I gently pushed open the bedroom door, barely able to breathe. Once standing inside the room, I realised I’d forgotten how magnificently spacious it was, with beautifully restored period interiors. In the middle of the room was a lavish four-poster bed with a gold-embroidered bedspread and through another open door there was the marvellous marble bathroom.
Everything was just so; there was a dressing table with a silver brush and an old-fashioned perfume vaporiser. A pair of ballet shoes hung over the mirror and two chairs positioned in front of the window overlooked splendid views.
Grandie was sitting on the edge of the bed staring out on to the farm gardens and the fields beyond which stretched for miles and miles. His eyes teemed with tears, his wedding photo grasped in his hand.
I felt my heart sink to a new depth.
‘Hi Grandie,’ I said, in a wavery voice.
He looked up and slowly placed the photo down at the side of him. He extended a shaky hand towards me. I quickly grabbed it and sat down next to him.
For a moment, he didn’t say a word. He just clutched my hand then cupped his other hand over the top before turning towards me.
It was me who broke the silence. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you,’ my voice caught in my throat. ‘Curiosity got the better of me, which I know is no excuse.’
His face paled. ‘I know, I know,’ he stuttered, ‘to see the door open …’ He patted my hand. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ he said, sadly.
‘It does matter, I should have asked you first before I went poking my nose in.’
‘How did you discover it?’
‘It was Ben, he noticed it when he was at the top of the ladder. When I had a look, I couldn’t believe it. Why is it all overgrown,’ I asked cautiously, ‘hidden away?’
Grandie dabbed his eyes with a handkerchief from his pocket. ‘Because it was all too painful. Florrie and I had this place and the dance school to rattle around in, but that little room was where we escaped, let the magic happen. Our own private space where we could be ourselves and dance together. Happy memories – and sad ones too – but once Florrie was gone, I couldn’t step foot inside there again. The grief was too much for me to handle.’
Grandie looked around the room. ‘The same as this place. This was our bedroom, everything is just how it was when she was alive. Some people may find that a little morbid, but I find it strangely comforting. Soon after we lost her, I moved over to the other side of the house, but Connie still comes in here to dust and vacuum each week.’
‘It’s a magnificent room, and look at those views, they’re incredible.’
The corners of his mouth turned slightly upwards. ‘Florrie used to sit in that chair and read and read. When she wasn’t dancing she was reading. I’d sit opposite with my newspaper, the pair of us could sit in a comfortable silence for many hours.’
‘You still miss her.’
‘Without a doubt, every day. No one could ever replace or even come close to the love we shared, she was one in a million.’
‘I know how she died. I read the newspaper article.’
I could see him take a deep breath. ‘Is that the first you knew of it?’
I nodded. ‘Why did no one tell me?’
‘I suppose we muddled through. The events of that night still haunt me, and you were only a little girl, but I’m sorry you found out this way.’
I nodded. ‘Maybe that was the same for Mum too. She’s never spoken to me about it at all.’ I took a breath. ‘Connie has just told me that I share the same birthday with Grandma too. I never knew that either.’
‘You do … that date became doubly painful once you’d left.’
I couldn’t imagine what he’d gone through each year, the grief of losing Grandma then the pain of losing me.
I shook my head. ‘But this is what I don’t understand. Shouldn’t this have brought you and Mum closer together?’ I swallowed. I knew I was pressing him but now he’d begun to open up about Mum a little, I needed to ask.
He dabbed his eyes once more and looked like he’d swallowed a large lump in his throat.
His voice was shaky, ‘There was a time when Connie and I were so worried that Rose would suffer a miscarriage – her weight plummeted with grief. Rose and Florrie were close you see, they had a special mother-and-daughter bond. But luckily for us you got here safe and sound,’ he placed his hand on my knee. ‘You brought hope back to us, new love. It was you who gave me the strength to start living again.’
‘And Mum?’ I pressed the conversation again.
‘We were very close when you were born,’ was all Grandie offered.
‘It sounds like you both helped each other get through this,’ I added softly.
He nodded. ‘The whole community was affected. Over the years, Florrie and your mum taught so many children and adults to dance in the village. Flowers stretched for miles and miles outside the entrance of Honeysuckle Farm. The children from the dance school all hung their ballet shoes on the gates, it was heart-breaking for everyone. You’d have thought she was royalty,’ he added, giving a small chuckle. ‘She touched the hearts of many families around here.’
‘I only wish I had the chance to spend time with her.’
He nodded his understanding. ‘You are very much like her, the same striking blue eyes, beautiful and kind.’ He paused and took a deep breath, and his voice wavered. ‘Your grandma would have been so proud of you, just like I am. Re-open the dance school, Alice. It’s been closed far too long and I’m not getting any younger.’
The tears were now rolling down my cheeks. ‘But … but what if I can’t do it? What if I let you down?’
He raised his eyebrows.
‘I may not be good enough to step into your shoes, Grandma’s shoes, or Mum’s, for that matter.’ Self-doubt oozed out of my every pore.
‘You are a gem Alice, and you just need the chance to be polished so you can shine brighter and brighter. This could be your calling. Open up the school, the whole community will be behind you.’
‘I’m so tempted, but you know the dilemma I’m in.’
He remained silent, but his eyes were earnest.
It was time to bite the bullet while I had his full attention.
‘What if I could persuade Mum to come back to Brook Bridge, put the last thirteen years behind you both? We could open the dance school together, as a team … a family.’ As far as I could see, there was nothing keeping her in New York. ‘What do you think?’
He shook his head. ‘Your mum would never come back.’
I bit down on my lip. ‘Why did it go wrong? Why did we leave for New York? What happened between you?’
The question hung in the air.
‘That is something you’ll have to ask her.’
‘But I’m asking you. How can I make a decision on my future without knowing all the facts?’
‘All I can tell you is that this place is your home, you belong here, and you have all this waiting for you.’
Technically, I knew this wasn’t all mine. This should be Mum’s inheritance. Grandie was asking a hell of a lot, basically telling me to cut ties with her. Their argument wasn’t my argument. Surely they could both understand that, but how could I be disloyal to Mum?
‘You, Alice, are such a beautiful girl. Your mum did well bringing you up to be such a loving, considerate woman, but sometimes you have to make choices in life – follow a path that you want to follow. It doesn’t mean everyone will like it at first, but in time …’ he broke off.
My mind whirled. Was he saying that if I took this opportunity he thought Mum would actually follow me back to England? But how would I know that for sure? There weren’t any guarantees.
‘Do you want her to come back?’ I asked, feeling utterly confused and frustrated by the whole situation.
Grandie swerved the question completely: ‘Let’s go and get a cup of tea.’
‘Please, Grandie, I’m not a child any more. Everything is not fixed by a cup of tea. Don’t you think I deserve the truth?’ I pleaded as he placed his cane on the floor and pushed himself up.
‘Connie will be wondering what’s keeping us.’
Needless to say, my efforts to get to the bottom of it failed.
I was close to breaking point, the sheer frustration of the situation was taking its toll. Why would no one tell me what was really going on? What happened all those years ago to tear them apart, when it was clear to me by the tears and the tormented look on his face that he still loved Mum?
But with Mum in New York, I knew I was going to have to dig deeper to uncover the truth. I decided to ring her and tell her I’d made the decision to stay in England and re-open the dance school and I wanted her to do it with me. At least then, the offer was on the table. If she decided to turn it down there was nothing more I could do.