Chapter 5
Dawn set up the ironing board in the quiet house. Rick had left at six-thirty, as he always did on Monday mornings, and the children were in school. She usually liked this time of day, when she could put the radio on in the sunny kitchen, make a cup of tea and read a magazine or a book, get some chores done or just sit and think.
She’d been out to check on Wallace the second and Lulu, and had found them quietly nibbling on hay, so she’d given them some carrots, changed the water in the bottle that clipped to the front of the hutch, then gone back inside to switch the kettle on. The new Wallace sure was hefty for a guinea pig. She wondered for a moment what had happened to the other little Wallace. She had asked Rick the previous afternoon, and he’d managed to tell her that he’d found Wallace and brought him home, but then they’d been interrupted by Laura and it had slipped her mind. She was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt and concern, and the only way she could ease it was to blame her pregnancy brain and reassure herself that Rick would have put Wallace somewhere safe. Somewhere the cats from the café couldn’t find him, hopefully.
The thermostat on the iron clicked, so she picked a shirt from the ironing pile and slid it over the end of the board. She worked on autopilot: collar, sleeves, side, back, side. She’d done this so many times before that it was automatic, and before she knew it, she’d done four shirts and her tea was getting cold. She poured it down the sink then rinsed the mug.
Something was prickling at her subconscious and she’d been trying to keep it there, out of sight, not wanting to let it surface. But as she gazed at through the kitchen window at the generous garden – where even though it was still warm, the autumnal shades of red, orange and brown dominated – the question shot to the surface like a bubble and popped.
Was her mother right? Was Rick having an affair?
Her hand shot to her mouth. She knew that husbands and wives did cheat; she had her father’s behaviour as a prime example. Plus the media loved to parade gritty stories of celebrity marital problems and affairs at the public all the time. She knew people whose marriages had failed because of it and those who’d stayed together, trying to work things out after one of them had cheated, and often they tried to make it work because of their children. But she had never really believed that it could happen in her own marriage. Not between her and Rick; they loved each other, didn’t they? They had always sworn that they’d never disrespect each other in that way. But had Rick forgotten that as the years passed? Had someone in his busy, flashy, high-flying City job caught his eye and turned his head while his wife sat at home caring for their two children, getting fatter with her third pregnancy? Was Rick fed up with her or did he want to have some fun then come back to her? Could she allow that?
No she bloody well couldn’t.
She took a deep breath. Her thoughts were racing away here and she might be imagining it all. This was Rick she was thinking about. He wouldn’t cheat, surely? Not Rick.
She decided to leave the ironing for a bit and to check her Facebook page – that usually made her feel a bit better when worries rushed in. She could see if there was any news from her friends who’d moved away and from the friends she’d made at university. She retrieved the lightweight laptop that she shared with Rick from the study, then took it back to the kitchen, placed it on the kitchen island and switched it on.
It flickered into life and she was about to click on the Internet symbol when a folder caught her eye.
Rick’s Stuff.
And her mother’s final whispered words from yesterday – the ones she’d uttered into Dawn’s ear, just before they left – came rushing back:
“You should check his emails, Dawnie. Just to be sure. It’s not right that he’s working so late, especially with you being pregnant. I read just last week in one of my magazines that a woman found out her husband was cheating with his secretary – oh the cliché – just from reading his emails. He’d forgotten to close down the account after using the family computer. Check them, then you’ll know if there’s something going on.”
She hovered the mouse over his folder, wondering if she could really do this. It was wrong and she knew that to the bottom of her heart but she also needed to put her mind at rest. And Rick was at work, probably wouldn’t be home until late. If she did this, she could find the much-needed reassurance that she really was being silly.
She opened the folder and found several other blue folders, then clicked on the one labelled Passwords.
Bit daft having your passwords stored on here, Rick.
But then he had so many and was constantly having to change them as he’d forgotten them, so it seemed he’d decided to keep them all in one place. There were probably lots of people who did the same thing, in spite of the warnings about cyber security and hackers.
