeling with all of the information he revealed earlier today. The drugs I was given; the cameras. I wonder if my mother knows about the cameras at all. Surely she has to; the bitch seems to know everything.
The sickest feeling burns my gut thinking about Trent watching me dress myself. Touch myself at night under the covers, making myself come time and time again thinking of my husband and how bad I miss his sweet, tender touch.
I knew about the cameras then, still I didn’t care. I needed it, and now that I think about it more, if she really knew I was pleasing myself, she wouldn’t have hidden it from me. That bitch would have loved to have thrown it in my face. Any chance she has gotten she has taunted me with sex . . . how good Trent is, and how big his cock is. It’s as if she’s jealous, as if she knows Trent really cares for me. I couldn’t give two fucks if he rocks her world. Shit, I really wish he would send the cow flying out into the damn galaxy.
I need to think. It’s time to get Trent to help me. I lean my head back, submerging myself in the cold water. I wash and condition my hair as quickly as I can, then grab the bath gel and scrub my skin practically raw to try and erase any scent of Trent off of my body.
I can still smell him after I step out. I shudder as I reach for the towel and wrap it around my body as fast as I can. I know without a shadow of a doubt he hasn’t turned off those damn cameras and the idea of him seeing me naked is unbearable.
All of a sudden, it hits me. With the towel tucked securely around my breasts, I bend down and pick Journey up off of the floor and snatch up her blanket, briskly walking into the bedroom. All the while I’m hating myself for what I am about to do, especially with my child wide awake and lying in her crib staring up at the mobile dangling just out of her grasp.
Does this make me a terrible mother? I can only hope it doesn’t. Chalk it up to another one of the many sins I have committed. I have to do it. I tell myself again that she has no idea what’s going on around her, yet my guilt chips away one of the last pieces of my heart.
“Forgive me, sweet girl,” I whisper against her cheek.
I glance at the still closed bedroom door and make my way into the bathroom where I nonchalantly open the towel and let it drop to the floor.
I hope you’re watching, Trent. I’m about to give you the show of your life.
My ass goes in the air when I curve my body downward, pulling the plug from the drain. Straightening my spine, I reach for the bottle of lotion on the counter then perch my behind on the edge of the tub, my long legs stretching out in front of me. I begin to apply the lotion with seductively slow strokes, starting at my toes, up and down in soft, lazy circles, moaning the minute I reach my inner thigh.
Stationing myself upright, I pump a couple more dollops of lotion into my hand and hoist one leg up onto the edge of the tub so that my backside now faces the camera. My right hand comes around, and like a temptress, I palm the cheek of my ass.
My fingers leisurely skim the crack, caressing lightly right down the middle until I land on the small pucker of my hole. Do I dare dip my finger inside or spread my ass cheeks wide, hoping he sees? I remember his fascination with my ass and how he took me rough and hard. My pussy is already clenching at just the memory. Placing my leg back on the floor, I stoop low, ass in the air, reaching for the bottle of lotion.
Positioning my body back on the side of the tub, the seduction continues as the smell of lilacs assaults my nose. I start back at my upper thigh, trailing higher until I am cupping both of my aching breasts in my hands. I play with my nipples, pinching and pulling them.
Keeping one hand there, I squirt a little lotion into my free hand and begin to draw delicate circles around my taut peaks. I feel my breast milk leaking, mixing in with the scented cream. Leaning my head back against the cool, tiled wall, I whimper at the sensation of touching myself. I’m imagining it’s Turner’s strong, masculine hands trailing up and down my cleavage, dipping one hand to the underside of my breast while firmly playing with the other.
“Oh, God, that feels so good.”
My eyes close as I speak. My thumb is running back and forth over my nipple, while my other hand sprawls across my stomach, inching its way toward my pussy.
I reach my wet center and my legs fall open; one resting on the edge of the tub and the other planted on the floor. I’m aroused and stress free, lying in my bed with Turner coaxing forth my pleasure, dipping his fingers in and out as he teases me the way he used to before driving me out of my mind with a craving for him to finger me wildly.
“Yesss . . .”
My hand spreads me wide, my index finger gliding up my slick core. The more I stroke my outer walls, the wetter I get. I make a couple more passes, lubricating my fingers, then sink two of them deep inside.
