Chapter Fifteen
Bianca couldn’t wrap her mind around Cage’s revelation. Even suspecting the answer she received hadn’t prepared her for his confirmation. Needing to escape him and his father, she’d fled upstairs.
His father…his father… The thought chased itself around her mind like a dog determined to catch his own tail. Dog. Mania intruded on the tears that kept leaking from her eyes. Swiping at them, she shoved off the bed and paced the room. Everything smelled like Cage, and it should piss her off.
A wolf…he’d turned her. Rubbing frantically at her wrist, she wished she could erase the mark, which seemed to burn with every stroke of her fingers. From the bathroom to the window, then back again. Exhausted, she threw herself on the bed. The pillow nearest her brought images of Cage to mind.
I missed him. It grated that even though she’d fought it, she’d fallen for the guy who’d just wrecked her life. Which isn’t fair…he saved my life. Technically, he’d saved and wrecked her life in the same moment.
An accident.
Whose side was her brain on? Rolling onto her back, she stared at the ceiling. The bruises, abrasions, and broken bones had all healed. Yet she remained weak, and ill. Why?
Because I’m changing.
Reality plowed into her. It was like puberty all over again. “Noo…” She groaned and sat up. Puberty had sucked. She’d been somewhere in Southeast Asia when her boobs appeared, and in the middle of Africa when her first real cramps happened. She did not want to go through that misery again.
Her cell phone rang and she grabbed it. The ring hurt her ears. Answering it without looking at the screen, she said, “What?”
“Sorry, Bianca. Did I ring you at the wrong time?” Tera Princeton’s voice reminded her of other priorities.
“Not at all. Sorry, I’m distracted. What’s up?” Needing something else to focus on, she latched on to the relief coordinator’s voice.
“Fantastic, we’re having trouble with…” Tera began detailing supply issues, and for the first time since Cage arrived home again, Bianca found a semblance of control. With her laptop, she began taking notes and then logged into the message center where she found everything from manifests to weather reports to critical delays.
Between her and Tera, they began to unsnarl the knot—enough to at least get the shipments released from their customs hold and on their way. The success should have buoyed her, but accomplishing the task only left her weary to her bones.
“Tera, who do you have onsite in Rangoon right now?”
“Doctors Beyond Borders are still en route. We have some engineers and construction workers from the continent; they deployed on a couple of donated flights from Air Atlantea. More will be arriving over the next thirty-six hours. The primary goal at the moment is to get to the survivors and to shore up infrastructure.”
All logical. “I meant who is in charge on the ground?” With so many different organizations and individuals, a single point person could keep them from stepping on each other’s toes or worse—working in opposition.
“We don’t have one, yet. As soon as Peter wraps up on his current mission, he’ll head for Rangoon.”
She wanted to curse. “That’s putting two disasters in opposition, and there’s no guarantee he can get there in time.”
“It’s the best we have, and right now, the priority in Rangoon is shoring up the mudslides, unearthing those buried, and bringing in as many survivors as we can from the flooding. Those are always the priority before the rest, and you know this.” Being chastised by a woman halfway across the country didn’t improve Bianca’s current mood.
“I’m going to see about getting a flight out,” she said, decided. “It may take a couple of days, but once I’m onsite in Rangoon, I can coordinate. It would be better to have someone there to help avoid the pitfalls.”
“I wouldn’t rush to book the ticket, hon. You’re still recovering—broken wrist, broken ribs… They take time, and if you were to take ill or be injured further onsite, it would divert necessary aid from the victims to take care of you.”
Except her ribs and wrist weren’t broken anymore. Only she couldn’t tell her that. Even if it wasn’t some big secret—which neither Cage nor his father had to clue her into the paramount need for secrecy involving people who turned into ginormous wolves—no one in their right mind would believe her.
“I can’t just sit here and do nothing.” The urge to punch something invaded her blood. Frustration mounting, she closed her laptop and stood. The shakiness in her limbs seemed to spread until her whole body vibrated.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” Tera said, her tone placating. She shouldn’t have to soothe Bianca’s agitation. “But don’t book any tickets. I’ll keep you updated. And before you say you’re not doing anything, those supplies just got freed to move because of you. So I would say that’s something.”
Bianca knew she was right. It didn’t change the distress cramping her.
“Well, if I get on a flight for Rangoon, I’ll let you know.” Then the call was over, and she tossed her cell onto the bed. Maybe what she needed was a shower to clear the cobwebs.
“What the hell do you mean ‘get on a flight for Rangoon’?” Cage’s low, deadly voice pulled her around. The man in question stood in the doorway, filling it, and he positively seethed.