The folder opened and she found a six-page Word document with the names of accounts and the passwords next to them. She scanned down the pages, her heart beating hard and a sour taste filling her mouth. Because she knew this was wrong. Rick obviously didn’t have anything to hide but then he wouldn’t expect her to go snooping. He’d actually told her at one point that he’d made a list of all his accounts, just in case anything ever happened to him and she needed to access them. It would make things easier, he’d said. She’d tried to laugh it off, not wanting to think about the possibility of being without Rick, but he’d been true to his word and ensured that she’d know where everything was if she needed it.
Her eyes stopped on the heading Rick’s email account.
She shouldn’t really, but she could just take a peek then be done with all this worrying.
Before she could overthink it, she clicked on the Internet link and signed into the account with the password.
The first few emails were from the bank and PayPal. The next was from an online sports company that was headed FLASH SALE: 50% off selected lines today only. The next one looked more interesting. More worrying. It was from a Brianna Mandrell and the subject heading was FYEO.
FYEO?
Dawn’s heart raced as she realised what that meant.
For your eyes only.
What the hell?
Her finger shook above the touchpad.
Her mind was screaming at her to stop; it was better not to know.
But…
She had to know.
She opened it.
And immediately wished she hadn’t.
***
Dawn hurried up the path to The Cosy Cottage Café. She opened the door with such force that she nearly faceplanted onto the welcome mat. She steadied herself then glanced around. Five customers: two women, two male delivery drivers and Fred Bennett, an elderly man from the village who always came to the café on a Monday morning.
She couldn’t see Allie, so she must be in the kitchen.
She went to the counter and stood there waiting, suddenly aware that she must look quite a state. After dropping the children at school, she’d changed into a pair of Rick’s old lounge pants and a washed out black t-shirt. Comfortable clothes for wearing while ironing. After seeing that terrible email, she hadn’t bothered to change. Her hair was in a messy ponytail and in her hurry to get to the café, the fringe she’d been growing out had slipped from its clip and now stuck to her clammy forehead. And as for makeup… she hadn’t bothered with that. Who was going to see her at home? What did it matter anyway?
Allie didn’t appear, so Dawn went behind the counter and into the kitchen. She found her friend scooping poached eggs from a pan then carefully arranging them on top of thick slices of toast covered with mashed avocado.
“Dawn! You gave me a fright then.” Allie paused, an egg suspended on the spatula in mid air, its golden yolk shiny and perfectly round, just waiting to be pierced by a fork. Dawn’s stomach rolled.
“Sorry. I had to come to see you. I can’t go to Mum’s as she’ll be doing her cleaning rounds and Camilla’s in work and I didn’t know who else to go to and…”
Allie’s expression changed as she took in Dawn’s appearance.
“Hold on.” She laid the egg on a slice toast then put the saucepan on the worktop. “Now, do you want to take a deep breath then tell me what’s going on? I love you, Dawnie, and you can always come to me when you need to but to be quite frank, you look like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.”
Dawn took a breath and was dismayed to find her vision blurring. Her throat ached as a lump rose there and she tried to speak but it emerged as a squeak.
“Okay, you stay here. I have to take these breakfasts out but I’ll be right back.” Allie dusted her hands on her apron then pushed Dawn onto a stool that she’d pulled from under the kitchen island, before disappearing with two plates.
Dawn took the time to try to pull herself together. Allie was always so kind and caring that whenever Dawn was feeling emotional, her composure usually slipped. She’d always worn her heart on her sleeve and her mother had often remarked that she was very different to Camilla in that respect. After their father had left, Camilla had seemed to toughen up, taking care of Dawn and their mother like they were her responsibility, even though she’d only been ten. Jackie had fallen into a deep depression and ten-year-old Camilla had taken over the running of the house while Jackie was out at work, ensuring that she and Dawn had clean uniforms and got to school on time. Camilla had made excuses to her teachers when her mother hadn’t shown up for parents’ evenings and had used her saved pocket money to purchase tins of beans and loaves of bread from the local shop to feed them. Jackie had emerged from the worst of her darkness after about eight months, but it had been an awful time.
