Chapter 7
Over the next few days, Dawn tried to rest. It was difficult when she saw Rick struggling with things and she had to stop herself taking over. He did try really hard but he wasn’t used to the domestic side of things around the house as Dawn had always done them. It had worked for them because Dawn had wanted it to. Rick did the traditionally male things and Dawn did the housework and chores; it was the way it had been since she’d given up her teaching post after having James. And, of course, her desire for the more traditional family lay rooted in her past and her yearning for the stability and happiness she’d enjoyed as a young child. Besides which, by the time Rick got home in the evenings, he was usually so tired that she didn’t have the heart to ask him to run the vacuum round or to do the ironing, and on weekends she wanted him to spend quality time with the children.
She realised now though, that something would need to change, because with a new baby on the way, she wouldn’t be able to do everything that she had been doing.
But this week, as she’d lain on the sofa watching daytime TV, Rick had managed to wash a black sock with the whites, which had made them all grey. Then he’d shrunk one of her favourite cashmere (hand-wash only) cardigans by putting it on a boil wash. He’d put frozen chips in the oven to go with fried eggs, but forgotten to turn the oven on, so when the eggs were ready, the chips were still ice-cold. He’d been ironing his work shirts and answered a call on his mobile, leaving the iron face down on a shirt and burned a hole in it. And he’d gone food shopping and spent three times Dawn’s usual budget by picking up the first version of everything on the list she’d written, and not searching around for the best value products like Dawn did.
But he’d been trying so hard and she loved him for it, and, she could see that he was learning fast. His latest attempt at ironing had been very impressive, especially as he’d done it while Skyping a client. The camera on his laptop had been positioned so that only his head was visible though, so he didn’t seem unprofessional. Then he’d boiled all the whites he’d dyed grey and returned them – almost – to their former condition.
As for Dawn herself, she was feeling much better, and thankfully the bleeding had stopped. She wasn’t out of the woods yet but a few more days and she felt sure she’d be able to resume some of her normal tasks, just slowly.
Friday had arrived, the children were at school, and Rick had insisted that she have a lie in and breakfast in bed. He’d toasted her crumpets, in the new toaster, and served them with real butter and some of the homemade strawberry jam that Allie had given them recently, insisting that she had a surplus after the summer. He’d brought her a big mug of tea and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice too. As she ate, he sat next to her on the bed and read the paper on his tablet.
“This is nice.” She dabbed her mouth with the paper napkin.
Rick turned to her. “It is, isn’t it?”
Their bedroom was warm with autumn sunshine and outside, the breeze toyed with the few remaining leaves of the silver birch in their front garden.
“I love the autumn.”
“I know you do.”
“It reminds me of our New York trip.”
“Back in our youth?” He grinned.
“Well, we were young, yes.”
“What and we’re ancient now?”
“No, but… well things change don’t they? And we were only in our twenties when we went out there. It was such a great week. I wish…” She bit her lip. She was about to say that she wished they could go again and be like they used to, but that wasn’t going to happen for a while, not with a new baby and two young children.
“What do you wish?”
“Oh it doesn’t matter.”
He placed his tablet on the bedside table and turned around to face her properly. “Tell me.”
“I just miss how good things used to be between us. Back when it was fresh and new and exciting.”
“And when we weren’t sleep-deprived and trying to do a million things while feeling guilty about the things we’re not doing.”
“Yes. It’s hard sometimes. I love Laura and James… they’re my world. Our world. But I miss just being with you.”
Rick took her hand. “I love you, you know.”
“I love you too.” She sighed. “And I feel guilty now for wishing for things when I have so much to be grateful for.”
“You should never feel guilty. And I miss having more time with you too. But I do love our life and our children and even though sometimes it’s so hard I could sleep standing up; I still wouldn’t change a thing. Well… except for…” He shook his head.