“There’s a natural disaster going on. Flooding. People are dying. They don’t have a coordinator on the ground.”
“You are not going to Rangoon.” An order, it held an air of finality.
It pissed her off. Instantly. “I don’t recall asking your permission.” Fury powered through her, chasing away the fatigue as suddenly as the tired had struck her earlier. “Working relief efforts, it’s what I do.”
“It’s what you did.” Cage snarled, closing the distance between them. “Don’t you understand what is happening to you? You cannot go halfway across the world.”
“I understand you bit me,” she said, slapping a hand against his chest when he crowded into her space. The force she applied wasn’t that much, but her wrist didn’t buckle under it. If she’d needed proof that she had actually healed, she had it. “I understand that means I’ll be howling at the moon or scratching at my fleas or whatever it is you do when you’re not playing Marine and saving people’s lives then turning them upside down.”
Teeth gritted, Cage held his position. He didn’t try to press in closer, and the amber in his eyes seemed to glow. Sexy as hell, and just as infuriating. “Biting you was an accident, one I regret. No one should ever have their choice taken from them—not for a careless swipe of teeth.”
Then he grasped her hand, covering it where it pressed against his chest. Beneath her palm, she could feel the rapid beat of his heart. Anger wasn’t the only emotion motivating him.
“I get that,” she admitted, unwilling to beat him with the knowledge she’d already accepted. “I was there, Cage—remember? I was there when you saved me. The man you tore off of me—he was going to kill me. I saw my death in his eyes. As much as I didn’t want to die, I wanted to save Collin more.”
All at once, the fight seemed to go out of him, and he slid his arms around her. Pressing her face to his chest, she closed her eyes and held on. The warmth of Cage’s embrace surrounded her, buffeting her against the whole world. It was easy to pretend they were connected on some far deeper level. God, she wanted to pretend to go back to the week when they danced, played, shopped, laughed, and made love.
Tears burned in her eyes again, and she pushed away from him. Leaning on him was one thing when she’d been recovering, right now…now she had to figure this whole thing out. Thankfully, Cage didn’t fight her. He let her go and she paced away.
“Where’s your father?” Alpha. That was another fun fact to get used to. But like any new culture she’d been introduced to, she just needed to learn the rules and the customs so she could navigate the unfamiliar waters.
“He’s giving us a few minutes. He went over to inspect my house.” Standing in the middle of her bedroom, Cage seemed so utterly alone and isolated. The urge to comfort him vied with the restlessness pacing in her system.
“I hope you’re not in trouble.” What else did she say? When did it get so awkward between them? As if in answer to her internal question, her wrist itched.
“Trouble is a relative term. He’s not pleased I didn’t tell him. We’ll talk, and I’ll take whatever consequences he dishes out. I can handle his anger, but not yours.” He gave her a wry smile. The beard looked so weird on him. A shadow of the pelt he wore as a wolf, only darker. Though admittedly, his wolf was very dark.
“Will my wolf look like yours?” The question seemed to startle him. “And if you’re my—what are you to me? Like a wolf parent?”
His eyes widened a fraction, then he was across the room and lifting her into his arms. “I am not your parent.” His mouth crashed down against hers. The sizzle roared to life, cascading flames of need and desire to twist through her. She slid her hands into his hair. It was so much thicker and lusher than before he left.
The thrust of his tongue left her drunk on the taste of him. Even his scent went muskier, darker, with notes of real need and hunger. A hunger she shared. Her T-shirt shredded, and then her panties. Suddenly, she was naked. The rasp of his shirt against her bare nipples sent an electric bolt through her.
“You have no idea how often I’ve wanted to just rip your clothes out of the way,” he said between kisses along her jaw to her ear. A shudder rippled up her spine and she hitched her thighs to his hips. When his teeth grazed over her pulse point, she cried out. It was almost too much, sensation crashing against sensation.
“Dammit,” she said, running her hands to his shoulders then his back. The last thing she should want was sex. Yet, the pure strength bulging in his muscles acted like an erotic tonic on her system. Every part of her wanted him. Was it her? Or her…wolf? It was so insane, all of it. The crazy need for him. The fact he wasn’t all human. That she wasn’t. Yet she wanted him. Not just the kisses, but the feel of him holding her—touching her—needing her. She tasted his desire against her tongue and, when he raised his head, she nibbled a kiss against his jaw.
Filled with curiosity, she angled her head then grazed her teeth against his throat. The stubble rasped her lips, but his whole body jerked at her caress. Tracing her tongue over the same spot, she delighted at his raw reaction. The primitive act provoked a response within her.
“I need you,” he admitted, the gut-wrenching declaration, one which called to her soul.