Camilla had been a rock. But it was as if the whole experience had left her scarred and scared. She’d never had a long-term relationship and very rarely ever let her guard down, not even to Dawn. Her decision to never have children had been one that had initially shocked Dawn, as she’d longed to be a mother after falling in love with Rick. However, as time went on and Camilla didn’t falter in her decision, not even when she held her niece and nephew as tiny babies, Dawn realised that it was okay for her sister to lack maternal yearnings. As long Camilla was happy with her life, then Dawn didn’t need to worry about her. Sometimes, she even envied Camilla her freedom, her lack of responsibility, the fact that she could go into London and splurge on clothes and shoes then stay in a luxury hotel without worrying about the price or getting back for the school run. She wondered what it would be like to have a full night’s sleep and to spend an hour lounging in a bubble bath without someone needing the toilet, or a drink, or having a fight over the TV remote.
But their lives were very different and their parents’ divorce had affected them in different ways. Camilla swore she never wanted the whole marriage and children scenario while Dawn couldn’t imagine not having that life that she treasured. If anything, seeing her mother’s breakdown made Dawn crave domesticity. Her childhood had seemed perfect until her father left and in the weeks that followed his departure, she’d longed to come home from school to find her mother baking again, ready with a kiss and a smile at the door. But that idyllic stage of her life had passed and it never returned. Until Dawn married Rick and had her own home, and became determined to have the perfect family life, to be the wife and mother that Jackie had been before her husband had left. It was like she had a chance to recreate the early part of her childhood – the part that she’d enjoyed.
And now it seemed that it was falling apart, in spite of all her efforts.
“Right, Mrs,” Allie was back with a steaming mug and a ginger biscuit, “I want you to take these then come and sit on my leather couch and tell me all about it.”
“Thank you, Allie.”
“No need to thank me, sweetheart. I’m your friend and that’s what friends do. You need to tell me what’s weighing you down and got you running around the village looking like you spent the night sleeping rough.”
Dawn tugged at the t-shirt, trying to stop it clinging to her belly.
“Okay… but I have a feeling that you’re not going to approve of what I’ve done.”
Allie placed a hand on Dawn’s back then gently ushered her from the kitchen.
“I am quite sure that you can’t possibly have done anything terrible, Dawn.”
Dawn swallowed a sob.
Because she was quite sure that as soon as she told Allie what she had done, her friend was going to change her mind.
***
Just as Dawn was about to tell Allie about the email, Camilla breezed into the café. As usual, she looked gorgeous with her dark elfin crop, her dazzling green eyes enhanced with shimmering emerald makeup and her designer charcoal-grey trouser suit and purple silk blouse. Her towering heels clicked across the floor as she made her way to the counter, then she caught sight of Allie and Dawn and did an about turn to join them at the sofa.
“Camilla, what’re you doing here?” Dawn blurted.
“Well that’s a nice welcome.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. What I meant was, why aren’t you in London?”
“Oh, I had a meeting with a local client then I thought I’d pop in for a coffee. Didn’t expect to see you here either little sister.” Camilla peered at her. “Have you been crying?”
Dawn shifted on the sofa.
“She’s a bit hormonal.” Allie patted Dawn’s hand.
“Yes it all gets a bit much sometimes.”
“Shall I pop you to the surgery? See if we can get your GP to take a look at you? Perhaps you need some iron tablets or something else…” Camilla’s eyes were wary now, full of sisterly concern.
“No, no. I’m all right. No need for that.”
“Would you like a coffee, Camilla?” Allie asked.
“Yes, please, Allie, that would be lovely. Then I think we three need to have a chat.”
While Allie made the coffee, Camilla excused herself and popped to the toilet. Dawn took the chance to catch her breath. Part of her didn’t want to tell her friend or her sister about Rick, because she didn’t want to prejudice their feelings towards him, but part of her wanted, and needed, their support. How dare he do what it seemed like he’d been doing? If he had been doing anything at all. If only she could know for sure.
Soon, Camilla sat opposite her and Allie next to her.
“Um… please don’t judge me, but I’ve done something and it’s opened a can of worms.”
They both stared at her, their expressions unreadable as they waited for her to continue.
“I’ve had some suspicions about Rick for a while now and this morning, I just had to find out if they were true.”
“What suspicions?” Camilla asked as she shrugged out of her jacket then draped it over the back of the chair.
“That he might be cheating.” She pressed her lips together as Camilla’s eyes widened.
“What?”
“Oh Dawn, but why?” Allie took her hand.
“He’s been acting differently. Since before this pregnancy actually, although it has got worse. Or perhaps it’s just me being paranoid and—”
“Dawn! Stop blaming yourself and tell us what’s going on.” Camilla frowned.