“Except for what? Rick?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all, my beautiful wife. I’m just a bit tired. Right then… how about you take a nice long shower then smother yourself in that luxurious – and very expensive – moisturiser that the children bought you for Mother’s Day?”
“Okay.” Dawn wanted to ask him again what he was going to say but it was clear that he wanted to move the conversation on.
“I’ll take your breakfast things down and make the sofa up for you.”
“Rick, I think I can manage without a quilt on the sofa today.”
He frowned.
“Perhaps. But you still have to take it easy.”
She nodded.
“I have a little surprise arriving later that I’m hoping you’re going to enjoy.”
So he was planning surprises for her. That must mean that nothing was wrong and that he hadn’t been about to tell her something to upset her. She was being too sensitive again.
So she would forget that Rick had said except for… and get on with her day. It would be their last full day alone together anyway, as the children would be home over the weekend, then Rick had to go back to work on Monday. Exactly how she’d manage then, she wasn’t quite sure but she’d cross that bridge when she came to it.
She pushed back the quilt and slid her legs over the edge of the bed and wondered exactly what surprise it was that Rick had planned for her.
***
Dawn descended the stairs quietly. She was sure she’d heard voices when she’d got out of the shower. She had moisturised then dressed as quickly as she could without getting moisturiser all over her clothes. Her regular jeans were all too tight now, so she’d pulled on a pair of grey linen trousers with an elasticated waist and a loose black tunic top.
At the bottom of the stairs, she paused. She could definitely hear Rick speaking to someone. Her heart jolted. Was he on the phone again?
She marched into the kitchen, about to give him a piece of her mind, but found Allie at the kitchen table unloading a large basket.
“Allie!”
Her friend turned and smiled.
“Hey, sweetheart. How’re you feeling?”
“Better. Yes, much better, thanks. What are you doing here? Gosh… that sounded terribly rude and I didn’t mean it like that. I was just surprised.”
Allie laughed. “Well that’s for Rick to explain.”
Allie turned to her husband.
“This is your surprise. I asked Allie if she’d have time to prepare us a nice lunch for today, seeing as how it’ll be our last bit of peace and quiet for a while.”
“You weren’t too busy?” Dawn asked Allie as she took in the number of foil containers and various bowls on the table.
“Of course not. I mean, we’re always busy but Jordan is working today and he’s enlisted Max to help him out. Which freed me up to do this for you.”
“That’s so kind of you.” Dawn smiled.
“Rick is paying me for it, so…” Allie’s cheeks coloured.
“I bloody well hope he is. You have a business to run, you can’t keep giving stuff away, you know.”
Dawn crossed the room then gave her friend a hug.
“And Rick… This is so thoughtful of you. Thank you so much.”
The aromas coming from the table were making her mouth water, even though she hadn’t long had breakfast.
“I must be getting better. My appetite seems to be returning with a vengeance.”
Rick came and stood next to her then slid his arm around her waist.
“I’m glad to hear it. I’ve been so worried about you.”
He kissed the top of her head and she leaned into him.
“I think everything you need is there, Rick. I’ve written down some warming instructions, although everything can be eaten cold if you prefer. Oh, and I’ll just pop the ice cream in the freezer.”
“Thanks, Allie.”
“And you’re all sorted for collecting the children from school today?”
“Yes, I’ll get them. I’m quite enjoying being able to do the school run. It’s amazing what you miss out on because of work.”
Allie nodded.
“I’ll see you out then.”
Rick escorted Allie to the door and Dawn eyed the food on the table. It was still early, so they couldn’t enjoy it yet, but it was certainly a lovely surprise.
“What time do you want to eat, my gorgeous wife?” Rick entered the kitchen. “I don’t know about you but I won’t be able to wait too long.”
“I’m so glad you said that. Shall we give it an hour though?”
“An hour maximum.”
“What do you want to do now?” Dawn peered up at him, taking in his strong jaw, his broad shoulders and his slim hips. Something stirred inside her that she hadn’t felt in quite some time.