“I’m here,” she whispered, fighting against repeating the same to him. God, she needed him, too. Dammit. He twisted and she was against the wall. Between them, she got his shorts down. Fisting him, she met his gaze as she guided him to her entrance. Then he eased into her and they both groaned. The friction sent bolts of pleasure through her, and her nipples tightened.
Anchoring her legs around his hips, she leaned into the wall. Then Cage gripped her hands and pressed them against the wall above her head. Gaze on hers, he began to rock his hips. Every thrust seemed to bring him deeper. Her earlier tears resurfaced and he froze.
“You’re not hurting me,” she promised him, understanding his unspoken question. “I’m a mess and you’re so beautiful.”
“You’re the beautiful one.” He whispered the words like a promise, then nuzzled her mouth. The softness of his beard tickled her skin and seemed to amplify the pleasure beginning to radiate through her. Finding his rhythm, he increased the angle of his thrust, and she shook every time he connected.
Sweat trickled along his brow, and she recognized the control he exerted. It seemed to crystallize within her. Cage always had control, he guided their lovemaking, and from the strength she’d already experienced, she knew he held back. The wildness in him, so carefully contained, lurked just below the surface.
She’d come face-to-face with his wildness earlier. Shifting in front of her had given her a glimpse of his other half.
Noble.
The word suited him. Tough. Generous to a fault. Overprotective. God, the man—the wolf?—had a hero complex. She reveled in his nearness, feeling him surge into her. The caress of his lips along her throat sent another layer of pleasure to eddy with the brewing storm he created within her. It all twined together with her earlier restlessness, stimulating her.
His amber gaze never left hers as they came together, and the slow burn suddenly ignited. The orgasm shook her to her core, and she gripped his hands as he shouted his release. They collapsed together onto the carpet, and Bianca wrapped her arms around him.
Cradling her, he murmured words she didn’t understand against her hair. Petting his back, she seemed as captivated as he by the need to touch, be touched, and to extend the connection they’d found. Who knew making love against a wall could be so vividly sweet? She’d always imagined it to be a reckless abandon that drove people to couple with such unabashed ferocity. Yet even amid the demand in his touch, he’d given her far more. Still, she hungered for him.
She’d returned from the jungle fundamentally changed, and needing Cage seemed to be a part of that.
How the hell was she going to tell him good-bye?
…
“What?” Cage turned around, still toweling off. After their amazing coupling, he’d managed to lure her into the shower. They’d held each other, soaped each other down, then washed. The hollows in her cheeks had lessened and a brightness chased away the shadows in her eyes.
“I think you need to go.” She repeated her earlier sentence, the one he thought he’d misheard. Hadn’t they just had sex against the wall? Hadn’t he just held her while she came apart in his arms? The erotic nature of her scent beckoned to him. Yet, she sat on the edge of the tub, wrapped in a towel, her expression neither playful nor teasing.
“Why?” He dropped his towel and took a step toward her. When she pointed her forefinger at him, he halted. “Bianca, you don’t understand.”
“You’re right,” she told him, nodding slowly. “There’s a lot I don’t understand. Up to and including everything that’s happening to me.” She extended her arm and rotated her previously fractured wrist. “I’m healing. I shouldn’t be able to get my freak on with impunity where you’re concerned; my ribs should hurt like a bitch. They don’t. I broke my ribs before, a few years ago. I know what it feels like.”
It was the turn, speeding up her body’s natural ability to heal.
“I can hear more than I have before. I notice little things. Colors seem brighter. Smells stronger.”
Cage raked his fingers through his hair. Wanting to go to her but respecting her request to keep his distance wrecked him. Leashing his desire took every ounce of his strength, but he owed deference to her wishes.
“I knew when you were lying, didn’t know how I knew, but I did—and having you tell me I’m a wolf and seeing you—that was one thing. Your father was something…other. It was like I could feel him when he started speaking at the door. Every part of me wanted to stand up and take notice.”
She accepted so much, so easily.
“I should—I need to tell you a lot of things, answer your questions.”
“No, you don’t.” The quiet confidence in her tone defeated him momentarily, and he filled his hand with shaving cream. If he didn’t give himself something to do, he’d be over there pinning her and asking her why. The dominance roiling inside of him would never be directed at her. His wolf’s agitation increased even as the man worried about her tone. Neither of them wanted to frighten her.
Understand.
Yes, he agreed with his wolf. They definitely needed to understand. “Care to explain it for me?” Not growling actually took physical effort.
He smoothed on the shaving cream, then pulled a razor from his shaving kit on the counter, next to his toothbrush and comb. Her toiletries were scattered around the other sink. He liked seeing his stuff near hers. Liked being near her, period.
