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Mayhem's Hero: Operation Mayhem by Lindsay Cross (22)

22

“Why won’t he see me?” Audra crossed her arms over her chest, fighting off the frustration that had become such a big part of her life over the past two weeks.

Melissa sighed and pulled off her glasses, rubbing the bridge of her nose in a fashion that Audra had learned meant the doctor was fatigued. "He's not talking to anyone. But my educated guess would be that he feels guilty."

Audra felt her eyes widen a fraction. "Guilty? About what? He nearly sacrificed his life to save all of us."

"Yes, I see it that way to. But I don't think he does."

"Does this have anything to do with the man at the warehouse? The one the rest of the team has been so secretive about?"

She felt like an immature teenager standing out here in the hallway whispering to Melissa with Diggs lying just beyond the closed door in bed. He’d been able to get up and move around a couple of weeks ago, and Melissa told her that he’d even gone down to the training center to start doing physical therapy and exercising in his recovery. He would be operational within the month. And yet she hadn't been allowed to see him. Not once.

"Yes. Diggs was with Dawson, his best friend, when he thought he'd died. I think now that he realizes Dawson was alive he thinks he abandoned his teammate. And I think he also feels that way about you." Melissa replaced her glasses and faced Audra. Her expression was full of sympathy and understanding. "I've tried to talk to him about it for you, but he won't listen."

Frustration running through her was enough to make her want to kick the door instead, she stood there calmly and quietly, desperate for any information Melissa was willing to impart. "What can I do? I can't stay here forever if he doesn't want me to." Especially with all the pitiful looks the rest of his team cast her way every time she entered a room they occupied. Everyone knew how pathetic she was for hanging on as long as she had, but there's something keeping her here. Something she couldn't give up on just yet. Not without at least talking to Diggs one more time. If he told her to go she would, she would have a broken heart but she'd honor and respect his wishes. "Just get me in the room. If he wants me to leave he's going to have to tell me to my face. I'm not letting him take the coward's way out."

Not when she loved him this much.

He was hurting, hurting more than she could probably understand but turning her away wasn't the answer.

A faint smile stretched across Melissa's lips and approval glowed in her dark blue eyes. "I was hoping you would say that. I told Diggs I would be here to complete his final assessment on whether he was ready to resume full training. He's waiting inside right now."

Audra couldn't help but rise up on the balls of her feet slightly. "Really?"

Melissa laid her hand on Audra's arm. "I want you to remember something. Diggs is a soldier, and not just a normal one. He's one of the best. He's not used to failure, and he thinks that's what he is. He thinks he's a failure."

Understanding dawned and a flare of hope lit inside her. "He thinks he's not good enough for me."

"Bingo."

"Crazy man."

"It's just how they are wired. But I told you so you wouldn't give up on him. He's hurting and he needs you. I think if you leave he won't ever recover." Melissa reached out and knocked softly on the door.

"Dr. Averton?" Diggs’ deep beautiful voice sounded from the other side of the door and Audra's toes curled in her shoes. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed the sound of his voice.

"Yes. May I come in?" Melissa answered.

Audra took a small step forward her hand inching towards the doorknob.

"Come in, doors unlocked,” Diggs said.

"Good luck." Melissa tucked her hands in the pockets of her lab coat and walked down the hall, entering Quantum’s room and softly shutting the door behind her.

Suddenly nervous Audra's hand froze on the knob. She hadn’t seen him in weeks. What would he do when she was the one who opened the door? Would he turn her way? Would he even look at her?

Was she going to stand here in the hallway like a coward all day and possibly give up on the man she loved?

Audra's resolve firmed, she gripped the doorknob and eased the door open, stepping inside and quickly shutting it behind her. Diggs faced the window beside the bed, hands clasped behind his back, powerful legs spread shoulder width apart, his dark hair longer than normal. Her fingers itched to run through it and she quickly rubbed her palm down her thigh.

"I don't see why this last evaluation is necessary. I told you, I'm back to full strength and ready to resume normal activity." Diggs turned, locked gazes with her and froze. A 5 o'clock shadow covered his jaw. He’d lost weight, his eyes were darker than normal, his cheeks more prominent. He didn't have on a shirt and there was a large white raised scar that ran the length of his abdomen. Even so, his muscles stood defined and breathtaking. She devoured him, took in every minuscule detail from the top of the shaggy head to his masculine toes as he stood there barefoot on the carpet.

"Diggs," she said and took a small step in his direction every cell inside her yearning to be close to him.

"What are you doing here?" He asked harshly.

She stumbled back, hurt but not surprised at his tone. "Why won’t you see me?"

"You need to leave. Where's Melissa?" He stood right by the window, unmoving. But his hands were clenched at his sides and even though his face looked impassive she could see the tension rolling off his body.

Encouraged Audra took another step and then another until she was halfway across the room. "She's not coming."

"Why not?"

Audra lifted her chin daring him to argue. "Because I told her we needed to talk."

"We have nothing to talk about." And just like that, he turned his back on her.

Her gaze narrowed on his back, memorizing the sharp planes of his shoulders and spine. Melissa had been right to warn her. But if Diggs thought she was giving up that easily he didn't know her very well. Silently, she padded across the room and touched his shoulder, moving with him when he flinched away from her. "We need to talk."

Finally, he faced her. He turned and she didn't know if it was because he was trying to get away from her touch or see her face. From the closed off expression on his face she guessed it was the previous. "There's nothing to talk about. Trigger took care of your brother’s commander and I lost the gold."

"Diggs, we all lost the gold. We were attacked."

“I let Dawson take me by surprise. I put you in danger. I didn't avenge your brother. If you’re through, could you please leave?"

His words stabbed her, intentionally hurting her but she was a big girl. She could take it, especially from a man like this. "You were nearly killed.”

"Exactly." In a surprise move Diggs grabbed her shoulders, raw pain burning up his eyes. "I didn't protect you or my team. I failed. And I'm not going to fail again."

He yanked his hands back as if they’d been burned but she grabbed him, wrapped her arms around his waist and held on tight. His chest rose and fell in short bursts, his heart thudded hard and fast against her ear. "You saved me. You’re my hero."

Diggs let out a harsh bark of laughter. “I didn't save you. A damn three-legged dog did.” Diggs’ fingers wrapped around her arms and peeled them off his waist. He held her away from him as if he couldn't stand her touch. "I failed my team. If I would have warned King sooner, he would still be able to see out of both of his eyes. Now he's partially blind because of me." Diggs jabbed a finger at his chest, all of the cool unemotional tone gone from his voice. "I left my best friend in a godforsaken lab to be experimented on like an animal. Don't you see? I'm not the hero. I'll never be the hero."