Rick stepped closer and cupped her face. “I know what I’d like to do but I don’t think it’s wise right now.”
Dawn leaned her head against his chest, breathing in his delicious scent.
“I know, you’re right. We probably shouldn’t.”
He lifted her chin and gazed into her eyes. “It’s not that I don’t want to, because I really, really do. I love you, Dawnie, and desire you more than you could imagine. But I would be too worried because of what happened.”
“Me too.”
She closed her eyes as he gently kissed her lips.
“How about a head massage instead while we watch some daytime TV?”
“With a cuppa?”
“Now you’re talking. You go and switch the TV on and I’ll boil the kettle.”
Dawn nodded then left the kitchen, her body conflicted between desire for her husband and a maternal need to protect her unborn baby. But her heart felt lighter than it had done for weeks.
Because Rick had told her that he loved and desired her and was trying to show her that in a variety of ways. So daytime TV and a cup of tea would have to be a substitute for passionate lovemaking – for the next few months, at least.
***
Dawn moaned with pleasure as Rick gently massaged her head. He was sitting behind her on the sofa with her head resting on his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair then rubbed her temples and worked his hands backwards to behind her ears.
When he stopped, she was weak and completely relaxed.
Then there was a knock at the door, so Rick slid out from behind her and went to answer it. Dawn strained to listen but Rick soon returned, holding a large box.
“What’s that?”
“Get your shoes on and come out the back garden with me.”
“What? Why?”
“There’s something we need to do.”
Dawn fetched her shoes then followed Rick outside. He carried the box down to the bottom of the garden then set it in front of the flowerbed.
There was a slightly raised mound of earth there and she let out a sigh. “I’d forgotten to ask if you’d had a chance to bury him.”
“Yes I brought him out here because I thought you’d want him to stay at home. He’s all wrapped up in a shoebox and I dug quite a deep hole, so there’s no chance of anything… you know…”
“Digging him up?” Dawn’s bottom lip wobbled. “Poor Wallace.”
“Hey, don’t get upset. He had a good life.”
“But he was so young.”
“He was but he could have had a medical condition we didn’t know about.”
Dawn nodded. “It’s still sad though.”
“And part of life. But at least he’s home again.”
“I know. If you hadn’t found him, it would have been awful.”
“A giant white rat!” Rick shook his head.
“I bet it did give Mrs Burnley quite a fright. So what’s in the box?”
“I thought we should have some way of marking this spot. And one day, when the children are a bit older, we can tell them the truth about Wallace.”
“If they don’t already suspect. Laura’s quite sharp, you know.”
He smiled. “Don’t I know it? You should’ve heard her bossing me around this week in the mornings.”
“I did, don’t worry. She doesn’t miss much.”
“She certainly doesn’t.”
Rick opened the box and lifted out a bare root rose that sat in a small plastic container. “It’ll need to soak in water for at least two hours then I can plant it here.”
“Let me guess… the roses will be white?”
“Of course.”
“Thank you.” Dawn’s vision blurred and she blinked rapidly.
“Don’t thank me. This is what we do, Dawnie. We support each other and look after each other and our family.”
He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, and she relaxed against him, knowing there was no place she’d rather be.
***
“Have you tried the couscous yet?” Rick gestured at Dawn’s plate with his fork.
“No.” She lifted a forkful to her mouth. “Mmmmm.”
“How good is that?”
“Delicious.”
They were sitting at the kitchen table, tucking into the food Allie had delivered. And what a feast it was: small cheese and sundried tomato tartlets, roast-vegetable couscous with a basil olive-oil drizzle, green-lentil tabbouleh, asparagus, spinach and halloumi salad, chicken panzanella and for dessert, a large cherry pie and homemade coconut ice cream.
Allie had also provided a bottle of cloudy elderflower lemonade, that was sweet, refreshing and zesty and went perfectly with the food.