“You’re angry,” Bianca said gently, and he met her gaze in the mirror. The gold ring around her hazel eyes warned him to throttle back his temper.
“Not angry, precisely,” he hedged. “I just don’t like the idea of not helping you.” There, that made perfect sense to him and his wolf.
“I know. You have a hero complex. It’s wonderfully sexy and thoroughly intoxicating.”
The open adoration in her tone had him ready to thump his chest. Instead, he used the razor to begin cleaning up the growth of beard. Steady strokes swiped away the whiskers. The whole time he was vividly aware of her observation. “Thank you,” he said when she didn’t continue. “I’m here for you.”
“I know you are. It’s why you bought the house across the street, isn’t it?”
Fuck. Busted.
“Yes.” No more lies. No more half-truths. No more misdirection. “They mentioned something about a bite on the ship. I wasn’t sure if it was true or some other kind of injury, but if I had bitten you, I needed to be here for you.”
“And to be here, you manufactured a way to get close to me.”
“When you put it like that, it doesn’t sound very noble.” He cleaned his chin and the underside of his jaw, then moved to his cheeks. The need for a steady hand kept him focused, but he couldn’t help checking her expression in the mirror.
“Not saying it was or wasn’t, just trying to understand.” She rose from the edge of the tub, then crossed to the counter. The towel was tucked between her breasts, but it seemed to enhance her beauty even more than a fancy dress. Natural and inescapable in her simple beauty. After squeezing out a small amount of lotion into her palm, she rubbed her hands together.
Sighing, he braced a hand on the sink to keep from reaching over and taking hers. If she wanted contact, she could reach for him. Respecting her boundaries cost him, but it wouldn’t be right to do otherwise.
“Secrecy is paramount to the packs. We do not advertise our existence.” Concentrating on the explanation helped to arrest his natural impulses. That and shaving. “In the interests of self-preservation, and for humans in general, it’s safer that no one knows we exist out of a select few.”
“Humans.” She repeated his phrasing slowly, turning the word over. “So you’re not human.”
“Not fully,” he admitted, then rinsed off the razor before resuming his shave. “We’re both human and wolf. We’re born this way. Some of us shift as young as the age of two, others may take until they hit puberty. Either way, it’s who we are.”
“So how long have you been around?”
“How long has humanity been around?” He paused to give her a wry look.
“Depends on who you ask.” The dry response was exactly what he’d been seeking.
“Exactly.” He pointed his razor at her. “We are—that’s the important part.”
“I can appreciate that.” She stripped off her towel and hung it up. A familiar pulse thrummed through him. Her bruises had all but faded, and her skin was smooth save for the areas he’d irritated with his beard—and the red bite mark on her wrist. Padding from the bathroom, she vanished into the bedroom.
The sound of drawers opening told him she was looking for clothes.
“Okay,” she continued when he joined her. “Wolves exist, you live in packs. But you’re also in the military.”
“A few decades ago, the packs were compromised. Satellite surveillance and video technology threatened to out us. The alphas convened a special meeting, where they debated their options. Once upon a time, if civilization drew too close, we would simply move our packs into the wilderness, farther away—disappear.” He retrieved his shorts and T-shirt.
“Hard to do when they can follow you wherever you go.” She perched on the edge of the bed. The sundress she’d pulled out was a sunny yellow, and it gave her skin a deeper golden glow.
“Exactly.” Folding his arms, he studied her. “The threat to our survival was very real. Most humans kill what they don’t understand. Or try to contain it. In all-out war with humanity, we might survive, but it wouldn’t be pretty and the loss on both sides would be immeasurable. Choosing to work out a deal, they negotiated with those strategic military and political positions, then under a secret presidential order, Bravo Team WOLF was born.”
“Wolf?” Her eyebrows climbed and skepticism hollowed the word.
“Weapons of Lethal Force. Look, I didn’t make that shit up. It’s what they chose.” It was a done deal by the time he’d been allowed to volunteer. “Either way, it was a gamble. The unit is need-to-know, and we serve to protect US interests. In exchange, the packs are given anonymity and sovereignty over their own.”
“You were blackmailed into working for them?”
Cage shook his head. “Don’t misunderstand me. I’m very proud of what we’re doing. We save lives. We’re Americans, too. This is our country, and as long as this country is safe, then the packs are safe. The alphas negotiated to preserve our way of life, and the safety of our youths, so that we all have a future.”
Clasping her palms together, Bianca tapped them lightly against her chin, her expression pensive. “When you’re not serving or buying a house across the street from me to watch over me—which by the way is still a little sketchy, but I’m going to let that piece go for now—what do you do? Live in some hidden-away paradise?”