I plunge them in and out, curling them forward until I hit that spot against my inner walls that begins to send me over the edge. Pleasure rips through me.
“Oh, fuck me! This feels so good.”
My thumb moves to my clit without me even thinking about it. All I can see is Turner’s face; the way he would watch me so intently when I would fall apart at his talented hands, his rough then gentle strokes. A quiet sob escapes my throat thinking about him and how much I love him, in spite of everything I have done to break every vow spoken the day we got married. I know he would forgive me. He would understand.
I will always love you, I say to him in my heart.
I’m here with you. I will never leave your dreams.
The sound of his voice in my head is my undoing as my orgasm curls my toes. A low, strangled cry passes my lips as my juices flow.
My eyes pop open. I know I’m bright red, and beads of sweat are rolling down my forehead. Removing my fingers from inside of me, I do one last thing before I clean myself up. I bring them to my mouth and lick every single one of them clean. My focus remains on my task. Never once do I glance up to where I know those fucking cameras are. This is the one and only time I hope like hell Trent has lied to me, and he’s watching.
Taking Journey out of her crib, I curl up on my side on the bed with my sweet girl tucked close. I gaze out the open window into the pitch black of the night. After a while, the door opened. Tina sailed in and dropped a few bags of food and baby items on the table, then walked out without saying a word.
Fine by me. The sound of her voice is unpleasant as hell. To know I am her victim in this game of hers makes my skin crawl. She’s poison. How could a mother do this to her own child? How could anyone do this to another human being at all?
I haven’t forgotten my earlier conversation with Trent today, either. When I asked him what Tina has on him, why he kisses her fucking ass, does everything she asks him to do, he completely eluded the question. He could snap her in half with his bare hands. Disappear, live a normal life. Well, as normal as a person on the run could live. Why? Unless he has a plan of his own.
He does, I know he does. Maybe he is going to wait until she gets the money. I know Melody so well. She’ll do anything if she truly believes I had Turner’s baby. Will she go to my brother and tell him, try to set my mother up? If she does, how will Zack respond to knowing it has been our own mother all along who’s the mastermind behind this whole thing? Shit, my head is throbbing. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
This vicious circle continuously spins. Trent and Tina are playing each other, and it all leads back to that money. That’s got to be the only reason why he is staying with her. She’s promised him some of that money. He knows she’s a conspiratorial cunt. He’s got to have a plan.
A part of me feels sorry for Trent, a young boy stolen away from his mother, raised by that bastard. He’s had nothing, no one to show him how to love or be loved. He confesses he loves me, and yet he goes along with her vile plan? What’s going to happen when the day comes that she tries to take Journey? Is he going to stand by and let her take my daughter and kill me like she wants him to, or is he going to fight and protect me, the woman he claims to love? He has nothing; no money, and no other family. Zilch. This is so fucked up.
God, I can only pray that his plan is to kill her, believing that he, the baby, and I would then just take off and disappear. He has to know I would never do it, though. This is so fucking confusing. I hate not knowing.
I fervently hope he saw me fingering myself earlier, baring myself to him. The next time he gets in here, I want him begging me to fuck him. Which I won’t. If I make it out of here alive, I will make sure no man touches me ever again. My body betrayed me so many times when Trent took over Turner’s life, and I won’t let it happen again. The trick is to let him think it will.
Last time I was fighting to save my husband’s life; to find him, and bring him home safe. That didn’t happen. He’s dead, and if it wasn’t for this precious, sweet girl, who for whatever reason God has blessed me with, I would have continued to find a way to kill myself.
Fragments of panic set in, knowing I have been left on this earth for however long without the other half of my soul. I will never get it back. I will live my life and fight with everything I have to give this girl as much love as I can, to let her live a normal life . . . if I can ever get the hell out of here.
I’m sick and tired of thinking over and over, ‘it’s time, Clove . . .’ ‘make a plan, Clove.’ I’m over it. Whatever damn day it is, this is going to be one of the last days I stay in here. Trent, be ready, you piece of shit. This strong-willed mother who will fight harder than ever before is gunning for you.
My mother was right about one thing . . . men do think with their dicks, and I am going to make you think I want yours.