“This has been a wonderful day, Rick.” Dawn raised her glass. “To family.”
“To our wonderful family and to you for growing our baby.”
They clinked glasses.
Ten minutes later, Dawn looked at the food that was left.
“I don’t think we’re going to be able to eat all this. I’m stuffed as it is.” She gently patted her belly that was straining against her waistband.
“Well the children can enjoy some of it for their tea, can’t they?” Rick asked.
“Good idea. Save me… I mean, you… cooking.”
“Hey, I would’ve cooked for them anyway. I’m quite enjoying learning.”
“I have to try to get back to normal, Rick, I can’t lie down forever.”
“I know, but not just yet. Besides, I want us to share more of the household chores now, as well as the cooking. I was quite a good cook back when we first got together, but when we bought the house, then had the children, I’m a bit ashamed to admit that we fell into stereotypical roles.”
“We did, I know, and that was partly my fault for pushing us into them.”
“I didn’t put up much of a fight though, did I? I’ve just been so tired all the time.”
“But how is that going to change, Rick?”
He blinked then worried his bottom lip.
“It will. Somehow. Look… we still have the weekend and I have one more surprise for you.”
“You do?” Dawn laughed. “But you’ve spoiled me so much already. What else could you possible have planned?”
He tapped the side of his nose. “You’ll know soon enough. Right, I’ll get the dishes done then it’s time for another cup of tea and an afternoon snooze.”
“Ooh, sounds good.”
“You can make the tea if you like while I tidy up.”
Dawn switched the kettle on while Rick put lids back onto foil containers then placed them into the fridge. He had been so good to her this week and she found it wonderful yet strange, as if she should always be the one doing things. Of course, when her mother had visited earlier in the week, she’d muttered that it wouldn’t last. And that had left Dawn biting her tongue as usual. What was it with her mum? Why couldn’t she be happy when something nice happened, even if it was on the back of a difficult time? She knew her mother had been hurt and never got over it but still… surely it was time to move on? But then she thought of Camilla and her refusal to fall in love, and knew that for some people, time didn’t move on. For some people, it very sadly remained the same.
“What was that sigh for?” Rick asked as he slipped his arms around her waist then leaned his chin on her shoulder.
“I didn’t realise I had sighed.”
“You did. And it sounded like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.”
“I was just thinking about Mum and Camilla. About why they can’t get over what Dad did. It was such a long time ago.”
She poured boiling water onto teabags.
“Camilla’s okay isn’t she?”
“Well, yes. But she’s never had a proper relationship and I don’t know if she ever will.”
“She seems to be enjoying herself.”
“Seems… And then there’s Mum. Won’t look at a man, which is fine, but she also carries so much bitterness around with her.”
“I guess she was badly hurt.”
“She was, but the way she hangs onto it and constantly bringing it up hurts me too. Sometimes I just want to live life without comparing everything to what my dad did, you know?”
Rick turned her in his arms.
“I do know, Dawnie. It must be hard for you and you are very patient with her.”
“I love her and she does so much for me… for us. I can’t tell her because it would hurt her and I doubt anything would change.”
“Probably not. But perhaps you do need to have a gentle chat about it. Just not at the moment. Wait until you feel stronger.”
Dawn nodded. “Perhaps. Anyway, right now I’m going to forget about it and enjoy being with you. We have about two hours until the school run, so let’s take our tea upstairs and lounge in bed like we used to when we were students.”
“How decadent!” He winked at her. “Going to bed in the afternoon… when it’s still light.”
He released her then got the milk from the fridge and Dawn poured it into the mugs.
“”I never want to feel the way my mother does, Rick.”
“You never will, I promise.” He picked up the tea. “Come on, let’s go lounge.”
Dawn followed him out of the kitchen and up the stairs, trying hard to banish all thoughts of the email she’d seen from her mind. Trying to hold her husband’s promise there instead, because what was better than his word?