Okay…” She sighed. “He works long hours, repeatedly claims his trains have been delayed and has more events in the City than ever.”
“But he works in investment banking. The demands are the same as they’ve always been but he’s now competing with younger and probably more ambitious colleagues. It’s a cut-throat career. You knew this when you married him and you said you could deal with it.”
“Don’t judge me, Camilla.”
“No… I’m not judging you, darling. I’m just trying to understand what’s going on here. If he is cheating then I’ll kill him but you have to be sure. If you accuse him of this it could destroy your marriage and your life… your children’s lives.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” Dawn’s voice cracked. “Sorry, I don’t mean to sound defensive. I just hate this. I mean… I love him so much but I can’t deny that things have changed.”
“What evidence do you have that he’s been cheating?” Allie asked.
“He’s been getting calls and text messages at funny times. And I know it could be colleagues and clients but I just have a gut feeling that it isn’t. At least not all of them.”
Camilla crossed her legs and drummed her fingers on her kneecap. “But that’s still not sufficient evidence to convict the man of adultery.”
“I went into his email account this morning.”
Camilla sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth. “Oh dear.”
Dawn held up her hands. “I shouldn’t have and I feel dreadful for it. Snooping is the worst but I had to know.”
“What did you find?” Allie’s tone was soft and inviting confidence.
“An email titled FYEO.”
“FYEO?” Allie shook her head.
“For your eyes only.” Camilla explained. “Did you read it?”
“Yes, Camilla. Of course I did.”
“And?”
“It seems that my husband has been arranging a weekend away at a luxury spa with some woman called Brianna Mandrell.” Even saying the name out loud made her feel queasy.
“Oh.”
“Oh? Camilla, I thought you’d be furious.”
Her sister sighed. “Look, Dawn, maybe it’s not what it seems like. Maybe it’s—”
“It does sound a bit suspicious, Camilla.” Allie chewed her lip. “I’d certainly advise speaking to him about this as soon as possible, Dawn. Just to clear it up.”
“But if I do that, he’ll know I’ve been snooping. He’ll never trust me again. I mean… I’ve turned into a completely paranoid, emotional, swollen, pregnant snooper.” She huffed and covered her face with her hands.
“Insecurity can drive us to do things we wouldn’t normally consider doing.” Allie rubbed Dawn’s back. “But this really would be best out in the open.”
“I know.” Dawn muttered into her palms.
“Or perhaps not.”
Dawn lowered her hands and met Camilla’s eyes.
“You think I shouldn’t say anything?”
“I just think you should give Rick a chance here. You know… he could have a perfectly good reason for this email and for all the other things that are worrying you. Why don’t I have a word with him?”
“That’s probably not a good idea. But thank you anyway.”
“I could do it from a sisterly perspective. If you do it, you’ll get emotional, but if I do it, I can keep calm and find out the truth.”
“I don’t know, Camilla.”
“Give me one chance. I’ll be careful how I say it. I’ll just… elicit the facts.”
Dawn looked from Allie to her sister then at her hands where they sat in her lap. Her nails hadn’t received any attention in ages and the cuticles were ragged from where she’d chewed them. And as for her hands; they were red and chapped from where she’d washed them repeatedly then failed to moisturise them. She just didn’t have time for such self-care anymore. Had Rick gone off her because she didn’t make enough effort?
“I think I should try first, Camilla. I don’t want to make things worse.”
“Up to you, sweetheart. But I’m willing to talk to him if you want me to.”
“Thanks. Right… I’m going to get my nails done.”
“What? Now?”
“Yes. I haven’t had them done in a lifetime. I’m going to see if Jenny can fit me in at the salon.”
“I’ll come with you.” Camilla started to rise.
“No, please don’t. I need some time to think.” Dawn stood up. “Thanks, Allie. Speak to you later, Camilla.”
She opened the door to the café then turned to wave at her friend and her sister, but Camilla had already taken Dawn’s seat on the sofa and was deep in conversation with Allie. She glanced up and flushed when she spotted Dawn watching her.
Was something going on with Camilla too, or was she expressing her concerns at Dawn’s behaviour?
Dawn shook her head then left the café, wondering how she was going to get through the next few months, but hoping that a manicure might be a good place to start.