The image she painted left him snickering. “We’re not from Oz, babe. We live in towns, and in the city, and where the work takes us.”
He sat on the edge of the bed not quite touching her.
“So you can live anywhere?”
“Within the territory held by our pack, yes. If I were to go to California, to see a beach, I would have to apply for dispensation from the Palisades Pack because California is their territory. The team can go there, if we’re sent to one of the bases for training because the team has special dispensation from all the packs.”
“It gives me a headache thinking about this… Does that mean I can’t just go to Washington DC now if I need to work on lobbying for more federal aid money or something?”
A fair concern. “You could. You would just have to send a request to your alpha—and he would in turn secure the passage for you.”
“My. Alpha.” Her pupils dilated. “Your father?”
Patience. His wolf rubbed against the inside of his skin, offering support. “Yes, my father. Because I am responsible for your turn, you would be a part of our pack.”
“If I didn’t want to be? What happens then?”
Ice sheathed him. “Bianca…”
“What happens then, Cage?”
He didn’t want to answer the question, but his wolf clawed at him. If they wanted her to trust them, to forgive them, then they could hold nothing back. “If you did not want to stay in my pack, we could arrange for you to meet with other packs until you found one where you would be comfortable.”
“What if I didn’t want to be in any pack?”
Studying her posture, the hunched shoulders and the tightly clasped hands, he realized she was containing her own discomfort with his revelation. Recognizing the potential upset, he said as gently as possible, “For now, you have no choice. Wolves require structure, and you’re still turning and learning…it could be a much steeper curve than you realize.” Steeper still, if she doesn’t survive.
Unacceptable. He held his snarl in check. The wolf retreated, because he didn’t like the idea of losing her, either.
“No choice at all?”
“Not now. Maybe…” He wanted to offer her hope, however remote, that she could live life on her terms. “Maybe in the future. First, you have to finish the transition, then it will be acclimating to your wolf, to your senses to…what your life will be like.”
Bianca pushed away from the bed and paced over to the window. “I won’t be able to go to Rangoon, then.”
“No.” The desire to apologize remained present. “Maybe not for a long time. It will be safer for you to stay with us.”
She didn’t turn to look at him. “Can’t really stay with you, can I? You’ve got a job.”
“My pack will not turn you away. You can stay with my abuela, or if that is too much, I’m sure my father will be more than happy to let you stay in one of the guest places on the ranch.” Likely, his father would insist upon it. New wolves needed to control all of their impulses. Until she did, a strong alpha could do it for her. “Then I could see you whenever I have leave, and I’m only a phone call away.”
Laughter escaped her and it wasn’t a friendly sound. “That’s really rather kind of you.”
God, he was fucking this whole thing up. “Bianca…” He needed to hold her, to make this right.
“No.” She denied him, pivoting to hold up her hand and he stopped. “Don’t, please. I know you mean well, but I can’t think when you’re touching me.”
Gritting his teeth, and heart aching, he held his position. “Babe, I want to help you.”
“I know, but you can’t right now. In fact, I really would prefer it if you would go. I need some time…time to figure all of this out.”
He couldn’t leave her. “Bianca.”
“No, I need you to go. I need to be alone. I need to figure this out for me. Not for you and not because you want it or because I want to make you happy or for any of a thousand other reasons.”
Heartsick, he wanted to argue with her but he couldn’t. “I’ll be across the street,” he conceded. The loss in her eyes, the ache in her voice, and the confusion in her scent all combined to torment him. “I’m not going to disappear on you.”
Please don’t disappear on me.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Can I get you anything before I go?”
Leaving her meant not being there to watch over her fever or make sure she ate.
“I’ll be fine,” she assured him, but he didn’t believe her. Maybe he didn’t want to believe her.
Or maybe he was the one who wouldn’t be fine.
Narrowing the distance, he put his finger beneath her chin then met her gaze. “I’ll go because you asked me. I don’t like it. I don’t want to not be here if you need me. I’ll be across the street. If you need anything, and I mean anything, promise me you will call.”
For a moment, a tremulous smile curved her lips. “I’m a big girl, Cage. I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time, but I promise. I’ll call.”
There was nothing else for him to do but brush a kiss to her lips. After, he grabbed his shoes and backed from the room, committing the sight of her to memory.
Every step taking him away from her cost him. Worse than when he’d gone on the mission.
After opening the front door, he reengaged her alarm and closed the door after him, locking it. When he’d been recalled for the mission, he’d been positive he would come back.
To her.
This time, he held no such assurance.
And it was killing him.